#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

#247: Is It Your Anxious Attachment... or the Wrong Relationship?

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and confusing) questions for people with anxious attachment: is it me, or is there something genuinely not right in this relationship?

When you’re used to second-guessing yourself, it can be incredibly hard to know whether your fears and insecurities are coming from your own patterns—or from dynamics that would leave anyone feeling unsafe or unsettled.

In this episode, I explore why this question is so difficult to answer, the role of self-doubt and emotional invalidation, and how to find a more grounded, balanced perspective. I also share some clear examples of behaviours that are likely to create insecurity in any relationship, regardless of your attachment style.

We cover:

  • Why “is it me or them?” is such a common source of rumination
  • The role of self-doubt and self-invalidation in anxious attachment
  • The middle ground between dismissing your feelings and being led by them
  • Why relationship dynamics are almost always co-created
  • Examples of behaviours that are objectively difficult to build a secure relationship around
  • How inconsistency and unpredictability activate anxious attachment patterns
  • The importance of zooming out and looking at the big picture
  • When anxiety is a signal of deeper relational misalignment

Resources

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#278: How to Navigate Being Triggered by a Partner's Moodiness

#278: How to Navigate Being Triggered by a Partner's Moodiness

In today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the listener question of "How do I navigate being triggered by my partner's moodiness and irritability?" This is such a common pain point for folks with anx...

18 Elo 10min

#277: What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner

#277: What to Look For in a Long-Term Partner

Choosing who you're going to commit to is a life-altering decision — so it's little wonder so many of us feel the weight of that pressure, and experience doubt around whether we're making the "right" ...

13 Elo 13min

#276: Attachment & Conflict (Part 4): Repairing After Relationship Rupture

#276: Attachment & Conflict (Part 4): Repairing After Relationship Rupture

Learning to repair after conflict or ruptures is one of the most valuable relationship skills you'll ever have. But for many of us, meaningful repair isn't something we ever really learned or had mode...

4 Elo 22min

#275: Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex

#275: Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex

In today's episode, we're talking about why you struggle to "get over" your ex. This is something so many people struggle with when it comes to break-ups — feeling like the person who left us still oc...

30 Heinä 22min

#274: Attachment & Conflict (Part 3): How to Experience Healthier Conflict

#274: Attachment & Conflict (Part 3): How to Experience Healthier Conflict

Join the Secure Self Challenge hereToday's episode is part 3 of my Attachment & Conflict series, and we're talking all about how to transform the way you do conflict. I'll be sharing general tips and ...

21 Heinä 32min

#273: Attachment & Conflict (Part 2): Avoidant Attachment

#273: Attachment & Conflict (Part 2): Avoidant Attachment

Register for the Secure Self Challenge hereIn today's episode, we're talking once again about how attachment patterns shape our experience of conflict in relationships, with a particular focus on avoi...

16 Heinä 24min

#272: How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Avoidant Attachment (Ask Steph)

#272: How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Avoidant Attachment (Ask Steph)

Access the replay for the Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour workshopIn today's Ask Steph episode, I'm answering the question of: "How do I talk to my partner about their avoidant attachment without...

9 Heinä 10min

#271: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Guidance for Partners (Part 4)

#271: Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Guidance for Partners (Part 4)

Last chance to register for the free Anxious Attachment Protest Behaviour workshopToday's episode is the fourth and final instalment of my deep dive series into fearful avoidant attachment, and this e...

7 Heinä 23min

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