SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

Tonight's Gang Bang the Mailbag is the crew's 37th, and they're doing it in force! Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Dirty Lola, Mister Pent, and Dr. Liz Powell get together to answer your questions! You can send them questions to answer by calling 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464) or sending them an email!

Question 1:

I have recently come to the conclusion there is not a God or at least not the way we see god in most major religions and it was freeing. My husband and I started talking about sex and fantasies and I even tried some of the BDSM stuff but the idea of becoming submissive and giving up my free will even for pretend makes me angry and that stuff makes me want to cry and is the complete opposite of a turn on. I know much of it comes from realizing I was told my WHOLE life I had to be submissive to a man and that he was the head of the household an I am sure you have heard this.

My husband really wants to try pet play. I am not judgmental and I keep trying to encourage him to keep looking for someone to act this fantasy out with. He wants me to do it but even watching the videos makes me feel extremely upset especially if they have sound and are barking orders at their pets. I don't find it disrespectful for him to want to engage in this what I do find disrespectful is for him to expect me to somehow learn to enjoy it.

He seems to think I will come around like I did with other things like anal sex which I was very against until I took god out of my live entirely and realized it was not a sin. After that it was painful and he thought it was emotional then I heard an episode of swingset that helped me realize the initial pain would go away if i could relax but I always have a little pain. Ever since then he seems to think if I just keep doing something I will eventually learn to like it. He even tries to do things like tell me to sit while I am already sitting and feed me a "treat." I can't stand it and I have told him so and he just keeps doing it or variations of it. I will put on kitty ears or puppy ears and play dress up but it just seems to drive more of the pushing for more behavior so then I still can't enjoy myself.

The bottom line is that I would really like him to quit trying to make me like things that I have such negative feelings about participating in.

Is there something wrong with me for not being able to enjoy his fantasies? Am I being ridiculous or selfish? I really don't know anymore I don't have that false moral compass to guide me anymore.

Question 2:

My husband and I are new to swinging, and I guess you could call us wallflowers. We went to our first club last weekend and just sort of hung out. We're both...reasonably attractive...but didn't get approached at all. I know you always say you should ask for what we want, and it's on us for not doing that, but any other advice for the wallflowers out there?

We're considering your desire trip, and are sorta worried we'd do the same thing at that resort.

Question 3:

My wife and I recently decided to explore the lifestyle. Living in Ottawa there is now really only one active club, we also have become members of a private club, which we truly enjoy in the summer months.

We are still new to this, we are moving slowly, we are more about connections. We enjoy the friends that we have made so far, it is nice to get together with like minded individuals, not having to worry about conversation that at times can become very sexual or hot. Your podcasts have been enlightening about nervousness, rules, boundaries, most of all about inclusiveness.

I am a hetroflexible male and my wife has learned that she is pansexual. The hardest thing we find in the area is that the clubs here are not very open to bisexual men, they also try to exclude single men most times. I understand the reasons that I have been given, they have had and continue to have single men that are too aggressive and do not respect the boundaries.

The one club allows single men on Friday nights. The club also has fetish and kink nights periodically to try and be more inclusive, these events are open to everyone. I feel that I try to be sensitive and caring to everyone. I just think it would be awesome to have an area where everyone can go and have a great, safe and open environment.

My vision would be something something like Oasis in Toronto, but open to everyone, or at least open to all couples, with no bias on gender. To me it would be a start. Thank you for sharing your podcasts, they are very informative.

Question 4:

A couple of years ago my husband asked if we could try a threesome. We were having sexual satisfaction issues due to stress he was dealing with at the time which made me feel insecure.

Recently we've started hooking up with a couple we know. I'm bi and wanted to play with a woman in addition to some swapping. But when it came down to it, I was playing with her and having a great time. Once my husband started playing with her, my insecurities came up and we had a fight because I felt like we rushed into a more intimate level of playing.

The other problem is, I was not attracted to the other husband. And my husband's stress issue reared its ugly head when we played again. The other wife and he were playing she was getting upset about my husband's performance. I wanted to watch and help, which frustrated the other husband.

I really want to be in the lifestyle and I know we really screwed up our approach for the first few times. I feel like a hypocrite about my jealous feelings that come up when I see my husband playing with another woman.

Are we just doomed in the lifestyle? How do you know when to call it quits?

More importantly, how do we approach another couple when I feel like I need so much attention to make sure I feel good?

Question 5:

We're in Detroit and have a group of swingers we play with regularly.

A little bit back, we went to a party where she played solo with a guy without checking in beforehand. I wasn't okay with that, and let her know afterwards. She has played solo in a separate space before and let me know beforehand. So I had assumed she knew to go slow. Mistakes can happen!

Last week we went to a kink party. I saw her kissing the aforementioned solo guy a couple times. But while with me, she excused herself to get a drink when he also did and they instead went to fuck without checking in. I felt abandoned, especially as they continued to play all night.

I told her that I felt betrayed and overlooked, as well as ignored when she reacted defensively without acknowledging my feelings.

We talked the next day without particularly resolving anything and I spun into self loathing and over-analying my actions.I still feel she intentionally ignored me that evening. And there was a huge communication gap between her thinking she was doing me a favor leaving me open to play with others, and the lack of check in and connection I wanted. This is a new level of jealousy I haven't felt before.

Have you ever had this type of situation and how did you handle it?
Could I have dealt with it better at the party?

Tristan Taormino's #AllIn for Desire… are you? Join us from November 3rd through the 10th this 2018 for Life on the Swingset's seventh trip to Desire! Visit www.ssdesire.com for more information!

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!

You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe.

The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now order Cooper's novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com.

Do you have a sex positive project? Would you be interested in a grant? Visiting the Effing Foundation at effing.org/grants!

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album. Our cold open in includes the track パラダイス PARADISE , our Swingtowns Advertisement includes the track さようなら GOOD BYE, and the Effing Foundation Advertisement includes the track シドニーSYDNEY.

The Sex Down South Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Internet Archive - O N L I N E off the THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Ginger Bentham Dr. Liz Powell Dirty Lola Mr. Pent

Jaksot(431)

SS 152: DP, DVP, and DAP - The Double Penetration Spectacular

SS 152: DP, DVP, and DAP - The Double Penetration Spectacular

Today, we discuss double penetration, double vaginal penetration, and double anal penetration, and not just the acts themselves. The act of any sort of double penetration requires thoughtfulness, planning, collaboration, communication, really just enhanced versions of all the skills we learned via trial by fire while finding our own ways into non-monogamy. As DP really is "professional grade" fucking we break it down into the basics, positions, risk-aware practices and being mindful of condom on condom friction, maintaining sufficient erections, being comfortable touching cocks, and we move onto how great it feels and how in the moment it can be easy to lose focus.

2 Huhti 20141h 13min

SS 151: Sex Work, Education, & Non-Monogamy with Guest Sabrina Morgan

SS 151: Sex Work, Education, & Non-Monogamy with Guest Sabrina Morgan

Sabrina Morgan is a tireless advocate for sex workers’ rights and education on sex work. Having experience as a sex worker herself, as well as practicing ethical non-monogamy presents its own unique set of challenges when navigating relationships, and she’s here to talk to us about that. We also answer the age old question "Has Cooper been anally fisted?"

24 Maalis 20141h 1min

SS 150: Dealing With Shame Around Sexuality, Swinging, & Polyamory With Guest Charlie Glickman

SS 150: Dealing With Shame Around Sexuality, Swinging, & Polyamory With Guest Charlie Glickman

Shame, it creeps up on us, sometimes out of nowhere and sometimes as a slow buildup but it can affect our sexuality in ways we don't expect and don't want. Sometimes tackling shame head on helps, sometimes not addressing it at all helps, but shame when tied in to the wonderful world of non-monogamy can be complex and disconcerting to your multiple partners. Charlie Glickman joins us to help sort out the why, the how, the what, and ways we can process and deal with shame in thoughtful and effective ways so we can get back to doing what most of us really want to do... fucking multiple partners. We hit some major points along the discussion. Using the word should implies shame, it implies judgment, that I know better than you. When we react to shame it reinforces that shame. Keep heavy conversations and fights out of the bedroom. Also keep televisions and smartphones out of the bedroom. Go for a walk together instead, being side by side can disarm adversarial feelings that can creep up from being face to face, aka: Ginger's "side to side not nose to nose" philosophy.  Resources on exploring shame: Sharon Ellison: Taking the War Out of our Words Pema Chödrön: Getting Unstuck Brené Brown   We always recommend Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian's "The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure" , a great way to carry condoms with you for safer sexy time. Get a 20% discount when you use the promo code swingburlesque at checkout. We also name check Tristan Taormino's Rough Sex through Ginger's adoration of a scene with Sasha Grey. Give us a call and leave a voicemail at 573-55-SWING, (573-557-9464), we want your stories, your orgasms, your everything! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14? Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers; Search for SS 150, or (if you must) click here!

12 Maalis 20141h 21min

SS 149: Designing and Defining your Non-Monogamous Relationship

SS 149: Designing and Defining your Non-Monogamous Relationship

How do you handle new relationships now that you’re non-monogamous? It’s like turning a cruise ship around, climbing a mountain, and a myriad of other metaphors. We have long talked about taking your relationship from a place of monogamy to a place of non-monogamy. How to take something that is already defined and do a full on paradigm shift with it, transforming it into something altogether new, exciting, and scary. We have not, really, discussed what it’s like for those of us who are beginning a new relationship with the non-monogamy in place, and what it’s like to design and define the parameters and concepts of a new relationship. This is Life on the Swingset’s 4th anniversary! Happy Birthday Swingset podcast! You’re all grownsed up!

4 Maalis 20141h 7min

SS 148: Take It Like A Man: An Introduction to Pegging, Recorded Live at the Tool Shed!

SS 148: Take It Like A Man: An Introduction to Pegging, Recorded Live at the Tool Shed!

Pegging: The act of a female giving anal sex to a male using a strap-on. Some couples enjoy the power reversal of this and some guys simply just like it up the arse. How do we do it? What are the right tools for the job? Does it actually feel good? I'm a straight guy, will pegging make me gay? Lyndzi Miller (@Lyndzi), Tool Shed staff member and sexuality educator, and Cooper answer these questions and cover the basics of pegging, a sexual activity that is quickly gaining popularity. They'll also talk about safety, male anatomy and the health benefits of being pegged. Yes guys, that's right. Taking it in the boot is actually good for you! Audience questions are overdubbed to protect privacy. Audience members asked about exercises women can do to better build up those pegging muscles, techniques when using harness-less toys, prostate orgasm position and technique, and harness maintenance.   Send us a note at contact@lifeontheswingset.com! We're also looking for social media and seo assistance so let us know if you've got the skills and the time to help! Tell us about your experiences with pegging at 573-55-SWING, (573-557-9464) or send us an e-mail. Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers; Search for SS148 or pegging or visit via direct link here!

26 Helmi 20141h 27min

SS 147: Build Your Own Orgy - How To Have Sex With Many People at Once

SS 147: Build Your Own Orgy - How To Have Sex With Many People at Once

Masturbation is awesome, isn’t it? Sex for two, few would argue, is even better. Threesomes are roundly considered to be one of the epitome’s of the sexual experience. Let’s add a few more to that, shake it right up, and create something spectacular. A writhing mass of sexy, everywhere you look people giving or receiving pleasure. Tonight we talk about that wonder of wonders, that glory of glories, the orgy. Cooper will be joining Lyndzi Miller (@Lyndzi) up in Milwaukee at The Tool Shed: An Erotic Boutique for a workshop, Take it Like a Man: An introduction to pegging! Join them on February 21st, 2014 and buy tickets fast!   Send us (or The Professor) a note at profcomevisitme@lifeontheswingset.com! We're also looking for social media and seo assistance so let us know if you've got the skills and the time to help! We also want to hear about your first, last, best, or worst orgy stories to call us at at 573-55-SWING, (573-557-9464) or send us an e-mail. Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers; Search for SS147, or visit via direct link here!

10 Helmi 20141h

SS 146: Sexcations - Travelling to Swing With Friends

SS 146: Sexcations - Travelling to Swing With Friends

Swing With Friends! ... except sometimes the distance between those friends is enough to qualify the trip as more of a sexcation instead of a normal date. Whether because we live in less populated areas or because we've struck up online flirtations, sometimes you have people you just want to reach out and touch, but have to drive or fly for a few hours to do so. Doing this sets up a whole list of different but parallel challenges, and rewards, to the normal swing encounter, and that's what w discuss tonight. The hosts of the Erotic Awakening podcast put together a midwestern polyamory summit called Beyond the Love that we name checked during the episode. Host a sexy conference in the midwest and you'll have our love and adoration forever! Also...w e apologize for calling it "share the love", in the moment Dylan forgot how to brain. He may have been thinking about the Tonia being interested in a gangbang. Contact us about anything at contact@lifeontheswingset.com! You can find us on twitter at @swingsetlife, @technogeisha, @dylan_swingset, and @gingerntheprof! Send us your sexy orgasmic voicemails at 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers; We'll have our comment thread up later today and will let you know via Twitter and Facebook! ... by the way, while Climax, MI -is- along I-69, the exit Dylan discussed was actually along I-94 and you can view the Google Streetview image of it here. :)

3 Helmi 201458min

SS 145:  Geeking Out About Sex With Kate McCombs, Founder of Sex Geekdom

SS 145: Geeking Out About Sex With Kate McCombs, Founder of Sex Geekdom

Sex is awesome. We’re all on board with that, right? Beyond the act, er, acts, for many of us (in fact I’d wager a large percentage of our listeners) getting information about sex carries with it its own form of titillation and enjoyment. That’s the purview of the sex geek. Tonight we’re lucky enough to be joined by Kate McCombs who has turned geeking out about sex into an art form, and into her life. In business, we touched on Kiss a Ginger day and on Technogeisha and Dylan heading to Catalyst East from March 14-16 to be fan boys and fan girls. Also, if you must know... here is information on echidna penis. [technical note] from Dylan: We have both a very simple process for recording our podcasts (Skype), and a slightly more complicated process (individual audio streams recorded locally) to give us better audio and to eliminate single points of failure resulting in the total loss of an episode. During the record of this episode we experience two failures significant enough that the release audio quality is not up to par, we ended up with two local audio feeds that had significant amounts of noise and feedback and had an audio feed send audio right back into the skype stream resulting in a rougher than usual sounding episode. I apologize for the audio in some parts and I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't happen again.[/technical note]   You can find Kate McCombs at SexGeekdom.com and on twitter at @KateCom! Contact us about anything at contact@lifeontheswingset.com! You can find us on twitter at @swingsetlife, @technogeisha, @dylan_swingset, and @gingerntheprof! Send us your sexy orgasmic voicemails at 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers; search for SS 145 or visit via direct link here!

29 Tammi 201459min

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