SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs
Life on the Swingset - The Swinging & Polyamory Podcast12 Elo 2018

SS 330: Gang Bang the Mailbag 37 - Pet Play, Wallflowers, Canadian Clubs

Tonight's Gang Bang the Mailbag is the crew's 37th, and they're doing it in force! Cooper S. Beckett, Dylan Thomas, Ginger Bentham, Dirty Lola, Mister Pent, and Dr. Liz Powell get together to answer your questions! You can send them questions to answer by calling 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464) or sending them an email!

Question 1:

I have recently come to the conclusion there is not a God or at least not the way we see god in most major religions and it was freeing. My husband and I started talking about sex and fantasies and I even tried some of the BDSM stuff but the idea of becoming submissive and giving up my free will even for pretend makes me angry and that stuff makes me want to cry and is the complete opposite of a turn on. I know much of it comes from realizing I was told my WHOLE life I had to be submissive to a man and that he was the head of the household an I am sure you have heard this.

My husband really wants to try pet play. I am not judgmental and I keep trying to encourage him to keep looking for someone to act this fantasy out with. He wants me to do it but even watching the videos makes me feel extremely upset especially if they have sound and are barking orders at their pets. I don't find it disrespectful for him to want to engage in this what I do find disrespectful is for him to expect me to somehow learn to enjoy it.

He seems to think I will come around like I did with other things like anal sex which I was very against until I took god out of my live entirely and realized it was not a sin. After that it was painful and he thought it was emotional then I heard an episode of swingset that helped me realize the initial pain would go away if i could relax but I always have a little pain. Ever since then he seems to think if I just keep doing something I will eventually learn to like it. He even tries to do things like tell me to sit while I am already sitting and feed me a "treat." I can't stand it and I have told him so and he just keeps doing it or variations of it. I will put on kitty ears or puppy ears and play dress up but it just seems to drive more of the pushing for more behavior so then I still can't enjoy myself.

The bottom line is that I would really like him to quit trying to make me like things that I have such negative feelings about participating in.

Is there something wrong with me for not being able to enjoy his fantasies? Am I being ridiculous or selfish? I really don't know anymore I don't have that false moral compass to guide me anymore.

Question 2:

My husband and I are new to swinging, and I guess you could call us wallflowers. We went to our first club last weekend and just sort of hung out. We're both...reasonably attractive...but didn't get approached at all. I know you always say you should ask for what we want, and it's on us for not doing that, but any other advice for the wallflowers out there?

We're considering your desire trip, and are sorta worried we'd do the same thing at that resort.

Question 3:

My wife and I recently decided to explore the lifestyle. Living in Ottawa there is now really only one active club, we also have become members of a private club, which we truly enjoy in the summer months.

We are still new to this, we are moving slowly, we are more about connections. We enjoy the friends that we have made so far, it is nice to get together with like minded individuals, not having to worry about conversation that at times can become very sexual or hot. Your podcasts have been enlightening about nervousness, rules, boundaries, most of all about inclusiveness.

I am a hetroflexible male and my wife has learned that she is pansexual. The hardest thing we find in the area is that the clubs here are not very open to bisexual men, they also try to exclude single men most times. I understand the reasons that I have been given, they have had and continue to have single men that are too aggressive and do not respect the boundaries.

The one club allows single men on Friday nights. The club also has fetish and kink nights periodically to try and be more inclusive, these events are open to everyone. I feel that I try to be sensitive and caring to everyone. I just think it would be awesome to have an area where everyone can go and have a great, safe and open environment.

My vision would be something something like Oasis in Toronto, but open to everyone, or at least open to all couples, with no bias on gender. To me it would be a start. Thank you for sharing your podcasts, they are very informative.

Question 4:

A couple of years ago my husband asked if we could try a threesome. We were having sexual satisfaction issues due to stress he was dealing with at the time which made me feel insecure.

Recently we've started hooking up with a couple we know. I'm bi and wanted to play with a woman in addition to some swapping. But when it came down to it, I was playing with her and having a great time. Once my husband started playing with her, my insecurities came up and we had a fight because I felt like we rushed into a more intimate level of playing.

The other problem is, I was not attracted to the other husband. And my husband's stress issue reared its ugly head when we played again. The other wife and he were playing she was getting upset about my husband's performance. I wanted to watch and help, which frustrated the other husband.

I really want to be in the lifestyle and I know we really screwed up our approach for the first few times. I feel like a hypocrite about my jealous feelings that come up when I see my husband playing with another woman.

Are we just doomed in the lifestyle? How do you know when to call it quits?

More importantly, how do we approach another couple when I feel like I need so much attention to make sure I feel good?

Question 5:

We're in Detroit and have a group of swingers we play with regularly.

A little bit back, we went to a party where she played solo with a guy without checking in beforehand. I wasn't okay with that, and let her know afterwards. She has played solo in a separate space before and let me know beforehand. So I had assumed she knew to go slow. Mistakes can happen!

Last week we went to a kink party. I saw her kissing the aforementioned solo guy a couple times. But while with me, she excused herself to get a drink when he also did and they instead went to fuck without checking in. I felt abandoned, especially as they continued to play all night.

I told her that I felt betrayed and overlooked, as well as ignored when she reacted defensively without acknowledging my feelings.

We talked the next day without particularly resolving anything and I spun into self loathing and over-analying my actions.I still feel she intentionally ignored me that evening. And there was a huge communication gap between her thinking she was doing me a favor leaving me open to play with others, and the lack of check in and connection I wanted. This is a new level of jealousy I haven't felt before.

Have you ever had this type of situation and how did you handle it?
Could I have dealt with it better at the party?

Tristan Taormino's #AllIn for Desire… are you? Join us from November 3rd through the 10th this 2018 for Life on the Swingset's seventh trip to Desire! Visit www.ssdesire.com for more information!

Help support Life on the Swingset continue to make podcasts, and put on live panels and shows into the future! Throw us a dollar (or a few) each time we release an episode on Patreon! Your support will get you invited to a private chat with other Swingsetters, and give you the opportunity to join live podcast recordings, and listen to episodes commercial free, and with outtakes!

You can support us while you buy great sex toys and products from our favorite online retailer SheVibe at lifeontheswingset.com/shevibe.

The best FREE thing you can do to support us is leave us a five-star review. Come to our review gateway, then copy and paste your review into iTunes or Stitcher! Also, follow us on Spotify!

Leave us a comment on this post or at contact@lifeontheswingset.com or leave us a voicemail at 573-55-SWING (573-557-9464).

You can now order Cooper's novel Approaching The Swingularity, his previous novel A Life Less Monogamous, or his memoir My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory as an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. Use promo code SWINGSET at coopersbeckett.com to save 10%.

Dylan Thomas is available for for podcast consultation and production work. If you're interested, visit www.dylanthethomas.com.

Do you have a sex positive project? Would you be interested in a grant? Visiting the Effing Foundation at effing.org/grants!

Our 2017 THEME comes courtesy of Vlad Lucan and his track: Reverse!

Our Desire 2018 Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Bikini, off the Paradise album. Our cold open in includes the track パラダイス PARADISE , our Swingtowns Advertisement includes the track さようなら GOOD BYE, and the Effing Foundation Advertisement includes the track シドニーSYDNEY.

The Sex Down South Advertisement includes music by ローマンRoman titled: Internet Archive - O N L I N E off the THAT'S WHAT I CALL VAPORWAVE album.

These tracks are licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license.

Cooper S Beckett Dylan Thomas Ginger Bentham Dr. Liz Powell Dirty Lola Mr. Pent

Jaksot(431)

SS 144: The Ebb and Flow of Libido and its Effect on Swinging and Polyamory

SS 144: The Ebb and Flow of Libido and its Effect on Swinging and Polyamory

We all want to be "on". We carve out the time, spend some money, clean up the house, groom our fun areas, and make the arrangements with the people we want to see. Sometimes as "the time" gets closer we realize... we're not really up to the task, and while there's still a good time be had we may not be interested in sealing the deal. We discuss dry spells, lulls in desire, varying levels of intensity in interest, today... it's all about libido, how to deal with it when it wanes, and how to try to bring it back. Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Contact us at sufferinsuccotash@lifeontheswingset.com or primingthepump@lifeontheswingset.com, you know... whatever tickles your fancy. Send us your sexy orgasmic voicemails at 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464! Hey, those awesome gender pronoun "Hello, My name is ___" stickers can be found at Storenvy here! Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers to let us know what's on your mind! Search for Comments for SS 144: The Ebb and Flow of Libido and its Effect on Swinging and Polyamory or via a direct link!

20 Tammi 20141h 2min

SS 143: Swinging and Polyamory Resolutions for 2014

SS 143: Swinging and Polyamory Resolutions for 2014

Happy New Year everyone! 2013 was a year filled with pain, regret, and some amazing time spend with wonderful people, fans, and at fantastic venues and conventions. 2014 is on course to be a much better year for those of us on the Swingset. We all got together (Cooper, Dylan,  Shira, and Miko) to discuss our hopes and our projects for this new year. Dylan seems to spout out a new resolution every five minutes, between hitting the clubs more, getting larger Chicago based groups of people together for club takeovers and discussion groups and *gasp* potlucks, he also asks that everyone contribute clips of the show to us so we can put together a Simpsons style episode 138 spectacular! Shira discusses wanting to better date women and offers that us swingers will be demanding gluten free meals soon. Miko wants to get her swing on more and all in all create more space and time to enjoy people. Cooper's cracking the whip and preparing everyone to write books and more importantly to him, step back from his efforts to develop polyamorous relationships and to better enjoy the wonderful world of swinging. He's coming back home people. :) We also have wonderful guests lined up for this year, between Charlie Glickman, Dr Antionette Izzo, Kate McCombs, Epiphora, Redhead Bedhead, and more... things really are looking up for the swingset! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Contact us at dylansprops@lifeontheswingset.com so we can put together a clipshow based on your submissions! Send us your sexy orgasmic voicemails at 573-55-SWING, that's 573-557-9464! Comments? Complaints? Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers to let us know what's on your mind! Search for Comments for SS 143: Swinging and Polyamory Resolutions for 2014 or via direct link here!

10 Tammi 201454min

SS 142: Looking Back at 2013, Welcoming 2014 - New Years Closer

SS 142: Looking Back at 2013, Welcoming 2014 - New Years Closer

We had a pretty rough year on the Swingset. We had some wonderful ups, speaking at two major sex-positive conferences about Progressive Swinging, giving a "Swinging 101" seminar at the Tool Shed in Milwaukee, WI, hosting a second trip to Desire: Riviera Maya, and had some terrible lows; divorce and relationship drama, family issues, and extreme time constraints. We decided to have a nice little end of the year chat. We've traveled and spoken so much this year, experienced so many beautiful people, endured intolerable amounts of grief, and come out of it looking forward to 2014. We give a little summary of some of the sexy events we've attended, laugh at The Professor for breaking the cardinal rule of hot tubs, and commiserate about the year a bit. We're also saying goodbye to Ginger for the next few months, we'll miss her and we look forward to her rejoining our little group. See you all in 2014! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Contact us at whateverthehellyouwant@lifeontheswingset.com. Cooper likes e-mail. Visit Reddit.com's /r/Swingers to comment, complain, debate, or help us commiserate! Search for SS142: Looking Back at 2013, Welcoming 2014 - New Years Closer or visit via direct link!

30 Joulu 20131h

SS 141: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 2 - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

SS 141: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 2 - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

This is Part 2 of my accidental roundtable discussion put together in the seaside room of one of our guests at Desire - Riviera Maya. We continue the discussion about bi-women, mansplaining, and puppeteering, and move into non-monogamy identifiers and why they were useful, but taking some time to talk with other people in a room is much more useful. We end our discussion with giving the reasons we came and why we'll keep coming back. Then the frisco community brings up possibilities of a swingset commune.  Oh boy. Interested in commenting or discussing this week's episode? Visit Reddit's /r/Swingers and search for SS141: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 2 - Live from Desire Resport & Spa Cancun Didn't hear Part 1? Check it out at SS 140: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 1 - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun! Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Contact us at commune@lifeontheswingset.com. Let us know when you're ready to raise chickens with the rest of us.

20 Joulu 201358min

SS 140: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 1 - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

SS 140: Dylan Hosts a Roundtable Discussion in Paradise - Part 1 - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

Dylan had an idea. He thought it'd be a great idea to sit down, two on one with couples while at Desire and interview them, ask questions about how their vacation was going, get some decent soundbites, and enjoy the calm warmth of good discussion and good company. This was anything but calm. What began as a simple interview turned into a roundtable (dildohead) discussion where no topic found itself out of bounds, we discussed single male swingers, the trials and tribulations of dating as a bi-woman seeking another bi or gay woman, connecting with others and how Desire compares with a swinger club or a house party, many more items came up. The discussion lasts longer than we had for this episode so make sure to catch next week's episode for Part 2. ... I should totally do this more often.   Interested in signing up for our favorite Lifestyle site Kasidie.com? Click here to try it out! Come with us for The Swingset Takes Desire '14?  Contact us at dylanlicksmynipples@lifeontheswingset.com. Let us know when that one gets old.

13 Joulu 20131h 5min

SS 139: Swinging In Paradise - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

SS 139: Swinging In Paradise - Live from Desire Resort & Spa Cancun

Midway through Life on the Swingset's second annual trip to Desire Resort & Spa in Cancun, Dylan, Ginger, & Cooper sat down with many of the tour guests to record a silly podcast reflecting on the trip so far, and what lifestyle vacations can be. There's a drinking game, there's guests talking about what Desire means to them, there's Dylan and Cooper squaring off the way they always seem to do in person, and there's Ginger continuing to be the heart and soul of the Swingset. With tequila.

4 Joulu 20131h 5min

SS 138: Risk Aware Sex - Condoms, Dental Dams, & Rebranding Safe Sex with Dr. Antoinette Izzo

SS 138: Risk Aware Sex - Condoms, Dental Dams, & Rebranding Safe Sex with Dr. Antoinette Izzo

We've evolved quite a bit over the last three years, our choices in play preferences, what we're open to, and the people we're open to play with have expanded as well. We've chosen to use safer sex barrier barriers and integrated it with our play. Thinking about it all in the lens of Risk Aware Sex, a term coined by Dr. Antoinette Izzo is what we discuss today. Getting away from fallacies and dangers of using "clean" as people who don't have STIs and moving towards making safety sexy occupies the bulk of our discussion. Personal responsibility is king, it's up to us to take care of ourselves. We also take a couple detours to discuss sensual vs. sexual energy, and Ginger's Panties (or lack thereof). You can find Dr. Antoinette Izzo at Sense Appeal! Slots for our "The Swingset Takes Desire 2014" trip are open! Visit http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/the-swingset-takes-desire-2014/ to join us!

21 Marras 20131h 14min

SS 137: Our Open Agreement - Setting Rules and Boundaries in Swinging & Polyamory with Cat Maness

SS 137: Our Open Agreement - Setting Rules and Boundaries in Swinging & Polyamory with Cat Maness

When preparing to embark on open relationship, or deep within the throes of one, hammering out an open agreement, determining your rules and boundaries, and having those ever important discussions are essential. Today we’re joined by Cat Maness, creator of Our Open Agreement Tool, an online resource for creating your agreements, to discuss why these are worth having and discuss how to put them together. We also discuss a listener e-mail from Episode 130, Swinger Profiles. You can find Cat Maness at http://www.catmaness.com/! Check out Our Open Agreement at www.ouropenagreement.com! Slots for our "The Swingset Takes Desire 2014" trip are open! Visit http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/the-swingset-takes-desire-2014/ to join us!

7 Marras 201355min

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