Your Kickstarter Sucks

Two hundred ninety nine episodes…each one funnier than the last. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium!  You gotta subscribe to it to get the shows. And the shows are what you want to listen to, because they’re good. And you want to listen to good stuff because it’s fun. And you like fun stuff because, uh, it’s good. I don’t know how far to go with this. It probably has to do with serotonin, which I think is like a molecule or something. Help your molecules. Subscribe to YKS Premium. This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: Factor – I would eat Factor meals for every meal if I could. Actually I guess I could. But that wouldn’t leave room for my much-reviled “Hot Dog Salad” I simply can’t do without. For the other 99 meals a week, I’m going with Factor – for healthy, simple, and delicious meals that just won’t quit! Go to FactorMeals.com/YKS50 to get 50% off your first box!Rocket Money - We’re all tired of saving money. That’s why I love spending tons of money on subscriptions I forgot about long ago. Oh wait, that would be insane! That’s where Rocket Money comes in. Trim the fat and cut the crap, with Rocket Money! RocketMoney.com/yksAthleticGreens - Vitamins are grand…but what if they tasted good and were actually easy to take? And affordable, also? Some thought it couldn’t be done. But Athletic Greens knew better. And here comes AG1 to disrupt the entire supplement industry! Wow! Go to  AthleticGreens.com/yks for a free 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

17 Apr 20231h 53min

HEADS UP: The first Kickstarter this week is nasty and stupid. Just letting you know. The funny part comes in when we turn our critical eyes and razor-sharp wit onto the project, absolutely tearing it limb from rhetorical limb. It’s so brutal, some might say it was even more objectionable than the project itself…but ask yourself, does the lion concern itself with the feelings of the lamb? Hm, not sure. Well anyway the point is, we got a great show this week on the Ramp Up To 300! We’re talking penis pens, a beer holder that does (???), 3D-printed butt wipers, and more. And all you have to do to get there is sit through a stomach-churning, offensive, utterly unlistenable intro followed by the bad project I mentioned earlier. Oh and also some ads. Hope everyone had a good Easter. ByeMusic for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium! I wouldn’t keep plugging it if it weren’t so god damned good. Get more YKS the only place I can think to find it, and unlock the secrets of our damnable Discord server, at Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!This week’s YKS is brought to you by these fine brands:.Tech - You in tech? Well you’re gonna wanna be on .tech – the hottest and swaggiest domain for all of us techheads. Including YourKickstarterSucks.Tech! Sign up today at go.tech/YKS and get 15% off 1 and 5 year domains!HelloFresh - I’ve heard of eating your feelings, but here are my feelings on eating: it’s good! And HelloFresh makes it even gooder every single time. This week’s meals were a home run and I have my fingers crossed that next week’s will even come close. Only one way to find out…by getting 50% off plus free shipping at HelloFresh.com/YKS50!Honey - I literally just used Honey about 20 mins ago and it saved me like $19 on some shorts. That’s money in the bank right there. Get it for your own self at JoinHoney.com/yks Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

10 Apr 20232h 4min

I’m running the self-cleaning function on the oven right now and it’s filling my home with, uh, let’s say, a normal amount of months’ old food fumes. So, I apologize in advance if this episode description gets a little WEIRD. Like Weird Twitter. Which I invented, by the way. On today’s show we talk about becoming the world’s most useless and thief-targeted Avenger, taking down Big Grease (damn it’s getting pretty hot and smelly in here), and what to do with people who have ever so slightly different senses of humor than we do, other than physically attack them while heavily under the influence of toxic kitchen fumes. So roll your lottery dice, blow into your car’s BAC monitor, and crank up the probably broken bluetooth radio…it’s time for another episode of Yes, Kitchen Stinks! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Farrarch may be over…but YKS Premium lives on! That’s right, we didn’t decide to stop doing our one job after an arbitrary themed month of movie content. Talk about heroes…Anyway subscribe today for just $5/mo and get access to hundreds if not billions of hours of YKS content…with even more to come, I would absolutely have to assume! Patreon.com/yourkickstartersucksThis week’s episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Mt. Ellinor Candles - You know we love candles here at YKS, and it just so happens that we’ve got a connection in the candle biz now. Mt Ellinor makes the best selling candles I’ve ever sniffed, and they do it the old fashioned way: with their hands, while listening to an awful podcast. Somehow, though, they turn out wonderfully. Get 15% off your order of two or more candles using the code YKS at MtEllinor.com and support a friend of the show!Athletic Greens - It’s springtime, and many of us are running outside to get some of that classic Vitamin Sun. But there are untold other vitamins that simply lazing about in the grass won’t get you. That’s why I use Athletic Greens AG1: the scientifically complete vitamin supplement that doesn’t require me to breathe any outdoor air! Get 5 free travel packs + 1 year supply of vitamin D at athleticgreens.com/yksFactor - I want lunch, I want dinner, and with Factor, I’m a winner! The song I’ve been legally barred from performing in public really says it all. These healthy, quickly prepared meals are good and good for you…now that’s a tune we can all dance to! Go to FactorMeals.com/YKS50 for 50% off your first box Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

3 Apr 20232h 1min

Well well well, if it isn’t the episode description. Didn’t think I’d see your sorry ass round these parts again. Now that you’re here though, I reckon we oughta make the best of it. Let’s put our heads together and come up with a way of describin’ this episode that feels both comfortable to a seasoned listener and appealing to any potential newcomer. Then when that’s done we can solve our differences the old fashioned way, mano a mano. Capisce? Alright. Well first off I reckon we got a John Wick parody film about wieners…Now there’s a rootin’ tootin’ gunslinger I wouldn’t wanna cross. Then later on of course we got a silly jacket that JF says he likes…guess Mike did the 6 pack this week that’s why that’s on there. Then…shoo-wee, wouldja lookit that. It’s some newfangled social media application I can’t make hide nor hair of. Well don’t that beat all. Plus a lot more inbetween. I’ll swanee, that there is one heck of an episode of YKS….Now DRAW you dirty dog! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. More YKS comin right up! This week we bid fond farewell to a banner month of Jesse Movies involving time, and who knows what April will bring! Probably some equally crazy stuff. Until then, enjoy hours of audio and video content featuring some of our favorite friends at YKS Premium! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands: Fast Growing Trees –  I really want some trees that take forever to grow…NOT!! What kinda doofus…well, I don’t know, maybe you’d want that for some reason. Like as a prank? Well whatever, the point is, if you want some good lookin’ trees that’ll grow at a respectable pace and won’t blow your budget, FGT’s got ya covered…literally! Get 15% off at FastGrowingTrees.com/YKSRocketMoney – Subscriptions…they sure are convenient. But canceling them? Forget about it! No seriously, sometimes we really do! That’s where Rocket Money comes in. Get some help canceling those annoying recurring charges whilst kicking your feet up…at the pool perhaps?? at RocketMoney.com/YKS.NordVPN – EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

27 Mars 20231h 47min

Hey! We’re all in the metaverse! When ya comin’ by? And by “we” I mean, it’s like me, and a bunch of kids, and some drunk guys, and a comedy club. And we are just kind of floating around in mid-air. And it sounds really weird in here because we’re all on headset microphones. And there’s nothing to do. Anyway, can you spend like $400 to get in here please? Before it closes? Meanwhile, in meatspace, today’s show has got everything you need to remotely grill chicken thighs from down the street, force your kid to sit up straight with a screeching robot, and get the REAL news (from a Christian guy). Bzzt! Reminder! Download this episode now! It’s an all-new YKS! This episode description was written by one of the lowest-regarded free-to-use AIs. Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. They say there’s no time like the present…but how about a present that is time! That is, more or less, what we’re doing over at YKS Premium this month as we celebrate Farrarch: Time Marches On, a month of time-centric flicks that only an idiot could love. Speaking of which, last week’s episode was all about idiots, as we brought in our friends Tom Walker and Demi Lardner to riff on the documentary Idiocracy! And this week on the show, our colleague in the “capitalism is bad” space Riley Quinn (Trashfuture) joins for, well, a movie about how capitalism is bad: In Time (2011)! This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Factor - When the Factor box shows up at the JF household…you know we’re about to go wild. Folks, I love my quick and healthy lunches so much they don’t even have to taste good to make me happy. But thank goodness they do anyway. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/yks50 and use code YKS50 to get 50% off your first box and join in on the “yum”! AthleticGreens - I’m a big fan of gut health; always have been. So when I found out about Athletic Greens, the slightly tropical vitamin and adaptogen blend that actually can improve that very same health, I was practically floored. But it’s true! Start your day the JF way with AG1, and get a 1 year supply of Vitamin D + 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/YKS.Tech - Got a website? Well you probably have a domain! Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know it, because frankly most of the domains out there are boring, bland, and just plain easy to overlook. Stand out from the crowd with a .Tech domain…basically it’s the “cool domain”. That’s why we’re on it! “Go” to go.tech/yks and get an automatic 15% discount on 1 year and 5 year .Tech Domains.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

20 Mars 20232h

That awkward moment when it’s Monday morning and we have to either go to work or pretend to work from home or just sit around and do whatever…Oh brother! I wish there was something to help pass the time but in a non-threatening, not super memorable kind of way! Well gang, good news. Your friends Mike and JF are here to tell you all about the metal detecting candy bucket, a subscription that makes video on your cell phone look worse on purpose, and a way to keep the beacon of patriotism shining bright no matter the weather! Plus a bunch of pieces of shit by some loser! So hop in the Nissan Pumper and race on over to your doctor, it’s time to ask if irreverent comedy podcasting is right for you! 200ccs of funny comin right up, on an all new YKS!Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. YKS Premium…your premiere destination for everything YKS: from the jeers to the cheers, and everything in between. Over on Patreon, Farrarch continues with the always fantastic Tim Kalpakis and the sometimes fantastic Rian Johnson, as we discuss Looper! And next week…put your balls away because we’ve got our friends from BigSoftTitty.png, Tom Walker and Demi Lardner coming on to talk Idiocracy! The documentary!This episode of YKS is brought to you by these fine brands: Get.Tech - Tired of the same old domains? We were…that’s why we snagged yourkickstartersucks.tech! Join the tech club with the rest of us at go.tech/yks and get 15% off 1 and 5 year .tech domains!HelloFresh - We love foodmeals yes we do, we love foodmeals how about you! HelloFresh makes dinner so easy, even I can eat it! Go to HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks60 and use code yourkickstartersucks60 for 60% off plus free shipping!NordVPN - Grab your EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal by going to nordvpn.com/YKS to get a Huge Discount off your NordVPN Plan + a Bonus Gift! It’s completely risk free with Nord’s 30 day money-back guarantee!Honey - Honey! The nice friend we all love who can find coupon codes for you! Grab yourself a toolbar buddy at JoinHoney.com/YKS and save some money on a new deadbolt lock. Or whatever else. That’s just what I’m thinking of right now because it’s what I did.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

13 Mars 20232h 5min

I’m watching one of those stupid pawn shows while I’m sitting here writing this episode description out, and man, are these the stupidest shows ever made or what? I mean I don’t know who is watching them, other than total morons, because they don’t say anything worth a damn and it’s so boring it puts me to sleep. Then you got the ads, and they’re even worse! Next thing you know, they’ll be asking you to subscribe just to hear even more of their inane crap? God, don’t give them any ideas. Anyway, call in your friends the Piss Whizzard, the Kickstarter CEO, and Billy West, and crack open a Pepsi of Shame, cause it’s time for an all new YKS! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Some day the aliens will come to Earth and give us the power to experience funny ass jokes and moderately informative film criticism simultaneously. Until then, we’ll all have to settle for 3 boneheads making dick jokes and talking about movies: Farrarch! This past Friday we had one of the all time great boneheads Chris James uncork Jesseuary IV with a great flick, 2016’s Arrival. And just in case you thought we were gonna get any less boneheaded, we got our buddy Tim Kalpakis back for next week’s episode on the great Rian Johnson’s Looper! It’s a bonehead meeting, and you’re invited, only at YKS Premium. This week’s YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:Athletic Greens - Vitamins…now that’s what I call adaptogens! With AG1 I’m getting all that stuff in one swig rather than 50 different pills and capsules and so forth. Pretty good! Get a free 1 yr supply of Vitamin D (good vitamin) and 5 travel packs at AthleticGreens.com/yksFactor - Meals and food! Meals and food! We love em around here, and Factor’s got some nice quick, ready to heat and eat meals they’ll send right to ya. Get 50% off your first box at FactorMeals.com/YKS50RocketMoney - We all have too many subscriptions…well I have the perfect amount but I have heard that some people have too many. There should be an easy way to get control of one’s spending, maybe with an app or something??? Oh well! RocketMoney.com/yksBetterHelp - Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/yks Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

6 Mars 20232h 24min

Hey Lois! Bring me one of those episodes of that show I like listening to so much. Oh Peter, you stupid son of a bitch, fine! It’s an all-new YKS! On today’s show we got an attachment for a vacuum cleaner even less useful than that stupid little brush one that doesn’t spin, porno puzzles, and a floaty that lets everyone know you’re a stupid piece of shit! That would be more than enough for one episode, but of course as you know we normally have 6 Kickstarters and I’ve pretty much only named 3 here in the episode description so there are probably at least 3 not as notable ones left to hear in the show. Plus the episode title is 1. So smash that play button and hear the last 2 Kickstarters we did this week, in addition to the ripoff Switch game. Oh no!! Crap!! Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. Jesseuary Returns. This March. Only on YKS Premium. This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:NordVPN - EXCLUSIVE NordVPN Deal ➼ https://nordvpn.com/yks Try it risk-free now with a 30-day money-back guarantee!HelloFresh - (To the tune of that classic hair metal song) Meals! Meals! Meals! Gang, let me tell you, we love HelloFresh in this house. Quick, easy, and oh so good, you can almost always find me cookin’ up a box of these good eats! Grab one yourself at HelloFresh.com/yourkickstartersucks65 for 65% off plus free shipping! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

27 Feb 20231h 38min