#148- UN-Married With Children

Alice & Yvette are joined by porn script writer & former production manager Dan OhReally (@DanOhReally) to talk porn extras, permits, capitalism, Ron Jeremy eating your food, and how we really feel about this week's parody..."This Ain't Terminator XXX".  Support us on Patreon!  Use code: TWOGIRLS20 for 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com Eat Dan's food in Brooklyn, NY! Bushwich Sandwich Lab

1 Aug 20191h 14min

Comedian, Dave Kinney (@DavidKinney), joins Alice & Yvette this week to see what happens when you try to turn a show about a live sketch-comedy show into a porn...and forget to ask Judah Friedlander to star in it. We also cover what to not put into a microwave, rocket knees, custom gym blazers, and porn Kenneth. Support us on Patreon!  Get 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com with code TGOM20 Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved Unknown Speaker 0:09 and this one is definitely tested Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers Unknown Speaker 0:14 and the tea bags. You mean tea bags? Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. Unknown Speaker 0:23 What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership Yvette d'Entremont 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bonus go to clone a Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn. Yvette d'Entremont 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mic the porncast where no matter how bad you think the hosts are we heard worse. I'm your co host Yvette dancer Martin, here is my co host my lovely, beautiful, fabulous. And did I mention perky co host Alice Vaughn Alice, how are you doing today? Baby? You keep Alice Vaughn 1:26 trying to get into my pants? Yvette d'Entremont 1:28 Yeah, if I did not this will they won't they would not be a thing anymore. And then what would our Patreon have to talk about? The wall would be so boring. Alice Vaughn 1:37 It's true. I'm sure I could think of several other topics that are of interest. Apparently we have a potentially new Patreon reward suggested by one of our listeners. Yes. Yvette d'Entremont 1:49 Were you create them a custom binder? Alice Vaughn 1:52 Yeah. So for guests because we have an MFF going on on the show today. Yvette d'Entremont 1:59 Very excited. It's always very exciting when we get an extra penis on today. Alice Vaughn 2:03 Yeah, it always says, and I have to apparently now get Dave in the loop of why there is a spider thing going on, which is our keeps binders full of women. Dave Kinney 2:13 Oh, that Mitt Romney. I mean Alice Vaughn 2:14 he learned it from me. But mostly I'm a hyper organizer. And I kind of recently just moved places and I had to windell down the number of binders I had, I had more than 50 binders. It was pretty excessive. Dave Kinney 2:32 It's a thing where they actually full of women. Yvette d'Entremont 2:34 No, most of them weren't at least I'm sure Alice Vaughn 2:37 slike one and it had it was in relation to the podcast and potential future guests. So that's the only reason Yvette d'Entremont 2:44 so you kept the list like romney did. You had a list of women and a binder, Dave Kinney 2:50 just like Mitt Romney? I'm like, just big introduced to you guys. I'm trying to play. It's super cool. So here like yeah, 50 binders like binders full of it. I'm like cool. Cool. Awesome, perfectly normal. very organized. Yvette d'Entremont 3:02 Don't worry, Alice is aware that this is like I have my things that I know are completely fucked up. Alice has hurt like this is a fetish of hers practically like I think you say, post it notes. She's like, tag organizing To me it's a I speak no lies Alice, you're not wrong. Alice Vaughn 3:22 You're not wrong. Yvette d'Entremont 3:24 I'm not judging. I'm fascinated Dave Kinney 3:26 people like organization. spreadsheets, you know, Alice Vaughn 3:29 someone has to do it. someone knows ya know how to use Word and Excel. It's fair. This week on the show, we have stand up comedian and host of the saving the dolphins podcast, which is actually not about saving any dolphins. Unknown Speaker 3:45 Dave Kenny, Yvette d'Entremont 3:46 he seems like he might be a friend of marine life but I didn't think he would have a podcast about it. Dave Kinney 3:51 I'm not against it. I we were talking about this before the show. It is like if you happen to be one of the super small demographic who enjoys funny reviews of porn and specifically enjoys the NFL football team Miami Dolphins. I mean, this is I feel like this one person in the entire world who's gonna hear this podcast everyone else that has no application to them, but there's one person where it's really gonna blow their mind. one stop shopping. I'm sure Yvette d'Entremont 4:18 we have that fan out there if you are the person. Dave Kinney 4:22 And by the way, if you're not into the dolphins Don't be like they're not good at football. Yvette d'Entremont 4:26 Okay, as someone who's from New England, and is not a Patriots fan, it's so sad. It is so lost on me just because I just don't give a shit about football. Like I'm a huge now the Red Sox fan but don't like there were years in which the Patriots were just a joke. And all of a sudden they are not so you know what? There is hope yet Dave Kinney 4:46 but now it's like being a Patriots fan is like cheering for gravity. Yeah, like it's just it's Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 4:52 it's cheering for the inevitable heat death of the universe. Don't worry. It's just gonna keep happening. That's facts. Unknown Speaker 4:58 Hearts. Yeah. Dave Kinney 5:01 Just Yeah, as I'm talking, I just see like Alice's face like, Oh, cool. Can we get back to binders? Can Yvette d'Entremont 5:06 we talk about boning again? Alice Vaughn 5:10 Yeah, it's pretty bad that I know zero when it comes to sports, but apparently most people pick up when you're saying, hey, let's talk boobs. Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 5:17 it's very relatable boobs are always going to get attention away from sports, or at least I feel in most cases they are. Alice Vaughn 5:23 Yeah, so speaking of boobs. So Dave, when we met, it was funny because you had this one routine about a couple propositioning you. And I realized Dave Kinney 5:34 I wanted you to be a unicorn. It was a full on gangbang. This couple came up to me and they were just the super like j crew, Murray Hill, finance capital. couldn't have been more boring. And like this guy comes up and you know, just just super boring looking dude, but he's like, hey, my wife thought you were funny. And I'm like, Oh, cool. Thanks, dude. And he's like, she also thought you were cute. And like my eyes kind of widen. I didn't know where it was going. At first. I was like, I don't Want to fight you? Like, you don't know. Like, when dudes talk to other dudes. Like you just don't know where this is going. Like this dude is like in a fleece vest is his girls in a blazer? But so like really commonly it's like, yeah, once a month, we get together with like four or five other dudes. And those dudes just go out is asking Unknown Speaker 6:21 you to help run a train on his Unknown Speaker 6:23 way. That's the Dave Kinney 6:24 thing like that's why what else we have is a unicorn. I'm like, I don't know. It's something more like a conductor. I don't know if that's a term that gets Brown has a job. offer that blew me away even as much as just the casual Yvette d'Entremont 6:36 tone coming up after comedy show being like, hey, you're funny. Want to help bang my wife. Dave Kinney 6:41 He could tell that I wasn't like super big into it. So he tries to like, talk me into it by being like, no, it's cool. It's like a party. There's beer and snacks. Unknown Speaker 6:50 Yeah, I Dave Kinney 6:52 started to get offended by how prominently hates mentioning snacks. Because it's like, Yvette d'Entremont 6:58 here we've got pretzels cut sticking in my wife yeah Dave Kinney 7:03 we're like that I'd be the kind of dude who would be like there's absolutely no way I'm gonna fuck your wife with four other Oh like like pizza all right Yvette d'Entremont 7:10 we made homemade dip what Alice Vaughn 7:12 Capri Sun what I'm there because artichoke Unknown Speaker 7:16 I love this kind of pay Alice Vaughn 7:21 what's next what do you bring to a gangbang you know I can answer this Yvette d'Entremont 7:31 so I've been to some parties not necessarily gang bangs I've been to some parties of ill repute in my life. And I made fudge that was it was a cinnamon kind of a it almost tastes like a pumpkin spice latte fudge between two graham crackers and there was caramel in between it so you kind of make a giant fudge cake. That's what I brought to a sex party. Dave Kinney 7:57 I feel like it's hard to separate whether that's just a good snack. General Yvette d'Entremont 8:00 it's a delicious snack. It was like pure calories just in a block of goo and gram. Just make that do I need to urban dictionary fudge cake right now you know if that happens to be a sex term that would be amazing. Hold on if you have a suggestion for what fudge cakes should be in terms of essential term email us info at two girls one Mike, Dave Kinney 8:22 did you serve that like a just a normal party and someone's like, this is okay, but I feel like this would be perfect for a gang. You just serve it at someone's birthday and they're like Yvette d'Entremont 8:32 reminds me of a smell. I smelled once of like three pussies mash together in glorious harmony. Alice Vaughn 8:38 Oh, yeah, it's it's sex cake. Yeah. But where I was going with that is I actually realized next day I was like, Oh, wait, I actually remember seeing you up like the standard years ago perform. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. Because it was that exact story. Oh, yeah. Dave Kinney 8:56 It's a routine. So if you saw me do it, it definitely must have been a time where I was hosting it. Because I think that like, the reason why I do that story, that story is normally a story to tell when people are paying checks, just because it's like it's a story that has enough keywords that it focuses people's attention while they're doing something else. Like it's not a joke I would normally do as part of like, I feel like having no other idea of my stand up by setup is much less gangbang stories. It's more the exception than the rule. But yeah, I think that the main reason why that story happened, but I just realized that you're trying to hold people's attention while everyone's distracted with other stuff. So it's like, serves a purpose. Because people are paying their check in their eyes just go up like, Wait, did you just say gangbang? Yvette d'Entremont 9:43 Try to slip an anal sex joke into my routine about skepticism. In fact, checking Alice Vaughn 9:48 it works. I try doing it at the bank. Dave Kinney 9:51 Just in casual. Speaking of deposits, and that's Alice Vaughn 9:55 Yeah, stuff. What does it say on this memo? Dave Kinney 9:59 I mean, you You get paid for a reason. So you got Alice Vaughn 10:02 to bring home the buck somehow. Even with our hand or face, Yvette d'Entremont 10:07 you know, every once in a while I'm not the filthiest one. And it makes me have hope for the youth of our nation. Dave Kinney 10:18 At the beginning of the podcast, I feel like it's just like slowly. Anyone who listens This is like, oh, Dave, like the gangbang. Dude. Yvette d'Entremont 10:25 No, no, the dude who turned down Yeah. Dave Kinney 10:30 Because I have done that bet, like a number of times. Like, there's no way to know how many people never offered gang bangs because of that joke. So it's tough Yvette d'Entremont 10:39 for you after that, you're like, yeah, maybe maybe one day I could have like, you could have missed all of the opportunities for people who were like, that dude could totally rock my gang bang. And there could have been other people who you would have totally been down yeah, help banging their way through and you just will never know. Dave Kinney 10:57 on my deathbed. I'm like, I wish I wouldn't have been so close minded. Wish I wasn't so uptight. Alice Vaughn 11:04 So speaking of hope for the youth, this week we're reviewing 30 rock porn. And I realized after watching and actually even during watching this porn that because I grew up in such a religious household, and most of my sex tips were from Cosmo, I realized I did get a handful of sex tips from 30 rock, which I don't Yvette d'Entremont 11:26 know, confession. I've seen a handful of episodes of 30 rock but like I know, I need to sit down and watch the show. I like the what I've seen, but I not all of the inside jokes are hitting with this one. But I'm curious. Do pretend to me a little bit more about this. Alice, Alice Vaughn 11:44 I did find some quotes that accurately described so much of what I learned. So for example, tell her you want her to donate her body to science and your science. Tell her tell me that have been described at least a portion of my life up until now, a couple of years, a couple conferences. I feel Yvette d'Entremont 12:09 I feel as described a few moments of sexual assault for sure. Speaking of assault, so Dave Kinney 12:17 I want to point out that was the most upbeat transition. Yvette d'Entremont 12:20 Speaking of assault, I've never heard an upbeat transition about assault. Like, are we gonna talk about a recent news story? Somehow, I, I don't know where you're going with this. And I'm a little terrified. But I'm here for the ride. Alice Vaughn 12:35 Well, relationships are like sharks. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse and something's wrong. I mean, it's from the show. Okay. Okay, gotcha. How about this, this one is going to relate to you so much more. Because you know me our audience knows me at this point, Dave, you're about to know me. Dave Kinney 12:53 Sounds like a threat. Dave, you're about to know. We're on webcams. You're like, Look, we're in my eyes. Alice Vaughn 13:00 With both of us it's you know a bit of a promise a bit of a threat from Liz lemon herself. Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on. Yvette d'Entremont 13:12 That is your calling card. Alice Vaughn 13:14 Yeah, yeah. Let's that's you telling me it's not me. It is a very formal dress for all occasions. Dress for all occasions. Yvette d'Entremont 13:23 I've seen you in one that's a very low cut blazer so you have you have your sexy blazers, you have your casual blazers, you have your business blazer, the duction tank tops for all occasions. This is how we know you're in New York and I know my dressy takeoffs. Wait, do you have like a gym blazer, like once we got a workout in because that would be extra Dave Kinney 13:43 just like mesh. Yvette d'Entremont 13:47 I need this to exist now Dave Kinney 13:48 like a dry fit blazer. Yvette d'Entremont 13:50 If you are a fashion designer can make him for hours. Unknown Speaker 13:59 I knew Just Dave Kinney 14:01 getting a message like, I just need her measurements. Alice Vaughn 14:04 Oh my god, I hope so. I would actually go to the gym. Yvette d'Entremont 14:11 Today I'll go to the gym wiki. They make two of us going Alice Vaughn 14:15 so far. Fantastic. So Dave, for our audience who has never somehow seen 30 rock, how do we describe the show? 30 rock is Dave Kinney 14:27 I think a lot of people I mean, Kimmy Schmidt has kind of picked up since then. And it's kind of the same team. So if you haven't seen 30 rock, but you've seen Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt it's very similar, but it's, I mean, the premise of the show is it's set NBC at Rockefeller Center. See if Alec Baldwin who's the head of the network, you have Liz lemon, who's producing the show, which is like a parody of SNL. Especially with this porn parody. There's a lot of strange weird levels of parody. This is like a real interesting nestings doll of so they're doing like an SNL style show. with Tracy Morgan with a real stretch playing Tracy Jordan, which is very different than the way he normally acts really so different, so very different. So yeah, Alice Vaughn 15:10 I'd like to imagine that maybe in his personal life, he's just really an introvert. Dave Kinney 15:16 He just goes home and he's just, he's like you he just has blazers for every occasion. It's just Alice Vaughn 15:21 a ton of podcast reads Dave Kinney 15:23 Yeah, exactly. He's like just trying to finish Warren pace Unknown Speaker 15:26 catching up with this NPR. Dave Kinney 15:28 Yeah, exactly. He's like taking up quilting. Alice Vaughn 15:31 Stop Wait, wait Don't Don't tell me is on Dave Kinney 15:35 you know, I can't talk to her all things considered Yvette d'Entremont 15:37 listens near times. The Daily every morning. Yeah. Dave Kinney 15:41 Yes, the show though. I mean, it's, it's kind of making fun of or like kind of parroting them than making a fake show, which is a version of SNL. But I think describing the tone of the show. I think what I liked so much about it is the whole show is just like a non stop joke factory. Just every scene is 1000 jokes all the time. I mean, there were a lot of really good writers, Donald Glover, Hannibal Burris, a lot of like the writers who went through that show went on to write a bunch of other huge shows and big things, but it was just yeah, I think that that's why I like the show so much just a million jokes all the time. Alice Vaughn 16:14 At one point, actually, in 2010, a blogger actually calculated how many jokes there were per minute in the show. Oh, what can you guys guess? on average about how many jokes were each minute? Yvette d'Entremont 16:25 5.1 let's say 12 Alice Vaughn 16:27 you're close Dave 9.57 jokes each minute Yvette d'Entremont 16:32 why so high? It's so high. I wonder if they were using like friends technology where they just kind of sped up the speaking just enough to make it not sound unnatural. would get a little bit extra in there. Like do you remember in in the show friends? They actually sped up? No. Dave Kinney 16:50 Yeah. I don't know that. Yvette d'Entremont 16:51 That's the thing they did for all of the show. It's I'm not sure what percentage of the show but yeah, they sped up the the speaking a little bit I need to please fact check me on this. But this is the thing I've read in a few different sources. Dave Kinney 17:03 I feel like I haven't seen friends. So like, I'm just gonna go back and I'm like, I just assumed everyone was on cocaine. But it turns out, there's technology speeding things up. Yvette d'Entremont 17:11 Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was New York in the 90s. I'm sure they could all afford those giant apartments and a fuckload of Dave Kinney 17:18 cocaine. I think the coffee place was a cover for a coke operation. Like, it's pretty obvious. It's called the Central Park and you're like, everyone's making fun of it. Oh, so stupid. They'll wake up they can afford that apartment. Meanwhile, there's cocaine in the coffee. Now this makes so much sense. Alice Vaughn 17:33 How else a Jennifer Aniston have so much energy. It wasn't the coffee. It was cocaine strips. actly. Did we just start a rumor on this podcast? Yvette d'Entremont 17:41 We're going with it. Hey, at least we're just going with coke dealer ship and not running a child sex ring out of the basement? Dave Kinney 17:50 Yeah, I mean, that is better. Didn't Ross have a monkey? Isn't that like a classic coke dealer pet? Yvette d'Entremont 17:55 Oh my god. Yeah, he sure he's a geology. Oh yeah. Cuz every time 20 something I know who's totally not a drug dealer Wang. Yeah. has a great job as geologists making six figures in their 20s Dave Kinney 18:08 No, isn't that clear? He was selling rocks. Like it was a metaphor. I would love if you sat down with the writers have friends and they're like, yeah, they were obviously coke dealers. We thought that was pretty obvious. Yvette d'Entremont 18:24 Years later, we were playing you. Like we Dave Kinney 18:27 didn't realize people didn't get it. Unknown Speaker 18:29 How do you think we got Monica to lose all the weight? It was all the fucking cocaine. Dave Kinney 18:33 Exactly. That's right after her brother took up geology. Yvette d'Entremont 18:38 selling those rocks, baby. Not an endorsement. Well, not from you. I feel Dave Kinney 18:43 like I want to spin up podcasts if nothing but like friends, conspiracy theories. Yvette d'Entremont 18:49 Like, my God, that podcast has to exist somewhere and it's like three people reading it and like six people listening to it. Dave Kinney 18:57 Yeah, it's just called friends in quotation marks. Alice Vaughn 19:00 We reviewed friends porn with friend of the show Brigid fennessy. Yeah. And she said it was so unrealistic and she was so taken out of it. The second that Monica was she was getting come down or just the fact that she was just so messy. It just I mean, she's a neat freak, you know? Yvette d'Entremont 19:18 Yeah. For me, like, I never really watched friends. So I'm watching the whole thing going. I can't tell if this is better or worse, out equal. Dave Kinney 19:28 When I was watching this, that 30 rock porn parody. I had heard of it. And I when I first met Alice Vaughn, when she was talking about the podcast that she did, she said that they would do weird parodies. And that was the one that always came to my mind is the strangest for some reason. It's so obscure. It did well, like an award season and stuff, but it was never a really highly rated show. And like, there's no one who was watching 30 rock who was like, oh, there needs to be a porn version of this. Alice Vaughn 19:52 Oh, someone thought of that. Well, specifically, that's someone being Leroy Myers, other friend of the show and director who we won't stop pitching. ideas that he keeps burning Yvette d'Entremont 20:01 one day one day Leroy, we will I'm just still hoping for the dogma, parody dogma style. Dave Kinney 20:10 I mean, I felt like there was a lot of restraint that I'm not calling this 30 cock. I'm not like patting myself on the back for coming up with that. I feel like that was everyone's idea. But I think that I think that's why they didn't do it, because they're like, now let's go a little bit class here. I realized watching it though, that to what your friend had said about like, kind of how big a fan of friends and then watching it, I realized how separate my brain thinks about porn compared to how I think about TV shows. And that like, it is just such a separate category that I don't think. I mean, Tina Fey and think is very pretty. I don't think I've ever imagined her having sex before. or really any of the people on the show. Like, it just is like, you know, there's a part of my brain for porn that part of the for this. So then, like, I was watching the show, and I'm like, it's gonna be weird. If it's like seeing a bunch of characters. I like having sex. But then they went have different enough direction that I was never really forced to face that anyway. I was like, Oh no, these are just points. Yvette d'Entremont 21:06 So fun story, the adult actress who plays Tina Fey and this is another actress we've had on the show, Lisa and she also played Pailin in Neyland, Pailin, which I just think is delicious because of course, Tina Fey played Pailin famously on SNL. So I'm like, there's something kind of meta on this and I, I want somehow with a combination of like deep fakes and body doubles for there to be a porn parody of Lisa and and Palin and Tina Fey having sex. And it all be acted by Lisa ad. Alice Vaughn 21:42 Listeners get on that, Yvette d'Entremont 21:43 Lisa, and you can do this if you're the woman for the job. You're literally the only woman for the job Dave Kinney 21:50 building a deep fake. I feel like Lisa does. Like we're the only porn stars who has enough video out there. We're just even just using existing footage, a fan could reasonably put that same together. Yvette d'Entremont 22:00 Exactly And since we have the footage of her as Pailin and Tina Fey, yeah, Dave Kinney 22:05 that feels very doable. Yvette d'Entremont 22:06 I'm just saying I think she should do it and capitalize on it. Dave Kinney 22:08 I was reading up on this before I watched it, and I guess she did an interview. And apparently, she was also a really big fan of 30. Rock, Lisa and was and she said that there was like a big priority for her to really go for capturing Tina Fey his exact vibe. That after seeing the movie, it really bummed me out to know that it would have seen the way the performance went. It would have made me feel better if she just never seen the show. 30 rock Alice Vaughn 22:32 Damn it. Why didn't you tell me that? Dave Kinney 22:34 No, I This was so crazy. I sent this to Alice. So we're probably jumping ahead of it. Alice Vaughn 22:40 Oh, it's okay. We'll walk through the porn and Yvette d'Entremont 22:42 we'll get through the plot later. We can talk about you know, General feelings for now, Dave Kinney 22:46 but getting more meta, so two months after the porn version came out 30 rock in the second episode, the fourth season, actually had an episode where they did a porn version of 30 rock and so vana Sam slide and they had Savannah Samson play the porn version of Tina Fey. But they made Savannah Samson who played the porn version of Tina Fey look a lot like Lisa and like the wig was because I mean, you see what Tina Fey's hair looks like in the show. The wig that Savannah Samson had was not a Tina Fey wig. It was way more of like a Lisa and wig. But even like the way they played that they played that the way I kind of wish Lisa and would have played it, which was just like a porn star, kind of having fun jokingly as a character for some reason, it felt like Lisa and in this movie, it almost felt like she was going for like a soap opera acting. It's one thing to like go for comedy acting and have a tough time with it. It felt like she was going the opposite direction. Like she was actively going for very dramatic line readings. Hello, did you guys get that or not? Yvette d'Entremont 23:50 Yeah, I have had that contention with her acting before. Fair. Alice Vaughn 23:54 It was a sad version of Islam. And it was if Liz lemon, it was just super serious. And her jokes just didn't land. I don't know. That's how it felt. Dave Kinney 24:05 Well, it's also the thing to have like if you say jokes in an incredibly serious and dramatic tone. They don't read as jokes like they just read as like just dramatic thoughts you're having at the time and there were a couple Alice Vaughn 24:16 of cries for help for me. Yeah. Can you Dave Kinney 24:19 just cries of desperation Alice Vaughn 24:22 that's why no one takes me seriously. Oh, I just say everything in this with a smile, come on Dave Kinney 24:27 dying and said don't worry. Yvette d'Entremont 24:28 Everyone can tell you're crying on the inside, or at least I can because I share those. It's the tears of father didn't hug me enough. Hey, it's better than him hugging me too much. Just saying it's my pain and I will deal with it how I want Dave Kinney 24:42 I feel like I look like a friendly history teacher and I was just brought on this podcast to be like, You're both very pretty and very. Yvette d'Entremont 24:49 We're in good relationships. Don't worry. Like we just joke about some Dave Kinney 24:54 lucky guy out there. Yvette d'Entremont 25:00 Sir, these are the jokes we tell about why we are as fucked up as we are. Alice Vaughn 25:04 So why do we get into the porn? Okay, so this porn opens with something I just really didn't expect. It was amazing, honestly and Dave, correct me if I'm wrong, it was essentially. So the porn opens with Trey Jordan, instead of Tracy Jordan giving a crib style tour of his home. It's just a throwback at all to the series, because I really don't remember this. Dave Kinney 25:30 I mean, they would definitely have kind of parodies like that where like, Tracy Jordan would get involved in that kind of stuff. I'd watched a bunch of episodes that 30 rock but I mean, it's I'm sure there's a listener that's gonna angrily correct me on this. I don't think that there was ever like an actual cribs thing directly, but I mean, they were kind of going for that like kind of ridiculous character thing with him. Unknown Speaker 25:50 And it was so good. It Alice Vaughn 25:52 was he really nailed it. Yeah, when Dave Kinney 25:53 he points to the light. He's like, rich. Yvette d'Entremont 25:57 He gets up on the table with the goblet. I'm sorry. Right. He just keeps holding up random objects Alice Vaughn 26:03 rich turns a book around with a piece of paper that says rich Yvette d'Entremont 26:07 see what's in my fridge to sell phone who wants shiny? Dave Kinney 26:11 Yeah, it's a great Yvette d'Entremont 26:12 who wants crystal? Dave Kinney 26:14 I did realize watch I get that Tracy Morgan is he's a hard person to parody just in that, like he's already kind of on 11 to begin with. So there's not a whole lot you can add to make that more ridiculous. Like I think of anything like the guy who played him actually dialed it back slightly. Alice Vaughn 26:31 The real Tracy Jordan on 30 rock actually improvised a ton of his lines. Yeah, I actually found something really similar where at one point in the actual 30 rock He's like, I got it. Yeah, I got a solid gold jetski to batmobiles aids monkey bones. And by the way that was scripted. The unscripted part was a pair of Rock Hudson socks, a pair of build big speed glasses from when he used to be your best friend. Dave Kinney 26:58 Wow, national treasure. Unknown Speaker 27:00 Solid, great, Alice Vaughn 27:01 great improvising. Unknown Speaker 27:02 This is after tracy morgan lost a frontal lobe before Oh, Dave Kinney 27:07 before the accident, Ivan, I remember there was like this news story of Tracy Morgan, the actual actor. And it was like, there was an issue with a shark tank. In his Manhattan apartment. He had a. Uh huh. Yep. And there was an issue where there was like a leak or something. But it was wild. 30 Rock was and you're like, yeah, I mean, that's, I guess about what I expected. Yvette d'Entremont 27:28 Like, there are some people who you aren't surprised when they have a shark tank. Dave Kinney 27:32 Yeah, I could see that. Yeah. There's people are like, no way. And there's other people you're like, yeah, yeah, that feels about right. Yvette d'Entremont 27:38 A goldfish. Seems like too much commitment. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I can't keep a lot of things alive. Frankly. I'm shocked sometimes I'm alive. I keep myself alive. That's dogs and cats are good. They bark at you and scratch you if they need food. talpa that's really easy plants. I cannot do Dave Kinney 27:56 Yeah, I was like slowly killed an orchid. I mean I didn't plan it that way I Alice Vaughn 28:02 quickly killed an orchid it's kind of hard to kill an orchid they like can go without water for a while. I mean, Dave Kinney 28:09 maybe people just told me this to make me feel better. But uh no orchids are supposed to be kind of finicky. Just plants are super hard to kill, but apparently, maybe it's just this kind of orchid. Everyone was giving me all these insane advice of like, bring it into the bathroom when you take a shower. So like, just the midst of it is how it will be watered. Someone said the water with ice cubes. Alice Vaughn 28:31 Dave I think the orchid was bugged. Yeah. Why would someone tell you to bring an orchid into the shower? Come on. It was bugged. Yvette d'Entremont 28:38 I wanted to hear the dulcet tones of your shower singing to living on a prayer. Dave Kinney 28:42 That is like, I like I mean, we've already established I love conspiracy theories, but I was like, I feel bad for whoever's on the receiving end of that. It's like I'm not even bothered by it. Like I just feel like I owe someone an apology. Oh man, you spider man. I just want to say I'm really sorry. Yvette d'Entremont 28:59 me doing My half stream of consciousness half fading in and out of singing Disney songs while I'm in the shower. That's totally something people want to hear. Dave Kinney 29:07 Yeah, it's a real specific fetish. Alice Vaughn 29:10 But what I also did like was when he was walking through the home, he was saying all the different things he stole from other people. Yeah, that railing stolen from Tyler Perry. goes to the bedroom. This is where the magic happens right here. No, really. I stole this from Criss Angel. Fuck you, Criss Angel. Yvette d'Entremont 29:28 warranted warranted? Really? Alice Vaughn 29:30 Really? I mean, is he a douchebag? I wouldn't know Criss Angel. If you're listening come on the show. It's cliche No, no, he's too much of a douchebag or not having Criss Angel. It's just me or have you guys totally seen this house on porn sets? Unknown Speaker 29:46 Yeah, those stairs. Yeah, Dave Kinney 29:49 I feel like I've definitely seen people fuck on those stairs before. Yvette d'Entremont 29:51 I've seen somebody being penetrated on those stairs before I'm pretty sure and at least one or two holes Alice Vaughn 29:57 that shower that bathtub. I'm pretty sure I've seen That bathtub in at least 20 borns I think Yvette d'Entremont 30:02 I've seen it in like a couple of steps sibling porn someone's like around the corner. He like you know that's that's the thing that's happened in that house many a time Alice Vaughn 30:11 God now I just want to invest in real estate and just Linda Dave Kinney 30:17 I don't think I would want that cleaning bill. Yvette d'Entremont 30:20 Oh, look just invest in the real estate. It's rented like an Airbnb. Dave Kinney 30:25 Just like have like the kind of thing where like everything in every room is waterproof and there's just a drain so like every week to get this hose it all down. Yvette d'Entremont 30:32 Just remember hardwood floors everywhere. Dave Kinney 30:35 Like you don't even have to scrub anything by hand you just come up with a pressure sprayer just like I'm Yvette d'Entremont 30:39 in spray bleach pressure Alice Vaughn 30:40 sprayer every time Really? Dave Kinney 30:44 Yeah, you say that until you see the set afterwards. You're like pressure sprayer every time pressure sprayer every time. Yeah, Alice Vaughn 30:50 cuz there's just a lot of lube. Yvette d'Entremont 30:51 Yeah, have one bedroom that's the angel bedroom be like look, I understand that you're cleaning shit up beforehand, literally, but I'm taking no chances. The Go into another porn star next week. Yes. Because there Alice Vaughn 31:03 was great as I was talking to one of our past guests that we're having dinner with next week, I was recommending dinner spots. And she said, Well, I can't eat much because I have an anal scene The next day, things you only get when you talk to porn star friends, Yvette d'Entremont 31:18 you know, or people who are really dedicated to their own bedroom, but I don't know anyone that advocated. Alice Vaughn 31:24 If you weren't that dedicated to your bedroom, just please email us info to girls on mic. So I could just say thank you, and give you applause via a GIF. Yvette d'Entremont 31:34 Yeah, I need to know if anyone's truly this dedicated to having some clean but sex that they're like, I'm gonna skip eating for a day. And it's not for the camera. I love Dave Kinney 31:44 that. You're just like having like a couple's date with another couple and like, you're like eating dinner together. They're like, Oh, I can't Thursday's are a no. And they both just smiled knowingly and you're like, well, that's not where I expected this to go. Yvette d'Entremont 31:57 Everyone we've heard it from it's you know, donate. For a day laxative and a lot of enemas helpful, that's a job, man. That's a goddamn job. Para two girls one, Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm Alice Vaughn 32:26 and that is close enough. And we will never Unknown Speaker 32:29 recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend clonal Willie, because with Corona Willie, you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with Cloner Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. As we found it's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and debating maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk. But instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator Alice Vaughn 33:05 and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall. Hide it Yvette d'Entremont 33:08 in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone, Alice Vaughn 33:10 send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united Unknown Speaker 33:14 use it to fix a broken leak, Alice Vaughn 33:17 or to cause one personal experience. Yvette d'Entremont 33:21 Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls. Alice Vaughn 33:30 where can our listeners find out more Yvette d'Entremont 33:31 about this madness? To quote unquote go to Kota Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. Alice Vaughn 33:43 So moving through the porn By the way, they have a fantastic recreation of the actual 30 rock intro. Perfect, in my opinion Dave Kinney 33:53 agreed pretty strong. Alice Vaughn 33:54 So we're introduced to Jake and Alicia or really jack and Alisa from The real 30 rock, I'm gonna just refer to them by the regular 30 rock character names in this porn because yeah, we're dealing with a lot of character names. We want people to fall. Sure, but you have jack Donaghy, so he is an executive. By the way. Did you guys know that the role of jack Donaghy was actually written for Alec Baldwin? And they were kind of fucking shocked when they got Alec Baldwin for it. He couldn't see that. Yvette d'Entremont 34:25 I can't see anyone else doing it. Yeah, Alice Vaughn 34:27 I know. Um, what's his name? from Mad Men? The one with the really smooth face. JOHN had on him. Yeah, he auditioned for that role, but they brought him in later on as an ex of Liz's Yvette d'Entremont 34:40 Yeah, I don't feel like he's funny. And then again, I've never seen him in anything other than Mad Men. Alice Vaughn 34:45 I think he did well as Liz's boyfriend in the actual show, but going back to the porn. So you have very little dialogue where apparently jack is he's concerned about ratings. Yeah. I guess the only way for someone to actually get their ratings up or how Lisa says it is. How about I stroke your ratings? I think that's one way to get them up at some that's a way to get something out. How about a stroke your ratings until they grow? Yeah, ratings. That's what they're calling it now. I don't know. I mean, for me it was when he said suck my executive deck. I mean, wouldn't that when any woman over Dave Kinney 35:27 Yeah, there were a couple of them suck. My executive deck was the first one. There were like a lot of lines during this section that were just like, first off, he just keeps saying, I'm your boss. I'm your boss. Once again, like, feel like if someone's boss. I don't know if he need to remind them. Alice Vaughn 35:43 He's kind of her boss. I mean, in the real show. She is Jack's mother's nurse. Yeah, he starts dating. Dave Kinney 35:51 That's the thing that even like the boss thing, like it's not even the direct. So the way to say it, but also like they're the same sex same. He's like you're so tight. You You're such a whore. How does it stay so tight? Which, like, Unknown Speaker 36:04 you know, oh man, he goes, Dave Kinney 36:06 Well, it's also a thought one of the things too is just a genetics a pro tip you just, you can just stop after you're so tight. Like, you can just keep those other questions internal That one's gonna Alice Vaughn 36:16 pro tip for the pros. I Yvette d'Entremont 36:17 wonder if that's rhetorical or it's the question is, how does a woman feel when they're asked that mid? like are they sitting there contemplating? Well, you know, I did. I did a lot of horseback riding when I was younger. Like, no one's ever directly asked, How do you say so tight like during coitus? Yeah. Which makes me wonder, Is there a problem with bide? Alice Vaughn 36:39 Man I'm really glad I don't get questions during sex because I would just sit down and answer them. Unknown Speaker 36:44 What's the top of Maslow's hierarchy of need baby? Tell me, Dave Kinney 36:48 tell me this gets really philosophical. She's like what starts with believing in myself. That's Yvette d'Entremont 36:55 it eat organic and I work out and I drink 10 glasses of water. A day just like somebody told us that was how she keeps your skin nice on this podcast. I'm not naming names, but you bullshitted us lady Dave Kinney 37:08 like thanks for asking. Something I noticed across all the sex scenes was that everyone, it's like they would do like a character to some degree, but for the most part, that character was just immediately abandon as soon as sec started, which like, Oh, yeah, yeah, that's probably true for most actors. Yvette d'Entremont 37:24 We ended up not watching a lot of the sex scenes. Alice Vaughn 37:27 I mean, it doesn't always happen. So for example, like in et porn, like, sorry about this, Dave. Yvette d'Entremont 37:34 Oh, now, look, you came on this podcast. You were gonna be subjected to some stories. He knew what this was. Alice Vaughn 37:40 Yeah, I mean, that's a scene where when you're having a threesome with an alien, or at least someone blowing dead, okay, you gotta watch the whole thing. And they stay in character the entire time. Or? Yvette d'Entremont 37:51 Oh, yeah, there was the most amazing threesome in that. Watch the threesome for the acting. I'm not even Kidding and if you want to see someone stay in full character during sex scene, watch horror at the porn version of for at we've said this in many episodes, we have the horror at challenge where we challenge people to as Tommy pistol as a master of staying in character during sex with someone and say something during the height of one of those most intimate moments that Boris would say like Unknown Speaker 38:23 nice. Yvette d'Entremont 38:25 Just bust out with a Borah style line or its enemy and a lot of his porins he does a season character so it's what I went, Wow, that really is a goddamn job. Dave Kinney 38:34 This is like some real Daniel Day Lewis shit. Like that is like, that is like a method. where like, I mean, that is like a different skill level because it's like, well, they say like with acting like you can do an accent. But if you have to yell, it's actually really hard to yell in an accent because like when you're yelling, you're kind of accessing like a different something like actually, like really genuinely emotional. I feel like sex has to be that times 1000 because it's like, you act Whatever role but I feel like for better for worse you probably fuck however it is you fuck. And I feel like changing that to suit whoever your character is like I feel like it is a separate skill set that I feel like Yvette d'Entremont 39:11 it's a next level fucking Yeah, it is an next level act if there are a handful of them that are genuinely funny and genuinely good and everything we've seen them and they craft a character and they're fun to watch having said yeah, I'm happy whenever we happen to select the title that they're in because I'm like Alright, this is gonna be funny to watch we're gonna have a good thing to review Dave Kinney 39:33 I would love if there was like one porn star that like you found out that like Meryl Streep is like on the record of like admiring like just like like just something of like just let's get Meryl Streep. Alice Vaughn 39:45 Meryl we know you don't listen to us. So Assistant America who probably listens to us get on this girl's dogs for the system. Please call. Dave Kinney 39:55 It's like someone who just was at a coffee shop. She was at one time and you're like, close enough. Yvette d'Entremont 40:00 Take it. We'll take somebody who accidentally like brushed by or it's like I have a Merrill story. Alice Vaughn 40:05 We want you email us info to girls when Mike you guys know the email, by the Yvette d'Entremont 40:09 way, say it like six times a show. Alice Vaughn 40:12 So the next scene we have Kenneth the page giving a tour, and we run into Mrs. Jennifer Maroney. And one of the things I love is she says, I grew up in a small town we have barbershops but no bleach. Okay, that seems eerily specific. Is this in regards to unbleached anus? like is this a town just full of no bleaching of the anus? Is this what it's throwing to? I don't know. She was saying she suffered so I think she means they could get her hair cut but she couldn't color it. Dave Kinney 40:43 Yeah, that was how I took it. Alice Vaughn 40:44 Oh, so you're saying hair. I'm going god damn it. Yvette d'Entremont 40:48 I was going with what they do at barber shops. Look, I don't always pick them up. I have my moments of extraordinary gem but I got this was Dave Kinney 40:58 like Alice is just giving them like it ton of credit. Alice's like, Where's the? Unknown Speaker 41:04 Where's the deep Jackie's Dave Kinney 41:05 like really Unknown Speaker 41:06 wanted more than I did out of that like Dave Kinney 41:08 Ernest Hemingway novel The way she's really good she's like, but what does it mean? I think it might just be what you think it means. Alice Vaughn 41:16 My Creative Writing teacher would be so proud of me Dave Kinney 41:19 feel like you're being very generous. Sometimes a Yvette d'Entremont 41:21 cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes it's a big brown dick. Dave Kinney 41:25 I thought that the dude who played Kenneth, in my opinion did the absolute best job. Alice Vaughn 41:30 Exactly. Yeah, Dad balls on Paul wood crest just fucking nailed it. Dave Kinney 41:36 I looked him up because I was curious about like, what his deal was because the what happens at the end. I mean, we'll go through the scenes in order but the switcheroo at the end was jarring and upsetting and fantastic. Alice Vaughn 41:47 I agree. Dave Kinney 41:48 It turns out that that dude, though, is like he's a behind the scenes dude. He's like a director, a camera guy and stuff like that. He has no, he's just been an extra. I think this might. I can't confirm this exactly. But I think this is the only point over here. As lines and maybe it's been like a cuckolded boyfriend or something a bit like, Alright, I'll be home in a minute. Hang out with my best friend don't do anything weird. But like he really made this real happen as happy. Alice Vaughn 42:11 Oh, yeah. And we've set this about a number of porn actors who don't have sex and porn. I mean, frankly, the Tracy Jordan character in this porn just doesn't have sex at all. Dave Kinney 42:22 Yeah, that was the most misleading the choice of who they decided, especially on the dude said to be featured. And, like, if we're making a porn of 30 rock, obviously, you're gonna have an Alec Baldwin character. But if you were like in the save, who's the second male character who's definitely gonna fuckin up porn. You'd say, Tracy Jordan? Like Absolutely. Oh, no, Alice Vaughn 42:43 it was x. Now Dave Kinney 42:44 where were you going with the open with it seems like and then there's like the scene where they're like, Welcome Back, Kotter. He said, all these scenes that seemed like porn sets. So like every scene he's in, you're like, Alright, it's about to happen. And then the movie ended. I was just sitting there shocked, like Cuz they open with like five minutes of him so I'm like, obviously they're gonna work this Yvette d'Entremont 43:04 no yeah like I figure eventually there's going to be something in which his dick is gonna be like all of these kind of parody titles with black in them I'm like eventually one of these is going to be a porn yeah like it has to happen at an each scene eventually somebody else turns into the unlike. I feel let down Dave Kinney 43:23 so I mean the other people they chose they chose Judah Friedlander's character Frank and they chose Scott adds its character Pete So Alice Vaughn 43:30 why don't we go into actually the next scene with the Judah Freelander character? Sure What ends up happening is actually right before that, jack gets the great idea that epiphany post sex which I've never had a post sex epiphany my brain is just dead. Unknown Speaker 43:45 Now I'm trying to think if I ever have had one. Alice Vaughn 43:47 My point is this so early on, he pitches the idea of inserting more sex into the show to boost the ratings which isn't a terrible idea. I do love those specifically. When he insults her and says, Look lemon you and I aren't so different except maybe for your Ross gift card which has given you the free range to buy your entire wardrobe from a sign labeled discontinued clothing 75% off this man does not understand the joy of shopping at Ross dress for less I bought my wedding dress from their cars. 20 bucks. I eloped. It looked fantastic. Dave Kinney 44:21 Yeah, he was going like really hard. And the thing is like, it would have made more sense if it was like a terrible outfit he had but it looked fine. But he just kept he kept resting are so hard on it. You're like, come on, dude. Yvette d'Entremont 44:32 But is that in character for? Oh, yeah, that's absolutely in character. Okay, it's kind of one of these I dress expensive and fuck off. Alice Vaughn 44:40 Exactly. Actually, Alec Baldwin, when the show was wrapped up and buying supposedly all the suits from the show. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. Nice guy. Alec Baldwin. Dave Kinney 44:50 I heard nothing but good things. ish. Alice Vaughn 44:53 ish. ish. No, you don't want the show to succeed. You don't want to be like me? No, you don't want to stop dressing like a Walmart greeter. Dave Kinney 45:01 But again, though that because Lisa ad was plagued so dramatic, it seemed like she was actually devastated by what he was saying. And also like Alec Baldwin, it's like he does like this deadpan really well, where it's like, they'll say cutting stuff, but it's like funny and effective. It just sounded like this dude was just being mean to her, Yvette d'Entremont 45:18 does he? And I mean it because I don't watch it does he deliver, like, more deadpan almost not in the voice that he does Trump on SNL, but kind of in a just a little bit more monotone than this actor is? Dave Kinney 45:29 Yeah, I mean, it's just this like kind of cool, very reserved. I can't do that. The voice has saved my life, but it's just Yvette d'Entremont 45:35 no climbing. You and I are so different. Yeah. Except for your Ross gift card that keeps giving you license to buy your clothes from under sign Mark discontinued 75% off. Yeah, I'm not getting it. I know. I'm not getting the voice down. No. Like, there's not a bitter edge to how he says it's kind of like Matter of fact. Yeah, Dave Kinney 45:51 exactly. And I think that that's why it's so funding on the show is like he's not saying it to hurt her feelings. He's saying it because he doesn't care. Where's that? This dude is like It's like he's saying it to try to hurt her feelings which is like he's executive a company. He doesn't care enough to hurt your feelings like it's. Yvette d'Entremont 46:07 Yeah, it's just yeah, here's an observation I have about you. You have feelings. I don't register those. I might be a sociopath, but I'm not doing this to be mean. Unknown Speaker 46:16 Yeah, exactly. Alice Vaughn 46:17 What I do enjoy though, is within the porn parody, they take elements of the show. So for example, in the show, jack doesn't mind pissing Liz off to get his way. Sure. So in this case, you know, he'll promote Tracy Jordan to being executive producer of the show. Hey, Hang Hang of this show. Well, cutaway he's in a throne, Cape crown and all fuzzy slippers. Dave, did you any chance write down the slide because I'll send it to you if you could pull off this accent Unknown Speaker 46:45 Why? Which is it? Alice Vaughn 46:46 All right, hold on. Let me throw it into the chat. Dave Kinney 46:49 Oh, Jesus. If I could Tracy bargain, pressure, this fucking garbage. It sounds like one of those things to where it's like, I feel like it's a white dude doing a bad tracy morgan impression. It's just like, it's like There's no way Yvette d'Entremont 47:00 a white person doing this voice is gonna turn out. All right, yeah. Alice Vaughn 47:03 Three white people on the show. No one's gonna do this. Dave Kinney 47:08 I mean, I appreciate the invite, but I'm like reading this. I'm like, I don't see an upset. Alice Vaughn 47:13 No, no, Yvette d'Entremont 47:14 I can read it and not do the voice Alice Vaughn 47:17 event. Why don't you Yvette d'Entremont 47:18 do that? All right. Well, I'm in Kashmir as King of the show. I want to make a few changes instead of a musical guests each week. I want a midget wearing a clown outfit. Fighting a large dog with nunchucks strong Alice Vaughn 47:30 honestly, I'd watch it Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 47:31 I down you know, except him notch. I'm sitting here going pro. Look. Alice Vaughn 47:39 It's problematic, but I would watch it. Yvette d'Entremont 47:41 If this were 100 years ago, and you can get away with doing such a thing. I go. Dave Kinney 47:44 Yeah, it's like that kind of thing. where it's like, if it's like in public, you're like, Oh, I can't believe this is happening. But if there was like a private like, I've got a video of this. You can watch it or not. I'm like, email it to me. Yvette d'Entremont 47:54 If I found out it was ethically sourced, midget clown fighting with nunchucks I watch it. It's kind of like verifying that your porn is ethically sourced. How do you verify that you have ethically sourced midget clown fighting with Dave Kinney 48:09 with this duck free range? Yvette d'Entremont 48:14 Did they eat all organic eggs? Dave Kinney 48:17 out of trough was the grass fed? Yvette d'Entremont 48:20 Were they allowed to run free after? Alice Vaughn 48:23 We actually put little shackles on them on their legs? Dave Kinney 48:27 And then checks were little sausages that they got to eat afterwards, so there was a happy ending to it. Yeah, I didn't realize until afterward that like the episode of 30 rock that they did a porn parody. It actually did actually have some a lot of like the same beats that this porn movie had. So like, the porn parody at the end of the episode to watch this was because Liz lemon had to give Tracy control of the show, which is why it became a porn parody. It because jack made Tracy give her control over the show. Also, there was the lying about microwaves that we're definitely getting to. But it was the 30 rock episode, one of the main things that jack had to do was sell microwaves for ge. And it was a whole plot of him and his whole writing team had to design a perfect microwave. Alice Vaughn 49:12 Dave, can you read the line about microwaves? Dave Kinney 49:15 Yeah, cuz he looks at it. He's like, sex is what sells on TV. Microwave ovens are different story. He need violence to sell microwaves. But there was this long pause with the way that he delivered that line. It just it was like a triggered some negative microwave like some horrible thing he had done to sell microwaves in his past. Then this show where it was like it wasn't even just the lines. It was the way that they were read. And some of the pauses made them a lot differently than if you just read them normal. Alice Vaughn 49:44 There were a number of things I kept picturing. How do you make microwaves dangerous? And I kept thinking about Okay, what are standard things you shouldn't put in microwaves, aluminum foil or electronics? Yeah, eggs in a shell creeps. A baby another microwaved Put a microwave in a microwave. Yeah, Paul Blart Mall Cop on blu ray. I think public Dave Kinney 50:05 mocap is microwave safe. Yvette d'Entremont 50:07 The microwave is only dangerous if you put a baby in it to the baby. It doesn't make it more dangerous to anyone outside of it. It's true. Good call. I'm going to Hell Dave Kinney 50:16 yeah, but then the problem then as it's not dangerous, but any of the food you have from the microwave From then on, it's gonna be slightly baby flavored. And that's Yvette d'Entremont 50:24 not what you want. Oh, yeah, and I mean, babies are only bit they're only better in caviar form. It's one of those mood Dave Kinney 50:30 foods just like the cake that you mentioned earlier. Like, it's a great cake, but it's only a great cake for orgies. Like, I feel like like baby it's like there's a specific mood. Like where that's not the mood you're in for it's not gonna make your pizza taste better. Yvette d'Entremont 50:45 I prefer my baby on Passover. Alright, as you see la appropriate for bed and I was the second board. Alice Vaughn 50:54 You know what I found what you actually shouldn't put in microwave and I didn't know this before. hot peppers. Really? Yeah because apparently if you add some heat to a hot pepper a microwave, they actually could potentially spark cause a fire. yeah wait and chemicals some of the capsaicin released from the peppers might actually cause you to choke and even burn your eyes so it's a set process similar to pepper spray, so I can see that don't microwave Carolina Reapers, I guess Dave Kinney 51:22 fair enough at room temperature Unknown Speaker 51:24 like I don't know, but then catching Yeah. Alice Vaughn 51:26 Jesus. Oh, and jawbreakers that's another thing. Apparently, they become explosives in your mouth if you decide to microwave them first. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no. And people did it. Yvette d'Entremont 51:37 I don't care if that's an urban legend. I'm not gonna be the next one to try it Dave Kinney 51:42 out. Are there videos of that happening to people because I kind of want to see Alice Vaughn 51:45 a story of someone in Florida doing Dave Kinney 51:47 Florida. Horses for no other place. Yvette d'Entremont 51:50 some crazy shit happens is either Florida or Russia. Alice Vaughn 51:53 Yeah. So we get to the scene where we go into the writers room. And oh God, actually this Such a good line before the sexy delivered by the Tracy Jordan character. So Liz walks in with news is saying that you know, and everyone tries to guess what the News is. And the best guess is from Tracy. You're going to get that surgery, they get jet fuel rocket. And when guys come up to you, they'd be like Nestle's baby and you'd be like, thanks and burn his face off with your rockin bees. Dave Kinney 52:26 I love that. Is that Alice Vaughn 52:26 problematic? Yvette d'Entremont 52:28 No, I think it's okay. That was it. Dave Kinney 52:30 I really grew adorable enough to pull it off. Like I feel like you're in that class where like, people are like, Oh, she doesn't know. Yvette d'Entremont 52:36 She knows she's waiting. Well, she's saying that. Dave Kinney 52:40 I think what I loved about that scene, though, is also just like, it was like he went with racket knees but then there were like eight more lines calling back about like how useful racket knees would be. And I just, I like that commitment. He went all in on rocket knee. Yeah, I think that was the same scene. One of my favorite comedy lines was a between him and like the agenda Maroney, but he was like a I'm a black robot. And then she was like, I'm a black robot. And I know there was like dead silence and like off camera was like really in a really low tone. You could have one girl be like, That's racist Yvette d'Entremont 53:19 sneaky little call I got the problem that good job perfect. Alice Vaughn 53:24 Like is that in character for her? I mean that was definitely in character for Jenna Maroney character. Yeah, Unknown Speaker 53:29 so agree Alice Vaughn 53:30 now here's where for me it didn't feel on character. Now we know Jenna Maroney will do quite a bit to boost her ratings and boost her role in the show. Sure. But what she fuck Frank? Unknown Speaker 53:43 God, that's such a good question. Alice Vaughn 53:45 I don't think so. Dave Kinney 53:46 I think that if it was like if her entire career was on the line, like as a desperation, like in a scenario where no one could possibly find out about it. There are so many great jokes about like how desperate she was to be famous but like, even like this desperate to appear young, like, there's like certain talents like your hearing naturally deteriorates as you get older. So you can actually take a hearing test that can within a year or two basically pretty accurately tell you how old you are. Yvette d'Entremont 54:11 Oh, yeah, it's like rings on a tree decibels you can't hear anymore. Dave Kinney 54:16 That's a true thing in real life. But also they mentioned that on the show, and her character, every time like that sound was being played. She kept pretending like she was hearing it. But I mean, obviously, half the time the tone wasn't even being played. She's like, Oh, it's so it's allowed in my very young ears. Like it bothers me. They never did it on the show, but I feel like if that was a storyline where it was like she thought her whole career was in jeopardy and sleeping with Frank was the only way to save it. Yvette d'Entremont 54:41 She'd be like, Where's the lib? Dave Kinney 54:43 Yeah, not because she liked Frank. But that just that's how insane she was for that. Alice Vaughn 54:47 Let's be honest, he could have just called you Dr. Freelander for this exact scene. I mean, they didn't have to go with a porn actor. Dave Kinney 54:56 Yeah, I feel like maybe he doesn't do the movie but he's a very Least taking that meeting. Like, I feel like at the very least he's like, I'll hear you out. Alice Vaughn 55:06 Well, also my other contention with this was, look, no one wants to see Frank. I have Well, it's sex and we had Well, it's sex with Frank. Dave Kinney 55:17 We didn't need that. The next thing that we get to after this to Pete, I mean, that's what I said earlier about the choice of the guys that they had for sex. Like, Alice Vaughn 55:25 oh, yeah, let's get into it. Yvette d'Entremont 55:26 Yeah, they had options is what I'm saying here. Alice Vaughn 55:31 We could have had Dr. Spock Chairman, Dave Kinney 55:33 my choice if I could have chosen any sex scene from the show. 30 rock, cuz Pete sexy is a fantasy sexy. And I think the most obvious one is fantasy sexy in between Tina Fey and astronaut Mike Dexter. Yes. I mean, it's talks about it, but mostly fantasy scenarios. Like if you're gonna make a porn, like, That's the one. That's what you would put together convinent dude and an astronaut costume. Alice Vaughn 55:56 You know, maybe he's just not as big of a deal. Character maybe and that's because he's such a side character. That's why I don't know. Unknown Speaker 56:05 It's kind of obscure. Alice Vaughn 56:06 But yeah, so, uh, Pete hornberger so he's apparently so pathetic and even in porn, he can't have real sex. Today, why don't you walk us through what's happening? Like, how do we get here? Dave Kinney 56:19 That was actually a detail that I liked. Because I mean that that is kind of Pete's character on the show is that he's just this like, this guy with no confidence who just is like, just this kind of perpetual, like kind of loser, everyone's doormat. I think that that was a detail that I liked is that even? Even in the porn version, it's still just fantasy sex. But yeah, good. Like, it's that with the bald wig that they used for him. Alice Vaughn 56:42 Oh, my God looked like they just took it off the shelf a Party City. They spared Dave Kinney 56:45 no expense so bad. I just know. It wasn't though. It was also just those two characters. Ashley and Brooke playing Jenna Maroney and Amy Reed playing Tina's assistant in the show. Sorry. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, but the actress was playing those games. actors were perfect fits because they're kind of like a little bit of ditzy characters to begin with. Alice Vaughn 57:05 What was great though is after the sex scene or the fantasy sex scene with peed, Cirie walks away, and a bunch of pens are dropped on the floor, yeah, not just one or two. It's like five, Yvette d'Entremont 57:17 like five of them, throw them in front of her, Alice Vaughn 57:21 but what I loved is there was a cameo from Manuel Ferrara. Unknown Speaker 57:24 I did not notice how did I miss that? Alice Vaughn 57:26 I can spot my Manuel Ferrara clearly you have Yvette d'Entremont 57:30 like men will for our radar. Unknown Speaker 57:33 Look, it's forever radar Alice Vaughn 57:34 accurate. That's all I'm saying. It's accurate, like your policy perks up and it's Unknown Speaker 57:37 like, listening. I know he's here somewhere. Alice Vaughn 57:41 My gaydar it's off Manuel Ferrara dark, it's good. Dave Kinney 57:45 Even the way that it led into like the fantasy sex like with Pete it was she was started to tell him a story because he's like, how did you get this job here? And her story starts with her dog dying. And like and then it like kind of like blurry. into the sex scene. And then when it blurs out and she's like, so I fucked it dude in an Armani suit, and that's how it happened. But you're like, I think she even like gave her dog a name, but it was just like, I think I enjoyed that. That was like what was triggering like this sexual fantasy for him. She's like, this dog who I really love died. He's like, a go on. Cool. Yvette d'Entremont 58:24 I'd like to think this is just more proof that men zone out on women when they're talking and they're just staring at their tits and mentally masturbating. I'm storing this one into spank bank for later. Dave Kinney 58:36 Oh, that sucks about your dog. She Yvette d'Entremont 58:37 talks she jiggles. Alice Vaughn 58:39 So speaking of people who mentally masturbate all the time, there's Danny, Liz's acts in the next scene. Yvette d'Entremont 58:47 Played by James Jane Russia. Unknown Speaker 58:48 He acted so well. He nailed that character. Alice Vaughn 58:51 Yes, indeed. Hey, dummy. Danny, what are you doing here? We broke up months ago, killed yourself and it was out of service. So I busted beeper Yvette d'Entremont 59:00 had more of a cell phone girl now. Alice Vaughn 59:03 What are you kidding me? You're dating New York's Prince, a pagers, your beeper royalty. I'm not gonna have my princess cut with some clunky cell phone. Oh, like Dave Kinney 59:12 a dead cell beepers on the show. And that was the thing of James Dean. Like, from the time he showed up, you're like, oh, he gets it. Like he just Yvette d'Entremont 59:19 he knows the character is playing perfect. Dave Kinney 59:22 So immediately people show up to film them having sex. And she's like, what's this all about? it? He's like, yeah, don't worry about it. What's the worst that could happen? Yvette d'Entremont 59:31 Which like, and you see it half a day, like there's no way people show up to film someone having sex when they're in a TV show. And there's a TV studio there and there's not going to be a mix up. Alice Vaughn 59:44 Yeah. Oh, oh, one quick thing before we move on to the finale. I did kind of really appreciate how desperate Liz is in the porn. Did you just call me princess? You know, you can be quite romantic sometimes. Does this mean we can Yeah. Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:03 She was needing something Alice Vaughn 1:00:04 heart of younger Alice was like relatable check. Dave Kinney 1:00:09 Even the way he delivered that lead. So does this mean wicked bone was perfect? Unknown Speaker 1:00:13 Yes. Yeah. Unknown Speaker 1:00:15 Someone threw me attention. Someone called me a nice name. Take it. Alice Vaughn 1:00:20 I could use penis to latch on to at the moment. Oh, Liz, I feel your girl. We've all been there at some point. But post sex scene, so there is a mixup with the tapes. So Kenneth he takes the wrong tape before pre recorded seen. And apparently we see Liz lemon getting boned on network TV. And of course there's no consequences because we're in a porn. Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 1:00:47 yeah, for some reason the FCC isn't contacted over this one. Dave Kinney 1:00:52 I mean, to be fair, that's not the ending you want to a porn movie. It's a budget like FCC bureaucracy. There's like a hearing Like, well, that's not what I was, Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:01 I feel that would interrupt the flow of action. You know, FCC trial. You don't want it, I want it. Dave Kinney 1:01:08 The only way that they make that work is if they like, there's only one way you're gonna get out of paying these crazy fines. Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:14 And then it's just hashtag realistic porn. And after the boss fucked around the desk, he had a huge metoo moment. Dave Kinney 1:01:21 So up to the levels of parody on parody on parody. his actual NBC was a ton of sexual harassment at that time, because this is in 2009, when like Matt Lauer and a ton of other people were getting fired at NBC, which is where the show has that so it's like yeah, in a weird way, accidentally accurate Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:41 it's amazing looking back on some of this stuff from then and seeing Matt Lauer kind of trying to nail people's ask to the wall on their sexual harassment shit like months before his came out. Oh, yeah, like, Oh, man. Go away. Alice Vaughn 1:01:54 I mean, come on. No one expected or rate button from him? Yeah, yeah. Dave Kinney 1:02:00 That was next level horrible. I feel like the electrician who installed that has to be considered an accessory in that crime. Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:07 Had to know like you don't get to the point where you've got to close the door just in case I feel like rapist sizing button without somebody knowing the word rape is like on the button and the dude's like some about this doesn't feel right I don't know. Alice Vaughn 1:02:23 But um so jack applauds Liz for this epic mix up and kind of the pages just standing around and jack applauds him and says that if he continues you know doing this well that one day he'll make SR page and Q kennex Daydream do hemming send your page perfectly appropriate Unknown Speaker 1:02:43 Mr. Page Alice Vaughn 1:02:45 hashtag Pro. I don't care and he has to like the Leros. Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:50 Yeah, he's got got the guns. He's got the me just he looks like bro. I don't Alice Vaughn 1:02:54 care what you say. I loved it. Hello, my little flour tortillas. It was ridiculous. Amazing. Hey, if you don't consider that a panty dropper, I just don't know you as my co host anymore. Yvette d'Entremont 1:03:07 You know, I didn't say it wasn't I just said it was a little ridiculous. Look, you turned me on and you're a little ridiculous Alice, so I never said it was bad. Alice Vaughn 1:03:15 Fair enough. I think Dave Kinney 1:03:17 that's like because that actor did such a good job as Ken and also because he was also like a little bit deli. Like what it then turned over to a sexy and I'm like, Oh shit, that dude's gonna get a sexy. And I was like, I was like, You know what? He's a good actor. He deserves it. Those girls are very pretty. And then other set of like, he blinks, and it just turns into like a hotter bore and shaped dude, in a weird way. I almost personally felt like cuckolded. Like, it was like, it's just also just so cruel. Like even in his own sexual fantasies. He's still getting like tagged out. Alice Vaughn 1:03:47 It's true. It really is true. But yeah, I was really disappointed that Kenneth didn't get the sexy because we were all up amped. We were ready for like, yeah, Unknown Speaker 1:03:57 this guy's finally being The nice guy in the real genuine nice guy. It's working out for him, at least in his fantasy now. Dave Kinney 1:04:07 I mean, I laugh but it also was like, I was like, oh, given the Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:10 value, even in the stream. Dave Kinney 1:04:13 I was thinking that because he's a real man. I was like, holy shit, this is good. The sexy good for him. Like, I mean, imagine on set because he was on set with the girls in that scene. And they're like, all right, bringing the guy who goes to the gym sometimes. And he's like, cool, guys. Have a good time. Remember to stay hydrated, like spraying the Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:33 guy who's got the spiked hair and wearing x. Ray. Dave Kinney 1:04:37 What's up ladies? And he's like, have a good day, girls. You both look very pretty. Like Yvette d'Entremont 1:04:44 a good job of being a page just pass them off to the real stuff. Oh, brutal. It hurts. Alice Vaughn 1:04:51 I mean, overall, with this film, I have to say that there was some great writing there was some shitty acting. And there were some okay sex scenes, and Guess that's the best we can expect from a porn parody. Sometimes Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:04 there are some decent acting too. There's some really funny stuff in there. Alice Vaughn 1:05:07 Yeah, I mean, the tracy morgan character. I feel like we're all like in agreement here just nailed it. Agreed. So final thoughts. I think Dave Kinney 1:05:15 from a writing standpoint, it's probably got to be the highest level of writing. So I think to parody it in to try to do that kind of humor is hard, even if you brought in writers who actually have written on other TV shows, and ask them to do like a 30 rock style show. I mean, that is the hardest difficulty level of stuff to parody. I think all things considered. Tracy Morgan crushed it, or the guy who played him. That Kenda pain crushed it. I thought the Alec Baldwin, I think he got the voice right. But just the way he played the character was really different. Lisa and who I've seen and a ton of other stuff, again, and especially finding out that she was a huge fan of 30 rock. So it was like something that she had put a lot of time and thought and effort into. It was just strange because I feel like If she just acted the way she does and just other normal porn stuff, I think that would have even been better than like what she went with. Like it was like she put in all this effort, but it was like kind of going the wrong direction. I think overall, like, I'm just amazed that this exists. I'm amazed that there's a porn version of Judah Friedlander out there Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:17 there is a porn version of everything and if it doesn't exist yet, it's going to soon Alice Vaughn 1:06:24 yeah, we already know there's going to be a porn version of the show a few years from now. Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:28 It's fine on a will they won't they will be answered. Dave Kinney 1:06:32 I think it's challenging because it's recorded remotely. I think that makes the the porn version of it a little bit more challenging. Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:38 Alice is coming out here in like a week which is wicked exciting Alice Vaughn 1:06:42 and sir we had a whole episode on intellijel tonics Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:47 technology and she can she can fuck me from really far away. It's impressive gets a lot less messy that way. I like to think it is the way to make fun without STDs with guaranteed No STDs, the safest sex Alice Vaughn 1:07:02 latency issue and the calls to India though for customer service are not fun. Ma'am, have you tried restarting your dildo? Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:10 Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again that's the problem is not turning me on set. Alice Vaughn 1:07:15 So Dave, where can our listeners find you? Dave Kinney 1:07:19 The easiest way is Twitter at David Kenny. And yeah, I'm always doing shows around the city I've normally posted on my Twitter account. Yeah, just stand up. And if you're specifically also a dolphins fan, or just enjoy hearing the made fun of the podcast is called saving the dolphins Alice Vaughn 1:07:38 awesome and we will link to that in the show notes. By the way you guys can find us individually at the Sybase on Twitter and at rational blonde but you guys can find all things related to the show@patreon.com slash two girls one Mike or just two girls when Mike calm. Come hang out with us support us there. That's how we can pay for some awesome audio editing and To get more fantastic guests on, event anything else, y'all can find me over@facebook.com slash sy babe where I'm being snarky and sciency mostly snarky Alice anywhere else where people can find you. I think they can find me staring at the reviews on iTunes so you guys need to write more of them. Yes. Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:19 Those make us very happy and a little horny, Alice Vaughn 1:08:21 arguably. Guys, thanks for tuning in this week. We'll catch you next week. Bye bye Transcribed by https://otter.ai

24 Juli 20191h 8min

Alice & Yvette list of advertisers they'll likely never work with, as well as a cardinal rule one Patreon broke. They also review "I Dream of Twinkie", where a scantily clad genie named Twinkie is rescued from his bottle and has three sex wishes to grant his new master. Become a Patreon! Snag 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com with code: TGOM20 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone a Willie we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. 1:01 This is two girls one Mic. The show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn. 1:09 Cool Welcome to two girls one Mic the podcast that dares to ask if you give someone gonorrhea Who gave it to you. Is that considered a clap back? I'm your co host Alice Vaughn and with me I have my gorgeous stunning erotic sexy. co host diva john Trimont this Hi babe, how you doing event? You know what I've never dealt with some gonorrhea in my life. So I'm sitting here going I'm pondering the clapback gos city of returning it. You know what? Why not? Maybe that's the origin of the term. I feel like that's the only time you can or should give someone gonorrhea back is if they originally gave it to you. You're just re gifting an STD that's all you're doing. God an endorsement not an endorsement Don't do this. I mean, unless you know here's the in order to give it back to someone you need to sit down They're on that act of infection, knowing they've been treated for it. And like the process of this seems a little arduous just to get revenge like I'd rather I don't know what I'd rather do for revenge to someone who gave me an S like, it's not like someone gifted it to you. It's not like they were like here for Christmas. I thought you'd enjoy this. Like, it's often like somebody had no idea. microbes are sneaky, like, how does one gift that event? All I'm saying is this policy is so hot, it burns. I don't know. Think linger about that and call a hospital. If that does happen to you. I overthought that joke to death, I want to take out that entire section of me chewing the life out of that joke. That's not okay. And happens to the best of us. So, speaking of killing jokes, you know, so we started actually this podcast with an advertiser, but we realized, although quota Willie is an official sponsor of this podcast, There are so many that we probably will never be candidates for. Oh my god I've been joking for so long that like one day we're going to start it off with two girls one Mike the porn cast that still can't get a fucking callback from audible. It's we're the only ones we goddamn ones everyone on the planet has an audible subscription now to girls one Mike the podcast where we actually would give a reason for you to use Dollar Shave Club. Oh, I like it. Do you know anyone who's ever gotten Dollar Shave Club? Me? Do you like it? I do, actually. So but then I'll get it. I'm a lazy shopper. I think we should just run through all of them. stamps.com because they won't sponsor us. I have to actually put on some fucking pants and go to the post office stamps calm. The unofficial Strug meal of the United States. Samsung comm the unofficial drug meal of this podcast. I mean, we would never Oh, surely we wouldn't Well, you know, depends on the doctor. rug. Blue Apron, not a sponsor the show because clearly I still have to go to Trader Joe's. Blue Apron, not a sponsor of the show because we can fucking cook Blue Apron for when you need to directions and just can't Google Blue Apron the Born on third kit of cooking that will work for people who know baseball. Oh, okay, almost. Then there's third love third love because they know the kind of jokes that will make about them. We'll never get a sponsorship third love because I'm still shopping at Victoria's Secret. I don't know why. Third love because I feel like that name it would be false advertising to some of our listeners. Third love because that would be downsizing how many partners some of our listeners have third love because we need six love for dread. 4:54 Jesus Christ. Yeah, they're never enough dread jokes really aren't so speaking Things you could put in my mouth quip. 5:03 That's another reason we'll never get back to fresh sponsorship. 5:08 quiff cuz toothbrushes didn't need much of an upgrade after sticking bristles quip because if you're easy at gagging, I've got something to put in your mouth 5:18 quiff because after ATM, you need to brush down. So speaking of jobs when you get done, zip recruiter, 5:30 zip recruiter the Tinder for career websites, sip recruiter what you've given up and you just need to apply for jobs with one click. They're there for you. Zip recruiter when you want one callback from 27 jobs and not a second callback from one job, the zip recruiter for when you want to be found by an MLM. I have to tell you the story you know who contacted me through zip recruiter Cognizant this company that does all the outsourcing I believe all the outsourcing for Facebook's content moderation. And they presented the job as a writer job. Oh, that's how they found me and it's like they totally misrepresented what it was and they tried to use like fluffy language around it so awkward zip recruiter and Cognizant anyways, you know what they could have also used to contact you. They could have used T Mobile they could have used MailChimp 6:24 MailChimp when you want to overspend on email marketing, MailChimp because they haven't heard of Gmail, there are actually a lot of other cheaper services 6:36 Robinhood for when you've wanted to lose all your money on an app, which ones Robin Hood is that one is that the stock one? Yeah. Oh, dear Robin Hood, because if you don't know anything about the stock market, good for Robin Hood, or there's at least a Reddit forum for that. Robin Hood, because if you don't know anything about crypto either good, you should probably come here and they'll take Your money. So speaking of taking people's money 7:04 I think this is a great segue to what happened to us recently. Oh yeah, we should have 7:11 Sue, we should talk about some Patreon stuff. There's some business Yeah, so first off, we always want to thank all of our amazing patrons and I know we normally think them towards the end of an episode, but fuck it, we're gonna go crazy on you guys this week. This Is Us bustin out yo, where we dropped an eight ball before the show today. And so we're thinking Patreon is first one. Yeah, so this week, we want to thank Brian Andrew gore bn bob dole Bob Medford rental, Brian Gowdy, Carl, Dave Bullock, Falco, hi, Teresa cell, Ryan, Chamblee, Shane right rich priests pilot Mike sorbetto, and many many more. All right, patrons are first off amazing they get an extra content from us we shoot them over some extra quickie episodes. It's the only way you get a quickie with one of us. Speaking of that, 8:02 see I'm segwaying you're rubbing off on me speaking of that, we allow our patrons to do a lot so we talked to them we interact you guys send us your favorite porn so like we have some amazing conversations how we hear about you getting stepped by your crazy ex girlfriends that true story from one of our patrons that we chat with every month it's it's We love you guys we dig it but what we're not okay with and we have one cardinal rule one, one rule what's up really bad, don't send us pictures of your fucking genitalia. Unless and there is a caveat. If you are so, so desperate to have alysus and my eye holes on your genitalia, whether it's whether it's a vagina, or penis or something in between, I do not care. You have to put a funny hat or googly eyes. Do you have to dress it up? Or and we have a new rule that we're adding this week or send us a delightful we want effort into a video and we have to we have to see your face in this video too. We cannot have anonymous genitalia floating around. But we need like a five second festive video with like graphics and things we want to be extremely clear when we say festival video. We want confetti, we want funny noises we want slow motion if we can see you to shoot a pennywhistle with your butthole we want to see this if you would post this on tik tok. We want to see it Oh yeah, we want to be entertained and if you can entertain us with your genitalia, oh, bring that the fuck on. But your genitalia just gotta sit in there like I have genitals to Allison I also have partners with opposite genitalia. And we can entertain ourselves with those. We don't need pictures of yours unless you make it do a fun a dance. Now, the reason we bring this up to your reader Huh, we had someone break our rule, and not just break our rule to us. And this is why we thank our Patreon because they broke our rule all over our Patreon wall and our Patreon got eyes full of dick. Oh, yeah, really I full of tick. So this specific eyes full of sad dick from a guy named Sergio. We're naming and shaming Sergio because you're sending us threatening emails now and that's not okay. That's definitely not Okay, so first off Yeah, we're really open with our patrons at one point in our hundred dollar level. We even said that we would have our personal emails exchanged so that way we could keep in contact with whomever was at that level. However, we had to change that because people can play by the rules and ruin it for everyone else. Yeah, this is not okay. Especially the threatening emails we're getting now. So, guys, like like we said, we love interacting with you. We have a A lot of fun over on our Patreon wall, please just one rule. One fucking rule, don't it's, I mean, this isn't even don't talk about Fight Club. This is just don't take a picture of one specific part of your anatomy from what you have to extricate that from a couple pieces of clothing. That's not an Oops, that's an on purpose. You couldn't follow the rules. So we don't want to see your junk. We also don't want you to hit on either, but we're very clear. We have our people we're not looking for new humans to bang, look, we can take a compliment. We have no problem with that at all. But this person decided, Hey, I'm going to post my junk and then it was pretty explicit on our page we decided let's go ahead and ban this person. And by the way, I'm sorry, but if you'd give us 100 bucks and then give us a dick pic I'm gonna tax you that hundred dollars for making me look at your dick. This is how this whole tax This is one of the few occasions I can actually charge someone for me looking at an annuity seseri dick, you send us money post on our Patreon wall. Things that broke the rules. I don't mean being rude. You're rude. We're gonna give you a warning. You know this is the first time this has happened. Nobody has ever given it like everyone's just kind of nice on there. Know what like we're talking about port we're making dick jokes. Everyone's been fucking groovy. And one guy comes in and like, verbally masturbates to Alice, and is just Ah, it's a Who? Yeah, the emails are kind of creepy. My favorite is that he decided to come back pay $2 to be amazing to watch, slow motion train wreck, and then complain about us. Of course ending with that we're a bunch of fakes go Trump ban abortion because somehow that had anything to do with anything in this conversation. We're fake. Go Trump ban abortion. I got nothing look. I'm sorry that you escaped your But 13:02 but yeah this happened and now we get threatening emails from him so we're looking forward to going to the police like and again Allison are not exactly people who overreact to things these are not just email saying I'm mad that I was banned they are threats they're very explicitly threats and you know you can be flirty you can be funny you can you can tell obviously you can tell a dick joke or 27 around us. Don't send us your penis unless it's got a fucking hat on it man. If your first time listeners guys were super chill seriously, we talk about genitals all the time. We're a little obsessed. It's a little it's creepy almost. Do you guys understand how much porn we watch? A lot. This is what we do. Like I sat down and watch so much dick going into so much asked today. And then after I watched it for work, I watched it for fun. That's dedication that came out better than I expected. There was one okay joke. I'm okay with that. I'm proud of you. But yeah, guys, so we can take a joke. We just don't want to see your dicks unless again, Google. Eyes funny hat, give it a tiara. Make it do a dance, do puppetry of the penis. don't spam our Patreon wall for fuxi cut that said, Please become patrons, because that's how we pay for editing. Yes. And we pay for hosting and sending out mics to our fantastic guests that we have on the show. Seriously, we give a shit about our patrons. We just don't want to see your decks. Yeah, and we don't like it's we're Equal Opportunity non wanting to see anyone's genitals unless we ask. Yeah, and I think vaginas are very pretty. I just don't want to see any of yours unless I've personally asked or unless you know what I mean. And I'm not going to personally ask any of you I have an exception to the rule. Oh, okay, so I've always heard of a jazlyn Oh, yeah, if you are and I think that goes with our if it's wearing a funny hat rule. Yeah, let's go with that. If you're a jazz old and you want to send us your your vajazzle vajayjay want to say that we definitely we need to see all have that. So yeah, send us your vajazzle like and we want to know about the process. We have questions. All I'm envisioning right now is a peanuts cartoon character down there above the clitoris is too much. Just Snoopy Snoopy down there. Like I always just picture there being like, like something that looked like a comma where their legs suffer. Like, what is peanuts cartoon character? Like, what does the animator consider how they're drawn? is a copyright infringement if you have a peanuts character vajazzle old? Oh my God, if you're a copyright lawyer, please email us let us know. And if you're an animator, please animate it and send it to us. Because we're sick evil fucks and if you decide to get your vagina vajazzle with a peanuts character, specifically Snoopy, I really want to see it. That's not even a joke. You know, somebody's gonna go out and do it. Oh my god. I hope they do. Is that a thing people are still doing? I say with horror spreading across What if I got it done. Oh I need its I'd say get video of the process but I don't know if that counts as taking video of your own porn like at a thing. I mean if I do get it down I'll send at least to you. So you're saying there's hope there's a chance if you want Alice and I both go get vajazzle and talk about it at a future episode, email info to girls one Mike, we want to hear what why what how? Yeah, should we do this? Why not? Look, people put rhinestones in more inappropriate places like crocs. This is very true. I don't think you should decorate you cannot make a crock pretty vagina is already pretty. Of course I do wonder what Dr. Jen Gunter would say about about the jostling? Are there other gynecological ramifications of the jostling only depending where you stick it? Yeah, I feel like if you keep above the hood, so to speak, you should be okay. But I don't know if there's potential for like the glue to come. I don't know. I'm all in favor of keeping any extra curriculars that you don't need to put in here to get off? I'm definitely not googling for gi NYCLU. 17:09 There was a guy a few years ago who like and I was praying that this was a hoax and I don't think it turned out to be that was like that sold like it was just vagina glues like yeah, just glue your shit shut and you don't need to have a period. Yeah, that's how biology works guys. Yeah, I can just turn it off. It's not like it shows up completely inconveniently whenever I don't want it. Ah, we're failing at teaching reproductive biology but that is a rant for another day. Because we have porn to review. We do have porn to review. So we reviewed this week. I mean, I Dream of Jeannie porn. It's I Dream of Jeannie but because we have not done a gay man on man porno for a long time. And we were like we should Alison I should sit down for girl chat. about some men doing some some delightful things. And this is not a Dream of Jeannie. It is Alice. I dream a Twinkie. It was so much fun. It was it was two hours and about 15 minutes. But it was, it was pretty good. Like it wasn't their best when they're seeing. That's pretty good. I mean, okay, so for those of you who don't know what a twink is, twink is a slang for a young man in his late teens to early 20s whose traits include physical attractiveness little to no body or facial hair, some towers build super youthful appearance. That's a tweak I looked at him I have minor contention with this guy being considered a twin because I always could picture twinks to be like, just smaller than that just shorter and teensy are in stature. But you know, I'm not a gay man. So I could be I'm probably fucking wrong on this. I was excited about this. So because I mean, I grew up on I Dream of Jeannie and It's funny because it was actually, you know, a network show of the 50s and 60s. And I looked into it and there was so much that I realized that now as an adult, I didn't know. So for example, I didn't know that, you know, do you remember I Love Lucy, Lucy and Ricky had separate beds. Yeah, they weren't allowed to show I think I want to say it was The Brady Bunch. That was the first couple that had them have a bed together on television. There were a ton of them that they weren't allowed to have a bed together. Yeah. So it was actually also one of the popular network shows that had strict bedroom rules and forced Wow, yeah, so Jeannie and Tony were never allowed to be shown going into the bedroom together and shutting the door behind them was strictly out of the question. If that wasn't extreme enough. Even when Genie turned into pink smoke, she had to be shown leaving the room alone. Oh my god. Like the only thing they focused on when you were a kid. It was like you'd ever see genies belly button. Ha ha ha. Like that's the whole thing. They focus. No one ever By the way, you see all this other stupid bullshit speaking of her belly button actually. So Barbara Eden who played genie in original I Dream of Jeannie. So sensors they were super strict on not showing her belly button but let's be frank, she were a crop top for how many seasons? Yeah, like we saw her everything else. But at one point there was one slip up that actually did cause a bit of commotion during the series, man belly buttons, and then you know what, 2030 years later Janet Jackson's nipple we just keep on freaking out about dots on women's bodies. And it's weird because they wanted baggy pantaloons so her legs wouldn't show it through. They wanted the belly button covered up the cleavage was completely fair game, so they wanted her skimpy but only in certain network acceptable ways. slotted imagination. It's weird which things were Yeah, this is totally loud, but this is too far. How dare you? Yeah, the belly button pool the various sexual belly button. So if you've never seen I Dream of Jeannie, it's a classic American fantasy sitcom starring Barbara Eden as a 2000 year old Genie and Larry Hagman, as an astronaut who becomes her master whom she falls in love with and eventually marries. The show originally aired in September 65 to may 1970, and was actually the last Network series to be filmed in black and white. By Season Two was in color. I didn't know that about the switchover to color being in the middle of that. Yeah. And then they actually didn't even have a theme song either until the second season. What I know so that iconic I dream song. Yeah. 21:41 So what's nice is this film that we're going to review had definitely tropes that they pulled from I Dream of Jeannie, but it was a little different. So maybe we should start with a dreamer Twinkie. So we had a couple prominent gay actor so we had chase youngest Twinkie, we had Trevor Knight as rod Dickerson, Harry hiddenly as Doug Jeffries, so we begin with a sepia tone screen and some interesting backstory. So we're told, once upon a time there was a poor Genie trapped in the lamb for thousands of years Twinkie was enslave two grand three sexual wishes to anyone that rubbed him right and could only be freed and granted mortality upon the receipt of a mortal kiss of true love. So first off, here's my question. Why is it three sexual wishes I feel like this is number one is putting some restrictions on it. Number two, as we find out in the episode, it's not sexual wishes for this person. It's any wish that happens to be of a sexual nature which kind of deviates from this. Now the other thing is with genie in the show, it's just kind of she's his servant, slave person in perpetuity. So they you know, of course, change it to three because we had, you know, here and have put so many scenes before you have to free Genie from the bottle so to speak. You know, I actually was wondering where the trope of the three Genie wish came from? Do you know? No, no. So according to Wikipedia, the fisherman and the genie is one of the few stories included in every known manuscript of 1001 nights. Oh, I was one of my favorite like picture books when I was a kid. Supposedly, there is an existing 14th century Syrian manuscript or 300 stories with the fisherman and the Genie, where it's a story about a fisherman catching fish that happens to be a genie. And that goes back to the 14th century. So there's that But yeah, I mean, that's supposedly the origin of the three Genie wish. And it makes actually a really good plot device. Although I was trying to think of what I want. If I had three wishes, specifically three sexual wishes you'd wish one of them to be Manuel Ferrara obviously you'd want a motor bunny I'd want I'd want a motor bunny. You want a motor bunny? Hide obviously want my asshole to be retained after dread? Hey, they're very elastic. They bounce back. I would hope I'm just saying if it doesn't I want security. Yeah, yeah. I think a genie for security on that might be that's life insurance, right? I kind of want to know, I mean, what is the limit when it comes to vagina? I mean, can we make up a clown car? Can that sexual wish be can we make this a clown car? How many can come at? Well, you know, technically the Octomom answered that who Yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah, nevermind, pass on that hard pass. She's also proof that it can bounce back. Octomom. If you're listening. We're willing to take you on. We guess there is Octomom porn. So we have questions. We want to know how you're doing. We're legitimately concern for your vagina. I mean, that sounds like it was difficult if you are octo mom's vagina, please write to us at info tocom if your octo mom's vagina agent, it's a separate agent actually totally different. I'm sure. I mean, we're all sure it was a C section. But dear god, that's a lot of goddamn babies. Yeah, I mean, one for me is a lot. One is one too many for any of my holes. So there Anyways, back to the buttholes in this or no. So we began with a rod and Doug who are running along a beach working out. Duck, I've noticed by the way is being a non stock dicto rod, it seems like there might be some sexual tension. But we find out later I'm wrong about this. It's just they're just they're picking on each other while they're running, you know, eventually trips. He's like the osteoporosis kicked in. And then he picks us up and it's this lamp that we're like every time there's a genie story and someone picks up a lamp or We're all looking at it like you haven't seen every single fucking Genie story ever. This is a lamp, you rub it in a genie comes out. And like, they're always looking at it like it's, oh, it's a lamp. It's so pretty and it's like, and I get it. It's like yelling at the characters in a horror movie don't go towards the green light. But after the zillions Genie story, when no one ever has an oil lamp like that anymore, you're like, 26:25 Huh, 26:26 you know, the only thing it makes me think about a rubbing is Christina Aguilera. 26:32 All I'm saying is I want a genie in another vessel. I think that is a fair argument. But all I'm saying is that specific song she was talking about her clitoris. It's specifically for dudes inability to find it in my opinion. What although apparently she says this, and I kid you not she did an interview specifically that she said the song is not about sex. It's about self respect. Liar. Like Christine that that might be what the studio executives told you as a sweet, innocent 16 year old, but they lied through their teeth to you so that you would help them make money off of your sweet innocent sexuality. Okay? Lie. Gentlemen, ladies, you just have to rub her the right way. Yeah, with respect. I'm just saying. That's how you rub all women with respect. I'm just I'm embarrassed for that. Respect gets me as hot naughty as anyone else. But you know, it really gets me going just touching my clitoral with permission of course. Oh, honey, you're respecting me hard tonight. Huh? Get down there and respect that interest a little to the left. 27:47 Show it some manners. 27:50 I want those manners harder now. Faster. Goddamnit. 27:57 Sorry, Christina. Sure you met Well with that statement so going back to Doug being a colossal taking this porn, are you kidding me? It's dirty and tacky like you. Rob decides to talk to his goddamn lamp and says Don't listen to him. I'm taking you home because that's normal talk to him in an inanimate object once you found it. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I always talk to seaglass when I pick it up. Yeah, that's a thing. Rod. You look great in my bedroom. Yeah, fantastic. More shit to clutter up your garbage style the core. That's just not friendly. In my opinion, like the tension there. It was hard to tell what was driving it and like, the script wasn't written well for the dynamic they were trying to portray later on in the movie. I mean, yeah, the tension was absolutely non existent. In my opinion. between those two, it seemed like tension, but it seemed more like you know, you could cut the tension with a spoon. Yeah, it's like it seemed more like buddies punching each other that we're gonna play basketball later. Now. That we're going to do but stuff. Yeah. So we have rod going back to his apartment. He's staring at the Aladdin style lamp because obviously How else do you know it's a lamp? If it's not Aladdin style? Yeah, I mean, this is I was hoping I mean, I think this is why it bugged me. I think this is one of those things where they could have turned it into a hornier thing. They could have taken the lamp and turned it into an enema bulb. Ah, well decorated nm abobe I think that that would have worked. Are you saying I'm a dazzled and a my bone. I want the dazzling on that Manama pub. I think that would be a perfect little. For the genie. Pair of two girls one Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. According to my therapist. We care about giving each and every one of them a better orgasm. And that is Close enough, and we will never recommend anything we haven't personally tested which is why you can trust us when we say we highly recommend Cloner Willy because with clone Willy you can masturbate and have sex or someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with quota Willie, you can make a dildo and now a fleshlight out of your own anatomy. As we found. It's a fun and messy process. And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and evasive maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk, but instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall, hide it in your goodie drawer for when you're home alone, send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united 30:47 use it to fix a broken leak or to cause one 30:51 personal experience. Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one ladies. So crack a cold I'm with the boys stick it in the girls. where can our listeners find out more about this madness to quote unquote it go to corner Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. 31:16 So you see rod shaking and rubbing a clean and of course, cue laugh track the genie comes out and this is where I have to give them credit. We had a porn with the left track Well done, but they didn't use it only once. They used it several times throughout the film. And I'll give them credit for that because we've seen porn like friends that use the laugh track once or twice and didn't continue to use it. It was so super like they were kind of like, hey, look, here's a hint of left track. This one dropped it like they aren't fully and judiciously use the left track. I was happy with that. So kudos to them on that. And Twinkie comes out and he explains he's a genie of the lamp and is willing to grant him three sexual wishes again So think of your sexual wishes write them to us at info to girls on Mike calm. How many people are you willing to be dp tree peed Quadri peed by? We want to know what the weirdest one is. And if you had a genie if people will send us in the weirdest ones, I kind of want to read a few from on the air. No, seriously, let us know a fantasy that you know will probably not happen although we really do want all of our podcast listeners to get the sex they want the craziest sex they want the weirdest sex they want. Yeah. Oh, so much sex that they want. A friend of mine asked me the other day, you know, how do you know you're with the right person to marry? Because you see, he had the mistaken idea that I knew shit about relationships. I know how to make mine work. I don't know things about general stuff. But one of the things I told him was you need to be able to tell your partner not just you know, I like this. I like that that you're doing. You need to be able to tell them the weird shit. The weirdest felt like if you Saw a thumbnail of and I know I joke about tentacles a lot. And I joke about it because people kind of hear that and reflexively go, if I liked that. That would be too weird. Tell my partner because they would judge me. You need to be able to tell them about your equivalent of the technical shit, whatever that is. And if you think they would judge you, for whatever you're really weird shit is, you know, unless it's kids or animals in that case, no, like, if you don't line up an 80% of the things and your weird shit is like not a thing you think that they would ever be okay with. Because they aren't someone who accepts your whatever you are except kinks. Maybe it's not gonna work. You need to be able to talk about all of the kinks. So, if you have those three wishes, and have unfortunately not found that person who you've dove so deep into your sexual fantasies that you haven't found though, wow, this is a sticky one. What would you ask your Genie for would Let's hear them and if you got one you want to be read out anonymously. We would love to do that. That'd be kind of fun. Look, all I'm saying is we want our listeners to be happy and to get rammed or be rammed or do all the ramming that they would like to do or watch the ramming or listen to the ramming hordes. We want your genitals happy is what we're saying. We do. I want to specifically read about those interesting fantasies. I'd say the weirder the better, but I also don't know how weird it gets. Oh, no, I want the weirdest send them to me. Dude, I tried clown porn. Somebody messaged me not that long ago asking when we're gonna review clown porn, which means we have to review clown porn. 34:43 You know, this is a well known scientist who emailed me. So, Sean Carroll stop emailing us about cloning. 34:55 Oh my god. I'll tell you after or two it was Neil deGrasse Tyson. I wasn't going to tell you God wasn't going to tell our listeners. Dr. 35:07 Bill Nye Come on. Oh, you guys you ready knows nim for you. Neil's into climate change porn. He wants to watch people doing it on top of a wind turbine. That's his thing. So going back to the actual porn, so Twinkie pops out of course rod is surprised by the way they had a smoke machine or a smoke coming out of the lamp. So you knew it was a genie? Of course. Yeah. And silly sexy master every Genie has their specialty. And you are the one that received me. Okay, what are you waiting for a sexual specialty? Yes, but I want to know the other specialties that are out there for genies. Yeah, like are is there one that's like all do any three house chores that involve getting mold off of tiles, but that's it. Is there a genie of dentistry? Yeah. Oh, carwash God is there one for wrinkles? I need that cheney kept me that fucking lamp. Is there a plumbing Genie? You know if there's a plumbing Genie then the number of women that would just not look for me they'd be like, I got a vibrator. I just I'm gonna call this guy the next three plumbing emergencies and that'll probably get me through to the end of menopause. God I mean, how specialized Can you be as a genius? Well, who am I scream? Genie? My Uber driver is creepy. Please pick me up on the side of the road right now. Genie, I lost my house keys for the 14th time to uni. I dropped my phone in the toilet. Well shitting Oh my God saved me Genie. Is that handbag on sale yet? Genie. Is that food still good or Have I made a horrible error in judgment? Genie light said wish you could do clap on Clap off with Jeannie. Could somebody please pee for me? It's 4am and I don't know where my glasses are and the toilet is way too fucking far away for this Genie. Speaking of ping, is there a genie for to tell you specifically when the right times to pee during a movie are good? That's a genie. I want a genie for that. And what would you tell me how many ounces of fluid I get a half answer by book. That's a good Genie. That is a good Genie, a genie of vacation planning around the weather. People would fucking pay for that one. Is there a genie who will get you an umbrella when you've accidentally left out of a home knowing it was going to rain? 37:41 And everyone be like, what are you doing? It's only 20% Oh, I know when it's raining. I know. How do you know I have a cine? I want that Genie. I want a genie that specializes only in Sudoku games. It's 37:57 often specifically Only to answer to you once you fucked up so severely because you put the wrong number on the wrong chain. Oh man, those are painful moments in your life that you just won't get back but you'll have a genie for it three times. Oh, only three. But thankfully genies aren't owned by gaming companies like EA. Oh, if you want to undo this micro transaction with this Genie please send us another dollar 99 for Genie cold coins 38:31 sorry this so the genie explains he can only fulfill three sexual wishes and then he returned to his lamp or he awaits his next master. So they get interrupted Of course. And of course the doorbell rings and of course, who shows Mr. Man's man's and I'm like there's more than one port but we're getting right into Mormon do we kind of talked about Mormon dick with Allison on our Patreon content? Yeah. Which was why I was like, already Like I was having this moment of I'm like I'm not on hallucinogens right now. Like I know we just talked we talked about it within this one. The Mormons are their rod points that I'm in says to them I want to see their sexual fantasy. So of course then that we see the Mormons begin boning Yep. All of a sudden onto the couch and I mean, here's the thing for this one I skipped a lot of the sex because I'm like I just want to see what the what the plot is for this. And it just it's funny because at first like he the genie does the you know arms together and blink much like Barbara Eden did and he does the you know, arms together blink and they go from being at the door to on the couch with their pants off shirts open ties on ton making out and they look up at rod and Twinkie and they're like hey a little privacy and they leave and then the scene just you know goes on it's just gone. Oh porn from there. But you know, it was it was cute though. They had the you know, the arms together and blink done, you know, as they had in the original. It was a nice throw. Yeah, after the bagging we go to the next day. We're Twinkie appears in front of rod as he's trying to fix the laundry. Of course, Doug walks in wonders why the hell there's a guy dressed in an Aladdin costume, which is apt to wonder I would look at my friend and be like, you know, whatever your sexual thing is good for you, which is pretty much what you know what happened, basically. So he ends up leaving and as he's leaving, he runs into the plumbers because rod was trying to fix the laundry machine. And the plumbers come in. And apparently once rod and Twinkie leave the room, one of the plumbers decides to remark we've been getting a lot of queer customers lately. They just make me nervous. Oh, how dare you and of course you see what that kid was wearing? Because yes, a guy in a genie costume while it clearly make anyone nervous. I didn't realize that Genie costume necessarily screamed homo. That was he they didn't give me that in the handbook but I guess it says get Like, no, but right out of view, you know, we hear rod say I hate homophobia, I wish they would just fuck here and of course, Twinkies hearing the word wish every time literally and goes as you wish master arms together blinks, and all of a sudden the homophobe is getting over his fear, so to speak with his assistant boning over the dryer, and it's like, this is the first time I've seen a plumber banging seen in one of our porns I was so happy and there was a plumbers crack, too. Exactly. It's bonus points for the plumbers crack, you know, little bit of reality goes a long way. Have you ever been on a washing machine? I'm almost sure I did. Yeah, Yes, I did. Indeed. Two guys back. See in my brain. I heard I misheard that initially, I was like two guys one washing machine. Oh, yeah. It's I feel like you kinda have to go. What would it be? Eiffel Tower for That one. Yeah. there'd have to be some maneuvering some flexibility, some very long limbs. I have a very tiny laundry room at the moment. So, and actually, this is the weirdest situation because my laundry room has a massive boulder in it. Oh, yeah, this happens. So the house that I have was built over rocks. And there's what I'm not even kidding you, Nick thing and did the rock room. Because when you walk in, the first thing you see is a massive boulder taking over 75% of the room. Oh. And then to your left, there's a laundry and dryer and then the rest is bolder. So unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to really fuck on laundry and dryer because there's I don't know the rocks in the way. You could hang over some guy's shoulders while he's eating your pussy and put your hands in the boulder and you could be as over the shoulder boulder holder. That was horrible. So I'm embarrassed by that, but a little proud at the same time. I'm proud of him. Okay. Okay, cool. I'm glad I'm glad someone is my mother certainly isn't. Don't worry. Our parents stopped being proud of us long ago. Yeah, every so often they'll tell mom about something that happens on this and she'll go, that's nice, dear. 43:20 She's happy for me. But at the same time, she's like, Yeah, I don't listen to that. I like your other thing. 43:27 She's, she's the most supportive parent I could possibly have. For someone who makes as many jokes about penises. As I do. I could not ask for a better mother. But man, like she's very prim and proper. And I say fuck, so much. Just an interesting combination. So host a plumber's boning rod suggests that the genie be a little bit more discreet. So we'd have a wardrobe montage. Oh yeah. And it's it is a fabulous wardrobe montage. If you're here with us for An episode long time ago that will live in two girls when making fun of me. If you remember from Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's balls are character flag I believe that fagg Hagrid would approve of this wardrobe montage if you want to go back and listen to that episode it was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's balls we need to do way more of these gay porns we need to find more but like I'm sorry, but the puns in the plot and that when we're better I think I mean as the resident pansexual on the show that does define what twists your nipples correct. So he says you know, we get it get a good outfit for Twinkies like Alright, we're gonna pop over to Sierra and play ball. We have to be discreet and goes okay, Master blinks them over. And he's like, what did I say about being discreet and Frank comes over playing basketball and says Hey, why don't you guys get over here and Twinkie goes, Oh, we just popped over you know and kind of gives an almost wing face and then like holds his head To the side and says very obviously, how is that for discreet offices back to home? It's not very discreet when you have to explain you're being discreet, you know. So then finally, the friend asked, all right, what's the gag and they do a cut screen. And he says, you're gonna think I'm crazy. And they do a cut screen to it. Yeah, I think you're crazy. cine? I mean, and specifically, again, a sex Genie? Yeah, sex Genie. I just feel like is whenever we watch one of these types of things, where someone has a magical mystical thing, and we're in on it because we've seen it all happen and then we see their friend that's the disbeliever we all think we believe the guy No, we'd be sitting there telling them Dude, I have to get you to a mental institution you're seeing things. Exactly. And what's really sweet is so rod is able to get hairy to find his true love in this because he accidentally wishes for it. It's the nicest thing that ever leaves to shower bone exactly because Twinkie Of course needs To know if rod is on the market, so he asks if rod and Harry are a thing. And rod explains to Twinkie that as much as you know they're best friends that Harry is pining over his fellow friend who he plays basketball with. And although Harry's always look on the lookout for potential suitors for rod You know, he wishes he could find someone for himself and that's where the accident your wishes. Next question comes in the third one actually, Rod accidentally wishes for true love for his best friend who's pining for Twinkie of his own and then cut the shower sex, which it was shower sex, it was shower sex, if that's what you're into. I recommend soap afterwards because that could get microbes are tricky. That's all I have to say about that. But anyway, on to next bit. Oh plot Twinkie says now that you've used up your wishes, it's time to return to the lamp but rod doesn't want him to go back to the land. And he tells Twinkie. He loves them. Now they've only known each other a day and a half. You know, sometimes when you find your apps you want to keep your ass. I mean, I have found good house within a day and a half. I did not tell it. I loved it. No, I you know, I waited at least 48 hours before I told my husband you weighed 48 hours, I weighed four years, I waited longer than 48 hours. It was it was a joke to No, no. It was it actually four years. I was a while I think it was like a little under two months for Derek it was two years before the first time my partner said that, you know, we'd love each other and then it took like, four or five, six years before we got it, you know, consistent, something like that. We had to have a therapist get involved. You know, this is a good message through our listeners, tell each other if you love each other, tell each other as soon as you figure that shit out. But don't say it within 48 hours. Yeah. No, no, I was joking. I did not say that was a joke. I hope they understand that again. I mean, you can lust for someone within 48 hours. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So much last thing we listed a lot. And I still like I mean, there's an argument to be made that six weeks was still laughs It probably was. But you know, worked out. Look, all I'm saying is a good fun good tick doesn't mean it's love. 48:24 No, 48:24 I've had a lot of good dick. I've had one that I would call you know, I hadn't said to another man that I love them in 10 previous years, so I figure I use it judiciously. See, I use it too much as in like, I love you, man. Let me face it. I use it judiciously for men, whose penises I have been utilizing at the moment. I remember years ago with an ex boyfriend, where I said that I loved his cock. And he misheard that during sorrow. Oh, yeah, that was that's a that's a moment. was a hard one. It might not have been after that actually you're right it wasn't after that. Oh, you that's just one of those words you try to never you like you're like you can be like I love this ice cream. Oh fuck that word shouldn't have come up near a person that we don't know where we're at with The L Word no thrown out new new actually don't even love the ice cream have really strong feelings for it. I adore the ice cream the ice cream makes me feel good about myself and I think it's put me at a good place and this ice cream has come at the right time. It's not going to judge me I can bring it around my mother I can be myself around this ice cream. I really I've never felt like a complete woman until though most before I brains my body and really fills me up like oh no other man could. Things I could still say about ice cream sometimes I'm kidding. No, no, depending on which they get melts into I mean, well this can be said about men and ice cream in too many different ways. Look, we've seen some weird shit important now. Maybe involving nostrils maybe involving Coca Cola and vaginas maybe involving armpits? Oh Lord, look, all I'm saying is we have seven holes, we have to use them all. We have holes, we have crevices, we have divots. Are you really using your belly button? If Yeah, never mind. There's a scene in the matrix that still freaks me out with that. Remind me doesn't get a little bug going through the one of the bugs that they're using to track Neo going through the belly button, or is it just a random hole that it kind of invents in the stomach? I thought it was the belly button before he escaped the matrix. And he's still plugged in email said info to girls on mic calm because we don't remember the matrix I just spent because I just went down a rabbit hole with matrix like fan theories recently, because that's a thing you do. I'm almost sure went in through the belly button. It was that scene where like his mouth closes on itself. And he's being held down by Smith's and yeah, anyway, it's been too long since I've seen that film. It's still hold up. Oh yeah. The original Absolutely. Yes, it is absolutely as good as we remember it to be. Who is ever porn with someone who's a really good Keanu Reeves look like I could be wrong, but I think that Tommy pistol has been him in something and Tommy pistol does a really good kiato like I saw the picture of him and at first I thought it was Keanu. I could be misremembering, but I think it was him. Okay, so clearly I have some more porn to watch. We have work to do. There's a goal. Anyways, we had this, we are almost wrapped up with this one. So So rod is very sad, because you know, Twinkies gonna go away. And of course, he doesn't want to he's in love with him before he went off on this tangent About Love is a bit of a strong word. And I don't want you to go I know it's crazy, but I love you. And of course Twinkie is so so happy master I knew would be you. But anyways, they bang. And of course, they figure out that the curse is broken because it's only love's true kiss, their true love's kiss that can break the spell. So I have a little bit of contention with this because so Twinkie explained earlier on that if he finds love's true kiss, he becomes immortal and yet they bone in the lamp. Oh, yeah. Oh, how about it? fuck are they in the lab? That is a continuity error. You know what? Maybe they're mortal, but they're stuck tiny forever. Oh, wow. That's, that's 52:27 maybe in the lamp. He has like a genie hotline. And he can call a genie friend and be like, Yo, I'm mortal. I can get us the fuck out now, but first you got to get them over here and make me big again. I mean, you would assume there's some sort of a genie hotline so they could all communicate what else do you do with yourself for like, however many hundreds or thousands of years you're stuck in there? masturbate. Just fucking masturbate. I mean, I can't even imagine especially if you're new to sexual wish, Genie. You've heard it all. Yeah, like when he said at first that you genies have specialties My first thought was, is is going to be like room jobs or like, Is it going to be a specific sexual thing? And then it was like, No, just sex. I'm like, I wonder, does he know all the other geniuses? He had the phone number for the Genie, who will run my errands for me? Well, now it's going to be awkward, because now that if he's hypothetically mortal, I mean, before he didn't have to eat, think about this. You know what, maybe he won't be able to maintain that twink ish physique. And he might actually find out that he's a bear at heart who, and I support Twinkie, no matter what twinky chooses for his path. Now that said, I actually remember. So last year when I was at a conference, I flew out this kid actually to the American atheist conference. Oh, yeah, who he came from an Orthodox Jewish community. And it was one of those really, really restrictive sacks where he couldn't eat specific things, actually a lot of things so for example, the same sex that our friend BJ was in possibly like he like when we took him to a Mexican restaurant. He had no idea what most of the things were. Oh, so I did the charitable thing and I decided we're ordering everything off the menu. Wow, we ordered everything. With his mind just blown trying all the new flavors. He had 12 different types of tacos hands easily. Oh my god. That's fantastic. The thing that lit my heart up was just someone being able to have like a carne asada for the first time or just try Trump. I don't know. He reminds me like my mom likes to say that she is younger in in pubnico, which were a tiny little village in in Nova Scotia where our family's from then she is in the US because like her cousins that are about the same age as her like within a year or two. They remember being like the first time They had pizza. Wow. Like some of the foods only made it up there, like a decade later than they because my mom grew up in Boston, all of our relatives are in this teensy village. But yeah, remembering the first time you did certain things that were just kind of happening in normal people's lives like can you imagine being our age now and getting having your first bacon cheeseburger? Well, I can because I only had a Twinkie this year. You're not missing much. To be fair. A bacon cheeseburger. On the other hand, though, horrible for you. Tastes pretty fucking good. I also never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich until I was 18 years old. Sometimes people just don't have you know, it's interesting how you grew up in different cultures and certain things are just yeah, I think Yeah, cuz you weren't. You always sort of speaking English when you were How old? I was five or six. And it was weird because I was stupid good at math, supposedly. And I remember I was great math. Tried communicating with my classmates. Yeah, that didn't work. So they put me with the trip. Kids. Oh, yeah. So I got to play board games and stare into each other's eyes and say the color of each other's eyes. I'm picturing you swearing at all these kids in Polish all day long. I'm picturing him being like, like just quietly with a smile on your face like cursing these kids straight to hell. And you're and the nuns just being like, oh, Alice is smiling. She's happy. The slow one is happy at least. 56:28 The worst part was actually so from kindergarten to eighth grade, I was in an elementary Catholic school, it was all one facility all one school. And they had the trailer kids who were the ones who need a little bit of extra help, but I was only put in there because they didn't really have any ESL program. And then there was the normal classes and then there was Kaleidoscope which was for your advanced students. When I was in the normal classes. I was frequently bored I was trying to get into Kaleidoscope but you need a teacher's recommendation, but every Every time I got one, the teacher would leave the school Oh, so what was nice and reaffirming was when I went into high school so this is a little too much information on me but I'll go for it so I went to a high school that did box and did phases so there was phase 234 and five so you could be you know more advanced in one subject and if you're you know need to learn at a slower pace at a different one that's fine. And I was faced five and everything so that just reaffirmed I'm the smartass I always thought I was Yeah, I have no doubt in your asked us intelligence. Alice ever Yeah, bear. Sometimes my assets too smart for its own good. I think you could sit on an ice cream cone and tell us the flavor that is an intelligent das. It feels like licorice. Oh, it's here. To hell I go anywho. So Overall consensus on this porn I think had some funny I like that. Our man who picked up Twinkie the original astronaut who picked a Twinkie was major Nelson I think believe it was rod Nelson. This was rod Dixon. So I you know, not a bad little they did you know, they did something that made it corny Not bad. Not bad. If you're looking for predominately Gonzo porn, if you like, you know, gay guys fucking This is for you. And you want a little bit of giggles between it but like, you know, we love our really plot heavy stuff. All I'm saying is we need to watch more gay porn so that we can find more gay porn. Like I like that we sit here and we kind of go through these alone but we have to get a gay porn connoisseur on the show and I feel that we are not. We are not the connoisseurs of this that we should be Oh clearly not not at this point. I feel we have neglected this genre severely, especially because there's so many good titles, just sitting there right for the pimping, I think Excuse me, but I was looking at this and I was like, do we do I dream or Twinkie or drill again? xilin Yeah, it was so hard no pun intended. We Yeah, let's see Julian's Island really soon and get it up there it's I think let's like sometime in the next like month it this we have a recording schedule kind of scheduled out a little bit now which is which is nice to see but at the same time it's like when do we record again? When do we sit down as you may have recorded thing but yeah, drill Wiggins Island if you if you are listener, have a gay porn that you want to serve you LS info to girls one Mike because we love these we just, this is just not our normal territory and we don't know what to hunt for. And if you are a gay man or gay woman who really enjoys gay porn, or just a straight person who just enjoys gay porn as well, because I've met a lot of women who are into gay porn. I mean, I enjoyed the fuckery that's all I'm saying. Email us, we would love to know more terms. We'd love to educate our audience seriously, that's why we have an email address. It's there for a reason. And just to remind you, not fear dick pics. Oh, yeah, yeah. Unless slow motion control. And music I want house music to that. I want to see a confetti cannon. If you can't actually fit it in your ass I wanted Photoshop to see an explosion of confetti glitter coming out your part to go okay, but not just a shot of your penis or your clitoris whichever I just just please please keep it funny event where can our listeners find your mouth clutter 1:00:23 s Oh, oh baby. 1:00:26 Y'all can find my mouth glitter is over at the cyber babe on Twitter and Instagram and over@facebook.com slash cyber babe for snark and science and occasional dick jokes, Alice, where can our listeners find your lovely face and your delightful snarky funny built the words? Well, they can find me at rational blonde on Twitter or you guys can also find us on patreon.com slash two girls one Mike, we thank you guys for listening this week. Share the word with all of your friends who listen to podcasts or don't or just 1:00:59 anything One who talks about porn or listens to it or watches it, I guess, tell all your friends who watch porn. So tell all your friends and we will see you guys next week. Bye bye bye Transcribed by https://otter.ai

17 Juli 20191h 1min

Alice & Yvette are joined by multi award winning veteran pornstar and cat lover, Lance Hart (@lancehartfetish). The MFF this week discuss sweets, cross over performers, industry testing, how he almost accidentally died on set, and dick injections. Don't forget to leave us a review! Support us on Patreon Use code TGOM20 for 20% OFF CloneAWilly.com Unknown Speaker 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better approved and this one is definitely tested several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, a literal fucking village and well worth it because thanks to clone Willie, we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers and we can even make them buzz. No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. Unknown Speaker 1:01 This is two girls one mic the show that talks about the holes and plot holes of your favorite porn. Alice Vaughn 1:09 Welcome to Two girls one Mike where we couldn't afford getting sponsored by I can't believe it's not butter, but we did get Fuck off. It's not Manet's. I'm your co host Alice Vaughn. And with me I have my fantastic co host you've had Don trauma David, how you doing today? I'm confused about where I'm supposed to put the mayonnaise. Is this an anal lube is this is this part of foreplay, I'm, I'm perturbed about why couldn't we get I can't believe it's not but why not butter? Why not just go straight for lard or coconut oil? No, no, I mean, it's kind of like when I get yogurt out of fridge and I hope these aren't Hornets or you know, I get the off brand version where it's like, oh fuck my ass, but that's good. peanut brittle. You know what you pick up at Trader Joe's right now I'm picturing eating peanut brittle off of a pussy but it's kind have like you know those little candies? You got off like the little button candies off of paper. It'd be like that like it's like a preset appetizer. Can I be honest? I never ate any of those candies. You know what you're not missing out. It's little dots of idiocy that just looked cute. This was not a good candy. We had some bad candies, kids, but they looked adorable enough to eat and I think that's what matters. Yeah, we were tricked into that one. We were tricked into wanting it. We were tricked into telling our parents to buy it and then we sat there going, this is fun. And while we ate paper, we ate sugar. We colored sugar i'd paper and we enjoyed it. So you kids with your iPhones and your better candy than us. You know what, fuck it. We got to run around outside and not have our childhoods on social media. So it was pretty cool. That's the one good thing where you know, we can't be held back from college because of our social media. You know, I'm just saying but we lived in fear of our quote, permanent record. So yeah, like there's shit that I just didn't do because I'm pretty sure that I was Like no matter what you said did something someone was going to find out like so I think that just kept me from not doing bad milk too much bad shit. I mean, the internet is definitely a permanent record nowadays, but I kind of want to go back to a candy jewelry. I mean, now I'm thinking about candy panties and the ones with hard candy. For who's the Woodchuck? Hmm, who can tear through those with their teeth? Not any dentist, whose dentures are possible most Chuck awful balls. That's Yeah, that's that's some inappropriate shit right there. That's not okay. I don't feel good about that. I'm going to need more therapy for that one. Sorry. It's just Unknown Speaker 3:41 a blank childhood. Yvette d'Entremont 3:43 Look, my childhood ruined my childhood. Okay. Unknown Speaker 3:47 I do what I do. Well, you know, there's someone else we could ask for their opinion. And that is we're having an MFF today. I'm so excited. I think we need more of these in our life. I agree. And we're not only having it with Any ATM we're having a fantastic today. Oh, with Lance Hart. Oh, Lance, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having me. You just came from work. So thank you so much. Lance Hart 4:11 Well, I was just downstairs in order didn't have to commute. So they're actually still the people that are paid to fuck each other today. They're still in my kitchen eating candy. Speaking of candy, we had Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 to pay people to fuck each other today. That's, that is not a thing I got that I've ever gotten to do in my life as a scientist. So this is Yeah, tell our audience what you do. Lance Hart 4:31 Well, one of them is a scientist. So there's that but there's just coincidentally but I make porn and I put it on the internet. Wait, Yvette d'Entremont 4:38 a scientist in the porn are a scientist for the day job. Lance Hart 4:41 He was a chemical engineer, I guess. Yeah, for the government, I think and then a bunch of than a pro rugby player. And then now he's a male porn star. You know, it's kind of done at all. Yeah, that's good to know. But what do I do? I do I make more and I put it on the internet. And I try to make money from that and it works. works out really good. And then I'm 40 but people still put me in there porn. Yeah. Alice Vaughn 5:04 I mean, Lance, you've been doing this for well over 10 years. I mean, you're one of the most prolific adult stars there is. I mean, I, I kind of want to come through the awards, but there's too many to list. Oh, you've done it there for years. They're all stuff they Lance Hart 5:18 like I've won an award, but no one had heard of the like festival that it came from, you know, to meet and then finally, this year, they're starting to the bigger ones are coming. There's a Yvette d'Entremont 5:25 pile now. So it's hard to ignore. Lance Hart 5:27 Yeah, they just sit around. There's like a n table thing that my cats lay on. And they kind of weave in between them. And like, they're rather chin on like, because some of them are spiky. You know, the awards, and they just they like that skin for the cat rubber. Do Yvette d'Entremont 5:42 you have enough awards for a scratching post for your Unknown Speaker 5:44 scratching? Yeah. Lance Hart 5:48 It's good. That's what I wanted. And then Charlotte My wife has too so it's, you know, it's a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag of just pointy thanks. All the porn awards. None of them are things you'd want to put in your but Unknown Speaker 5:59 I know Kate Kennedy once did to someone else, she fucked someone. I think she put an AVM into someone's butt or vagina. I don't know one of those holes. Maybe it was dp. Lance Hart 6:12 Yeah. My friend Pierce Paris put a gay vn, which is the same, it's the same award. It's the same size and everything. He put one of those up as bought this year. And it was his big. I was like to him too. That's aggressive. He's brave. like Abraham Lincoln said he's brave to put that up as a pioneer. Unknown Speaker 6:26 I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Abraham Lincoln said. Lance Hart 6:30 About bravery. Yeah, yeah. Unknown Speaker 6:32 Well also about putting stuff into your ass. Yeah, there's a lot of bravery involved. You said something about bravery and put things in your butt. I do remember that in the Gettysburg Address, Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers said let us shove this up our asses. Yeah, that was that was you know, in there. It was subtext. Lance Hart 6:49 Yeah. He had a boyfriend right didn't Lincoln. Someone told me that I heard it on the internet. Yvette d'Entremont 6:54 You know how I heard fairly recently was bisexual. Mr. Rogers. Lance Hart 6:58 Oh yeah. I believe it to you. That's immediate. I'm like, yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 7:01 that made me so happy. The nicest human being ever also bisexual also Lance Hart 7:05 does it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was. Today was a good day we, uh, speaking of candy, we get a lot of candy and I always have a lot of candy. I have you know, sprees. You know sprees are like Yvette d'Entremont 7:18 chewy spray or like the crumbly spray. That's that's our way. I don't know what a chewy spree is like a top tier candy. Yeah, Lance Hart 7:26 I like the original sprig. I like chewy sprays, but the thing is, they're so tart. You can't eat like two mouthfuls of them. It's too much you're like I've had too much now I want to eat something healthy or something stupid, but like sprees, the original it's just sugar it's like a hard like disc of sugar sweet tart, but it's got Oh, okay. That's basically what it is. But they're delicious. And they don't sell them and gas stations anymore. They're now they still sweetheart. That was pretty so I ordered them online so I get like a box from Amazon like once a month. Put them in the pantry. Yvette d'Entremont 8:00 All my relatives live in Canada. So whenever I'm up there sprees are everywhere. Oh, they have Saprissa Lance Hart 8:04 is it wonder if it's a Canadian? Well, it's a Wonka thing. Is he Canadian? Yvette d'Entremont 8:08 I don't know if it's a Canadian thing or if it's just they're popular up there. So I find them like there are candies that like I lived in England for a while my relatives are in Canada and they have the same little bits of candy up there. So whenever I'm up there, I'm like, I'm stocking up now. Yeah, I have a suitcase full of candy right like this will last a year. Nope. Lance Hart 8:26 Yeah, I'll go to Germany a few weeks with my wife and I've never been to Europe so I'm like exhausted Yvette d'Entremont 8:32 yeah she's gonna have a million suggest Alice is polish and she pollen she'll have the simpson Lance Hart 8:38 said Germany's Atlanta chocolate so I'm interested like as to how they roll but I'm just I'm really into American like Snickers bars and shit you know to be like really like the I've had fancy chocolate, but I like a watch McCall or like a take five bar. So I'm like interested how that roll. Yvette d'Entremont 8:53 I have one suggestion. Try everything. Yeah, you can find it. Do you like Cadbury eggs Lance Hart 9:00 So my thing I'm not super into Cadbury eggs. Yvette d'Entremont 9:03 Here's the thing the British Cadbury egg is bigger and it has a different chocolate and a slightly more marzipan II taste to the cream inside. And I have a picture of the two of them side by side and it like blew people's minds because they're like what? I'm candy is bigger outside of the US. Lance Hart 9:20 Yes, I'm American. Yeah, it was I lived there for grad school and I was just I was like, Why are these so addictive? I didn't like them in the US and I realized the ones in the US are made by Hershey's so maybe over there I like them. I'm way open minded. I mean, I want to know I want to get all the sausages and Charlotte says they have a pastry like really good pastry. We're going to go crazy on pastries. So it's gonna be I'm just gonna be a big fat person when I get home. It's gonna be you're gonna Unknown Speaker 9:45 walk so much that you'll you won't gain anything. What I highly suggest I'm huge on curry worst. So get some curry worst which is basically Bratwurst with curry and get some fries and mayo in the middle. They have in Germany I don't know what they put in it okay um if they put actual Germans in them yeah who knows maybe it's very possible yeah exactly so maybe ash that's still in the air if you are offended by that joke I am our designated you email us at info into girls on my send me your hatred for making a joke about my dead relatives. Yeah but the point is it is delicious curry worse the fries Mayo especially after i mean i don't know if you drink or not but a beer tour. Lance Hart 10:33 Oh I don't drink so I'm yeah so over a long time but I'll eat the crapper candies and stuff. I'll eat food that's like cooked and alcohol as long as it's not like yeah, like what am I gonna eat or rumble? I think Yvette d'Entremont 10:44 was cooked it alcohol the alcohol Yeah, Lance Hart 10:47 I mean to some extent like like beer better I actually I would eat I'm not like it's not like oh, that's bad for me. But I just I don't like the taste because I yeah beer which for me was for getting drunk. It wasn't like I wanted to drink for the Tastes drink like Gatorade or some shit. You know? Like it wouldn't be drinking beer, you know, but Yvette d'Entremont 11:04 I'm lucky with alcohol like it just I don't like feeling drunk. So it's like I'll have I will have one and at that point, I'm like, Whoa, the roof spinning so I've got I have one drink tolerance, and I know that's where I stop. Yeah, you don't. You don't have the alcohol on the other hand, we deal. Lance Hart 11:21 Are you in LA? Unknown Speaker 11:22 Indeed? Are you okay? Yeah, Lance Hart 11:24 no, I just you said not So assume delay. So please, yeah, indeed. Everybody's Hi. It's awesome. Vegas Yvette d'Entremont 11:30 is it's legal now. So you get a contact when you get off the plane at LAX. Yeah, Lance Hart 11:34 it's Yvette d'Entremont 11:36 so Hi. It's funny. Well, my family's in the industry. So okay, my in laws, so it's just it's unavoidable. Basically. Lance Hart 11:43 Yes, everywhere. I think it's cool. It's better than locking people up for that shit. That's crazy. That Yeah, seems barbaric. Only like six months later, right? Unknown Speaker 11:52 Yeah. Now all they have to do is release everybody who's a nonviolent drug offender who ever went to jail for an ounce of pot. Yeah. Get on that next I know in New Jersey they attempted to legalize pot in some sense but that was the exact issue they got stuck over they weren't sure whether or not where do we draw the line as far as convictions go and releasing people you know what was the exact amount and they couldn't figure that out and for that reason purchased in become legal in New Jersey Wow, they couldn't figure out how to be nice about shit so they're like let's just not be nice at all. Yeah, like hey, just what makes you enthusiastic about pot versus a pot dealer versus you just have a lot of pot right and you know that all these fuckers smoke like I'm sorry, I know politicians. I've gotten enough of them. Hi. These assholes all benefit from the fact that they run the country so they they're no they're not going to get in trouble. Yeah, so takes a lot for all of you that I've gotten high, fucking make it legal. Lance Hart 12:49 I grew up in DC and our mayor was on crack. And then he got reelected. He got caught on he was on the news smoking crack with a hooker Yvette d'Entremont 12:58 well done. That's like a trip. Right there. We're watching our Lance Hart 13:01 mayor and he's on TV and he's just getting busted. And he's just hi is this guy on crack and he's like that bit set me up that bush set me up. So that was a running joke in DC if he got caught doing anything bad, you're just like that bit set me up, you know, because the mayor was on crack, and they reelected him. Wait, what's Unknown Speaker 13:20 his name? Like? Marian barriers? Lance Hart 13:23 is an actual Berry. It's an actual like there's a fruit a berry. That's a marionberry in his name, his name would be like if your your full name was strawberry, girl CRAN gram what's your last name? berry cranberry? Okay, that's the thing. Yeah. Unknown Speaker 13:38 If you have a barrier, please email us at info to girls one Mike comm we want to hear from you. I want someone named absolute to email us. ABCD people have named their kids that absolutely. Oh my god. Like I don't know if someone looked at that and went Wow, that's a beautiful name and only realized later it was the first five letters but I look at that, like, I can't help but laugh. Little bit at that and I feel bad because I thought that's not trying. That's what that is, you know, maybe in someone else's language that's just a beautiful name and I'm, you know, I could be the duck here but I'm also going up to the Lance Hart 14:12 Yeah, I can't not laugh at a cat I couldn't name for a long time. Unknown Speaker 14:15 You're not the deck. I mean, the parents are the deck. I look at it and go was that like a 72 hour labor? Like at that point? I'd be like, abs. Abs. Fuck you, kid. Well, you have to write letters, ma'am. Oh, go home. Okay, cool. It's like the parents who name their kids the reverse version of heaven. nivia. Yvette d'Entremont 14:35 Yeah, please, parents. Please don't do this to your kids. I'm just saying it's been done. Lance Hart 14:40 I didn't get to pick my porn name. I wanted to be Rufus. thunderpants. Oh, I thought it sounded flashy. Yvette d'Entremont 14:45 Rufus. thunderpants. Is bankable as fuck. Lance Hart 14:47 It sounds good. It would have been a long Twitter. I didn't consider Twitter because it was like 2007. But um, I was working for a gay porn company. And it was like glamour gay porn. It's like fancy like Shaun Cody is fancy gay porn. They said what you want your name to be? I was like Rufus thunderpants and they're like, Lance, just Lance no last name. And I was like, Okay, I'll be Lance. So there you go. And then when I got out of the contract there I just threw heart at the end but Unknown Speaker 15:12 I get to pick it you know up here someone's hard at work. So how did you get into porn? Lance Hart 15:18 Well I tried a lot of jobs in a sucker all of them and then as it turns out, I was pretty good at porn. So you know to read I go where your talent is yours, Helen is all my friends were like, I mean, I went to college big waste time and got a degree and did that scam and then what's your degree in English? Like what creative writing but really, it's like American literature because there's not much I don't know, in other schools at my school, we took like two classes where we wrote for a creative writing degree and then the rest of it was reading American literature. So it was like modern American literature I guess. So I did that got jobs, business jobs. It was a businessman wore suit and sucked at that. And then that did a lot of construction Joe jobs valet retail Yours, all kinds of shit. And then, um, my friends were like, you gotta find what you love. You know, but one of the best friends is a construction guy and he's passionate about it. And he loves it. And he's good. He makes a shit ton of money, because he can make the most beautiful kitchen or bathroom in the world. You know what I mean? He's just amazing. So he's an artist. That's cool. I don't have anything like that. And meanwhile, I'm like, jerking off to porn, like, three, four hours a night. It's right in front of me. And everyone's like, do what you love. And then someone asked me to, you know, they're like, you can be at our porn. And then I did it. No, it's like, this is it. This is what I'm good at what and then it took a couple years to like, come out with it. I like kept day jobs, even though I was making way more money in porn, because I didn't want people to ask so what do you do for work now because everybody knew I always was jobs job job. So I just kept sales jobs and stuff like that, even though I hated them. And then eventually I was like, enough's enough. I'm just gonna tell everybody, and I did. And it worked out. I had some friends, not take it well, and family didn't take it well, but now, my family and I are cool. We didn't give up on each other. Basically. We just like cats, like they're very right wing Southern people. And they're not very open minded to certain things, but they're very open minded to a lot of things. You know, it's just the way they are the way they grew up. So when they saw their son on the internet doing gay sex, or transects, or femme DOM and stuff, they were like, what is that? Like, blew their minds. And so I just tried to be sympathetic with that. And it took a couple years, but we got to where we're totally cool. Now, you know what I mean, Yvette d'Entremont 17:27 there was a great quote from Dan Savage, there are things a parent has a right not to know about their children. And unfortunately, because of what you do that those are things that they it was harder to avoid. Lance Hart 17:38 They got a bad deal there. And I respect that it's probably traumatic for them. I mean, it'd be just as traumatic if when I was a kid, if they're having sex around me or something, you know, I mean, like, openly, I would probably have some kind of trauma so I'm sure it traumatized them. So I had to really not be whining about because it's tempting to be like they don't accept me the way I am. Why, you know, but you know, it's a thing, man. Knowing that your kids doing weird shit on the you know, and so we worked it out. We just don't talk about work. You know, maybe we go visit them all the time is cool. And then I had friends that were like, didn't want to see me anymore. That's disgusting. How could you do that? And then now years later, every single one of them has either asked me for advice, like when they're How do I get ready for anal? Or? Yvette d'Entremont 18:21 I had that conversation with a friend just the other day. Lance Hart 18:24 Yeah. Or like, I can't quit cheating on my wife. Okay, hookers, what do I do? And I'm like, well, you're asking a gay hooker. I don't know if I'm the guy to talk to but I guess you're not judging me anymore. You know, to me, like what's going on? Yvette d'Entremont 18:35 come around to the fact that this is a legitimate profession. Lance Hart 18:38 Yeah, it's everybody's come around in that sense. That's cool. But I do I love what I can't imagine doing anything else. You know, it's a good deal. Alice Vaughn 18:45 I have to say on your websites, I know. You have your own personal websites like sweet femme DOM and you have also man up calm. Yeah. And I was looking at man up and I was looking at the previews. And I have to say that it was a little extreme for my taste, but I know what This definitely appeals to people because I saw when cheese I saw ballbusting I saw ball kicking cosplay drawing a smiley face on a deck. Yeah. Which I mean that I won't rule out. Right. But tip of pen does one use for that. Well, it was not a thong. But I mean, you could probably still use a sharpie all day. Lance Hart 19:17 Yeah, it was a sharpie. And that was a some fan just suggested like I should draw like, it'd be so humiliating if you drew a face and I was like, is that a humiliating fucker? it'll try and then it look cool. Unknown Speaker 19:30 I think writing something mean about the deck on the deck would be meaner. Yeah. I feel like there's a lot of humiliating things Americans specifically can do, but they can't do in other countries. I think like for example, geography is one of them. Right? Put a map up and let's test any American this isn't even porn. It's just a fully closed person. Just start labeling countries. Just go ahead and see how you feel about yourself. After we watch your competence should really start naming elements Yeah, on the periodic table, all Have them name anything other than hydrogen. Lance Hart 20:03 I always joke like if I'm like, Alright, say something million to them, they don't know what to say. I'm like, say your Facebook feed looks like you have low self esteem. And they're like, oh, like and then they're like, does it though? I don't really. And I'm like, sorry there's too far too far. I don't mean to Yvette d'Entremont 20:17 I had this horrible realization one day I'm like, yeah, there are people that I keep on my friends let's just because they're an amazing train wreck to watch and then I went, Oh, fuck my back person to I there's no way like almost every person is that fucking train wreck for someone else. Lance Hart 20:32 I'm like, it is definitely every Well, maybe not. Yeah, you know, oh, no, Yvette d'Entremont 20:36 it's me. Some days. Lance Hart 20:38 I got off it for two years and it was great. I didn't miss it. Immediately. I did miss it. It was the weirdest thing. And then I got back on it. When I got married. I wanted to show off the cool pictures, you know, so I got better. So I got back and also people the wedding wanted to get tagged and do you know, so I was like, I better get back on it. I don't know Instagrams kind of fun and more fun to me. You know, I guess you Yvette d'Entremont 21:00 have a following. It's a good way for you to connect with your fans. Lance Hart 21:03 Yeah, kinda. Well, it gets. I mean, it got deleted recently some starting over some don't have that many followers but they're finding the deal Unknown Speaker 21:11 by little porn stars. Yeah, and it's Lance Hart 21:14 so it's, uh, we complain about that a lot like because we got targeted and we're there you know, discriminating against sex workers and like, maybe but it's an app that makes money it's a business that makes money off children looking like parents are like, I don't want to deal with my fucking kid. I'm going to handle my smartphone so they and then they look at whatever kids look at on the phone. So there's kids on there, and then we're on Instagram, like covering or deck with our hand in order to be like non nude See, haha, it's not nude. And like there's clearly a deck about to go my butt but they can't see it, you know? So I kind of get like my new one is just me and cats. Just a bunch of my cats in me every now and then like my wife or I'll play. There's something really cool happens in a scene. But everybody's definitely has close then, you know, put it on there, but I've toned it down big time. But yeah, there was like a, they just wiped us out on Instagram pretty quick. It was cool. Yeah, Unknown Speaker 22:11 there was definitely a targeted campaign from what it seems like last Lance Hart 22:14 year. Yeah, it was it was I got wrapped up in that but like my wife is just smart man. One night she's on her phone just deleting old Instagram posts and changing captions and stuff. And she spent like four hours doing that and I was like, What are you doing? She's like, I don't want to delete it. I think they're coming for us. And I'm like, it's crazy on the way to make it whatever the algorithm was made it Instagram proof. Yeah, but she beat the system. She kept her Instagram. You know what I mean? She cleaned it up in time so she probably Yvette d'Entremont 22:39 made it just look like a fitness model. Lance Hart 22:41 That's the thing if you're a fitness model you're you're okay. Why it's still the fitness models aren't like yeah, with like, clearly a dick but they cover it with a cucumber picture. I mean, that you know, to be like we're sex workers are we gotta admit, we're shady. Like that. I own it Yvette d'Entremont 22:58 was funny because I used to while I lived in in Burbank, and so it was right near the porno Valley, and I got to brunch on Sundays and my husband and I would play the porn star or fitness model. They were watching people walk by. So it's like, nothing wrong with either one, of course. And it's like, we're just, you know, we would try to figure out like, Is there a different aesthetic? And very similar? Lance Hart 23:18 No, it's free. So I jerk off to a fitness mom, blame me, which makes them porn stars by default. Right? Unknown Speaker 23:25 Who else? It's either amateur or your friends for the most part, Lance Hart 23:28 right? Well, they're say have a fitness mom has a million followers and she monetizes her Instagram. And her entire page is sexy stuff. That's good to jerk off too. And that's her living. She's a sex worker. You know what to be like? I mean, you can say she's not but come on, man. You know what I mean? Like a million followers. Yeah, she Unknown Speaker 23:46 didn't go into it for that. But at the same time, like on some level, she knows that picture is being used for that. Like Alison, I joke about, you know, people jerking off to this podcast because we review porn. I know there are elicitors doing that and it's like, yeah, I'm okay with Hit me. I know what product I'm putting out, of course. So Lance, you you are kind of a unicorn in this industry. You are a crossover actor I am. And so for our audience who is not familiar with what a crossover is, that means you do both gay and straight porn. Lance Hart 24:16 Yep, they do. I do. They told me you can't do that when I was new to porn. And I was like, Wow, that sounds stupid. Like and you know, in life, people tell you that'll never work. But some a lot of times you hear that? And you're like, You're stupid, you know? And then I found out later. It's a real thing. You really, you know, there are so many companies I'll never work for as companies my wife can ever work for because we're openly married, you know? And, you know, people are just don't feel safe working with her because of gay cooties. You know, Unknown Speaker 24:45 now is it from what I've heard, there's different levels of STI testing for straight versus gay. Maybe you could elaborate on that. Lance Hart 24:53 Yeah. So it's different. It's changing. So like what where it is now is not where it was a year ago. As your overseer go, it's always changing and the the landscape of porn changes to So, for example, today, most people who like did porn today, I'd say the majority is probably people who are porn stars, but they met up with each other at their houses. And they did only fans are just for fence. Like they said, Let's film this together, we'll both put it on our app, and then people will pay us a monthly fee. So they're just doing that for funsies. But they're also making money. That's become a dominant thing in our industry. So how do you regulate that? You know what I mean? It's just two people agreeing to have sex. And then the same two people might get booked with me the next week. So if they worked with someone, and they said, well, we're friends. Yeah, we didn't have a talent test. But like, I know, they're cool. You know what I mean? That wouldn't happen on a porn set. But if you're just at your buddy's house and you're hanging out and drinking beers, and you know, whatever they got a hot tub or a cool wish to blowjob scene right there. Yeah, sure. Why not? is harmless, you know, we're cool. And then they think later, hey, you tested expired on my test but I'm good you know. So that's changed. You know what I mean? That's one big difference, the standard, I guess for like people who don't know, in general inform, you're supposed to go to a talent test center, either go to CT or talent test two, there's two companies and you go get your blood drawn up in a cup, and then they analyze it, whatever. They test you for everything except herpes and HPV. And then they put your results on a closed internet, like not everybody can see it. But if you have a login you can get in. And that way, anyone in porn with a login can log in and say, Okay, I'm working with so and so today. Here's their test they tested within 14 days ago. So I know they're clear. So we're good to go. That's how we keep saying, Yvette d'Entremont 26:50 that is a lot more. I didn't realize that there was a whole system that you could see people's information on and that's Yeah, basically in order to work in porn people have to opt into that or and there's Lance Hart 26:59 no governing system around this, that's just socially what we've decided. Because obviously anyone with an iPhone can make a forum. So they can do that however they want. But if you want to be in the industry get paid for bookings have people follow you on Twitter or do boo boo, like via whatever you call that, you know, call it a porn star anymore. But whatever that is, you know, Yvette d'Entremont 27:20 it's the thing that most mainstream actors we see are involved in. Yeah, you have to Lance Hart 27:24 play by the rules. And so people don't play by the rules quickly. Everybody knows and they get tweeted about Twitter is our network and porn, like we all have Twitter. So somebody's fucking up. People will tweet Hey, don't work with so and so they got rapey on set or they wanted to shoot me without a test or they pressured me and you know, the big no no's interesting. This Yvette d'Entremont 27:45 is good information for our audience to have so they know who's making ethical porn and how to find out who's not making ethical porn. Who's not Yeah, who did not support Yeah, Lance Hart 27:54 it's social media. So obviously, someone could mix it up. They could say I don't like that motherfucker. They're getting sued. that I want and if they're out of the picture, I get more bookings. I'm gonna say they did the shady thing. You know what I mean? So you kind of do have to feel it out. But um, there's people who are like, kind of recurring offenders, you know, some people that we've heard is that people just kind of stay away. But there's always new people Unknown Speaker 28:18 what you're telling me people who fuck up to it more than once? Yeah, shocking. No, I mean, I fuck up Lance Hart 28:24 stuff. I just try not to ethically fuck up. But this Unknown Speaker 28:26 last year has taught us nothing. So anyway, that's the standard. So actually, quick question, like you said, that's the standard. But is that the standard for across gay porn and straight porn? Or is that just for one or the other? Because you did mention a database. And one person we had I don't know if we had her on the show, or just We spoke with her had told us that there was a different testing standard across gay porn versus straight porn. So I would love clarity on that. Lance Hart 28:52 Yeah, so if you need a Venn diagram, because there's, I don't know if I could say most but all the companies I work for in gay porn, use this same system as a straight porn good, right? Good guy. And then there's other companies that say, well, we use condoms, so whatever. And then there's other companies that say, we shoot undetectable people. And it's unethical to discriminate against someone because they were positive, and now they're treating themselves. So fuck off the past system, and we're just going to shoot, I'm terrible people, but we're still going to get tested. We just can't do it in your system, because your system, if they're undetectable, kicks them out immediately. For life. If you're like big x, you can never come back. Unknown Speaker 29:31 So what's considered undetectable I'm sorry, Lance Hart 29:34 Oh, okay. So, for the past, I don't know how many years I'm going to fuck this up. I'm going to say five years we've science has known that if somebody has an undetectable viral load, meaning they're HIV positive, take their medicine, and the medicine works and then they go get their blood work and they say, Okay, I can't see any HIV. Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 29:53 basically, if they didn't know you had HIV that they wouldn't know from a blood test at this point from the viral load blood Test. Yeah, they would know they would be able to find the antibodies but not the Lance Hart 30:03 virus. And if you're in that boat that day, it is 0.0 chance of spreading HIV to anyone else. Yvette d'Entremont 30:11 And at that point, most people would be on prep and pap. So basically, so that they wouldn't be able to spread it and you wouldn't be able to catch it, Lance Hart 30:18 the HIV undetectable person would be on something and then the partner might be on prep to keep them from Yeah. But even if the partner is not on prep, 0.0 chance that they could give someone HIV in science, you're a scientist, when you hear 0.0 that's a big deal. Yvette d'Entremont 30:37 To me, that sounds like no chance. Now there are there have been seven cases now of people getting HIV while they're on pressure. Lance Hart 30:44 That's not 0.0 Yvette d'Entremont 30:46 Exactly. But that's not having sex with a partner with no viral load that's just out in the world having sex with who knows what the viral load was, but I mean, only seven cases of transmission of all the people on prep means you know, if you're having sex with prep with people with no viral load. It's such a low percentage chance. I mean, this is such a magical 0.0. Lance Hart 31:05 Again, I know it's hard to wrap your head around. But you don't have to be on prep to have sex with someone with an undetectable viral load to be totally safe. Okay, but would you do it Yvette d'Entremont 31:17 in my brain? I'd be like, No, I'd want prep. Like it's just it's just such a like, I'd still would have to I'm sorry. Lance Hart 31:22 Yeah, that's the controversy. Unknown Speaker 31:24 Yeah, it's also I feel like there's absolutely a mental barrier there. Because I think to myself, for example, like I know my partner sterile BOD. You know what? birth control I made just right, just in case swimmers are sneaky. Lance Hart 31:41 It's tricky and, but you can see how some, like, the gay community who has accepted that undetectable means zero, you know what I mean? You can put yourself in their shoes. You might feel like one of these traits going to let get with science. You know, like what's going on Yvette d'Entremont 31:58 one of my gay friends. He As a pediatrician, and he's very strict about condom usage, he's on prep as needed. Basically, when he knows he's going to be out on a vacation having some fun. Yeah. And he still uses condoms. You know, and I think it's just because Dr. and is like, I want my chance to be zero. You know, that's his decision. Lance Hart 32:17 Well, it's smart because prep doesn't save you from gonorrhea or chlamydia. Exactly. hepatitis. Exactly. hepatitis is bad. Yvette d'Entremont 32:23 I mean, that's the thing. He's not having sex with people who have been tested every two weeks is the difference. Yeah, so Lance Hart 32:28 it's different. So there with that, it's a Venn diagram, right? And it's not so much a stigma or like a thing. It's just a Venn diagram. There's people that feel comfortable with this and people feel comfortable with that. It gets dicey when people start. When the fear comes out sideways. You know what I mean? And then people get offended because they're like, Why are you scared of me? This is weird. You know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, I'm not homophobic. I'm just scared of gay people. Yeah. What is homophobic mean? He Yeah. It's kind of weird, right? Like kind of weird. So I don't like stress about it, I make more money because of the stigma because Wow, there's only so many guys that will do bisexual scenes and trans scenes and currently buy scenes and trans scenes are two of the fastest growing like niches. And if you want to shoot one of those and pay people to be in it, there's like me and maybe 10 other guys that you can hire. Unknown Speaker 33:28 Are you doing trans scenes, both with trans men and trans women? Lance Hart 33:31 I just work with trans women as it's I don't no one's ever actually asked me to be in a trans man scene. Yvette d'Entremont 33:36 I don't see a lot of them is scary. I don't Lance Hart 33:38 think they sell but they might you know what I mean? I don't know anyone that tries but uh, but if you need a guy to play that role, it's like me or 10 of my friends. And then every year we can all raise our rates by 100 bucks, you know, because what are you gonna do? hire someone there's no one else to hire you to read. And then Unknown Speaker 33:56 you have the market cornered? Lance Hart 33:58 Yeah, and no one wants to Be a crossover because that, but I'll never get booked for brazzers I'll never be and the big Axl brown award winning parody, I'll never all that stuff. But meanwhile, Yvette d'Entremont 34:09 look, Alice and I are working on writing like 10 parodies right now. Okay, right. Yeah, Lance Hart 34:13 yeah, so there's but there's tons of money because there's so many bisexual scenes, you know, productions and trans productions. They're not like as many as straight Of course, but when there's only 10 guys to hire, and you need three of them for a DVD. We're in everything, you know what I mean? So it's kind of cool work is always there and our rates those of us who've been doing it for a while our rates are higher than your average straight performer. Unknown Speaker 34:36 What you're telling me experience pays more Yes, like any other industry Of course, Lance Hart 34:40 of course it should. Anyway, there's some exceptions but on the show, and then as a producer, I'm friends with all the people that do buy stuff and trans stuff and and those are the same guys who will do let a girl walk them in the boat, the strap on, you know what I mean? So it pays to know that I mean, that just sounds fun. It is fun. It is. It's great time. Yeah. All Yvette d'Entremont 34:59 right. Just perked up. Sorry. Lance Hart 35:01 Yeah. And I shoot a lot of that. And then the gay stuff pays well, but it's most of my money comes from making my own porn from man up films and we come down, but it's nice to still get booked all the time. You know what I mean? And as much as I have time for anyway, so it doesn't hurt me It sucks that you know, affects my wife she it'd be cool if she could be in one of those big award winning movies. She's definitely good enough. She's like, awesome at porn. It's affected her casting as well. Oh, big time. Yeah. Like they can't. They're like, well, how can we trust her test? She's with that Lance Hart and he does bisexual stuff. And how do we know that he's not hooking up with undetectable people? Because what if he hooked up with an undetectable person? And then, but they passed the test, but they stopped taking their medicine just in time to pass the test. And then he got HIV. And then he had sex with her because they're married and then she already passed her test, but then the day before I had sex with her, and then we're that's how I get AIDS and die. Yvette d'Entremont 35:55 You know, as soon as I met. Yeah, they're making a major reach on this Yeah, like, Lance Hart 36:00 it's it seems like it but then at the same time, you wouldn't have sex with someone who's on attachable if you weren't on prep, right, this is the same thing. I Yvette d'Entremont 36:07 would use a condom, but same as everything else like and it's just I had a partner who had herpes, and he had not had an outbreak in years, and never had an outbreak while we were involved. But, you know, it was condoms every time and that was, you know, he was in an open relationship and, you know, multiple partners and yeah, that was just the thing. It's like my policies. The only person I really haven't used condoms with regularly is my husband. So I'm just like, Look, if you're putting a penis near me, I want a condom. Yeah, Lance Hart 36:34 to the condom save you from her. You didn't get herpes, Unknown Speaker 36:37 if somehow, you know, I'm gonna be blunt with my numbers. I'm shocked that I don't have herpes. That's amazing. Pretty much everyone. The only thing I've gotten is HPV and I've been lucky that like some people get it keep it forever. I am HPV negative now that's cool. Lucky on that one. I got herpes with a con. It's that one's easy to spread. I like I said, I'm very lucky on that. Yeah, that's cool. I've had face herpes ever since. Since I was a kid I'll never forget I once had I herpes Yvette d'Entremont 37:06 I just have acne like it's going out of business and I'm turning 36 Unknown Speaker 37:12 it's got to go one day. One day, nuke it from orbit. I live in LA I'm shooting lasers at my face. There you go. There you go working cool working. Yeah, I feel like in LA people are shooting everything into everywhere. So paralytic bacterial neurotoxin, whatever it takes. Para two worlds one Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love them to love some really strong word. 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Use it to fix a broken leak, or to cause one personal experience. Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls. where can our listeners find out more about this madness? To quote it and bowknot go to corner Willie calm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. So speaking of neurotoxins and shooting stuff laughs Yes. So I have a question. Although we've had other male performers I've somehow we've never asked this question which is regarding Stan ama and injection, so I know that there has been, there's definitely been talked about men injecting themselves with interdicts to stave harder longer onset. Yeah. Lance Hart 39:26 trimax Is that what it's called? trimax Yeah. kabore jakkur trimax camera. No one uses cameras anymore. No, like one guy that does it. Unknown Speaker 39:33 I didn't even know these existed. What's the difference? Lance Hart 39:36 I don't know scientifically the difference but trimax is like newer, I guess. It's like the new cool. It's better. Yvette d'Entremont 39:41 Oh, we're calling an expert on for this next time. It'll be like what is the effect on the Pete? We need to know. Lance Hart 39:46 I've tried trimax three times it worked once. It works great. I like nailed the scene. I was like, I get why guys do this because you don't have to think like so the part about porn that people don't watch is the director's cut. Okay, we're gonna want this position, this position, this position, and then you get in that position. And then the director says, I can't get the light in there. You got to lean lean way back while you do it. You're doing yoga at that point, because you got all your weight is like on your toe. Yvette d'Entremont 40:14 This is not sex. This is performance art. Yeah, Lance Hart 40:16 it's performance. So then you're trying to get your ticket in there and you're trying to help but you've got all your way. And so now your butt's numb or whatever, Unknown Speaker 40:24 it's not like quarter turn sex. I'm also imagining like an intern coming in with a flashlight. Hold on. I could get the extra light in there. Oh, yeah, we do that. Let me get the under ball angle. I need to see the Tate Lance Hart 40:37 you know, we call it a see light. But yeah, we totally do that. Yeah. So you got that going on. Plus, it's hot because you can't have AC on because it's loud. So you're sweating. It's hard to keep a boner when it's hot. It's just a thing. So you're sweating then you're insecure about you're sweating and it's getting all over her ham. And then Hi there. Eventually tired your scene partner because they're like they're really tries to be nice, but eventually you're like, I'm home. You want to go home so you don't say Unknown Speaker 41:01 the point someone's vagina is just tired? or someone's asked whichever hole you're in Yeah, Lance Hart 41:07 or about hormones guy. But if you're you know, you don't mean to but you're gonna be like you know something like that. And then here's that's a boner killer you know to be there's a lot of things that it's like there's no problem with stamina I've only once or twice film someone, or all forms that made where they came to early almost every time it's really hard to get the guy that come because he's in this mental really like, thing to like, not come, but stay hard. So then once you have to make that switch time to come, buddy, it's like a can't do it. Can't do it. So the trimax means you don't have to think about anything. You can be in a very uncomfortable position in gay porn. I mean, holding another man up his legs up is heavy. I mean, girls, they're lighter. And trans women are like in the middle. But dudes I mean 100 Do 220 pound man his legs are heavy when you're like lifting them or fucking imagine doing CrossFit while having to keep an erection and suck in your gut and look sexy and make a good face and move your hand it's blocking the shot you know all that kind of stuff. So Yvette d'Entremont 42:15 oh my gosh, this is why we like to remind people that porn stars with those bands Yeah, you know, it's it's art. Your cat has a very cute tail, but he says he's just a very Lance Hart 42:26 humble man. He knows what he's doing is here. Unknown Speaker 42:31 So for our audience, you can see right now, we almost had a fantastic views of Lance's cat's anus. You know, we'd like to get as much butthole in the show as we possibly can. Lance Hart 42:42 That's good. It's a goal. He wants to sit on dad's lap and the cats do you have just four? Just Okay. Unknown Speaker 42:50 Oh, so we finally have someone on the show with more cats than me. I have three and a dog. Okay, cool. Lance Hart 42:56 Yeah, my this guy pay for camera work. A lot has 10 cats. So Oh my god, so he knows the answer to stuff hashtag Yvette d'Entremont 43:03 life goals. Lance Hart 43:04 Yeah, if you're like, I don't know what to do here. Yes Come because he's 10 he knows to get got more cats than all of us. He is extending out so Unknown Speaker 43:12 he knows more cats than us combined. That's a lot. It's Lance Hart 43:15 the law. He was like, once you have six adding more doesn't really sound like you notice that there's more. Unknown Speaker 43:21 You just you still have to scoop a ton of shit. It doesn't just solidaire Lance Hart 43:25 Yeah, he's just there's just always a cat around Yeah, before we got my wife had to when we moved in together and I to so number four. Yvette d'Entremont 43:31 For me it was a husband had two cats. I had a cat and a dog. Lance Hart 43:35 Gotcha. Oh, yeah, we get along all our cats get along famously. So that's good. Unknown Speaker 43:38 We have one cat that wants the dog dead. Other than that their grade, right? I currently have zero animals, although I've definitely decided that when I get a dog within the next year, so two things number one, I'm absolutely named me at Fido. spelled p HYDX. Oh my god like that. Thank you and you're welcome. Are you doing it? Be as extra as possible just to make fun of people who are as extra as possible. Uh huh. I love you. I already know I'm going to be also one of those dog moms where I spend way too much on my dog and give it an absurd name and dress it in the ridiculous outfits. Please, just don't dress in pink. What I'm trying to say is I'm financially irresponsible. I approve of this. Look, my dog has a doughnut around his neck. Right? My dog has been eating too much as look eat as responsibly. My dog ate it so much that he ate a hole in it. Don't he was he he is not as itchy anymore. But he will just keep eating that ass. It's a little chill. Yeah, dude. Dos responsibly. Children. Lance Hart 44:40 around my neck from eating too much is no problem. Can you Unknown Speaker 44:43 imagine if people had to do the same thing have cones around their head if they ate too much? You know, maybe that's what we should do to people who are like I have a sex addition murder. We're going to put a cone around your neck. No more as eating for you Tiger Woods. Yeah, we fixed it from now on a cone of shame. for sex addiction. Yeah. to David to covenant Jesus. Oh my god, right. We should put it around sting just to make him Shut the fuck up. How do we get David to come on the show? David? If you're listening, email us info to girls. Um, I still want Kathy Griffin to message me back. Yeah, he reached out to me just look she sent me tickets to her show, girl. I want everyone who's had a feud with Trump on the show. Unknown Speaker 45:19 Gotcha, Yvette d'Entremont 45:19 guys, we got Tom Arnold on we've got one of three. Unknown Speaker 45:22 That's pretty big. Unknown Speaker 45:24 I like tomorrow he reads my writing so that was how I snagged him. He said he would totally watch Nazi porn if I did it so I guess that's a win. Okay, cool. Yes, it's um something you know, Lance Hart 45:34 it was a very strange episode it's something I was at a fetish con fetish cons like a fetish convention. I'm it's what is it some Tampa? And it's like furries and domination people and all that the littles all the things, Unknown Speaker 45:49 and then why do you want some awards? Lance Hart 45:52 Oh, yeah, a few that thing and then, but one guy shows up one year and he's got a really immaculate Nazi outfit. And he's like, there's my fetish. And then Nazi stuff don't hate on me why shaming me? Yeah. And Unknown Speaker 46:03 yeah, I'll shame for that. Well, yeah, Lance Hart 46:04 he got he just got kicked out so fast. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't even security. It was just like, two people I knew just one guy was big and he just picked them up. And he was just carry them outside and put them down and he said, Do not come back in, just like that. I mean, it's philosophically it's interesting, right? Like, that's the guys. Okay? I mean, if you're into domination, if you're sadist, you're into hurting people. Right? Yeah. So it's like, okay, but where are you gonna draw a line? I guess? Yvette d'Entremont 46:30 Yeah. The joke with the Tom Arnold episode was, I'm Jewish Tom Jewish. His assistant who was on the show was Jewish and Alice looks like Alice. She's, at what point? We lost reception on her and she when she froze, the camera froze. She froze, and they accidentally froze. But the white power symbol on it was just how her hand was. Unknown Speaker 46:51 And we're all Yvette d'Entremont 46:52 we just lost it laughing. Right. So the jokes just kept coming out it Lance Hart 46:57 didn't they figure out they came from 4chan, right? Yvette d'Entremont 47:00 Hi have no idea where it started. It's just it's this too deep of a rabbit hole. Lance Hart 47:04 Yeah, someone's only there's some people on 4chan who got together and they said, wouldn't it be funny? If we convinced everybody that if you did this with your hand, you're a white power person. Like let's see if we can go with it. Unknown Speaker 47:15 And here's the here's the thing though, once people who are white supremacists are duking it out, ironically, is it now, it's now an actual thing than it is. Yeah, I just like here's the thing. There's also the circle game that people do to see if they can catch their friends looking at this and make them lose quote the game which Yeah, all of my friends who play the game, you just lost the games game. You all lost the game. You're losing it again right now. And if you weren't playing the game before you're playing the game now. Anyways. What's also really interesting is like, for example, Gavin McInnes, not a fan of his at all. But he started to proud boys as originally a joke and it became a parody and it became an actual hate group out of his joy because he started out as a parody. I'm not joking. Yeah, I'm serious. He absolutely initially started as a joke. He needs a better sense of humor but no no so event let me okay I can almost sympathize and I say almost I say almost Hold on, hold on. Don't crucify me for saying this. I said get a tiki torch but those have been appropriated. I have khaki shorts close enough. So I'm also the creator of offensive crayons and I do ask people to write in crayon submissions. And here's the thing for offensive crayons. I've at this point come out with a list of rules. Because most people aren't fucking funny. Most people think oh, I'm gonna just say something really offensive like say the the N word. Right? That should go on a crown. No. And that's the thing you actually do get deplorables when you try making a joke about deplorable Unknown Speaker 48:51 w that is the thing Who Unknown Speaker 48:52 knew? Lance Hart 48:53 Yeah, but you gotta have jokes. You have Yvette d'Entremont 48:55 to have jokes. It's important. You can't just be offensive. You have to be funny. Well being Yeah. You know, Lance Hart 49:00 but we can't censor comedians, we need them. Exactly. They push things forward and give us ideas and stuff. And someone's got to have a blank check to say anything, you know, to me. Unknown Speaker 49:09 Exactly. I think the bank account runs out somewhere, but there are deep pockets. The problem is though, especially when you're forming a group I found it seems to hold true though, for whenever someone's forming a group, you're always gonna end up having the extremists who end up taking control and running with it. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Because no one really yeah, there's certain things that people want to be in charge of, like sane people. And then there's other things that no one really wants to do the work to be in charge but a crazy person will be like, I want to be a journalist and then you get crazy running crazy. It makes sense. Exactly. I was talking to a comedian friend of mine recently. And okay, so listeners you're welcome to fact check me on this because I need to fact check it myself. But I heard actually we like being fact checked. We really do on this show, but obviously we all remember Charlottesville. That's a thing that happened. You That was a thing that happened and supposedly one of the people was a comedian who started it. Again don't know how and I don't know his views. I don't know if he thought this was a joke or not. Do you remember that? Christopher Cantwell the guy who was filmed for the vice documentary? No, I don't recall him if you watch that vice documentary, he was like, I think he had a shaved head and who's he looks like if a penis grow mouth. Basically. And I say this because I knew I can imagine him actually Yes, I knew about him before this from two different incidents once he was on call bear and they were making fun of these guys who walked around harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, like their whole thing was, were for freedom, so fuck the state and we're gonna get our freedom from the state by harassing meter maids in Keene, New Hampshire, him and two other assholes. That was their name. They harassed an army. I think it was an army veteran who came home after serving Afghanistan and was working as a meter maid and the her and the guys like you know what to do. Honest I'd rather go back to Afghanistan and deal with these assholes and then the other time I had heard of slash knew of Cantwell I have some libertarian friends don't fucking judge me. And there's okay Hey, they're afraid of roads. Let's get this clear they're afraid of what do you do with the roads Liberty? I'm kidding. Anyways, I love my libertarian friends. There are some entertaining humans. But anyways, one of my libertarian friends, one of her nudes leaked because she dated another guy in the movement and men are assholes sometimes, because you know, maybe if someone is nice enough to share their tips with you keep that shit to yourself. But the nudes leaked and Cantwell at one point got his hands on now I don't know if he was the one who distributed them or not. I don't know from whence they came. But at one point he put out a I don't know if it was a tweet or on his Facebook page. But he wrote, the damage that was done by accusing me of leaking these pictures is way more harmful than any damage that could have been done by releasing the pictures. I'm like you fucking cut I was livid about this. But like when he when I saw that he was in the Charlottesville thing, I'm like, how is he in every horrible thing I have ever seen. So like I get it that you know him being a dick to my friend is not the same as him leading a Nazi rally but like, it's not like we couldn't see the signs that he was a horrible person from a long time ago. So this is not someone with a different political view. This is someone who is deeply an asshole. I just wanted to share that fair enough. Yeah, you're welcome. Or I'm sorry listeners. But there is a background on Christopher Cantwell the guy in the documentary. Go watch that with new eyes. They haven't seen it. I was gonna we got off the topic of porn a lot. Unknown Speaker 52:39 That happens. Yeah, Unknown Speaker 52:40 yeah. Yeah. That's what the show is about. So we broke Godwin's law and got over to Nazi somehow. So, oops. So, Lance, you've been in industry for 10 years, Jesus. So what have been some of your more interesting moments on set? Lance Hart 52:56 Oh, I don't know. I mean, there's like everyone's like, what was is the craziest thing you've ever done, but it's like Unknown Speaker 53:02 how about the least craziest, sexy, Lance Hart 53:05 sexy? I mean, they're all it's like I love it and I enjoy it but it is it's just a job so like, a couple times like almost died on set. So there's different wait Yvette d'Entremont 53:15 Hawaiian, that's a thing you got to tell us about like is this you said a couple of times where they feel like do you have an underlying condition that we should what's? What's happened so we are not concerned for you? Lance Hart 53:26 Yeah, no like you just when you're doing bondage and stuff. Oh, yeah, tied up, right. Anyway, long story short, I was Batman in a movie and Batman wears a mask. There's a rubber mask that pulls his nose, the nose covers, you know, rubber over your nose, and it pulls up on your nose. It hurts. It's like pulls in viewers can't hear me Just imagine something rubber and hard pulling up on your nostrils. So that's uncomfortable, but my nose is pulled up and then I got a bog again. And so I can only breathe through my nose. Really kind of through my mouth, I'm laying on my back, which means my saliva is kind of pooling unless I swallow, and, but it's okay because you can swallow and breathe. You know, it's fine. And I'm tired at all four points so arms legs, and then Catwoman is supposed to squirt on me in the scene. And no one thought anything of it. I didn't think anything of it. So she does her thing stands over me and squirts, and she was wearing her own custom made Catwoman suit is a very expensive and she cherished it a lot. And I'm just looking up at her and I just see her go, oh my god, did I get an army? What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? Oh, god that came out of me. And then she runs out of the room. And so the director who's the only other guy in the room with a camera, puts the camera down and follows the girl because it's a screaming damsel in distress, right? So fuck Lance, you know, to me, so I'm laying on the ground, and whatever came out of her or whatever, went right up my nose, and just filled up everything you know. So I'm kind of laying there for a while. I'm like Thinking about it am I okay? I can't get through the bondage It was a chains it wasn't rope so I couldn't pick my way through it and I'm like okay, I can't I tried to like pull like through but the gag is blocking it so just coming back in. So it's like alright I just had to snort it and swallow it you know to be whatever it was just just get it clear my passage and then I'm breathing through like half a nostrils make it clear so it's like you can barely breathe you know to be panic attack and died lay in there for like 10 minutes just like that. Unknown Speaker 55:33 I'm able to breathe is like the that scares me more than any free kind of want to know was that like half of a fetus? I don't know. Lance Hart 55:41 Yeah, I didn't ask her and she she'd quit for not because of that but other reasons after that, and I just never asked fair enough. Yeah, so you know, it can get danger, any job and get dangerous. You get almost killed. If you're a mechanic. I guess if a car falls on you, you know what I mean? So those are like memorable. Some scenes turn you on a lot. Some of them. He just can't. get through it. You know what I mean? And Yvette d'Entremont 56:02 just the day at the office? Lance Hart 56:04 Yeah, it's just kind of depends. When I was newer at it, every scene was turned on, you know, because I was like, Oh my god, I'm in porn. And that's that famous so and so and I'm touching them. And it's and they're being nice to me. And they're like, want to suck my dick off camera. So now I can't believe is a dream come true. And then after 10 years, it's like, it's a real I'm really lucky to have this job. But you know, it's job. So Yvette d'Entremont 56:26 now it's like a marriage to all the different dicks. Yeah, yeah. It's just kind of, Lance Hart 56:29 you know, it's nice. But I do feel very fortunate. Really, just because I have a business that's successful. I wanted that my whole life. And now I have my own internet business that makes money and it's cool. It's like, wow, I don't have to commute. You know what I mean? I don't have to go check in with a boss. That's the thing I cherish I think more than anything, that freedom, freedom. Yeah, the freedom is good. But it was a lot of hard work to get. It's not as simple A lot of people think, Oh, well, yeah, if I got naked on the internet, I'd get rich too. But it's not. I mean, Yvette d'Entremont 56:58 there is bad porn out there. And that's does not make a living Lance Hart 57:01 and there are some broke porn workers. I mean, there's a lot most 99% of porn performers barely pay their bills. I don't know if that's accurate, but a small percentage that does makes more than 100,000 a year and then various smaller that makes 300,000 a year, you know? Yvette d'Entremont 57:18 So it's like rare, but so I feel like lucky that my little stick paid off, you know, so it's kind of cool. It's good. You You went for a nice that people were like, this is a bad idea. And you're like, well, let's see what happens. And it worked out. I mean, Lance Hart 57:30 at that point, I had already done gay porn for two years. I didn't know that you're not supposed to do both until I got out of that contract. And I was like, what I like women to I like women. I mean, I've always dated women and trans women. never dated dudes. I just enjoy sex with dudes, but it's just that's just where my orientation is, you know, Yvette d'Entremont 57:48 your hetero romantic and bisexual, Lance Hart 57:52 I guess. Yeah, I mean, whatever you call it these days and a lot was queer. I don't think it's queer anymore though. Unknown Speaker 57:59 There are so many different Lance Hart 58:00 Yeah, it's I don't know what it is anymore. I just I Unknown Speaker 58:03 think it's too complicated. I mean, in my opinion, it's it's so fast I sexual covers it Yeah, Lance Hart 58:08 that's these people today I just say goodbye and then but I'm picky like guys we're picky with guys and girls or trans woman but it's a mercenary we're monogamous outside of work. So it's not like I'm out there data, so who cares what my orientation is, um, you know, married, you know, I'm loving my wife, I'm happy, you know, to be like it's a moot point. But yeah, it's back then I wanted to make movies of girls and so I was in Florida, so I could do that you can do what you want. If you're not in LA or Vegas, LA and Vegas are ruled by like the rules, you know, but everything else is kind of, you definitely should use a talent test and you can but short of that there's no like, don't work with crossovers or this is how you do it or, you know, hold out in your first Angel scene and all the stuff that we do at West, you know, they don't really care in Florida. So just a real warning. Unknown Speaker 58:55 I wasn't aware that outside of Las Vegas, it's basically a little bit of a free for all Lance Hart 59:00 those totally free Yeah, it's you can do whatever you want. But most of the work is in LA and second to that Vegas makes so if you want to, like, get paid to be in a porn as you're living you need to live in LA or Vegas. I mean Miami if you have a contract with like bangbros maybe you could get by but that's kinda Unknown Speaker 59:19 I just want to contract as an extra in a ton of different points. How do I get that? You could do that? Who will hire me for that? Lance Hart 59:25 Literally just email browsers men calm. They need extras, those two companies we Unknown Speaker 59:30 just want to be the female Jay and Silent Bob brazzers I want to be the stepsister who is blind. Yeah, you get in the room and I can't see them fucking Lance Hart 59:40 you get 100 bucks a day and launch and your might be on set for four hours. You might be unset for like 20 that's the deal. But yeah, it's you know, so those new people check it out. They would shoot you in Yeah, la Vegas, Montreal, Atlanta, depending on you know where you're at. That's what they need. Unknown Speaker 59:57 You know, I mean, I do have to make a couple of trips out to LA. So Yvette. Look, Leroy, you know, you want us for extras in your porn. I'm just saying. blu ray Meyers. Lance Hart 1:00:07 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's Yeah, I have. I mean, I'm busy with work. I love his porn so much. She's great. I'm going to be an extra in his show. Next week I'll be on. I'm going to be elton john and one of his ports. Unknown Speaker 1:00:19 Oh, we're totally gonna review that Lance Hart 1:00:21 bed. I'm about to nonsexual so. I don't think it's like an elton john movie, I think Unknown Speaker 1:00:26 but we're still gonna fucking review that because you're playing elton john. I hope he's just remaking the elton john film with us, elton john. That would be cool. But no, no, it's Lance Hart 1:00:35 a non sex role. So already I don't know. I'm assuming there's some joke that involves elton john being in it and then I walked through his old job. Unknown Speaker 1:00:42 Do you know what your costume is? Or you just see the fucking costume man? Yeah, I don't know. I want to be one of the Swedish women and all but come on. Yeah, we were I will sing Mamma mia until my tits fell off. Come on, make this happen. I was in Mamma Mia. community theater was fun. It was a good deal but so I got all the songs in my head. I have a chemistry degree and a theater degree. No had an interesting time in college. Yeah, there you go. But you were saying your elton john, you're gonna be on scene for Leroy. We're excited. Well, Lance Hart 1:01:09 so elton john and a few animals. Wait, why does it say Seth? works? Leroy. So texted me that beard. Yeah, he texted me like, Hey, can you do a non sex role on this day? No, I was like, Fuck Yeah, because I looked and if I'm open, I'll go show up for them because they're fun. They're great. They actually let me rent their studio for pretty cheap, because they're just really nice. So anything I shoot that's like, nice or like a feature. It's done at the wood rocket studio. And their camera guy I hire you know, so it's a we're kind of loosely like buddies. We're connected like that. And so I'll show up for anything they ask. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. I didn't even ask and it goes great. You're gonna be elton john and a few animals. And I was like, cool. And a few and I said, sweet. I think that was that was a whole conversation. So I have no idea what else has happened. Unknown Speaker 1:01:56 I like the combination and a few animals but you might come on set. You might be emo you might be a draft you might be a platypus Who the fuck knows? Oh wait speaking pata pusses so they have webbed hands I was thinking about this wept person porn does that exist and I haven't looked it up hate so what counts as web interconnections between the hands and her feet and technically pterodactyl porn as well, right? Because Yeah, I've seen German pterodactyl porn I have seen witnessed it. The flapping man I will never unsee the flapping you man Sean Lennon, look, this was one of the first porns I saw and as a young impressionable college freshmen, it has never left me I'll never forget I was at a dinner and I was sitting across from Sean and somehow we got on the topic of terror dactyl porn or he probably brought it up. What almost brought it up but the point is he said wait, Is it this one and he pulled it up and showed it to me the exact one? Yes, because how often does that ever happen? Maybe there was just one pterodactyl porn and like a hammer. full of people on the internet were in on it and like we've accidentally spread it from here was it so Lance Hart 1:03:05 it wasn't live action It was like hentai or Unknown Speaker 1:03:07 Oh, no, no, no, it was live action. I believe it was three I want to say three men in pterodactyl costumes with a head and like full body costumes and like wings that they'd occasionally like flap and one woman in like a loincloth and it was just And not only that, and a hand puppet you can't forget the hand puppet. Oh, yeah, occasionally the hand puppet would just be no yeah, open the mouth close the mouth. But yeah, the guys would occasionally while getting blown just you know Remember to flap because of course it's aerodactyl getting blown would just, you know flap its wings. Oh, thick. Yeah. And as we learned in the porn parody behind the green door, there is a sex position called the teridax aisle, which is where you're blowing someone in front of you. You're jerking off to people to decide. And you know that motion where your head's going back and forth. Unknown Speaker 1:03:57 Exactly looks like a pterodactyl. And if you take it a step forward and you have someone under you fucking you. That's a tower doctor. Unknown Speaker 1:04:06 If you have ever done a tower doctor will email us info to girls when Mike we we have questions if you have ever done a tower dactyl Good for you. Yeah, that's, we have questions we want to know my wife's definitely done that she Lance Hart 1:04:17 does a lot of getting bangs if you're in a gang gang, you're gonna tower and act all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, one of the you know, if you're in a couple game bags, you're definitely gonna do that. From what it sounds like. We call select, say someone's fucking you missionary, right? That just means they're in between your legs or enjoy jitsu, you're on guard, right? It's like the same, same thing, right? So and then a born we can't shoot missionary that way, because you can't see anything. So you grab one leg and you lift it up. So you're at like a side mesh. So depending on the production you're with, you call that side mesh split mesh, or split spoon, which makes no sense because the spoon is like from behind. You notice Yeah, but they call it splits. At mint calm, it just depends on who you're working for. But we all different names for shit. It's weird. Or like, cowgirl reverse cowgirl? on some gay sets. We call it reverse cowgirl, but it's both dudes. You know, like where are we? I can't be reverse cowboy. I'm a cowboy. Thank you very much. Hey, Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:18 take back the language start calling it reverse cowboy. Yeah, Lance Hart 1:05:21 cow man. Unknown Speaker 1:05:24 I have a cow man. Yeah. Lance Hart 1:05:28 You don't go to school for born and learn. It's not like film school where you're like, if the two people making the form went to film school, like if there's two camera people, you hear film school bullshit, you know, like, Mar two, five or two, four. All right, let me move that over. What's your uh, you know, and they taught that in post Yeah, they say film school shit just to say it to sound like film school. They don't want to say I went to film school because then it kind of, you're like, well, what are you doing here buddy? You know, to me, he didn't make it. You know. It's kind of like Yvette d'Entremont 1:05:59 people Who went to Harvard? They don't talk about when they went to college. They talk about their time in Harvard. Lance Hart 1:06:05 Yeah. So there's a lot of film school people who do borkus regular work, and it's good. You know, I don't know, like, I pay my camera guy like 500 bucks for the day. So it's not bad. You know what I mean? But really good. They have their lingo, but everyone else. Like, I don't say speed rolling action, because it doesn't make any sense. I say, ready, go. And then I hit the record button. You know, sometimes I say action if I feel like Ready Unknown Speaker 1:06:31 Get Set can hard. Lance Hart 1:06:32 Yeah, I'm just like, and Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:34 start fucking kids. We're recording. Lance Hart 1:06:37 Yeah, like that. Let me move this fucking light and go, you know what I mean? Like, we just talked like that. So just kind of depends, but there's no set anything and born. It's kind of cool. Yvette d'Entremont 1:06:46 I'm just picturing film students being like, Alright, well, we're following all turret area. It just there have to be some interesting moments with clashes of I had a vision for this porn. Lance Hart 1:06:55 Oh, yeah. There's no there's directors who think they're filmmakers. It's hilarious. They win the big awards at ABN so you gotta give them that. I mean, Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:03 the ones that do the the big heavy like the plots like the parodies, they are making a film but yeah, they're Lance Hart 1:07:08 making a film by no one's paying to watch it. Right. Unknown Speaker 1:07:14 Hey, we're watching it. Lance Hart 1:07:17 We're and we pay every time you pay for so like, when like deadbolt Did you watch that? was about to say we haven't posted Unknown Speaker 1:07:25 yet? Yes on our list, we will pet we've always paid for our porn. Okay, but we haven't watched it yet. But we know that it did win an award for Best Film, I want to say as Lance Hart 1:07:35 my friend Seth was in it, and I'm sure was awesome. And I'm sure he killed it because he kills everything he's in. But I'm like, Who's paying for this? You don't have it. And it's a fascinating side of the industry. Yvette d'Entremont 1:07:46 We didn't know what we were getting into when we started this and we fallen in love with these parodies. They're so funny. And they're they're so ridiculous, but it's like it did kind of hit us at some point. How many people are actually buying this and we you know, we were I said it's a hard market. Lance Hart 1:08:00 So Leroy does it right? He puts it on Pornhub for free and he gets paid ad revenue on the views. Nice. That makes sense to me. Like who's not gonna watch Aladdin the porn version at least for five seconds just to see like how they make the blue guy, you know, to be like, Yvette d'Entremont 1:08:15 how they keep the blue paint? Well, the genius fuckin someone Yeah, Lance Hart 1:08:18 is this Deke blue? I don't know, you know, like, they're gonna click on it. Or we did a game of thrones thing with them, like, people are gonna click on that. And then yeah, you can make revenue that way, you know, but then his stuffs really funny. So he always just got home. What blows my mind is, there's people who their job is to show up to a porn set. They have a chair with their name on it. They're the director, right? And they sit there and they don't do anything except say, action. Cut, stop. That's the job. And now Unknown Speaker 1:08:49 you're kidding me. There's people like that on set Lance Hart 1:08:51 on the big sets. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, Unknown Speaker 1:08:54 No, no, who does most of the work the editor, you're the editor Lance Hart 1:08:57 or the camera guy. He's got to get up. They're in the lighting guy Unknown Speaker 1:09:02 the final product you see after like zillions of hours of filming, taking those those six cameras and the eight hours I was condensing it down at that's yeah Lance Hart 1:09:13 used to add it all man shit and I paid for a lot of it yeah that's someone's job to just be the direct like the big director there's like three of them or four maybe you know in the whole industry but I don't Unknown Speaker 1:09:25 even good for them. I'm not Lance Hart 1:09:26 hating on Oh, that's a cool job man. Just show up on set, got chairs sit down in it. Action. You got an assistant who brings you coffee and shit. But it makes sense for like the Avengers movie where there's like millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars coming in. You need someone to like be in charge and have a vision. Yvette d'Entremont 1:09:42 Let's say the Avengers parody though whose boy, we had contention with that it was not a good one. Lance Hart 1:09:47 What's it doesn't make sense to me because most people don't watch porn linear. It's something he wants to jerk off to by nature. Otherwise, it's not morally right. Yeah, if you're jerking off, I mean, you're not gonna watch it from 00 to 4750 you're skipping around, you're gonna be like, Where's the tits? Where's the big day? Where's CompTIA? Okay, cool All right. Oh, that's hot. What do you look like in the beginning though? Unknown Speaker 1:10:07 except us who actually does exceptionally well? Yeah, look, we're the weirdos who we actually watch for the plot. Yeah, no, that's cool. That's you know people read playboy for the articles. We watch these portions of the plot and you happen to also be an official rep for playgirl. Lance Hart 1:10:23 Yeah, officially I am. It's funny. It's never amounted to anything. It's just I was at a fall in Miami, and my friend Daniel, that the time was the only one left that worked at playgirl, like everyone a playgirl the magazine had died. The website it kind of was still there, but it was no one was, you know, there's nothing and everyone who left the company is a photographer, but he ended up being the CEO because no one else was around. I don't know if there's a board or whatever, for whatever reason, he got stuck with a job. I was like, how's that buddy? And he's like, well, keep paying me. Well, there's no budget to make any movies and there's no You know, I don't know what I do, really? And I was like, Can I be your spokesmodel? And he's like, and I was like, you're not to pay me. I just want to like, be a spokesmodel playgirl, I think it'd be cool. You know what I mean? He's like, Yeah, and I was like, I'll make one movie. I'll pay for the whole thing. And I'll put it on playground. And then just say under spokesmodel and he's like, Alright, nice, you know, Unknown Speaker 1:11:20 is it that is enterprising as fuck Lance. All I'm saying is if your friend Daniel needs an official podcast of plague, we would love to be the official podcast player. We will make at least one podcast for plague. Lance Hart 1:11:34 Yeah. So then we'll do the one thing they had to do. I was like, Alright, I made the movie spent the money. I did it with Mona whales. And it was just cute is like a really good little cute, straight porn is fine, you know, and then uploaded it to their site. And then I was like, I just want you to put on the little blog section of playgirl.com that I'm the official spokesmodel and then I can always just point at it and be like, hey, look at that. Look, I've spoken on the playground. And they did that and they never took it down, and then the company's gotten bought and sold many times since then, but as far as I know, it's still on their site, the 1.1 of the new owners playgirl DM me on Instagram. And he said, Hey, I noticed you said to the spokesmodel playgirl more your posts. You can't say that you're not our spokesmodel. And I was like, Well, here's the link on your site, it says, Are you do you really own the company? Who are you? Oh, my bad. Yeah, I just bought this company. I don't really know what's going on. Yvette d'Entremont 1:12:29 Just keep spokesmodel like, whatever that entails. You do. You folks. For our company, you model it at this point. Lance Hart 1:12:36 If they take it away, it's like I was the playgirl. spokesmodel for five years. Cool. Fuck it. It's served its purpose. You know what I mean? as cool on the resume. I guess I'm like the only director of playgirl to because they haven't made new content and yours, and I'm the only one that made a movie and put it on there. So I could go on the head director of playgirl Unknown Speaker 1:12:57 no one would probably challenge you on it either. Well no Lance Hart 1:13:00 cuz What are they? Yeah, who else is directed a movie for you and your no one? Do you want another one? I'm thinking about it. I'm looking at working on my vision. I just need to get a new chair go with Unknown Speaker 1:13:09 executive director, executive. Do you have a vision board too? We have ideas we keep putting on the vision board have a Lance Hart 1:13:16 vision or two. I'm just working on getting a chair with my name on it. Unknown Speaker 1:13:19 I'll order one for you. You can just sit there and say action and cut that's all you need to say. Now Lance Hart 1:13:23 he said action has its I'm not lying. Half the time the Director of Photography who's the camera guy? If you want to give them a title, he'll be like, Okay, you guys set up we're talking to him. We're not talking to director because the director is looking at their phone in their nice share, you know, they're like fucking off. And then we're like, ready? Got a boner. Okay, ready? You need the penetration now for a camera guy. Yeah, we need that. Okay. And he'll be like, hey, director, does this look good to you? And they're like, you know what he's like, okay, we're ready rolling speed. And then it's quiet. And he's like, are you gonna say action action That's the job that someone's job is awesome Yvette d'Entremont 1:14:04 for them. I'm just imagining this awkward moment before you're like, Look, I'm ready to put my penis into something and I just need a cue from a person who's not involved in the actual dicking itself. And this is weird. It's Lance Hart 1:14:16 so weird. Yeah, that's just my experience. Someone else who works on lots of big sets might have different extra work on if it's a big scene or a big train scene. I'm in it for like that, but the street side makes a lot more big, big scene so they maybe they have directors that work really hard and do stuff more than sit in a chair. I don't I don't want to talk shit. I'm just saying. I just think it's fascinating. Such a cool job Unknown Speaker 1:14:37 really fascinated by it, which is why we do this. So speaking of people who yell commands at us, oh, baby. Unknown Speaker 1:14:46 So we're not talking about our spouses. This time. We're talking about our Patreon Cindy. Yes. And our patrons, by the way, sent Lance that fantastic microphone he's using today. Yeah. Yeah, you're Keeping it that's all yours. Ooh, cool. Yeah should hear from you. So they should probably call you and put you on more podcast. So in case that happens, you've got yourself a microphone on the microphone or if it doesn't, you could stick it up. Someone's asked good. We're not gonna stop you or not your parents. Totally Well, when we tell people to shove something of an ass we mean that with love. So this week, we want to thank rowdy rich Falco Eris night Kyle Washington Hamilton, Mark Romer, Michael Gad Neil Simpson priest pilot Mr. Danks, Tracy Miller, Tora Bora Jorn Teresa Sol, Samuel Jenkins, and many many others. And if you want to become a Patreon as well, you can join us@patreon.com slash two girls one Mike, but by the way, if you can't, that's totally fine. Just please leave us a comment on iTunes or wherever you're listening to us from and tell all your friends about the show because you know, you want to tell your friends who watch porn so tell all your friends, all your friends so where can by the way are fans find you if they want to see or hear more of you? Lance Hart 1:16:04 Well if you want to jerk off to the poor I make you go to man up films calm and that's if you like gay porn with spandex and superheroes and hypnosis and wow, all that kind of power dynamic, sexy. I only hire sexy muscle men really unsexy dudes. And then if you like girls being hot leotards and stuff, jerking dudes off and getting their calm all over on they're focusing on the blind and using their decks and cuckolding and all kinds of stuff that's sweet femme Dom calm, or just search me on Pornhub just search landsharks h A RT, my Twitter is Lance heart fetish. And my Instagram is now Lance Hart and cats. Because it's a cat thing. It's not about porn. Unknown Speaker 1:16:47 Love it and we'll link to all the places in the show notes as well. Thank you so much. And you've had where can our listeners find you y'all can find me at the Sybase on Instagram and Twitter and@facebook.com slash Sai Bay where as usual, I am being sciency. And occasionally just a little snarky touch there. Anyways, Alice, where can our listeners find you and the rest of the podcast info y'all can find me on Twitter at rational blonde, but you guys can also interact with us on Patreon or on the Facebook's Instagram, wherever you guys can find us or just by the way, you could find everything at two girls one Mike calm. But again, tell all your friends join us online. Thanks for joining us. And thanks Lance so much for joining us as well. It's been fun having you all. It's Unknown Speaker 1:17:33 been fun. Thanks for having me. Yeah, Unknown Speaker 1:17:35 absolutely. Thank you And guys, thanks for listening. Bye bye bye. Transcribed by https://otter.ai

10 Juli 20191h 17min

Alice & Yvette are joined this week with Vice President of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee (APAC) & pornstar Riley Reyes (RileyReyXXX)! The threesome nerd out and get weird with porn horcruxes, consent culture in porn, ethical porn, clown orgies, bad sex advice, alternative sex toy stores, and a squirrel eating a taco shell in a tree.  Get 20% OFF Clone-A-Willy with code: TGOM20 Support us on Patreon and listen to more content!  Yvette d'Entremont 0:02 We're committed to your pleasure here at the porn cast and that means we won't promote anything that isn't Alice tested any better Unknown Speaker 0:08 approved and this one is definitely tested Unknown Speaker 0:10 several times over. Yeah, there was suction and fluffing and thermometers Alice Vaughn 0:15 and the tea bags. You mean teabagging? Yvette d'Entremont 0:19 No, I got something in my eye and use teabags to get the swelling to go down. What did you get in your eye? Unknown Speaker 0:25 My husband's calls it It took a fucking village, Yvette d'Entremont 0:28 a literal fucking village Alice Vaughn 0:30 and well worth it because thanks to clone a Willie we've now cloned body parts on ourselves and willing volunteers Yvette d'Entremont 0:36 and we can even make them buzz. Alice Vaughn 0:39 No policies or cops were harmed in the making of this partnership Unknown Speaker 0:42 we live in amazing times. Now where can our listeners check this out Alice Alice Vaughn 0:46 to clone it and bowknot go to Kelowna Willie calm and type in promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. Yvette d'Entremont 1:01 This is two girls. One Mike, the show that talks about the holes and plotholes of your favorite porn. Welcome to Two girls one Mike the porn cast where the orgasms are made up and the plot doesn't matter. I'm your co host Yvette Dr. Mon here is my lovely by vivacious rambunctious, hysterical. And did I mention she has a nice butt co host Alice Vaughn Ellis, how the fuck are you doing today? Alice Vaughn 1:25 I am so disappointed in you. The plot doesn't matter. I'm sorry. You know, Yvette d'Entremont 1:29 it doesn't. But that's why we can make fun of it. And it can still be a fantastic porn that gets you off. Alice Vaughn 1:35 I feel like I don't know you anymore. Yvette d'Entremont 1:39 Well, I mean, that was part of the premise of the podcast before we started doing this was you know, you can make fun of the science in a sci fi movie and you too bad you still get out of that movie, what you went in there for? And it's kind of same thing with a porn, or at least it used to be before we really started doing this podcast and now I'm like, No, I want the pot to be good. Alice Vaughn 1:56 I mean, the problem is now that if the pot sucks, I can't get out. Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 2:00 it's really sad now I'm like, really? Your entire plot was just step mother thinks step daughter's boyfriend is hot. Like that's your entire plot. Come on. Alice Vaughn 2:10 Really? This is a fake cab you okay? You don't have Venmo you don't have PayPal. There is no other way we can pay for this transaction except tips. This is the only way Yvette d'Entremont 2:20 to be fair. I've had some really dark times in New York, but that was before Venmo so I don't believe any of it now. So Riley What do you think? And actually, guys, we have a guest on the show today. We have a three way scissoring today, guys, it's gonna be very hot. I'm so excited. That sounds very complicated. You know, six legs shit can happen. Alice Vaughn 2:40 Am I that flexible? Is the question. So we have on the show, performer and advocate vice president of APAC, the adult performer advocacy committee, Riley raise Riley, welcome Riley Reyes 2:52 to the show. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Yvette d'Entremont 2:54 We're very happy to have you on with us. Unknown Speaker 2:56 So question, is there a way to pay for it? taxicab other than money in tickets Riley Reyes 3:02 other than money and tickets. I don't think so. Unknown Speaker 3:05 There's so many other body parts Riley Reyes 3:06 I feel like it's just money or sex. I guess you could give someone drugs or food depending on their motivation but probably not like a real cab probably just like some guy you know, Yvette d'Entremont 3:18 feel like most regular cabs are going to be like now I want to cash Yeah, I feel like there are some that be like no my as much as I would love you to suck my dick like my boss is gonna kill me if I don't come back with this ride paid for. Who knows. I've also never had to, you know fuck a pizza delivery boy. But you know, then again, my husband used to be a pizza delivery boy. So you could say I'm fucking one all the damn time. Alice Vaughn 3:41 Well, there you go. Does he ever bring you a pizza is a better question. Yvette d'Entremont 3:44 Oh, he doesn't. This whole relationship is built on a throne of lies and I need my husband to bring me a pizza. Clearly. I'm the cook in the house. He's the one that makes coffee. Riley Reyes 3:56 It's important to have your roles figured out like that. Good division of labor. He makes Much Yvette d'Entremont 4:00 better coffee than me I it's not that he can't cook it's that I love it. So that's how the division happened. But yeah, I do get to fuck up delivery boy we should we should roll we've never role played that though that is happening and I'm going to mix it with the horse that challenge Alice Vaughn 4:15 I kind of want you guys to go all in on this roleplay like I want him to apply for a job at a local Pizza Hut pizza store really commit I don't Yvette d'Entremont 4:22 know which one he worked at like you know his high school job and I'm like I want him to show up to the door with a pizza. Alice Vaughn 4:28 I want you just to make the actual transaction like call up your local Domino's and say I would like to place an order he applied for specifically a little delivery boy job and he came to deliver a pizza so I think Yvette d'Entremont 4:41 your give me a few days I can talk him into this. I'm very invested in my roleplay I'm sorry there's no other way to put this you know he was down for having his penis cloned for clonal Willie, so I'm pretty sure I can talk him into baby. I have this idea. So how would you like to go back to working at Domino's again cuz you I'm sure you would love it so much as a teenager. Alice Vaughn 5:02 Riley, what's the most interesting job? You've had either fake job performing in porn or just in real life? Riley Reyes 5:09 I mean, my job before I got into porn was working in production. And I did a lot of theater. And I did a lot of department store window installations actually in New York City. So the high end department store windows were pretty cool. We used to make a bunch of crazy sculptures. I'd be in some warehouse in Red Hook fiberglassing things in the middle of the summer. It was wild actually sounds like a lot of fun. Not the fiberglassing but a lot of the other stuff. I got to paint and glitter things and put fake snow on stuff and make tiny Christmas elves. That was fun. Yvette d'Entremont 5:41 I can see that being good. So Riley, how did Alice Vaughn 5:43 you get into the industry? Since you were a creative before? Riley Reyes 5:47 Oh, I really consider myself kind of a hobbyist who went Pro. Alright, so I was working as an artist. I was going to lots and lots of sex parties, like on weekends, sometimes even during the week. I'd really fallen in with this. Cool crowd of like New York City, Brooklynite. vernors would love to warehouse parties that Bernard says and they go to brown and like polyamorous people, swingers all having these really neat themed sex parties and I was out playing going to these parties constantly, pretty much every weekend. Now part of me wants to know if we have friends in common from that. See, Alice Vaughn 6:23 I have a strong feeling. We have a lot of friends in common since I'm in New York and I have a lot of friends who are burners so Riley Reyes 6:29 well, I'm sure I have fucked some people, you know. But that's the scene kind of inspired me to try out porn. I'd always wanted to try but people tell you, it'll ruin your life and you'll be a social pariah. But once I was friends with these people, I said, You know, I don't think it will. I think these people will still like me and be my friend and did a few scenes is kind of on a lark and really liked it and ended up finally moving to Los Angeles to pursue it full time. Yvette d'Entremont 6:56 I highly encourage moving to Los Angeles, not not just for porn, just because Los Angeles is way better than anywhere else in the universe or New York. Alice Vaughn 7:03 I'm very offended by that. Yvette d'Entremont 7:05 I'm like, Look, it's just it's New York only it's warm and you feel like you can take a breath once in a while because the city isn't screaming at you constantly. Oh, Unknown Speaker 7:13 but you're not in traffic half the day, so Okay, fine. You Riley Reyes 7:16 wait, what about pizza rat? I think we're all forgetting the cultural importance of pizza rats. A rat Yvette d'Entremont 7:22 was a hoax. Unknown Speaker 7:23 No, Unknown Speaker 7:24 yes, it was an amazingly well executed hoax. I was Alice Vaughn 7:28 shocked. It was all of us. Yvette d'Entremont 7:30 We were all a part of it. And it was all a part of us. But no, it was this person that pulls off these kind of like viral social media hoaxes. It's the most I read the story a bit and I was like, nothing is real. And I question everything now. It's amazing all the little things that somebody might be out there doing these little pranks that were like this fucked with my senses of reality. And you think this is real and finding out pizza route was fake was just Why? Alice Vaughn 7:55 I mean, it's just so symbolic of New York to I mean, I saw and I'm not even kidding when I say This I saw a few months ago, a squirrel in the trees with a taco shell. And I felt like that embodied a lot of me. But I mean still pizza rat is just Unknown Speaker 8:10 Alice Are you sure that's not your animal guy? You're your spirit creature that you it's not your form that you're transformed into like in the Harry Potter universe and no I am. I feel a squirrel with a taco is you? Unknown Speaker 8:26 You're very fast paced and you like tacos? I think it's you. Riley Reyes 8:29 That's a powerful talisman. Yvette d'Entremont 8:33 Yeah, squirrel at the taco. Alice Vaughn 8:34 So I feel like we kind of touched on this before we started the show. But what are the horcruxes and porn? Yvette d'Entremont 8:40 What are the pieces of ones of a porn star soul I think or wherever you store your soul. Unknown Speaker 8:46 I mean, one of them easily, like a lot of souls can fit in dreads penis or his testicles. subleased Yvette d'Entremont 8:52 there's another one for dreads penis. His dreads penis is actually one of Voldemort's horcruxes Riley Reyes 8:58 jets penis is testament to what the human body can be. It defies all reason. And it's been inside my butthole so I feel pretty proud. Oh, we have questions Yvette d'Entremont 9:09 ask, how long did it take to ease it in? That's what I got to know. Riley Reyes 9:14 Well, the thing with angel is that if you're going for something that big, it isn't even really a day of sort of process. It's the like, weeks leading up to a sort of process where you're gonna work your way up like bigger and bigger bugs until you're ready. So the day of it didn't take that long. Cool. Alice Vaughn 9:32 I feel like this is what should be in an Olympic event almost being able to mount it. Yvette d'Entremont 9:36 Yeah, I mean, he is mountain Dredd. We just have all the respect in the world both for that penis and for anyone who dares attempt it. So we Alice Vaughn 9:44 got hemorrhoids just thinking about it. Riley Reyes 9:46 Well, people do fisting so you know, Yvette d'Entremont 9:48 yeah. Where would you hide yourself or actually would have to be something that people would have to work hard to find. Alice Vaughn 9:54 Definitely is not in the tub of lube on set a Bible. Riley Reyes 9:58 Oh, Bible would be an interesting one. I feel like one of the things about a Horcrux is its creation, right? So you have to be tearing your soul into pieces while it is created. So, to create a Horcrux in porn, you would have to be doing some sort of an activity that sort of broke your soul a little bit. So I feel like it would probably be at one of those big shiny red carpet events where all the cameras are pointed at me and I just want to be at home watching Netflix. I feel like my soul gets broken a little bit so probably one of my handbags from that nice nondescript barely comes out of the closet. No one Unknown Speaker 10:34 else thinks about it, you know, put it into the goodie bag. That's you know, it's like, oh, I clitoral lube. That's something I really needed to spit isn't a thing. Exactly. Since we're all nerding out here. I did a little bit of research on you Riley and I found something what that kind of made me fall in love with you when you run a podcast. It's called research when you're just a plain old human on the internet. It's a little bit of stalking. Thanks, but we run a podcast So it's good to find Alice Vaughn 11:01 so I love how you created your last name for porn. Oh, yeah. Coming from Firefly, right? Riley Reyes 11:07 Yeah, I had to change it though I haven't been Riley Reynolds in years because there was another Brian Reynolds who is an agent in Florida, who ended up having a very unflattering documentary made about him hot girls wanted. And oh, when I first started in porn, I used the name Riley Reynolds. I was super excited to take the name of Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly. And then I had to change it because I was associated with him and it was not doing well for my brand. So I changed it to a name as close as I could come and I'm Riley Raz, but uh, you did some digging. She was thorough, and I'm sad to have lost my Firefly name. But it was his birth name. And there was a big popular documentary and there was no way I was going to rest my name back from that. Yvette d'Entremont 11:52 Fair enough. I think I might have seen that one. Was that the documentary on on people looking for models in Russia or am I mixing it up with another creepy documentary It was Riley Reyes 12:00 a creepy documentary based in Florida and produced by overheated Jones. Alice Vaughn 12:05 Oh, wait, I know which one you're talking about. That's the one that where they discuss people getting into the industry for about three months. The Florida culture of porn and all of that stuff with it, right? Yeah. Riley Reyes 12:17 So the agent there is Riley Reynolds of hasi models. No. Yeah. So that is it's actually always interesting. Many people in interviews like So tell me about how you chose your name. And I'm like, I chose the nearest name. I could get to my old name that I wanted. Alice Vaughn 12:36 Oh, there was a nerd connection. I tried. Riley Reyes 12:40 I will Firefly is very exciting. I got to see their 20th reunion panel at New York Comic Con so there's that was cool. I can't believe it's Yvette d'Entremont 12:48 been that long since so many people got so mad about it being canceled. Riley Reyes 12:52 Yeah, and that was a couple years ago. Yvette d'Entremont 12:54 It was all foxes fault. A lot of things are all box sorry. You're not sorry. No, I'm not at all. Yeah, that seems fair. I stand by that statement. Alice Vaughn 13:05 But yeah, so talking about a shitty movie that of how people are treated poorly in the industry, I think can be a decent segue to what you do, which is the wonderful work that APAC does. Why would we actually start by talking a little bit about what a PAC is? Because I'm still learning about it. And event and I are industry adjacent. Yvette d'Entremont 13:24 Yeah, we consider ourselves you know, not part of, you know, in this and I don't think our audience or most of it is heard about this. So and they should Riley Reyes 13:32 well, APAC is the adult farmer advocacy committee. We are a small nonprofit, but we are run entirely by and for the performers. So unlike FSC, the free speech coalition, which does amazing things for the industry, but is more representative of producers because that's where they get their funding. We are really, by and for performers exclusively and try to provide them with support resources, education. We also do like lobbying and outreach to lawmakers to help us be better represented on that end. Alice Vaughn 14:07 That's awesome. I knew it was already a great group when I clicked on the homepage and one of the performers that I saw front and center was Ella darling, whom we love her. Oh, yes, Ella Riley Reyes 14:17 was on the board for many years. She is no longer but she is still a valued supporter. Alice Vaughn 14:23 So would you consider a pack a union for performers or just really a resource hub? Riley Reyes 14:29 We're not a union. We're, we're just an advocacy group. I love the idea of adult performers unionizing. But because we are so disparate, and because we are so varied in our backgrounds, it's hard to get people to unite behind a banner for collective bargaining. So a pack just acts as an advocacy organization, a support organization and a community organization. So what type of specific things do you do for performers, I think our audience would love to hear a few examples here. I'd love to talk about the programs we have. I have recently pioneered a launch of a mentorship program where experienced performers can help newer performers in need, who want to have that kind of community support. We also offer mental health resources. We've got a sign up for group therapy sessions for people in the industry, which we find people need often after a loss in the industry or something else difficult that's going on. And we also provide monthly meetings that are accompanied by some sort of an enriching event. So it'll be a workshop on how to do rope bondage, or it'll be a class on how to handle your taxes or it'll be a community event to support a cause. We just did our pride month meeting, which was to benefit buck angels new charity transform house for recently incarcerated trans folks to help them transition to the next stage of their life. Nice. That was an amazing laundry list of a very wide range of services. We keep busy, and we try to help people with whatever they come to us with people will come to us needing legal support to get out of a situation with an agent. They're no longer happy with people who have come to us. Just for career advice people have come to us and looking to find just community events where they can be close to their fellow performers. We get all kinds of inquiries when we try to help everyone we can we also get inquiries from people who do not belong there like this guy's trying to get into porn or things like that. Yvette d'Entremont 16:41 We get a lot of those. That's special. And now with sesta fossa have new challenges and new things you need to provide resources to deal with have any of those come up because it says to foster Riley Reyes 16:55 honestly says to foster has most distinctly impacted People who are doing full service sex work, which is not specifically in our purview as an adult performer organization. But we have found that after sesta fascia, we've been able to form coalition with other sex worker activist groups to great effect. We've been helping to push to get Senate Bill, believe it's 233 passed here in California, which would help full service sex workers, it would not allow them to use condoms as evidence in cases prosecuting sex workers and also gives them immunity from being charged if they come forward about violent crimes they've witnessed or that have been perpetrated against them. Oh, thank God. So that's really cool and has made it through two of the three things that needs to do to get past That's awesome. Now quick question regarding not utilizing condoms as evidence. I'm just curious what the idea rationale behind that as honestly I'm don't understand the rationale behind using them as evidence in Many places in the United States and I'm sure the world just carrying condoms can make you a suspect as someone who sells sex Alice Vaughn 18:10 Oh, okay. Not a used condom. It just Yes, having a pack of condoms. Oh, Riley Reyes 18:15 I was thinking DNA testing. So if you are, let's say a trans woman walking in the wrong part of town, and you have condoms on you, they'll use that as evidence that he was a sex worker. Correct. And that is outrageous and encourages unsafe behavior and makes things riskier for those most marginalized and so, APAC is for adult former specifically, but we always try to lend a hand if there are other sex worker causes that we can boost like that. My brain still going you mean having a condom on you can? like yeah, I'll get over that in like two weeks. Yeah, they're really reaching for straws to profile people. Usually trans women of color. real growth. Yeah, Alice Vaughn 19:01 that's very disappointing. And another thing you mentioned, actually, so going back for a hot second, sometimes even weeding out potentially bad apples, you know, people coming into the industry who really, you know, set their expectations differently, or even maybe directors or persons who may not be acting well. So I'm curious, I know even one of our patrons, Mike sorbetto. He was interested in what might be being done if anything to address bad behavior within the industry. I feel like everybody has had an idea of how mi two has kind of impacted, really everything else. But no one's really talked about what's being done in porn, if anything at all. Riley Reyes 19:38 I feel like in porn, since it's sort of decentralized, it becomes hard to have any kind of a body that will oversee these sorts of problems. Yeah, the porn industry doesn't have an HR. The closest thing it has is APAC and FSC. And we really fall short of being able to fulfill those duties, having a board that can oversee complaints, provide people with training and gain some kind of justice is a special skill set all in itself, you basically need an HR department to be operating. And we simply don't have one as an industry. And so right now we're operating on pretty much a call out culture and then independent investigations by the production company associated with the director or photographer who had the complaint against them. And those investigations are varying in rigor and in public satisfaction with their accountability, which is shame. I mean, we know that there have been complaints about for instance, James Dean in the past, I mean, some fairly severe complaints and he's performing again and there are some performers that just won't work with the companies that are hiring him. And I don't know if that's fair. I don't know if that's right. That you know, some women are just staying away from potential women. work. I don't want to say that it's mandatory that it be forced out of the industry, but it's very strange. They're like, well, he might have done something that that violates the rules of everything we try to say is happening in sex and should happen in consensual sex, but we're just gonna, we're gonna let that slide like, I don't know what the answer to that is. It's really frustrating that we have no framework for any kind of justice. Really, it's all just vague and decentralized. But ideally, if we could have a framework, I would like I would like it to be one that was based on restorative justice. That makes sense. The allegations that I know of against James were from a while ago, and I certainly I'm not saying they didn't happen, I'm saying, I would like to see a path towards redemption that he could take to reenter the community in a way that was fully accountable, and not just this sort of vague. Well, I guess it's been long enough that he was in timeout. Let's test it again. kind of vibe that I'm getting now. I wish there was something a little more Yvette d'Entremont 21:59 Yeah, I mean, that's It's okay for when your dog sits on the carpet, but not when a human does it to your industry. And I don't know what the answer is like, Is there an amount of time? Yeah, those are just the things we're struggling with, I guess Riley Reyes 22:10 I have interacted with him. And I get the impression from interacting with him that he understands why what he did before was wrong and is interested in interacting with the culture in a way that is productive at positive at this point. But at the end of the day, I'm just one person who talked to him a few times. I'd love for there to be a system in place that could actually create a restorative justice structure. Yeah, Yvette d'Entremont 22:38 exactly. That would be fantastic. Alice Vaughn 22:40 Yeah, the problem is, especially with cloud culture, it's Yes, you can call out bad behavior, but what is the actionable thing that you can do? The problem is, especially in porn, is that if hypothetically something happens on set, I mean, not only do you not have HR, but if hypothetically, someone does so Non consensual onset to you guys. It's gonna be even harder to hypothetically go to even the cops because Unknown Speaker 23:05 well, you're a porn actor Didn't you know this is part of the deal? Alice Vaughn 23:08 Exactly. And that's not okay. At all. Their problem is that they make so many assumptions about you guys as well as the industry itself that you guys get less help than really anyone. Riley Reyes 23:23 Yeah. Law enforcement doesn't know what to do if one of us tries to come to them with an assault story, because their whole ideas Didn't you get paid to go to set and have sex, and they don't have any kind of understanding of nuance, and there's no way for them to really interact with it. Well, you're saying cops don't understand nuance what what are you saying? You crazy ideas you're having here whole legal system doesn't understand anything involving nuancing consent, like no, it has a lot of trouble even recognizing date rape as a rape because you went out with tend to go on a date. Now, if you showed up on set to a highly stigmatized profession to have sex on camera for a living, the legal system really is not prepared to give you any kind of justice. And so you have to sort of seek it on your own through your community. And that sucks. And it's interesting, because I've heard it's funny people will come to me and say, but Alice, they'll say that you need consent during every step of the wait, like, you know, can I touch you? Can I do this? Alice Vaughn 24:27 Yeah. Have you ever had sex with someone? I want to ask those people? And to those same people, I kind of want to say like, Yvette d'Entremont 24:32 what about when I stick a finger in your butthole? Is that okay? I didn't ask. Do I have to as soon as I'm naked? It means I can put anything and anything and not ask according to some people were too shitty, Riley Reyes 24:44 right? I feel like there's an opportunity on every adult set. Since you guys are industry. Jason, you probably know this. Before every scene you'll have a little quick talk about do's and don'ts. And a lot of times that's your opportunity to communicate that but I think Find a lot, especially with newer performers. They don't even necessarily know what might come up that they are not comfortable with. Yeah, like a newer girl might not realize she has to say, I don't like spit in my face, please. Or don't choke me. Those are things that I know I would have to say if I didn't want them. But a lot of people don't necessarily know what the sandbox that they're playing in looks like what the edges of it are. Yeah, and which things they would have to negotiate before they start doing a scene. Yvette d'Entremont 25:29 Like I did not know that I did not like canes until the first time tried having someone cane me and it was not pleasant. And I did not like I don't know still if they were just bad at it. How do you know that going in? Or it was just that's how I learned and it would have sucked a lot to find out on a porn set. Riley Reyes 25:48 I always am fascinated with people who do experimentation on camera for that reason. I know some people like love that they have documented their first and they got to explore on camera. Sophia grace told me that was one Her favorite things about porn is that she gots to all this sexual exploration on camera. I'm just sitting there. What if you didn't like it is so much pressure to Yvette d'Entremont 26:08 Yeah, I'm not. I'm not a good enough actor to pretend that something's making me feel good when I want to punch the person doing to me in the face. Sorry. Riley Reyes 26:15 Right. So I think part of the problem is people don't understand what they can negotiate for. I've noticed more and more companies because of this problem, have implemented two things. One of them is for performer on performer concerns what we're talking about right now. And what they've done for that is they've started including a consent checklist for performers, something really simple that just has your physical and your verbal do's and don'ts that performers can fill out before scene for one another. I know gamma is doing this and all these sets and several other companies have started to do this, I think to legally cover their asses, but it's also creating a consent culture that I like to see and I'm excited that it's there. Alice Vaughn 26:57 I think that's great. However, Riley Reyes 26:59 a lot of reasons Farmers seem to view it as stupid. Like I've been on set with people who are in philosophic. What do you mean? nicknames? You can't call me I'm like, if you don't want to be called a whore, that's a thing. Like, what do you mean like do's and don'ts and like, well, like, some people don't like to be choked. Some people don't like to be spit on. Some people don't like snowballing. Like, you just just pick the things you don't want to do. And if it's, and they even on the gamma sets require you to write an A, if there's nothing that you want to say, just so that they have a documentation that you had the option to say that. And when they give you this paperwork, they also tell you that you have the right to change your mind at anytime and call cut at any time. If you change your mind about how you feel during the course of the scene, which I think is really a step in the right direction. Alice Vaughn 27:45 I think that's completely fair. I mean, you could be hypothetically, let's say into choking, but maybe a specific performer is doing it in a way that you don't feel comfortable with them doing that to you. So why not say no, actually, we tried it during the scene. I I'm good. Let's not continue. Riley Reyes 28:02 Yeah, it's important to be able to retract. This is a win for everyone. Hopefully the culture will start to become more comfortable with this idea of talking about your do's and don'ts. I think it makes a better scene. I think it's hot away, and it will have better sex. If I have a little sheet or I can go. You know what, I don't really like it when you spank me. But like, I would love it if you choked me, and I like things to be really sloppy with lots of spit. Are you comfortable with that? And I think that you get a better scene when people know what each other like, I don't think there's anything bad about you Yvette d'Entremont 28:34 get excited about things together as opposed to talking someone into it. Crazy thought. Alice Vaughn 28:40 So actually, this kind of leads into another question that another one of her patrons had. Paul, he mentioned, what do you wish people knew about the porn they consume? And the people who helped make it? I mean, we're kind of getting into the topic of ethical porn, and we always encourage our listeners to pay for your porn. Seriously guys pay for your porn pay for your porn. But in all honesty, people have asked, Well, how do I know what I'm consuming is ethical. I mean, do you have any insight into that? Riley Reyes 29:11 The best surefire way to know that someone wants to be making the porn you're consuming is to buy the porn that they make themselves subscribed to their only fans buy from their clips for sale, buy it directly from the performer that you like, because that way you know that they're basically just making the porn that they want to make with their buddies. That is a really good piece of insight. Otherwise, I mean, I could list off a bunch of companies that I like and that I've had good experiences with. But honestly, people's experiences vary, and I feel a little bit reticent to project my own experiences onto everybody else. But I'd say just try to go out there and honestly, consuming from the bigger studios or directly from performers is probably the safest CEOs like penthouse or like gamma, who I've been talking so fondly of, like even kink, who had a bit of a rocky start now has really amazing consent work. Any of these more big brands are going to have a more well oiled consent machine and sort of HR department in a way. It's basically big studios or direct from performer and of course, I like direct from performer because that's me, and that's me and my friends having the sex that we want to have, you know, in our apartments and filming it for you guys. And there's something really cool and intimate about that. Yvette d'Entremont 30:38 Pair of two girls one Mike, we think it's important to support you in your masturbatory habits. It's sex with someone you love, and we love Alice Vaughn 30:46 them to love some really strong word. Yvette d'Entremont 30:48 According to my therapist, we care about getting each and every one of them a better orgasm and that is close enough. Alice Vaughn 30:55 And we will never recommend anything we haven't personally tested Yvette d'Entremont 30:59 which is why You can trust us when we say we highly recommend Cloner Willy Alice Vaughn 31:03 because with clone Willy you can masturbate and have sex with someone you love while at home and shame eating overeats Unknown Speaker 31:10 I told you to take the camera out of my home. Oops. So with photo Willie, you can make a dildo and now a flashlight out of your own anatomy. Alice Vaughn 31:20 As we found it's a fun and messy process. Yvette d'Entremont 31:23 And if you're doing this on your partner, they're strategizing and evasive maneuvering. It's kind of like adult risk, but instead of winning a fake country, you get a real vibrator Alice Vaughn 31:32 and do what you want with it. hang it on a wall, Unknown Speaker 31:34 hide it in your goodie drawer for Alice Vaughn 31:36 when you're home alone, send it to your significant other as the only version of you that's willing to fly united. Use it to fix Yvette d'Entremont 31:42 a broken leak, Alice Vaughn 31:44 or to cause one personal experience. Use it as a peer cozy smash the patriarchy with the cold one, ladies. Yvette d'Entremont 31:53 So crack a cold phone with the boys stick it in the girls. where can Alice Vaughn 31:58 our listeners find out more about this matter? To quote unquote go to quarter Yvette d'Entremont 32:02 Willie comm to check it out and type in the promo code tg o m 20 to get 20% off your first purchase. Alice Vaughn 32:10 I really, right now this is just going into my own fantasy territory because I just want to start supplying I feel like Alice is gonna be a cam girl one day I know I guys, Yvette d'Entremont 32:20 no, stop it. Maybe there is nothing wrong with that and you're asked would make a killing. I'm just saying no, she had a great app. Alice Vaughn 32:26 You don't even know where I'm going by this. I Yvette d'Entremont 32:29 know. I was just derailing it as usual. Go on, go on Alice Vaughn 32:33 green screens. So Riley, I kind of want more performers to have green screens. Because yes, you could be putting a dildo into your ass. But what if it was on Yvette d'Entremont 32:45 the moon? I want it to be on the side of Jurassic Park. I want dinosaurs ripping each other to shreds behind your fucking Riley Reyes 32:52 Oh my God, I should get a green screen. Because I'm obsessed with bad dragon. I've got all these really fun fantasy dildo you're always like, they don't really fit in in my bedroom or my living room or any of the other sets I can rent even like the cool ones it's like a bar or a restaurant or a doctor's office or school they still didn't fit with a bad dragon dildos but I could green screen and all kinds of crazy fantasy shit. Alice Vaughn 33:15 You could be a guest on Larry King. Oh my god Shut Yvette d'Entremont 33:19 up. I have a green screen you can borrow? I live in in the dtla area Riley Reyes 33:24 that's amazing. I'm gonna get my elf ears and all my various monster pillows and show up at your house. Unknown Speaker 33:30 Oh my god, it's Don't tempt her this is going to happen. Yvette d'Entremont 33:33 I know when we first moved into this place it's basically the area where our bed is now was once upon a time used as a stage and when we first put the bed on to it because they had not taken down the light and the speakers were like fuck There's our bedroom look like a porn set and I'm I'm a little sad that the lights were taken down like the part of me that's like, I would like a place that looks livable. Thank you is glad that they're down. But like for a while it was like, Can we turn on the red and blue While we're having sex tonight, we have enough lights and everything set up and I'm like when should we start renting this out for porn productions? Riley Reyes 34:08 Well now you've done it now you're not gonna be able to get rid of me Yvette d'Entremont 34:11 darn come on over I'll set up a green screen Alice Vaughn 34:15 Oh, what a shame having Riley come over film a scene? Yeah, come over and do weird stuff. How weird I might be into it. I'll pay for it. We have Yvette d'Entremont 34:24 whatever you need here. I'll provide the sanitation and the lube. You go to town. I have a really good camera. Riley Reyes 34:30 Like loudly fisting myself in your home in front of your green screen Yvette d'Entremont 34:35 define loudly like well the entire house here just the apartment because either way it's great. I just want to know Riley Reyes 34:41 definitely at least the apartment depends how into it I get I guess. Oh hell yeah. Yvette d'Entremont 34:45 Let's bring over the bat the bat dragon toys to people need to sell. Yeah, they're fantastic. If you guys don't know these things look like either monster. penises or tails are technical. They're just they're beautiful. If you Alice Vaughn 34:57 want a demogorgon dick Riley Reyes 34:59 to have it on. I haven't gotten the demogorgon currently I have a tentacle that glows in the dark. I have a horse stick. I have one of their big thick dragon Dix. It's like It's like a fist in its proportions, which I appreciate. And then I have the Griffin deck, but it also it has come to so I can make it squirt. I want to Yvette d'Entremont 35:21 who there was one on there that I decided to order, specifically because I'm like, I remember killing that creature in Witcher three. I totally want the dick of it. So if y'all want to know how nerdy I am, that's how I order my dildos have I killed the creature in a nerd video game. Yes, I want the deck there Alice Vaughn 35:38 come lube looks so much like come it's kind of creepy. I Riley Reyes 35:42 just got a really great viscosity for anal play to Yvette d'Entremont 35:46 like oh, I'm ordering Riley Reyes 35:46 that too. I really appreciate I like I love that I'm just like completely non spawn here like that dragon please notice me let me be here. spokesmodel I believe in you. Yvette d'Entremont 35:57 We love bad dragon here too. So it's go ahead and talk them about You want Unknown Speaker 36:00 oh yeah I have a few of their shapes that's all I'm saying I am very happy lady because of them. So Yvette d'Entremont 36:08 yeah, we've used and we approve so eventually we're going to get them as sponsors here Don't worry we're working on it. We want to get you those promo codes because we want you to pay for your sex and for your toys but not too much. Riley Reyes 36:20 They've been very supportive I think because I put up publicity for them whenever I get a new toy so they've they'll give me discounts as it is. I Alice Vaughn 36:28 saw someone and I think it was a bad dragon toy. It has to be I'm going back to my brain from like a week ago there was a clip online on Twitter I think it was that either Tommy shared or someone liked. And it was a woman super tiny. Actually Riley she looked a lot like you maybe she was you wasn't you Yvette d'Entremont 36:51 will find out soon Alice Vaughn 36:53 find out very quickly. But the point is, it was a tentacle, but it was a huge tentacle. It went up to like boob height. From when she was sitting and that first off concerned to be second off, she was very tiny and she got that all into her ass in one shot just went in Yvette d'Entremont 37:09 panicle No, it's bigger. It was bigger. It's the reticle I saw that. Alice Vaughn 37:14 Okay, so number one, how many organs did she have to remove to get that in? You Riley Reyes 37:20 know, it's really amazing Emily people can accommodate. So yeah, like, honestly, I can fit more badly. But I really respect like intense high level animal training like that. And I really like topping for people who aspire to that level of anal sluttiness. Like, Natalie Mars is amazing as an angel bottom and so is Michael Vegas. They both just, they could really put a lot in there. And I really have fun with that. Yvette d'Entremont 37:48 I'm just laughing because I love that we're at a type of conversation where we're like, we applaud all the things you stick in your ass for our pleasure. Thank you so much for the expansive work you do literally. Yeah, it's long. Alice Vaughn 38:00 It really is. And there are people who are like, No, I have the clown car of anuses Oh, it's, Yvette d'Entremont 38:07 I have nothing to respond with to that. Unknown Speaker 38:11 You know what, as someone who wants to date a guy with a clown finish, that's the closest I'll get. So that's a read for me. Yvette d'Entremont 38:18 I tried to lay tech guy clown fetish. I'm like, I look I don't have that much time to put on makeup. Like I say that I wear clown makeup. But like I stopped a little short of like, I've been to a clown themed orgy. Riley Reyes 38:32 I went to a friend's birthday party in Bushwick. He is really into clowning and had always wanted to have a clown orgy. girl who was dating at the time was sort of a burlesque chick. And he asked for his birthday present to be a clown orgy. And a lot of people in the scene sort of grumbled, so they wouldn't be coming. And he said, I understand. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but this is my birthday. And I really wanted this for so long. And so everyone who went had to Be in costume. I painted my face up and I went to this fantastic clown sex party. Wow, were there different types of clowns it's someone show up as it were their balloons Did someone try making a balloon animal out of a penis Alice Vaughn 39:12 I need to know and then stick it in an ash Riley Reyes 39:15 there were balloons I didn't see anyone insert them into anyone. No one went is scary clowns. It was all just sort of designed to be like circus clowns somewhat for the happy clown someone for the sad clown little bit of every Oh, and he got a circle of boobs also was for his birthday present. So we put him in the middle of a circle of us dressed as clowns with our kids out right. He closed his eyes he got spun around really, really fast. And then he opened his eyes again and just like walk towards the first pair of boobs he saw and then he grabbed all the boobs he could and since we were clowns, we all started to each make our own noise for our boobs. So we start like honking rubber. Yvette d'Entremont 39:50 Yeah. For Unknown Speaker 39:53 circle of clown Unknown Speaker 39:53 boobs just a reminder children at home all these things are okay if everyone has consented. Riley Reyes 39:59 Yeah, and Of course, he asked right before the circle whoops, he said, who would like to come to the this room with me and let me grab their boobs. So we all went to a separate room if that was something we were interested in, okay with. Alice Vaughn 40:10 Yeah, that's amazing. Um, what other themed orgies? Have you been to? Or have them just not held up to clown orgy? Yvette d'Entremont 40:19 If you have anything that is tops that I need to know, Riley Reyes 40:21 that clown orgy was definitely the most funny story about, I think the most impressive one, in terms of world building was a post apocalypse themed one. Oh my god, the guy who threw it created an entire story about post apocalyptic new Brooklyn. He posted all of the events and stories in character as the warlord of post apocalyptic new Brooklyn. I played a character there and helped him throw the party as one of his handmaidens. He had a guard. He had like a whole thing that he staged like later on as he was like going mad with power and see stayed in character. So it was like a post apocalyptic sex party meets LARP at least on his part because he really committed to the character all night other people kind of came as themselves. Alice Vaughn 41:10 So based on the level of detail and planning, number one, this is something Alice is going to start doing. Maybe I'm not saying that I'm wet over here. Yvette d'Entremont 41:22 But so how many binders is it take to make a good party? That's what Alice wants to know. That's what gets her really hard. Alice Vaughn 41:29 This definitely sounds like three binders at least bare minimum. Riley Reyes 41:33 Yeah, this this guy's definitely is someone who appreciates Vampire the Masquerade. He also did a Vampire the Masquerade themed party, in which he stayed in character and sort of wrote a whole story for himself as the host. And we all dress color coded based on like, which of the houses we were in. He really oh man likes those White Wolf gaming systems. Yvette d'Entremont 41:54 I must saying Alice is going to start throwing sex parties, but I'm saying if she does, this is how she's doing it. Alice Vaughn 41:59 Well, I'll have to To introduce the two of you. Who lives in Manhattan? Yes. So, okay, I'll be frank, I haven't gone to a sex party yet in New York at a pure curiosity, I'll eventually go to one. But the problem is I feel like my standards are around, learn more of, because I am a nerd. That's the kind of world I'm interested in. I'm into people actually caring about roles and character. So you do something post apocalyptic, you create a storyline, you Yvette d'Entremont 42:34 find it a lot of these sex parties, the first like 20 minutes to an hour that everyone's there. There are a lot of people that are kind of nervous about the fact that eventually they're going to be naked and a lot of other people are going to see them so people forget to stay in character. Riley Reyes 42:47 Yeah, a lot of these were sort of like innovate only within like the community that I was in. So you'd have to at least be vouched for by someone and come in as their couple or through apple or whatever you wanted to do. And usually For the ones I went to the first hour or so would be people are coming in the door and it's almost like a variety cabaret style act of whatever the thing is. The clown party was a lot less LARP like and a lot more of like a cabaret with like, Cool variety acts and like burlesque and stuff like that because that was that group. I just really hope someone committed ahead of time and just said, No, I'm staying at home. I can't shoot any clips because I need to learn how to make a balloon animal. I came in as a Skype guest to the second Vampire the Masquerade party, as like this freaky vampire Oracle. I did this crazy makeup with like tear stains like running down my face. And like we had a whole thing where I couldn't be there to have sex with people but I made an appearance. Part of Yvette d'Entremont 43:48 the story. I feel like if there's a picture of this makeup, we need to take that picture and use it for the promo for the surface. Riley Reyes 43:54 Oh my gosh, I'll have to go find it. It was on my first Instagram that got deleted but it may be fundable somewhere. We found Yvette d'Entremont 44:00 our favorite nerd and the porn verse and we're showing it off Alice Vaughn 44:03 oh my gosh you guys Riley Reyes 44:04 you're just sitting here with me with like kind of my entire skull tapestry in the background. But there is a giant wall sized Rebel Alliance sigil from Star Wars next to me see a poster for this thing just a ton of video games let's see a we a ps4 ps to see an entire come over and we can battle it out in Mario Kart got a 360 over there like we just got like switch a huge I do not have a switch yet. But it is it is on my wish list right now if any of the fans would like to buy that for me, like a big old Xena and X Files box set like that. This is how I'm living, loving nerdery and porn I see nothing wrong with this lifestyle. Unknown Speaker 44:46 Oh, it's not like most of our audience isn't turned on by that thought. Everyone who wasn't already maxed out on places they were subscribing to for their porn. They're like all right clicking worser website. I need it. Now. Riley Reyes 44:56 I'll be launching my own only fans. here very soon, if they follow me on social media, they'll be able to catch that launch. I'm currently stacking up a bunch of fun content for him. But yeah, they can hang out and see my nerdy self in action. Cuz like, I've got a ton of video games and tabletop games, and I spent the rest of my spare time doing besides activism is martial arts. So it's just gonna be a ton of like, jujitsu shit, nerdy shit and then just like me being a pervert, that's the whole Unknown Speaker 45:25 Jiu Jitsu come super in handy though, because you don't have to be big and massive. You just need to, you need to leverage someone else's body against them. Exactly. Riley Reyes 45:36 Sometimes, if someone's bigger, they're even easier to choke their necks just right there, isn't it? Just asking for it? Unknown Speaker 45:43 Unless they have no neck. I have so many ways to choke people. Now. It's exciting. This is very true. Just little bitty pinch right on right on the sides. But if they have no neck, how Riley Reyes 45:52 do you grab it? Exactly. I'm saying the bigger people with the bigger necks. I appreciate them. Yvette d'Entremont 45:56 Because I mean, normally you pinch the blood vessels, just push them further out. Riley Reyes 46:00 A lot of the things that I do in jujitsu, I'm often using people's collars or using my forearm to kind of, it's a visual gag. But there's a lot of different ways that you can choke someone, not necessarily just using your hands like your hands and your arms and your forearms and sometimes their arm and your leg and it's a whole, there's a lot of ways, Unknown Speaker 46:18 no to self sign up for jujitsu, it's pretty Riley Reyes 46:21 sexy, we roll around and get sweaty and try to choke each other. I'm into it on a fetish level. And it's also super nerdy, because it's a strategy game that you play with your body. One of my friends says, it's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube that's trying to solve you at the same time. Unknown Speaker 46:36 I love that comparison. This is not in any way making me not want to sign up for Jiu Jitsu lessons. Riley Reyes 46:44 Yeah, that's a thing I want to do now. It is one of the nerdiest martial arts, perhaps the nerdiest. There's just something about the fact that is like legitimate people who enjoy physics puzzles using the body, like Oh, so if you move the fulcrum a little bit closer, you could break somebody's arm like this. That's why you tap. Yvette d'Entremont 47:02 Oh man, Alice Vaughn 47:03 so I did jujitsu years ago for a short period of time and because I kind of double jointed a little bit of when they tried tapping me out there were a lot of times he just couldn't do it. Interesting. Riley Reyes 47:15 Yeah. curious what submissions would work on you while you're definitely still trackable? Alice Vaughn 47:19 Oh, very charitable. Sorry, audience now you guys all know. Yvette d'Entremont 47:26 There are a couple different ways you can choke someone. A lot of times people who don't know we'll go for the front of the throat because they think cut off the airway. There are a couple different spots. You can pinch on the side of the neck that grab the blood vessels that stop ER and you'll get a few seconds of being feeling a little high from being oxygen deprived, but you have to like please don't learn how to choke for me describing it please look this up, go to a class. Have somebody teach it to you, but yeah, like, don't go for the windpipe. Riley Reyes 47:50 Yeah, definitely even at home for sexy times. Just avoid the wind pipe. That's an amateur move right there. If you're crushing and hurting my windpipe that's not even good. To get you the good effects from the choking, like the good sexy effects from the choking people want or the feeling of the hand on the neck and the lightheadedness you get from like losing the blood to the brain. But you have to be very careful with that and very communicative and do Please do your research. You don't want people to pass out it could cause brain damage, right? You don't want to cause your partner brain damage. That's not nice. Unknown Speaker 48:19 I mean, depends on the I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Unknown Speaker 48:22 Why are you having sex with Unknown Speaker 48:24 them if you want to give them brain This is why it was a joke with no meaning whatsoever. There you go. Alice Vaughn 48:29 So speaking of safety tips during sex, so obviously there's a number of people who will look at porn stars and say I want to fuck like a porn star. I'm sure a fair amount do a lot of rookie mistakes. What are some fun maybe sex tips that you can give to our listeners at home of do's antidotes aside from don't break your partner's neck? Riley Reyes 48:51 Well, I literally also teach classes at sex toy stores and swinger events and dungeons on how to fuck like a porn star. Most Popular classes being oral, like a porn star and Anna, like a porn star, one of my most popular classes, my angel, that's the question I received the most. So I'm going to talk a bit about that. I feel like part of the problem with angel is that it's shown a lot in porn. But we show nothing of the warmth that leads to it. Maybe it'll show something with a toy or some fingers. But we don't really show a realistic warm up. Usually someone has warmed up, offset, and like I said, for the dread seen, if you're getting to bigger sizes, you weren't at home for weeks leading up to it and people just don't know, the training required to do the physical feats that we do. So what I suggest to people for anal, it's not just about lube and going slow. It's about training your body to take bigger sizes. My biggest piece of advice is to masturbate, mainly using toys starting from small and working your way up, and really give yourself orgasms or something in there. So you get to know your body and get to know what you do and don't like That way, it's not just a favor you're doing for some guy. It's a way that you can experience pleasure and get to know your own body and own your pleasure. I think that's really important. And otherwise, I say, pain free angel is the goal. A lot of people think you should grin and bear it and wince to the pain, you'll get to the good. And plenty of people get drunk on tequila and do that. And they have a fine enough time. I did that for a while. But I realized that if you warm up and stretch and take your time, use your toys, use your lube, and get your body to where it can stretch. It's just like yoga, you stretch to the point of discomfort, not the point of pain, and you stay right there at the point of discomfort and breathe into it until you're ready to go deeper. And it should be the same way with anal sex. I don't see why people are so unkind to their poor buttholes when they treat their other muscles with more respect, Unknown Speaker 50:53 please forgive the buttholes people. Yeah, guys. Unknown Speaker 50:56 It's a delicate area. Alice Vaughn 50:58 It feels like we should come out with Like wristbands I mean they had that for what was it testicular cancer at some point the yellow wristbands should have butthole wristbands they'll be brown. Riley Reyes 51:08 You know, wellness awareness Yvette d'Entremont 51:10 will also have pink ones for people who are in favor of bleached households which whatever whatever works for your asshole we support its health and safety and pleasure. Riley Reyes 51:18 I feel like instead of save the whales, we should have T shirts have saved the anus. really forget who it was. I saw speaking I think it was Jessica Drake who was up on a stage making the audience stay with her. No more Oops, wrong whole whole mica. Because it's like that's not an acceptable way to try to negotiate to get anal. Yvette d'Entremont 51:38 Nobody doesn't know they're sticking it in there. Or at least I don't think that's the thing you can do. If you've ever felt the warmth of one and the other you don't go Oh, I couldn't tell what. No, Riley Reyes 51:51 I've had some clumsy things where they almost started to but honestly it's tight enough spot that like you notice pretty quickly like Yvette d'Entremont 52:00 It's not like all of a sudden this vagina got to the point where you have to like shove it in like that's not a thing Unknown Speaker 52:06 like why is there suddenly that this resistance? It's because it's a different hole, bro. Yvette d'Entremont 52:11 Yeah, this one's got muscular tension man. Riley Reyes 52:13 I really think it's weird that there are so many guys who want to put things in and girls and wouldn't even be willing to put a finger in their own to see what they're doing and they have prostate, prostate, the thing is in BDSM, a proper top who's shopping for a crop or a cane or a Flogger will test it on their own forearm before bringing it home to use on their sub. That way they know what they're doing, even though they don't enjoy pain. And I always tell the guys who are in the couples who come to my angel class like, hey, even if you know penetration isn't your thing that you want to feel. You should at least put a finger in yourself sometimes so you know what you're doing. Yvette d'Entremont 52:52 Yeah, feel what it feels like to work up to it feel like just so you know, even something small like a finger or a really small bump. Plug with if not properly worked up to, I've just shoved in there is gonna hurt and I don't think that people who haven't tried it or just want it and have no conception that somebody could do that to them. That's not a thing they consider when being like no I can just shove this in. I saw it in the porn. That's one of the biggest pieces of psychoeducation I want to get out there is like it takes time not just the day of but often like weeks or months leading up to trying it and that it should be something in which you know your body it's about pleasure, not about pain and sort of sacrificing for someone else that's not sexy. So guys just patience and work and YouTube and have fuckin kick ass but sex Riley Reyes 53:41 you can. I believe in you. Alice Vaughn 53:43 We need motivational posters for the show. This is a second time I'm requesting them so if you want a motivational poster, please email us at info at two girls one Mike calm. We believe in you and maybe with an anal scene. Oh my gosh. Yvette d'Entremont 53:56 I want like just a picture of the mountains in the background with the phrase use more lube, wash your junk. Just all of our little things that we use in the show all the time. I just want to wash your junk one. Riley Reyes 54:09 I like the idea of one that says I believe in you that's just like a black gloved fist. Yvette d'Entremont 54:17 Oh my god. Yeah, I think that's the thing we should start selling on our website. Alice Vaughn 54:21 All we need are two of you to write in. That's it, too. And we'll make it I'll make it I have time. Actually, I don't have time, but I'll figure it out. Yvette d'Entremont 54:29 she'll send it to me and be like Yvette, you need to make this happen. There'll be a division of labor Alice Vaughn 54:34 will end up going to the EU next year. And we'll start just handing out different campaign posters. There'll be safety posters, the do's and don'ts. Riley Reyes 54:45 I mean, people have so much that they need to know and people get so many ideas about sexuality from porn. And it's unfortunate that there isn't a more open sexual dialogue or better sex education in our culture because to get your sex Education solely from porn is like, trying to learn to drive from watching Fast and Furious or trying to learn from to fight from watching WWE. It's just not what you do. It's for entertainment. It's for titillation, and it's fun. But if that's the only information you're getting, you have a serious gap in your education. Unknown Speaker 55:19 So listeners of the show know that one of the ways that I learned my sex education was through Cosmo, the magazine. Yeah, yeah, I see your faces on common. Unknown Speaker 55:31 Yeah, it happened to me too. And it took like my 20s to undo all of that damage. Unknown Speaker 55:35 Oh, it did put a doughnut on your man's dick. No, do not do that. Unknown Speaker 55:40 Oh, I used to shoelace on a guy's dick because Cosmo said it would spice things up. Oh, I need to Yvette d'Entremont 55:47 know how this how this worked out. What did you do with the shoelace to the deck Alice Vaughn 55:51 wraps it around the deck kind of Indian burned him? It's not my fault. It's Yvette d'Entremont 55:57 Cosmo. What the fuck Riley Reyes 55:59 you Use a shoelace for like, almost like cotton balls bondage in which you could like sort of go with like a figure rate around the balls and you could create that like constriction, so it'd be like a caulk ring, and sort of simulation, but it's a little dummy. And it requires skills. And you'd have to do some research there. Alice Vaughn 56:19 Oh, no, this was set like 18 year old Alice had no idea what she was doing. Got all her sex ed and not from Catholic school, but from cosmopolitan. So Yvette d'Entremont 56:30 there we go. I've had also ice cubes I've used on men. Don't do that. I think I dated a guy who used Cosmo for his sex tips because he got the impression that ice cubes in there was a delightful experience. And I was tied up at the time. I'm sitting here going this is not the worst thing that I've had. It's been a pleasure. Fine. I'm a little bit of a of a masochist, to play into someone's sadistic tendencies, but at the same time, I'm like, Who told someone this is gonna be a good time? Riley Reyes 56:59 Yeah, ice really is More of a thing that you can use for torture unless you temper it a bit like you can hold it in your mouth and like run it gently over someone switch a little bit cooling or you can hold it in your hand and just drip the cool water if you want to be sensual but again, these are all these are all skills that require finesse. Yvette d'Entremont 57:15 This person filled a condom with water and froze it. Unknown Speaker 57:20 Oh god. Oh yeah, that is kinky in a painful way. Yvette d'Entremont 57:25 Yeah, like if it's for the record not thing I I found out that was not a thing I was into it I feel like like and I just don't like the cold anyway, so why would I like it directly on my lady parts. So that's also more sexual adventures you have the more things you find out you're into or not into Alice Vaughn 57:42 think I just read the article of how to use items in your kitchen junk drawer during sexual roleplay one on one spatulas SATs amazed spatulas I have a femme Dom clip that's kinda like that, in which I have them do terrible, torturous things to themselves with things they might find in a case. And drunk door set the whole point is that I'm torturing them. So Yvette d'Entremont 58:04 I taught a class once on Home Depot in the bedroom genius was just how to you know, improvise with everything in there and like no matter what you walk in there and there have to be at least like three aisles that you're like, there are toys, I could do something with this and it's now if people haven't thought about this when they walked into Home Depot every time they're gonna walk by the ropes and the change and every other thing they're going to be like, Alice Vaughn 58:25 Are you kidding me? Just go to doorknobs those are all book plugs. Yvette d'Entremont 58:29 How would I not thought of this? I'm slipping. Riley Reyes 58:32 I'm a big fan of the pet store in the bedroom like PetSmart as a sex toy store that's just got so much weird like stuff with collars that are fantastic. All these little toys I can like use this gags and stuff like all these various like choke chains and, and things and, and then vet wrap that wrap is amazing for bondage. You do have to go get yourself some medical shears for removal. But it's so easy to get the bondage tapes cheap proven bondage tape. Yeah, it's like bondage tape. I don't know if it's more or less expensive, but it adheres to itself really well. It's stretchy, unlike bondage tape because it's designed to be a badge, right? It sticks to itself really well. You can use it to completely wrap someone frog their legs and arms if you like, use it for impromptu cuffs. It's amazing. You just need to get yourself some like medical safety shears to take it off. But it is my favorite bondage implement of all time. Alice Vaughn 59:28 So now I'm picturing a squeaky toy being used for anal I would do that. I pay for it. Unknown Speaker 59:36 I'm also picturing it being used to like for puppy play because some people are into being treated like a dog. And that's the other thing is I like puppy play stuff. So I've got an assortment of pet things. Are there masks too. I don't Riley Reyes 59:48 have the full mask. I do have the rubber butt plug tail, which I like. Yvette d'Entremont 59:53 That's fun. I am indeed a fan of butt plugs with tails on them. I accept your judgment people. Alice Vaughn 59:58 Yeah, well, a lot of nerds. Like that. So what you guys are saying is you can role play as the squirrel eating the taco shell. Unknown Speaker 1:00:09 And we can put you in a tree with the green screen. So this is all looping back together for this scene we're eventually going to create together. Riley Reyes 1:00:17 And then that squirrel tail would become my Horcrux. Unknown Speaker 1:00:21 Yep, yeah, we've tied it all together. We're geniuses. I think the show is wrapped up. It has a bow on it. We planned this everyone. Yeah, we were that on top of our ship this week that we weren't. Alice Vaughn 1:00:32 I am never that on top of my shit. alysus though, God. So Riley, where can our listeners find more of you? Riley Reyes 1:00:41 If you want to find me on Twitter? It's at Riley rea triple x that's ri le y r e y x x x. Or you can buy my femme Dom clips. I want Riley Reyes calm. And if you keep track of me on social media, you can find out about my upcoming projects in both my education and in terms of my subscription, Alice Vaughn 1:01:05 sexy stuff. Awesome and we'll link to all of that in the show notes. By the way, we do have some fantastic patrons to think this week because they did send you a fantastic mic so we got some great quality audio thank you this week we want to thank Brent hola shake Hamilton McDermott Eris night, Graham Smallwood, Amanda and Bob Cole, john wingle, Kyle, Washington priest, pilot, Sam Montana, Megan Hall, and so many others. And if you want to become a patron yourself and by the way, we have at least 1313 episodes that you guys can listen to as patrons that our Patreon only exclusive content just go to patreon.com slash two Unknown Speaker 1:01:46 girls one Mike and y'all think I'm weird here it gets way weirder on Patreon. Alice Vaughn 1:01:50 Yeah, we we talk about stuff stuff that we let tales Yvette d'Entremont 1:01:54 out of school, spill the tea, the tea at all. It all comes down to the counter in there. Alice Vaughn 1:02:00 So and you can also find all of that add to URLs on mike.com By the way, event where can our fantastic listeners find you? Y'all Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:07 can find me over at the side babe on Twitter and Instagram and facebook.com slash Sai babe and of course eBay comm where I deliver up science and a heaping boatload of snark, Alice Vaughn 1:02:17 Alice, where can everybody find you? Well, they could find me over at Twitter at rational blonde, but of course, weekly on this podcast. By the way, if you can't become a Patreon, that's fine, guys, leave us a comment. Share the podcast to all of your friends. We'd love seeing what you say about us. Good batter views bring us so much joy. We mostly just care about the good ones. Fuck you. If you give us a one star. No, I'm kidding. So please don't do that. Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:45 Please don't. Alice Vaughn 1:02:47 But guys, we do appreciate your support and we can't wait to see you Yvette d'Entremont 1:02:51 again next week. Bye bye bye. Transcribed by https://otter.ai

3 Juli 20191h 3min

From the director that brought you "Cum Hunters" and maybe watched the Spielberg classic once, we present "ET: XXX", where a horny alien is stranded on Earth and befriends a young woman named Ellie. Alice & Yvette are joined by porn writer, Allison McKnight (@thatmcknight) to review this mess. Join and listen to extra audio with Allison on our Patreon!   Use Clone-A-Willy code:TWOGIRLS20 to save 20%! Don't forget to leave us a review!

26 Juni 20191h 19min

How much do dominatrixes and therapists have in common? A lot. This week, Alice & Yvette are joined by former dom/porn reviewer/author Robin Shamburg. Mattel might not be too happy with how we use Barbie dolls, we learn about Christ complexes, and what it's like to have been a dom in the 90s. // Save 20% at Clone A Willy with code: TWOGIRLS20 // Save 50% off AdamAndEveVOD.com with promo code: TAKE50// Buy Robin's Book// Support Us on Patreon!

19 Juni 20191h 7min

We're stepping up our game with the Foot Fetish Queen of New York, Becky Berardi (@badassbeckyshow)! Join Yvette and Alice as they explore this specific kink, and the tips and tricks Becky doles out to keep us on our toes.  Support us on Patreon!  Don't forget to use code TWOGIRLS20 for 20% OFF your order at Clone-A-Willy Find more Becky here: http://www.badassbeckyshow.com/ Instagram: @badassbeckyshow @beckysboutiquenyc

12 Juni 20191h 2min