No Visible Bruises

One of the narcissist types that is hardest to identify is the covert narcissist. Today we will go through a covert narcissist's behavioural traits, the ways they get their narcissistic supply, how that makes us feel, and how to deal with that behaviour. What You Will Learn In This Episode: What happens when a narcissist agrees to go to therapy Why covert narcissists are so hard to identify How they act like they are the victim The spiral effect of nobody believing our story How to bring the power back to yourself Why you should stop worrying about what other people say When we think about a narcissist, the first image that comes to mind is an arrogant, entitled and overly confident individual. But a covert narcissist is quite the opposite, they will portray themselves as a victim who suffers constant abuse. We need to be aware that they can turn people who know us against us, and be ready to deal with that.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

2 Feb 202125min

This week I want to talk about co-parenting with a narcissist in COVID times. We'll talk about what happens when the pandemic is used as an excuse for not giving the kids back, or sending them over. We will also go through the best way to communicate with a narcissist in conflict situations, and what parallel parenting is.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: The difficulties of co-parenting with a narcissist What it means to parallel parent The importance of self-care and why it is NOT selfish Why you need to register, document and not get dragged into an argument How to set up up a grounding station at home We need to pay special attention to the pandemic restrictions used as control methods by the narcissist in our lives. If that is the case, our kids' happiness is essential to look at before we decide to act.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

26 Jan 202120min

This week I want to talk to you about judgement from the Internal Family Systems and parts therapy perspective. We’ll go over what judgement really is and what questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of judgement both towards yourself and towards other people, including the narcissist. What You Will Learn In This Episode: 
 How to look at judgement as one of the parts in our system The protective role of judgement The wounded younger parts hiding under someone’s judgemental behaviour Three questions to ask yourself when you recognise judgement in yourself How to approach judgement with compassion and curiosity It is definitely not pleasant to be on the receiving end of somebody else’s judgment, but I’m also inviting you to check in with yourself. How much are you judging other people? Because that's just a protector part showing up to protect you from your wounded younger parts. Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

19 Jan 202123min

This week we talk about the possibility of curing a narcissist, and what we can do to make our situation better. Is it possible at all to get beyond their protector parts, and heal that wounded inner child that is responsible for their narcissistic behaviour?   What You Will Learn In This Episode: - What the real chances are of curing a narcissist - How a covert narcissist turns things around and gaslights us - The lack of ownership and of sense of responsibility in narcissists - The difficulty of helping someone who thinks they don’t need help - How to be compassionate towards the narcissist and still keep them accountable for their behaviour As narcissists are a product of a childhood trauma, it is okay to be compassionate and empathetic. We need to accept that it is impossible to help someone who doesn't acknowledge they need help.  Resources: - Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  - Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

12 Jan 202127min

Today we talk about a pivotal moment in our relationship with a narcissist - what happens when they know we know? What is their reaction when we let them know we know who and what they are? Is it a good idea to let them know that? Let's find out. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The similarity between starting point of narcissists and codependents How to release the legacy burden that we’ve got from our parents  What happens when the protector parts cover the narcissist's true self The effects of highlighting a narcissist's inner wounds When we confront a narcissist with the truth about who they are, we force them to face their younger wounded parts. That makes their system go into overdrive, and their protector parts become an army pointing all their guns at us. We must ignore that and focus on our recovery and healing OUR wounded parts.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

5 Jan 202118min

The question I get asked lots of times is - why does the narcissist do this to me? What have I ever done? I'm a nice person. I'm gonna get real with you in this episode and explain this in two parts. Let’s dive in. What You Will Learn in This Episode: How we create false reasons for why the narcissist treats us the way they do The triangle in Internal Family Systems - True Self, Exile, Protector How Exile and Protector parts show up in both narcissist and yourself How you become a magnet for a narcissist How you can flip the question and ask yourself why you are allowing a narcissist to do that to you Your power is not trying to change a narcissist, but recognise what it is about you that makes you feel the way that you do and attract people like that into your life. Because when you change that, you change everything. Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

30 Dec 202013min

Today we talk about the three stages of our healing process when we are divorcing a narcissist. We go through our priorities in stage one, sorting out the legalities while starting to heal in stage two, and recognising that healing is a lifelong journey in stage three.  What You Will Learn In This Episode: Safety is the first priority when divorcing a narcissist The triangle of divorcing - legalities, finances, and children How to be gentle with ourselves when we start our healing process The pitfalls of thinking of healing as a destination Understanding post-traumatic growth and how it affects us Divorcing a narcissist is tough, especially if you have children. However, if we focus on our safety, on our healing process, and avoid re-traumatising our mind, we can go through it. What we need to do is not beat ourselves up, and create a healthy ecosystem around us to help us heal.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

22 Dec 202018min

Today I talk about cheating narcissists, the reasons behind cheating, and what it is that narcissists pursue by doing it. We also cover narcissists' strong protective parts, how codependents in a relationship trigger cheating behaviours, and the difference between healthy and narcissistic abusive relationships. What You Will Learn In This Episode: The reasons behind your partner’s cheating The role of self-soothing in cheating behaviours What happens when two wounded younger parts meet in a relationship How cheating can satisfy the need for narcissistic supply Why we need to be mindful and empathetic with those who choose to stay in a cheating relationship When we are cheated on, we tend to think it is our fault, that we are not good enough, not worthy. But when a narcissistic partner cheats on us, it’s not about us, but about their wounded younger parts, and their need to feel that sense of grandiosity.  Resources: Join my Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/thriveafternarcissisticabuse  Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/

15 Dec 202022min