How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship | LHS Classic E251

If you’ve ever questioned where you stand with your partner or second-guessed their love, this will help you feel more grounded, connected, and secure. This episode first aired on June 21, 2021 (Episode 251), and I’m bringing it back because so many of you said it hit home. Ever replayed a conversation, overread a text, or felt on edge when your partner seemed distracted even when nothing was “wrong”? That kind of relationship anxiety can keep you chasing reassurance. I’m joined by my colleague Georgi, a marriage and family therapist on our Growing Self team, to talk about why security can feel slippery and what it takes to build emotional safety that lasts. We look at how attachment injuries, big and small, quietly shape how you show up in love. Early experiences, broken trust, and even subtle disappointments can make connection feel risky and drive patterns like jealousy, anger, or withdrawal. Together, we talk about interrupting those cycles, hearing what your anxiety is trying to say, and inviting your partner into repair with curiosity rather than blame. Episode Breakdown: 00:00 Introduction: Why It’s Hard to Feel Secure in Your Relationship 07:05 How Attachment Shapes Emotional Safety and Trust 10:40 When Insecurity Shows Up as Anger or Jealousy 18:50 What Fuels Insecurity: Attachment Injuries and Unmet Needs 26:25 Inviting Your Partner In and Re-building Connection 30:35 Responding With Empathy Instead of Defensiveness 35:40 The House Analogy: Re-building Trust Brick by Brick 37:15 Emotional Safety as the Core of a Healthy Relationship As you listen, notice what shows up for you. When anxiety spikes, what story starts running—and how do you usually respond? Do you shut down, reach for control, or start hunting for proof that you’re okay? Try pausing to ask what you truly need in that moment: comfort, reassurance, or a steadier sense of safety within yourself. If communication is adding to the tension, try my Communication that Connects Masterclass. It’s a simple way to step out of those conflict loops and have conversations that build understanding. It includes a workbook so you can practice right away! You might also like my How Healthy Is Your Relationship? quiz. It’s quick, gives you language for what’s happening, and points to where your relationship could use more care. Want ongoing support between episodes? Find me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube. I share fresh tools and encouragement to help you create the love, happiness, and success you deserve. If this episode sparked something, or an idea for a future topic, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie BobbyGrowing Self

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#246 - Preparing for Fatherhood

#246 - Preparing for Fatherhood

Preparing for Fatherhood Preparing for Fatherhood can feel a little daunting and it's not something that we talk about enough. The transition into parenthood can be beautiful but it's also very challenging. Today, I'm joined by Jessica and Seth, marriage and family therapists here at Growing Self. We are going to be discussing the postpartum experience from both the mother's and father's sides of the experience. Join us as we discuss preparing for fatherhood! xo,  Dr. Lisa www.growingself.com

17 Maj 202150min

#245 - Unhealthy Relationships

#245 - Unhealthy Relationships

Are you in an Unhealthy Relationship? All couples go through a rocky period in their relationship. They may grow distant from each other and encounter problems that seem to be impossible to overcome. It is agonizing to decide whether or not to save a relationship because we never know the possibilities. How will we know when our relationship is worth saving? I'm joined by Marriage and Family Therapist, Brittany S.. Today we are discussing healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. What to look for and how to heal. Join us! - Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

10 Maj 202145min

#244 - Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner: Communication Problems, Part 3

#244 - Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner: Communication Problems, Part 3

What to do when your partner shuts down. Are you trying to have a relationship with a partner who avoids, defends or worse... won't talk at all? Few things are as frustrating, or as hurtful. It's hard NOT to get upset and angry when you're feeling rejected, unloved, or uncared for. The problem is that many people who clam up as a defensive strategy when things get tense don't understand how destructive their behaviors can be to your relationship. But there is help, and there is hope. Because these types of communication problems are so common, I thought it might be helpful to you if I put together a "Communication Problems" podcast-mini series. "Communication Issues" are the single most common presenting issue that brings couples to marriage counseling. The first thing to know about communication problems: Absolutely ALL couples struggle to communicate with each other from time to time. Just because it's happening in your relationship does not spell doom. Truthfully, by making a few positive changes in the way you interact with each other, you can avoid many communication problems -- and start enjoying each other again. In episode 1, "Communication Problems and How To Fix Them" we discussed the most important and empowering things you can remain mindful of if you want to improve the communication in your relationship: Systems theory, and your own empowerment to affect positive change. In episode 2, "Dealing With an Angry Partner" we addressed the oh-so-common "pursue / withdraw" dynamic that so many couples can fall in to. This idea is at the core of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy -- one of the most well researched and scientifically supported approaches to couples counseling. (And what we practice here at Growing Self!) Specifically in episode 2, we looked at this communication pattern from the perspective of the "withdrawer" (i.e. the person in the relationship who might be perceiving their "pursuing partner" as angry or even hostile. In that episode I gave you some tips to help get back into the ring with your partner, some insight into why they may be so angry, and things that you can do to help soothe their anger and bring the peace back into your home. In the third and final episode of our "Communication Problems" series, "Dealing With a Withdrawn Partner" we'll be looking at this from the perspective of the partner who pursues -- the one who is attempting to engage with a partner who seems emotionally distant, avoidant, and unresponsive. If you've been feeling frustrated or angry because your partner refuses to talk to you, this one is for you. In this episode, I'm talking about what may be leading your partner to seem emotionally withdrawn, as well as things that you can do to help your partner come closer to you emotionally, and start opening up again. We're discussing: The issues that may have nothing to do with you that are leading your partner to withdraw The biggest mistakes you can make when dealing with an avoidant-prone partner Strategies for dealing with your anger and / or anxiety if your partner is making you crazy Communication strategies to help make it easier for your partner to open up to you The paradoxical trick to making your partner feel more interested in coming towards you I sincerely hope that this series helps you understand what may be happening at the root of your communication problems, as well as some real-world tips for things that can help you improve your relationship. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

3 Maj 202145min

#243 - Part 2: How to Communicate With an Angry Partner

#243 - Part 2: How to Communicate With an Angry Partner

Are you always walking on eggshells? In part two of our "Communication Problems, and How to Fix Them" mini-podcast series, we're going be talking about how to tame the tiger glaring at you from across the living room, and bring the peace back into your home. If you haven't already, please listen to the first podcast in this series (posted last week) to learn about some of the basic concepts that we'll be building on today. Then, we'll talk about: Why your partner seems angry, irritable, critical, or hostile. What this dynamic does to your relationship, and the damage it can do unless you take action to stop it. What you can do to restore the emotional trust in your relationship, and start having conversations again -- instead of fights. I sincerely hope that this communication advice helps the two of you, and makes it easier for you to talk to each other. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

26 Apr 202135min

#242 - Communication Problems & How to Fix Them

#242 - Communication Problems & How to Fix Them

"We have communication issues" is probably the number-one complaint of most couples coming in for marriage counseling or couples therapy. Because this is so common, and so frustrating, I am re-releasing my three-part "communication problems" podcast series over the next couple of weeks. Start here: Listen to this episode to learn about the root cause of communication issues, and the ideas that will help you overhaul your approach. Next week we'll be talking about what to do if your partner's communication style is angry, hostile, or emotionally reactive. And then in the following episode we'll be talking about how to communicate with a partner who shuts down. I sincerely hope that these ideas help you both find your way back together again. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

19 Apr 202137min

#241 - Love After Loss

#241 - Love After Loss

We have all been through so much this past year, and are hopefully on the cusp of rebuilding. My guest today is author Eileen Hamra, who has a powerful message reminding us that within every loss are the seeds of renewal and rebirth.  She's here to share her story, and her wise advice for how to heal through grief, how to rebuild your life after setbacks, and most importantly, how to love after loss.  Join Us,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

12 Apr 202150min

#240 - How Find a Career Path You're Passionate About

#240 - How Find a Career Path You're Passionate About

Do you feel stuck in a job you don't love? Or like you're moving down a path to nowhere? In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I am interviewing career counseling expert, Megan R. and together we will be discussing how to align your career with your passion.  Tune in to learn more about "career pathing," the types of questions that can create clarity, the mindsets of successful people, and some free "career success strategies" from an expert career coach. Here's to your success! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com P.S. If you have more career questions hop on over to the post for "Career Path Passion" @ GrowingSelf.com and leave a follow up question for Megan and I in the comments section. We're listening! — LMB

5 Apr 202145min

#239 - Boundaries in Relationships

#239 - Boundaries in Relationships

Happy, healthy relationships are built on healthy boundaries. If you struggle to establish boundaries in relationships, understand your boundaries, or even define your boundaries to others, this episode is for you! I am talking with Denver Therapist, and Boundary Expert, Kathleen Stutts and we are going to cover the basics of boundaries and then dive into the nitty-gritty of establishing your boundaries in relationships so that you too can feel empowered in your most important relationships! Join Us! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.GrowingSelf.com

29 Mars 202156min

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