Episode 429: Starting Dialogue with Pants

I like driving my car but I don’t like getting run into by other cars. That’s why I came up with the “please don’t run into me” sign, which you can put in the car or take it with you on the plane or wear around your neck. It’s basically good wherever you don’t want to get hit by stuff. As far as I can tell, no one has come up with this idea before, which probably means I’m good to go. La la la la…ho ho ho…tee hee hee. ← What da HELL!? On today’s show we got that thing I am kind of talking about up there, plus a thing that makes eating ice cream even easier (can you believe it?), a healthier (?) way to make cold brew, and honestly the grossest, most insane way I’ve ever seen of brushing your teeth. I mean it does everything wrong. I truly don’t get it. Maybe someone will explain it to me. Oh please…someone help me!! I need help!!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium - Now THIS is the stuff right here. More JF, more DB, more DAN?! Are you kidding me? If that’s a single penny short of $1,000,000 a month it will have been a steal and a deal. Don’t tell me what it costs! I don’t want to know! I just want to take my $1,000,000 and go away somewhere!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

8 Apr 20241h 38min

Listen up, gang. It’s time to describe the episode. This is basically a way of telling you, the listener, what you might be in for when you download or stream this particular episode of the show. First things first: it starts out with the intro song by the one and only Howell Dawdy. From there [...] Anyway, then we end the show. Another instant classic! Hopefully you enjoyed this description and the podcast itself. Because if not, we’ll probably start freaking out and [...] it’ll be all your fault! Ha ha ha. Happy Easter, gang!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium - Farrarch has ended and Gaperil begins! Nah nah nah. No theme months for a little bit. So we’re talking classic YKS Premium - What The Funds, Missed the Cuts, YKScapades and more…all in video and all without the guilt of not watching the garbage movie we’re talking about for 2 hours! Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks! We are doing Gapetember though. This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor - What’s better than one discount? Two discounts! And when the discount is on food you can eat? Forget about it! Well, don’t forget about it…instead, check out Factor, and remember it! Get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box at FactorMeals.com/yks50!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

1 Apr 20241h 53min

I guess if you think about it, a shrimp kind of looks like a “pew pew”? Isn’t that weird how nowadays we have to have these weird euphemisms for stuff we all talk about all the time cause it’s in the world and that’s the way it is? And we intentionally sound dumber and less comprehensible, trying to outsmart a computer? It’s just odd, I think. And the crazy thing, it’s not even because of woke! It’s because of ads and computer. A combination that we will love for many years to come. On this episode of YKS, it could honestly be anything. It could be about, a, fuckin, water-skiing squirrel. Can you imagine? That would be ridiculous.Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Farrarch continues! Only on YKS Premium! Skate on over and sign up today to hear the big Farrarch finale, with the one and only Asshole McGee! Oh my god I just found out he died. We got Stefan. This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brandsRocket Money - Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yksNordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

25 Mars 20242h 11min

I have cupcake tummy so I’m gonna make this quick. I want you to listen to the show, alright? And I want you to send an email to yourkickstartersucks@gmail.com that says how many times you wipe your butt. And that’s it! Don’t send anything else in there. Just the butt-wipe thing. I have to throw up a cupcake.On this episode of the show we’ve got one of those things where the guys are trying to sell you the idea that they’re experts in something, but they’ve failed at doing the thing weirdly! Plus we’ve got some flags for rich guys, a little robot it would be fun to hate, and some fucking BLAST PIPES! Check it out! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium is GOATED when wanting to listen to more Mike and JF is the vibe! Y’all crazy MFs are getting 5 episodes of Farrarch this month! And if that ain’t enough, there’s other stuff too! Check it out today at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucksThis episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor - Meals to eat, meals to eat, yes they really are my treat! With Factor, every meal is a treat. And best of all, they come to your house, where you live, so you can eat them more easily! Thanks, Factor! Use code YKS50 to get 50% off. Aww, cmon, please?! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

18 Mars 20241h 46min

Who won? Who was snubbed? Who got up to go to the bathroom and missed their big debut? I’m not sure, I didn’t watch it. But someone should write an explainer of it and tell me! Meanwhile, I’ll be rewatching the only Oscars preview that matters and thinking, “Yep, we really got it right.” Another thing we got really right? Today’s episode! Featuring some bad ideas to put in your mouth, ears, and on your head, we really run the gamut of poorly-conceived cranial accessories. Plus: what’s the perfect amount of chips to eat in a day? The answer may surprise you! And if not please see a doctor. New YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! Ding ding ding! Come and get it! It’s Farrarch all month long and we’ve had some great guests. And some bad movies. But those probably balance out (?) Our friends DeadBlossomJesse and Charlie McDonnell have been thus far kind enough to make an appearance. But there are more friends to come. Friends, movies, and more. That’s what makes YKS Premium “God’s gift to content”. Check it out See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

11 Mars 20241h 58min

Don’t be a you-know-what! It’s time to plug them old headphones in or slap em on or listen on speaker while on public transit like a lunatic! On today’s show we have another card game that no one should play for any reason, including on pain of death, or if they’re really bored, a piece of ostensible safety technology that is useless when you think it does one thing, then when you find out it doesn’t even do that, it’s completely incredible, and one that’s actually nice. I won’t say what the nice one is, because basically I’m using a marketing technique to get you to listen to the episode. Studies show this is most effective when you were already going to listen to it anyway, and it’s already on your phone, and you were wasting time reading the rambling episode descriptions for some reason. I read about them. On my sabbatical. Join us in creating a healthier and more equitable future and help us get our show to all! It’s a new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Love it or hate it, Farrarch is back! YKS Premium presents a staggering 5 Fridays, even though it seems like it should only be 4, of sequel-loving madness with some wonderful guest stars. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!Factor - I’m about to have a meal my own self, so this may come off as a bit biased…but I love to eat! And with Factor, eating has never been easier. Except for millions of years ago where we all ate algae and stuff like that, I guess. Plus, Factor tastes better than algae! It’s not cheaper. But still, we got a good deal for you. And again, it’s like good food. Not just slime or other cells. Check out FactorMeals.com/yks50 for 50% off your order of good and normal food! ScentAir - They say that smell is the doorway to the soul. And really, why wouldn’t it be? You smell some stuff and it goes right up into your brain. And your soul’s probably up there, too. And there’s nothing the soul likes more than good scents. Luckily, ScentAir knows all about them. And now, so do you. Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals.RocketMoney - Subscriptions are getting so crazy. TV, Internet, uhhh other forms of entertainment which btw are fine to subscribe to…it’s all too much! Wake me up when I can subscribe to Timothee Chalamet! You know what I’m talking about. Until then, I’m trusting Rocket Money to help me control my monthly budget. I’m coming, Timothee! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/yks.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

4 Mars 20241h 44min

Welcome to Hooterville! That was almost the title of the episode but we already had one with “ass” in it this month and it felt like it would be a little much. Well anyway that’s a little behind the scenes action from your old friends Mike and JF. And as for the Kickstarters this week, well, they’re sure to not disappoint. Sorry this started to sound like ChatGPT a little bit, I’m watching TV and I’m kind of distracted by the bright lights and sounds and stuff like that. On today’s show we’re talking about a pen with a really really really bad name to have, a housing app with another horrible, shitty name, and some kind of fragrance thing with – you guessed it – a name from fucking hell. Didn’t occur to us during the episode that these things are so poorly named, but now having read the entire episode description, you get the benefit of hindsight. And the benefit of hearing the episode! Which you are doing, or will be doing, right now or soon. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium - Farrarch II: All Things Being Sequel. Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucksThis week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: NordVPN - 🌏 Get Exclusive NordVPN deal here → https://nordvpn.com/YKS It’s risk-free with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Link is in the episode description ✌️See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

26 Feb 20241h 47min

Love is in the air! Or it was, anyway, a week or so ago. Because it was that famous day of hearts and candy, Valentine’s. But now we’re celebrating a different kind of love…not romantic love, but rather love for our wonderful presidents of past, present, and future. Which in many ways is even better than finding a partner to share your life and a big box of candy with. Because the presidents are always there, signing documents and so forth. And trust me, a lot of them guys will eat some chocolate with you too. On today’s show, we don’t talk about that stuff at all because we had no idea what day it was. Instead, we got some idiot who wants to fix up a helicopter on my dime, a couple of pieces of crap to tell you what’s going on with your body like you didn’t already know, and a toilet for the UPS guy. Actually I’m joking about that last one but I think it’s a good idea. Those guys gotta whiz and crap! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! You’re gonna like what you listen to. I guarantee it. And you can hold me personally responsible if you don’t. - Mr. Mike Hale (official).This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brandsScentAir - Stuff that smells good keeps you around, and stuff that stinks ushers you out the door. That’s the way it is. And if you ask us, it’s high time businesses learnt this inexorable fact and starting making their places smell good! Well that’s where ScentAir comes in. It also comes into your nose. Isn’t that fun? Go to ScentAir.com/yks to learn how you can save 25% off your first Whisper MAX diffuser and explore other great deals!Factor - I love lunchies I love dinners, Factor Factor please deliver! And they always do. To your door, that is, in a nice box you can do whatever with after you’ve taken the food out. I personally like to jump inside and pretend that none of my problems can get me in there. But it’s really all up to you. Head to FactorMeals.com/YKS50 and use the code yks50 to get 50% off.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

19 Feb 20241h 58min