Identity Grief: Losing a Version of Yourself

In this final episode of the April grief series, Jessica explores identity grief — the grief that comes not from death, but from losing a version of yourself. Whether it's a milestone birthday, a career shift, a diagnosis, or a life that looks nothing like the one you imagined, identity grief is real, clinically significant, and rarely given the space it deserves.

Jessica shares a deeply personal reflection on turning 47 and the quiet spiral that followed — and then walks listeners through the Three Layer Model she uses in clinical practice to help clients process identity grief. This is a Healing Lab episode, which means Jessica didn't just teach the framework — she tested three strategies herself and reports back honestly on what happened.

What You'll Hear in This Episode:

1. Jessica introduces the Three Layer Model of Identity Grief
2. Layer One: The Self That Was Lost — Honoring who you were, what she carried, what she protected, and what she was working toward. This layer asks us to slow down before rushing toward transformation.
3. Layer Two: The Self in Transition — The uncomfortable in-between where the old identity is gone but the new one hasn't formed. This is where many people get stuck, and where the real work of sitting with uncertainty lives.
4. Layer Three: The Emerging Self — Not a shortcut, but an arrival. The new self forms only in the ground of the first two layers.

Healing Lab — Three Strategies Jessica Tried:

1. Strategy 1: Write a letter to the self you thought you'd be. Jessica wrote to the version of herself she imagined at 25 — and to the 47-year-old she never became. She thanked her, honored her, and said goodbye. She cried. She invites you to try it too.
2. Strategy 2: The inventory. Rather than cataloging what's missing, Jessica split the page — what she thought she'd have by now on one side, and what she actually has that she never could have anticipated on the other. Not toxic positivity, just a fuller picture.
3. Strategy 3: Return to one thing that is only yours. Jessica realized she had stopped doing things that existed outside of her roles. She went back to something she used to love — just for herself, no output required — and something loosened.
4. The episode closes with a final reflection prompt and a look ahead to May's theme: shame and self-worth.

Reflection Questions From This Episode:

1. Who is a version of yourself you haven't fully grieved?
2. What do you want her to know before you say goodbye?
3. What is one thing that used to be yours — with no purpose attached?

Resources & Links:

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