SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

Tonight's Gang Bang the Mailbag is the crew's 37th, and they're doing it in force! Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Dirty Lola, Mister Pent, and Dr. Liz Powell get together to answer your questions! You can send them questions to answer by calling 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464) or sending them an email!

Question 1:

I have recently come to the conclusion there is not a God or at least not the way we see god in most major religions and it was freeing. My husband and I started talking about sex and fantasies and I even tried some of the BDSM stuff but the idea of becoming submissive and giving up my free will even for pretend makes me angry and that stuff makes me want to cry and is the complete opposite of a turn on. I know much of it comes from realizing I was told my WHOLE life I had to be submissive to a man and that he was the head of the household an I am sure you have heard this.

My husband really wants to try pet play. I am not judgmental and I keep trying to encourage him to keep looking for someone to act this fantasy out with. He wants me to do it but even watching the videos makes me feel extremely upset especially if they have sound and are barking orders at their pets. I don't find it disrespectful for him to want to engage in this what I do find disrespectful is for him to expect me to somehow learn to enjoy it.

He seems to think I will come around like I did with other things like anal sex which I was very against until I took god out of my live entirely and realized it was not a sin. After that it was painful and he thought it was emotional then I heard an episode of swingset that helped me realize the initial pain would go away if i could relax but I always have a little pain. Ever since then he seems to think if I just keep doing something I will eventually learn to like it. He even tries to do things like tell me to sit while I am already sitting and feed me a "treat." I can't stand it and I have told him so and he just keeps doing it or variations of it. I will put on kitty ears or puppy ears and play dress up but it just seems to drive more of the pushing for more behavior so then I still can't enjoy myself.

The bottom line is that I would really like him to quit trying to make me like things that I have such negative feelings about participating in.

Is there something wrong with me for not being able to enjoy his fantasies? Am I being ridiculous or selfish? I really don't know anymore I don't have that false moral compass to guide me anymore.

Question 2:

My husband and I are new to swinging, and I guess you could call us wallflowers. We went to our first club last weekend and just sort of hung out. We're both...reasonably attractive...but didn't get approached at all. I know you always say you should ask for what we want, and it's on us for not doing that, but any other advice for the wallflowers out there?

We're considering your desire trip, and are sorta worried we'd do the same thing at that resort.

Question 3:

My wife and I recently decided to explore the lifestyle. Living in Ottawa there is now really only one active club, we also have become members of a private club, which we truly enjoy in the summer months.

We are still new to this, we are moving slowly, we are more about connections. We enjoy the friends that we have made so far, it is nice to get together with like minded individuals, not having to worry about conversation that at times can become very sexual or hot. Your podcasts have been enlightening about nervousness, rules, boundaries, most of all about inclusiveness.

I am a hetroflexible male and my wife has learned that she is pansexual. The hardest thing we find in the area is that the clubs here are not very open to bisexual men, they also try to exclude single men most times. I understand the reasons that I have been given, they have had and continue to have single men that are too aggressive and do not respect the boundaries.

The one club allows single men on Friday nights. The club also has fetish and kink nights periodically to try and be more inclusive, these events are open to everyone. I feel that I try to be sensitive and caring to everyone. I just think it would be awesome to have an area where everyone can go and have a great, safe and open environment.

My vision would be something something like Oasis in Toronto, but open to everyone, or at least open to all couples, with no bias on gender. To me it would be a start. Thank you for sharing your podcasts, they are very informative.

Question 4:

A couple of years ago my husband asked if we could try a threesome. We were having sexual satisfaction issues due to stress he was dealing with at the time which made me feel insecure.

Recently we've started hooking up with a couple we know. I'm bi and wanted to play with a woman in addition to some swapping. But when it came down to it, I was playing with her and having a great time. Once my husband started playing with her, my insecurities came up and we had a fight because I felt like we rushed into a more intimate level of playing.

The other problem is, I was not attracted to the other husband. And my husband's stress issue reared its ugly head when we played again. The other wife and he were playing she was getting upset about my husband's performance. I wanted to watch and help, which frustrated the other husband.

I really want to be in the lifestyle and I know we really screwed up our approach for the first few times. I feel like a hypocrite about my jealous feelings that come up when I see my husband playing with another woman.

Are we just doomed in the lifestyle? How do you know when to call it quits?

More importantly, how do we approach another couple when I feel like I need so much attention to make sure I feel good?

Question 5:

We're in Detroit and have a group of swingers we play with regularly.

A little bit back, we went to a party where she played solo with a guy without checking in beforehand. I wasn't okay with that, and let her know afterwards. She has played solo in a separate space before and let me know beforehand. So I had assumed she knew to go slow. Mistakes can happen!

Last week we went to a kink party. I saw her kissing the aforementioned solo guy a couple times. But while with me, she excused herself to get a drink when he also did and they instead went to fuck without checking in. I felt abandoned, especially as they continued to play all night.

I told her that I felt betrayed and overlooked, as well as ignored when she reacted defensively without acknowledging my feelings.

We talked the next day without particularly resolving anything and I spun into self loathing and over-analying my actions.I still feel she intentionally ignored me that evening. And there was a huge communication gap between her thinking she was doing me a favor leaving me open to play with others, and the lack of check in and connection I wanted. This is a new level of jealousy I haven't felt before.

Have you ever had this type of situation and how did you handle it?
Could I have dealt with it better at the party?

Tristan Taormino's #AllIn for Desire… are you? Join us from November 3rd through the 10th this 2018 for Life on the Swingset's seventh trip to Desire! Visit www.ssdesire.com for more information!

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!

You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe.

The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now order Cooper's novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com.

Do you have a sex positive project? Would you be interested in a grant? Visiting the Effing Foundation at effing.org/grants!

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album. Our cold open in includes the track パラダイス PARADISE , our Swingtowns Advertisement includes the track さようなら GOOD BYE, and the Effing Foundation Advertisement includes the track シドニーSYDNEY.

The Sex Down South Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Internet Archive - O N L I N E off the THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Ginger Bentham Dr. Liz Powell Dirty Lola Mr. Pent

Jaksot(431)

SS 245: Abuse in Non-Monogamous and Kink Communities

SS 245: Abuse in Non-Monogamous and Kink Communities

Abuse isn't discussed the same way we discuss other issues in our communities. Otherwise well meaning people sometimes end up working to silence victims of abuse when they need community support the most. People in groups tend to respond poorly when someone or something threatens the group dynamic and often, victims take the brunt of that response. With forethought, preparation, and a commitment to support people who speak out, communities can work through and survive abuse. You can find Ginny Brown on twitter @lirelyn, on Everyday Feminism, and at The Brunette's Blog. You can find Pepper Mint on Twitter @freaksexual and at www.freaksexual.com. Y ou can Choose Your Own Adventure with Ginger, Dylan, and Cooper during our first ever Resort Takeover! Support Life on the Swingset by buying a shirt, buying condoms, leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or by leaving us a tip! You can leave us a tip for every episode we release, including some special rewards for those willing to tip us just a little more! You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir "My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory" at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%! We opened our episode with a track from Haywyre's Two Fold Pt. 2 Album - Transient and followed it with another track, Restraint. We also featured Puppet - Vagrant, off the Soft Spoken EP, and we closed with Direct's track - Scars (feat. Devin Santi) off the Wanna Know You EP.   Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

24 Maalis 20161h 5min

SS 244: Cuckolding & Humiliation with Princess Kali

SS 244: Cuckolding & Humiliation with Princess Kali

Sometimes it feels great to be really and truly degraded. The humiliation expansion pack for BDSM draws curiosity, ire, and extreme excitement from the world. Another stop, on that same train line is cuckolding, an act that many still try to make an insult, but may unambiguously show someone at once totally comfortable with their relationship, or working through past issues. Or, of course, just enjoying the fuck out of each other, and others. Tonight we're joined by Kali, creator of Kink Academy and Author of 'Enough To Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation' to discuss cuckolding and humiliation play, on Life on the Swingset The Podcast

16 Maalis 20161h 15min

SS 243: The Bitchcast.

SS 243: The Bitchcast.

Katie Mack and Ginger Bentham are ready to #femmespread like you've never seen before. Talking honestly and earnestly about their experiences as women, Katie and Ginger get unapologetically bitchy. They share their uncensored and unfettered voices on topics like privilege, female socialization, male entitlement, rape culture, consent, and the true experience of owning your power. With humor, stories, and bonding over the pay gap, Katie and Ginger wind down with their list of demands from the men of the world...no more and no less. Brace yourself. It's the Bitchcast.   I turned around, I got fucking big, I saw Wonder Woman in my brain, and I just turned around and I got loud and said, "I asked you ten minutes ago to stop fucking talking to me." I just stared right into his eyes, as big as I could be, and I said everything I could think of right in this moment, and I think it was a lot. I said, "YOU. WILL STOP. TALKING. NOW. if you're ever in a position where a woman asks you to stop talking in the future, you'll stop talking then too." I just stared until he looks away, and he looked away, and at that point everybody in the Dunkin Donuts was watching but I'll tell you what, and the woman who had manager on her nametag had a smirk on her face and somebody got her coffee for free that day. - Ginger Bentham Support Life on the Swingset by buying a shirt, buying condoms, leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or by leaving us a tip! You can leave us a tip for every episode we release, including some special rewards for those willing to tip us just a little more! You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir "My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory" at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%! The Bitchcast. featured Karma Fields - Scandal, featuring C.C. Sheffield, off the new album New Age | Dark Age.   Ginger Bentham Katie Mack

9 Maalis 20161h 14min

SS 242: The Sixth Anniversary Show, with Miko and Shira!

SS 242: The Sixth Anniversary Show, with Miko and Shira!

Six years ago, Cooper, Dylan and two other panelists blustered through far too long of an intro and a horrible title and made a thoroughly mediocre hour of podcasting. When we started this thing called the Swingset, we thought we'd do it for a little while and that would be it. Maybe we would inform, and maybe we would get laid. Little did we know that it would introduce us to wonderful people like Ginger, and Shira, and Miko, Cooper would meet his amazing partner Ophilia, We'd take amazing sexy vacations to mexico every November. To look back over the expanse of six years is rather mind boggling.    We took time at the end of the episode to answer a question from a listener. "Not a question really, more of a comment. "Why aren't there more sites like this where orthodoxy isn't religiously enforced and divergent opinions can be voiced?" Too many relationship sites are really quite intolerant.." - Bill Peoples' experiences matter. We realized early on that we were swinging a little different than swingers were supposed to swing. It's about giving people a place that they can go to and feel like, hey there are other people that have the same experiences that I can go to and communicate with, that's what community is, and if you're not finding what you need or what from a community than go build your own, and we god-damn-diddly did that. That doesn't mean that we're exclusive, it doesn't mean we're splitting a community, it just means that we're giving people that are doing the same things or find what we're doing attractive a place where they can talk about it and listen to other people doing it, and do it. That goes across the board across any kind of sexuality, any kind of sexual identity, any way of practicing this or any other lifestyle. It all has value. The fact that we know it all exists is valuable to us. Even knowing that other ways of practicing swinging or polyamory or kink are out there, that's valuable. You don't have to practice it, you don't have to agree with it, you don't even have to acknowledge it's valid, but just being exposed to it is good enough. Most people who are afraid of what they don't understand are afraid of it because they don't understand it, because they don't see people practicing it normally. We as swingers can go out and interface with all sorts of people and not be scary dude until they realize were swingers, then when they realize we're swingers and realize they aren't scared it's because we're normal people. We're not trying to blow up their marrages, it's ok. The best way we can be an ambassadors for swinging is by being that normal fucking people and by saying hey, this isn't scary, it's ok. If we're fighting amongst each other for the mantle for the most pure swinger or best fucking swinger or old fucking swinger or progressive swinger than it all doesn't matter because then we're just fighting with each other and everybody says they're all just fucking swingers. We live in a very polarized world and it doesn't matter who got us there, it matters that we don't have to contribute to that polarization. Diddly. Support Life on the Swingset by buying a shirt, buying condoms, leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or by leaving us a tip! You can leave us a tip for every episode we release, including some special rewards for those willing to tip us just a little more! You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir "My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory" at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%! We featured seven songs off of Nigel Good's Space Cadet LP: It Starts This Is Forever An Adventure No Way Back Up (Feat. Illuminor) Space Plus One Cloudstepper Don't Want To Go We also made Muzzy & Droptek's track Warhead our official POLITICS AHEAD music! Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas Technogeisha

5 Maalis 20161h 13min

SS 241: Men, We Need To Talk.

SS 241: Men, We Need To Talk.

Hey fellow men... Dylan here. I want to take a moment to express a little sympathy. It can be incredibly hard out there to be a man. We're living in an age inspired by the speed of the internet. Our goalposts of acceptability and common respectability on social issues and on how we relate to others in the world change what seems like weekly at times. Our perception of our gender as a responsibility hasn't kept up with the evolution of gender as identity and of sexuality as more fluid than we were ever told was possible. We are being forced to resolve the changes in the world with what we think of as our masculine role, equality means a shift in power, equity means a shift in resources, and the things we've always been taught to be afraid of are popping up all around us. It doesn't mean we have to be dicks about all of it.   So. Coop and I spent the last hour talking a lot about how women experience harassment and navigate rape culture and I'm 100% conscious about how a couple of dudes talking about women can come off... but out of 241 episodes... I thought we could take a little time to sit down with our fellow men and level.   Women largely get ignored by men and it sucks. Nothing Cooper and I said should be eye-popping or a surprise but... I guarantee we might have turned a few of your heads or noses while we chatted, gender notwithstanding and I'm hoping that some of that coming from us might make it more likely for some of you to help others listen to women.   The women of the Swingset are putting together an episode (or two) to discuss topics from this episode... and probably point out how a couple dudes talking about women's experiences got it wrong. That's ok, we'll own that. Until that comes out I wanted to put a spotlight on a few people.   Writer and Filmmaker De La Fro posted an article titled "No, You Are Not a Nice Guy" that really disassembles the male entitlement / transactional nature of what some guys call "being a nice guy"   There are some damn wonderful people on everydayfeminism.com and I found a three minute spoken word piece by contributor Desiree Dallagiacomo and Mwende Katwiwa aka: FreeQuency titled "American Rape Culture" that illustrates just how insidious the language of rape culture has been in popular music.   Our own Crista Anne, our rainbow-colored pleasure revolutionary, through her mission to reclaim her orgasms ended up enduring an intense and sustained amount of harassment for daring to speak loudly and unapologetically. She writes about that harassment at cristaanne.com/harassment.   Ella Dawson has dared to write and speak about her experiences navigating sexuality with herpes and how as a result of that she's also endured sustained harassment. She posted an article, "Everything 2015 Taught Me About Harassment" that really puts a fine point on it.   We spend a lot of time on the Swingset breaking out our experiences so you can learn from the journey. We aren't filtering what we're going through and neither are these women and there's value in it. They're unapologetic, they're strong, they deserve to be listened to. That they're speaking uncomfortable truths and they're laying the raw filth of mysogyny out for all of us to see. It doesn't make it complaining... it makes it necessary   You know you can always write us at contact@lifeontheswingset.com and leave us a voicemail at 573-55-swing, that's 573-557-9464. We introduced today's fireside man-chat with Varien - Seduction. Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas

24 Helmi 20161h

SS 240: Eroticizing Safer Sex with The Doctor

SS 240: Eroticizing Safer Sex with The Doctor

As a well known hypochondriac and germophobe who'd just as soon wrap his entire body in the Titan Full Body Condoms from The Naked Gun if only they sold them at The Lucky Bloke, It's no surprise that Cooper thinks a lot about eroticizing safer sex. Thinking about it, talking about it, trying really hard to do it, it’s all there. On Swingset’s 2015 desire trip, Cooper sat next to The Doctor, no, not THAT Doctor, though he did feel an urge to let this sexy man take him on adventures. They knew too much about STIs and often scared themselves silly. You can find The Doctor on twitter @Sexxypixie. Rawr. Cooper mentioned the Sex MythBusters’ video, Sex Myth #2: The Oral Sex Aficionado. Today’s episode featured Haywyre’s tracks, Moment, Dichotomy (Soft Mix), and The Schism, off of his Two Fold Pt. 1 and Two Fold Pt. 2 albums. We also continued to use Stephen Walking - Claptrap because… well it’s everywhere we want it to be. Like Uberlube. Support Life on the Swingset by buying a shirt, buying condoms, leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or by leaving us a tip! You can leave us a tip for every episode we release, including some special rewards for those willing to tip us just a little more! You can Cooper’s novel about swinging, A Life Less Monogamous, at alifelessmonogamous.com or his memoir "My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory" at mylifeontheswingset.com as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook and if you buy them from his sites, use promo code SWINGSET to save 10%! Cooper S Beckett Ginger Bentham Dylan Thomas

17 Helmi 20161h 21min

SS 239: A Life Less Monogamous - A Novel About Swinging by Cooper S. Beckett

SS 239: A Life Less Monogamous - A Novel About Swinging by Cooper S. Beckett

Ginger sits down with Cooper for a one-on-one discussion of his new novel about swinging A Life Less Monogamous, recorded just days before the book launch. After they chat for a while, Cooper shares the first two chapters of the novel's upcoming audiobook version narrated by himself and Kat Stark. You can buy the book now RIGHT HERE at ALifeLessMonogamous.com - use promo code SWINGSET at checkout to save 10%! The Novel's Synopsis: We all come to a point in our lives where we finally ask the ever-looming question, “Is this all there is?” And most of us coast along afterwards, just accepting that the answer to that question is probably, “Yes, this is it.” Sometimes, though, we’re lucky. Sometimes we run into the right people at the right time. Ryan and Jennifer are at that point in their marriage, asking that question. Luckily, tonight at a friend’s holiday party, they’re about to run into those very right people at exactly the right time. Bruce and Paige have successfully crossed the Rubicon into the realm of “what else there is.” They’ve discovered delights and a way of living that Ryan and Jennifer have only ever dreamed about. Their secret? Bruce and Paige are swingers. And very soon now, thanks to a chance meeting and a new friendship, Ryan and Jennifer will close their eyes, clasp hands, and jump into the deep end of life, exploring the untold wonders of sexuality. Hedonistic pleasures that they can’t even fathom yet, threesomes and sex parties and a deep connection with friends and with each other. The swinging lifestyle. Today is the day they proclaim: “There is more.” Today is the day they change their lives.  Give us a call and leave a voicemail at 573-55-SWING, (573-557-9464), we want your stories, your orgasms, your everything! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Comments? Complaints? Comment on this post or join us on Facebook.com/theswingset and let us know what you think. Ginger Bentham Cooper S Beckett

9 Helmi 20161h 15min

SS 238: Fisting, with Andre Shakti

SS 238: Fisting, with Andre Shakti

One finger, two finger, three finger, four...sometimes even that's not enough and you need to go the full five. To fisting! Huzzah! Tonight we're joined by the amazing Andre Shakti to talk about fisting, best practices, intensity, and what it's like to have a full hand inside you. You can find Andre Shakti at andreshaktixxx.com and on twitter @AndreShakti. Andre mentioned Sassy by Sliquid water based anal gel lubricant and Swiss Navy Silicon lubricant. This episode we featured Sock Puppet by Sticky Biscuits! They have a new song out, Ungooglable You! We also featured Volant - Full Circle in our intro, Stephen Walking - Claptrap during our between commercial outtakes, and Haywyre - Do You Don’t You in our outro and after episode outtakes. Support Life on the Swingset by buying a shirt, buying condoms, leaving us a review on iTunes or Stitcher, or by leaving us a tip! You can leave us a tip for every episode we release, including some special rewards for those willing to tip us just a little more! Buy "My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory" as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook at mylifeontheswingset.com and pre-order my novel A Life Less Monogamous and save 25% on the ebook or paperback at alifelessmonogamous.com! Want to attend InfinityCon in Atlanta, GA from February 4th-7th 2016 to learn skills for navigating non-monogamy challenges, and to better connect with loves and liked minded people? Visit InfinityCon.net and tweet at #InfinityCon! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Cooper S Beckett   Ginger Bentham   Dylan Thomas   Crista Anne

5 Helmi 20161h 4min

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