SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

SS 265: Bi Invisibility & The Closet

It's no secret that in the pantheon of the LGBT spectrum, bisexual people are looked down upon, told they don't really exist, avoided in dating life. Bisexuals also often feel less pressure to come out, as they can so easily pass as one side or the other. Paradoxically, this leads to bi invisibility and erasure, so we discuss, and make an attempt to deconstruct this in today's episode of Life on the Swingset, along with Dr. Liz Powell, Mike Joseph, Cooper, and Dylan.

Today's episode of Life on the Swingset is sponsored by Better Than the Hand, a website that aims to deconstruct stigma and toxicity surrounding male sexuality and masturbation through articles, blogs, toy reviews, and an online store. We're also sponsored by Castle Megastore, a one stop shop with everything you could want, from wand vibrators, to harnesses, to lube and condoms, to a complete suite of BDSM equipment including sex furniture. If you use the promo code SWINGSET at check out you can save 20% on your order.

National Coming Out Day was a pretty big deal for Cooper this year. He discussed his reasons as coming out, specifically to his conservative family, as someone who has struggled with his sexuality and is still working through it, and why he chose not to identify to them as queer, even though he specifically identifies with queer.

The conversation moves to reasons why not to come out, whether because livelyhood may be jeopardized (as in Dr. Liz's relaying of her experience of being in the army before Don't Ask Don't Tell was fully repealed), or child custody may be revoked, or any other reason to stay in the closet.

Mike posits that many people aren't all open to themselves (as with straight identified men who still seek men), and mentions that even being the out partner in a gay couple has stress that comes with it.

The panel talks specifically about ways that people specifically disappear bisexuality, telling men who identify as bi that they are gay and they haven't admitted it yet (bi now, gay later), or that bisexual people, because so much effort has been exerted to create the separate gay identity that having a bridge between those identities, muddy the waters.

To Dr. Liz, the conflict presents differently as women, that there's a "penis phobia" that can exist so that bi women who have sex with men are tagged as higher risk because there is less transmission risk between women who only have sex with women. Dr. Liz also takes time to lament the fact that before she got her "super stereotypical queer haircut" everyone assumed she was straight, but now that she has it, everyone assumes she's gay!

Mike brings up that at many events he attends, almost every woman identifies as bisexual even though most men identify as straight, even if they later identify as curious or fluid, and that it may be a holdover from the aids crisis in that if you identified as bi or gay you were automatically more likely to get infected. Dr. Liz adds that there's a challenge to masculinity involved, and that men who identify as straight but still fuck men create a safe space to sexually express themselves without the stigma of challenging that masculinity, and that any question as to why that man may marry a woman even if he fucks men doesn't get asked. Dylan brings up that many bi woman in monogamous relationships get the same challenge, and they get questions as to why they "even bother" identifying as bisexual if they're marrying a man, because they'll never get to do anything about their attraction to women. Dr. Liz mentions that bisexuals get misidentified sexually based on the genitals they're interacting with as opposed to their actual preferences.

Dylan asks about the pansexual label, and whether people identifying as pansexual get to skip some of the bisexual stigma or confusion... but gets that thought dismissed as most people outside of the queer community would just not understand what it is. He follows up with a questions about whether bisexual men are seen as, as dangerous as bisexual women are to "the husbands" of straight women in monogamous relationships and... yes. Mike, as a queer man, has had his male friends told by their female partners not to hang out with them or has had his male friends' sexuality questions because of their desire to be friends with him.

Cooper mentions that whenever you present an alternative to traditional heteronormative nonmonogamy to people who actively try not to look into and not think about it, that anyone with predispositions to something other than traditional heteronormative may show interest and that's dangerous.

Dylan compares it to Doctor Who weeping angels and... pretty much stuns everyone into silence, and into a little bit of weeping.

After a break, Dr. Liz discusses ideas to help with bi erasure, whether thinking about the bi celebrities you know (and with say, Anna Paquin being bi but being identified as straight because she's married to a man), and that when you meet someone you really only have one datapoint, and to stay open.

We talk about attraction, and how you don't necessarily need to identify the way your attraction takes you, because it's ok to explore fantasy, explore the juiciness of, and even still decide to act it out without identifying as your attraction.

Fantasy doesn't have to be the same as reality. And your fantasies do not define your sexuality in practice https://t.co/y1WvtgZtx1

— Liz Powell, Psy.D (@sexpospsych) October 26, 2016

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Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Find Cooper on Twitter @CooperSBeckett, Dylan on Twitter @DylanTheThomas, and Ginger on twitter @GingerNTheProf.

You can Cooper's novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%!

Today's podcast featured music by:

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Dr. Liz Powell

Jaksot(431)

Swingset Origin Stories, Recorded Live at #Naughty2019!

Swingset Origin Stories, Recorded Live at #Naughty2019!

Dylan, Ginger, and Cooper visited New Orleans for Naughty in N'awlins 2019! Among the the sexiness and debauchery, Naughty offers educational sessions and demonstrations, and spaces for panel discussions. in this episode, the Swingset crew relays their origin stories: Where they are, where they were, and how they got there. *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Grant – Wishes Interstitial and Outro Music: Just A Gent & Nevve – Open Spaces

1 Syys 20191h 17min

The New Swinger Experience! (Reissue)

The New Swinger Experience! (Reissue)

We all start somewhere in the lifestyle and the Swingset is an ideal place to access that welcoming hand! Dylan and Ginger are joined by two wise, experienced, and fantastically fun couples: Diana and Keiland, party hosts from Dallas Texas, and Tori and Soul of the Torrid Souls podcast. This dynamic discussion covers practical topics such as what to expect from your first party to deeper perspectives exploring race and sexual orientation in consensual non-monogamy. The whole ensemble shares their origin stories and some spicy stories! Join us on the Swingset for this strong, hot take on Swinger Parties 101! *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Duumu & MIA – Talk! Interstitial Music: Justin OH – Don't Bring Me Down Outro Music: Half an Orange – Sunscreen Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M – F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

26 Elo 20191h 22min

The BBW Experience, w/Carly and Ronda

The BBW Experience, w/Carly and Ronda

Dylan and Ginger enjoy a conversation with Carly and Ronda about the Big, Beautiful Woman (BBW) experience. In a powerful and vulnerable discussion, Carly and Ronda share their journeys and the source of their personal power. As voluptuous, fat bitches, they generously share their strategies for everyone, especially the BBWs, to navigate the world with the confidence to own the room like they do. Join us in learning from these pretty hot and tempting (PHAT) women! Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Music: Rogue - Lets Talk Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M - F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

12 Elo 201958min

LOTS x Sex Out Loud @ Pleasure Chest Chicago! (Part 2)

LOTS x Sex Out Loud @ Pleasure Chest Chicago! (Part 2)

Tristan Taormino brings Sex Out Loud and Dylan, Ginger, and Cooper bring Life on the Swingset to the Pleasure Chest Chicago for a two hour chat and attendee Q&A about: Bisexual Male Acceptance Swinging and community Welcoming People, including Racially Diverse, people into the community White Supremacy, Fragility, Shame Spirals, and Erasure Single Men and the Barriers they face in Swinging …and more! Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! The primary hotel for the US's largest swinger festival Naughty in N'awlins is almost sold out! Come get Naughty with Cooper S. Beckett, Ginger Bentham, and Dylan Thomas this July 24-28 at Naughty in Nawlins! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Conro – Thrill of It Outro Music: Infected Mushroom – Kababies Our Naughty in Nawlins Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: COBRA 320 SPEEDBOAT, off the Paradise album. Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M – F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

22 Heinä 20191h 1min

LOTS x Sex Out Loud @ Pleasure Chest Chicago! (Part 1)

LOTS x Sex Out Loud @ Pleasure Chest Chicago! (Part 1)

Tristan Taormino brings Sex Out Loud and Dylan, Ginger, and Cooper bring Life on the Swingset to the Pleasure Chest Chicago for a two hour chat and attendee Q&A about: Bisexual Acceptance Kink, including Tristan's stories from Twisted Tryst Single men at sexy and kink events How to find community …and more! *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! The primary hotel for the US's largest swinger festival Naughty in N'awlins is almost sold out! Come get Naughty with Cooper S. Beckett, Ginger Bentham, and Dylan Thomas this July 24-28 at Naughty in Nawlins! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro and Music: Rootkit – Voyage (Kage Remix) Our Naughty in Nawlins Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: COBRA 320 SPEEDBOAT, off the Paradise album. Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M – F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

30 Kesä 20191h 9min

Away With Our Partners!

Away With Our Partners!

Dylan Thomas and Ginger Bentham are both without their partners. Dylan and Ginger decide that it's more fun to cope with their traveling partners by dragging them kicking and streaming onto the Swingset! The Swingset welcomes back Tonia Thomas and Ryan, also known as… The Professor! Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets and use promo code Swingset to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! The primary hotel for the US's largest swinger festival Naughty in N'awlins is almost sold out! Come get Naughty with Cooper S. Beckett, Ginger Bentham, and Dylan Thomas this July 24-28 at Naughty in Nawlins! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Conro – All I Want Outro Music: CloudNone & Direct feat. Matt Van – Lost and Found Our Naughty in Nawlins Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: COBRA 320 SPEEDBOAT, off the Paradise album. Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M – F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

17 Kesä 20191h 21min

Parenting is F*cking Hard

Parenting is F*cking Hard

Parenting is fucking hard… so Ginger Bentham, Lunabelle and Dylan Thomas get together to talk about it. They discuss working around child sitting, showing affection to partners, how open to be at various ages, and more. *** EMBED CODE FOR PODCAST FROM LIBSYN GOES HERE YOU INSENSITIVE CLOD *** Would you like 20% off on an award winning line of restraints, sexual position devices, sex toys, and more? Head over to lifeontheswingset.com/sportsheets and use promo code Swingset to get yourself that 20% off! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! The primary hotel for the US's largest swinger festival Naughty in N'awlins is almost sold out! Come get Naughty with Cooper S. Beckett, Ginger Bentham, and Dylan Thomas this July 24-28 at Naughty in Nawlins! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Intro Music: Stonebank – Drop Bombs Review Music: Haywyre – Sculpted Outro Music: Disero feat. Josh Smith – Like That Our Naughty in Nawlins Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: COBRA 320 SPEEDBOAT, off the Paradise album. Our Sportsheets Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: A M – F M off the P A L M S I V album. These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

1 Kesä 20191h 6min

THE 350TH EPISODE SWINGALONG SPECTACULAR!

THE 350TH EPISODE SWINGALONG SPECTACULAR!

The Life on the Swingset crew, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Mister Pent… and maybe even, could it really be, Cooper S. Beckett, get together and enjoy each other's company for the 350th episode of Life on the Swingset! Tristan Taormino is coming to Desire… are you? Join us from November 2nd through the 9th this 2019 for Life on the Swingset's eighth trip to Desire! Visit swingsetdesire.com for more information! The primary hotel for the US's largest swinger festival Naughty in N'awlins is almost sold out! Come get Naughty with Cooper S. Beckett, Ginger Bentham, and Dylan Thomas this July 24-28 at Naughty in Nawlins! Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes! You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe. The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify! Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464). Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com. Intro Music: Grant feat. McCall – Wishes Review Music: Haywyre – Sculpted Outro Music: Notaker feat. Eric Lumiere – Each Other Our Naughty in Nawlins Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: COBRA 320 SPEEDBOAT, off the Paradise album. This track is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

17 Huhti 20191h 58min

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