#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?

When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.

In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.

We cover:

  • Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
  • The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
  • The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
  • Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
  • Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
  • How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
  • The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
  • When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment

Resources

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#40: 5 Pieces of Unhelpful Relationship Advice (& What to do Instead)

#40: 5 Pieces of Unhelpful Relationship Advice (& What to do Instead)

It's easy to feel overwhelmed and confused with the vast amounts of (often-conflicting) relationship advice going around - which is why in this week's episode, I'm calling out 5 pieces of unhelpful re...

17 Tammi 202324min

#39: 5 Pieces of Life Advice for 2023

#39: 5 Pieces of Life Advice for 2023

In our last episode of 2022, I'm sharing 5 pieces of life advice to help you enter 2023 with intention, inspiration and clarity around who you want to be and what you want to create in your life. High...

30 Joulu 202216min

#38: The 3 Stages of Healing Anxious Attachment

#38: The 3 Stages of Healing Anxious Attachment

In this week's episode, I'm sharing a trend I notice in people with anxious attachment as they move through their healing journey. I'm sharing my observation of three key "stages" or mindsets that peo...

14 Joulu 202221min

#37: Anxious Attachment & Inconsistency

#37: Anxious Attachment & Inconsistency

In this week's episode, we're talking all about anxious attachment & inconsistency. Inconsistency is a real point of sensitivity for anxiously attached folks, and we'll be talking through what that ca...

6 Joulu 202224min

#36: Q&A: Healing Anxious Attachment, How to Manage Texting Anxiety, Identifying & Expressing Needs, & Dealing w/ Boundaries from Avoidant Partners

#36: Q&A: Healing Anxious Attachment, How to Manage Texting Anxiety, Identifying & Expressing Needs, & Dealing w/ Boundaries from Avoidant Partners

This week is a Q&A-style episode, where I'm answering your questions all about anxious attachment! We'll cover what it actually means to "heal" anxious attachment, how to manage anxiety around texting...

29 Marras 202225min

#35: 5 Tips for Dealing with Regret & Self-Blame

#35: 5 Tips for Dealing with Regret & Self-Blame

In this week's episode, I'm sharing 5 tips to help you process feelings of regret, shame and self-blame about things that may have happened in your past relationships. Regret can be so crippling, but ...

22 Marras 202215min

#34: "What If I Outgrow My Partner?"

#34: "What If I Outgrow My Partner?"

Today's episode is exploring the topic of what to do if you want to heal & grow... but your partner doesn't. This can be a really challenging experience, and is particularly common for those in an anx...

15 Marras 202220min

#33: What Causes an Insecure Attachment Style?

#33: What Causes an Insecure Attachment Style?

In this episode, we're unpacking some of the common origin stories of each insecure attachment style. We'll look at what causes anxious attachment, dismissive-avoidant attachment and disorganised/fear...

8 Marras 202220min

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