42: What's Yours to Fix? Navigating Empathy and Boundaries

42: What's Yours to Fix? Navigating Empathy and Boundaries

Just Because I Can Doesn't Mean I Should

Over the past week, I've been connecting with lots of different people — friends, family, clients, leaders. It's truly lovely to share our lives, our successes, our joys, and even our struggles.

Something I noticed, though … when someone I care about is going through a hard time, I often find myself wanting to jump in and fix things. I really don't like to see people struggle, especially those close to me who I care about.

But I've realized that the further removed someone is from our lives, the less their issues actually impact us. And this is normal — our brains are wired for connection, and we're supposed to care when people we love are experiencing challenges.

While I used to feel a strong responsibility to help, this usually led to my own feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. As women, we're usually socialized to be the problem solvers and caregivers. But constantly taking on others' problems can be exhausting!

Not only that, but giving unsolicited advice when trying to "fix things" can feel like criticism to the recipient and lead to resentment on both ends. (I know how I feel on the receiving end of unsolicited advice!)

Here's the thing, though — sometimes, focusing on others' issues can be a distraction from facing our own.

In today's episode, I'm sharing my new practice, even after almost 20 years as a psychologist. This is an important one!

Key Takeaways:

  • It's normal to want to help people we care about, and it's just as important to recognize our own emotional responses to their struggles.

  • Consider who modeled caregiving and problem-solving in your own life.

  • Holding space for others involves managing our own emotions while actively listening and understanding what the other person truly needs.

  • Knowing our capacity and setting boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and avoiding burnout and overwhelm.

  • Just because you can help, doesn't mean you should. Before you offer support, ask yourself (or the person you want to help) if it's in everyone's best interest.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction to The Overwhelm Cure

01:28 Understanding Empathy and Responsibility

06:42 The Problem with Unsolicited Advice

10:00 How to Hold Space

15:17 Balancing Personal Boundaries When Helping Others

18:57 Facing Our Own Issues

24:00 The Serenity Prayer and Final Thoughts

27:38 Overwhelm Cure Program Invitation

Invitation: Sign up for The Overwhelm Cure Program

The Overwhelm Cure Program is a six week program, where you'll participate in regular exercises, and we'll come together each week to discuss ways to help you finally overcome feelings of overwhelm.

Link to sign up now - https://www.kimberlyknull.com/overwhelm-cure-program

Connect with me:

Avsnitt(123)

66. Lighthouse Parenting: Is It Just a Trend or the Key to Raising Independent Kids?

66. Lighthouse Parenting: Is It Just a Trend or the Key to Raising Independent Kids?

If you're overwhelmed by all of the parenting advice on social media, and you feel like you're doing it all wrong, you're going to want to listen to this episode. Today, I'm cutting through the noise and social media trends and bringing you my parenting perspectives as a registered psychologist. Listen in as I break down: The pros and cons of the most popular parenting styles How lighthouse parenting has helped me give my teens enough freedom to grow and gain resilience Why it's okay to mess up as a parent Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

7 Okt 202421min

65. 5-Step Anxiety Reset

65. 5-Step Anxiety Reset

It's normal to feel anxious now and then. But if you are constantly on edge and your mind is racing, your heart's pounding, and you feel like you're stuck in a stress loop you can't escape, it's time for a nervous system reset. And I know squashing anxiety is not as easy as "just taking a deep breath." That's why today, I'm breaking down: The 5-step process I use to help my clients hit the reset button when they feel anxious The science behind anxiety (and how exhaustion fuels it) Why you should never brush physical symptoms off as "just anxiety" Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

2 Okt 202422min

64. What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

64. What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

I've reached the chapter of parenthood every mom dreads — the one where I'm watching the tiny baby I felt like I was rocking to sleep just yesterday leave the nest. And I know so many of you moms are right here on this emotional rollercoaster with me. That's why today, I'm unpacking "empty nest syndrome." Listen in as I discuss: Common fears and coping mechanisms that surface as our children gain independence Mindset shifts that help me to support my daughter's independence (instead of pushing her away) How reconnecting with yourself and the hobbies you enjoy serves you and your adult children Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

30 Sep 202425min

63. A Pep Talk for People-Pleasers: How to Find the Courage to Live Authentically

63. A Pep Talk for People-Pleasers: How to Find the Courage to Live Authentically

Could saying yes when you really want to say no be sabotaging your relationships? As a psychologist and recovering people-pleaser, I can tell you with complete confidence, the answer is yes. That's why today, I'm sharing: How overcommitting and saying yes, when you want to say no, sabotages relationships My best tips for getting comfortable speaking your mind The healing power of being a beginner Mantras that help me find the courage to take up space and make mistakes Tune in wherever you listen to your podcasts! Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

27 Sep 202424min

62: How to Stop Asking Yourself, "What Will They Think?"

62: How to Stop Asking Yourself, "What Will They Think?"

How much time and mental energy are you wasting trying to impress or please others? If you struggle to just relax and be yourself at work or with friends, this episode is for you. Today, I'm sharing: Why fitting in feels like life or death (spoiler alert: it's the way you're wired) Baby steps that'll help you stop wasting precious time and energy people-pleasing Simple hacks to squash overthinking so you can show the real YOU with confidence Tune in to this episode for tips on how to reframe your brain to stop people-pleasing others! Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

25 Sep 202422min

61. A Moms Guide to Letting Go of Self-Sacrifice

61. A Moms Guide to Letting Go of Self-Sacrifice

Tired of feeling like a mean mom? I've been there, snapping at my kids for no good reason, wondering why I couldn't just be nice. Turns out, I didn't set out to be a mean gremlin. I just fell into a trap. A trap society places in front of every mom – the trap of self-sacrifice that leaves us feeling drained and resentful. If you can relate, don't miss this episode. I'm sharing: My burnout story: how people-pleasing turned me into a mom and partner I didn't recognize My biggest tip for easing into self-care if it feels overwhelming or selfish to you right now How I learned to say no so I could bring more energy home to my family (and myself) Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

18 Sep 202427min

60. Unpacking Mom Shame and Rest: It's time to Stop Wearing Busy as a Badge of Honor

60. Unpacking Mom Shame and Rest: It's time to Stop Wearing Busy as a Badge of Honor

Society says moms should be able to do it all while running on fumes and caffeine. Not only is that humanly impossible (take it from a registered psychologist), but it's also unfair. Wouldn't you agree? If you're tired of feeling guilty for even doing just the BARE minimum for yourself, this episode is for you: I'm diving into: How society fuels mom shame Tips for keeping shame at bay when you stop trying to do all of the things The most underrated simple act of self-care – getting enough sleep Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skillsets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

16 Sep 202426min

59. The Truth About Mom Guilt: Why One Failure Won't Ruin Your Child for Life with LPC Allison McQuaid

59. The Truth About Mom Guilt: Why One Failure Won't Ruin Your Child for Life with LPC Allison McQuaid

Let's be real; guilt and parenthood go together like peanut butter and jelly. And there's nothing worse than hearing your inner mean girl whisper, "You're a terrible mother" after you've slipped up and yelled. The good news? A single "failure" will not define the rest of your child's life. Take it from today's guest, licensed professional counselor Allison McQuaid. In this episode, she and Kim dive into the following topics: Letting go of thinking you need to be the "perfect" parent Not judging others for their way of parenting Taking time for yourself (even when it feels uncomfortable!) Tune in to this episode to hear Kim and Allison reassure you that you're not alone on this difficult parenthood journey! Connect with Kim: Register for Dare to Lead™ Workshop, where you'll learn the 4 skill sets of courage to level up at home, work and in your community | https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/dare-to-leadtm-training-workshop-tickets-817799860397?aff=oddtdtcreator

9 Sep 202445min

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