Coaching for Leaders27 Okt 2014

164: How to Handle a Boss Who’s a Jerk, with Tom Henschel

Tom Henschel: The Look & Sound of Leadership

Is someone you care about – or maybe even you – working for a jerk? My guest Tom Henschel from the Look & Sound of Leadership podcast helps us to navigate this difficult situation.

How to know if it’s just you

Test the waters, but be careful

How to address it

When you decide to talk, leave the emotion out of it
Frame the business concern, not you as the victim
Don’t take it personally
Don’t speak for others

You are not going to change your boss

It’s not your place to get coaching for your boss
Nothing you will do will likely change your boss’s behavior
If you can accept that, what do you want to do?

If it’s really a business issue, give the feedback

Avoid being attached to the outcome
Once the feedback is given, let it go
Rehearse the feedback with someone trusted before you give it

What to do when the boss is chaotic

Calm down with someone who is chaotic
Take tons of notes
Get clear agreements
When they change something, don’t take it personally
Consider sending a note afterwards to summarize what is said

How to deal with the narcissist

Be a good audience and ask how you can help them to succeed
“Narcissists crave attention and there’s not enough room in the spotlight for both of you.” -Tom Henschel
“With narcissists, in order to succeed with them, you need to not compete with them.” -Tom Henschel
Have support outside of work too, since you won’t get it from your boss
When you can do it honestly, throw them a bone
Always approach situations with collaboration and support

What do you do with the screamer?

Don’t engage, wait it out

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