Finding Your Joy and Sexual Authenticity for Better Sex, Advice from Coach Andre Lazarus

Season 6, Episode 735: A Genuine Discussion of Intimacy and Sex. From Marine to Intimacy Guide: Andre Lazarus discusses topics on Pleasure, Vulnerability, Shedding Shame, and Connection with podcast host Ruan Willow.

Rarely does a career pivot feel this surprising and this necessary. Andre Lazarus went from U.S. Marine to somatic intimacy guide, and the journey took a full decade of witnessing profound healing breakthroughs before he truly found his calling.

Andre shares how his work (grounded in the Somatic method) helps everyone from trauma survivors to couples navigating alternative relationships. He's perhaps best known for appearing on the U.K. television series Virgin Island as a professional surrogate partner, bringing these conversations into public view in a way that actually matters.

What does it really mean to feel safe enough for genuine pleasure? How can we be more authentic in our intimacy? Andre argues that safety isn't something a partner provides for you. It's your own responsibility, built through boundaries that are dynamic and require constant, intentional practice.

Andre addresses male vulnerability, which is less commonly discussed. Men, he explains, often struggle deeply with reconnecting to vulnerability, and that disconnection blocks pleasure entirely. He also breaks down his three-pillar framework: open community conversation about sex, attunement to a partner, and aftercare. He also talks about how men have tradtionally talked about sex from their own perspective, leaving women, women's bodies, sensations, and women's pleasure out of the conversation, which has collectively skewed our culture's view of sexuality to the male experience and perspective, and erroneously perpetuated that this also applies to women. This is total lie and a very common, and toxically pervasive, misconception. Humans are finally looking at women's pleasure and experiences with sex, but it will take time to permeate the general populus to break the male centered myths. The more we talk about this the better!

Topics discussed:

• Sexuality as Our Birthright and Vulnerability
• Safety is Your Personal Responsibility
• Setting Boundaries and Saying No
• Listening to Your Body's Signals
• Beyond Penetration: BDSM Exploration and Sensation
• Slowing Down and Redefining Sexual Pleasure
• Understanding How Our Desires Develop
• Breaking Free from Sexual Shame
• Sexual Performance Issues in Male and Female Bodies
• Self-Pleasure and Sexual Shame in Childhood
• Taking Responsibility for Your Own Pleasure
• Why We Shame Sexual Tools
• Helping People Find Intimate Connection on Television
• Finding Your Joy and Sexual Authenticity
• Exploring Different Experiences With One Toy

Connect with Andre:

Today, Andre balances private coaching, workshops, and a men's online course on sexual communication with growing media visibility, including the upcoming second season of Virgin Island. Website: https://www.coming-closer.com/
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/coming-closer/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@comingcloserwithandre
Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/comingcloserwithandre?_rdc=1&_rdr#
Media profile: https://www.guestsonair.com/profile/andre-lazarus

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Andre's Bio:

Andre Lazarus is a Somatic Intimacy Guide and media-recognised voice on relationships, sexuality, and embodied connection. His career has followed an unconventional path: from serving in the U.S. Marines to guiding people through the complexities of intimacy and desire. That breadth of experience gives him a distinctive perspective on courage, vulnerability, and human connection.

He is best known for his role on the UK television series Virgin Island, where he appeared as a professional surrogate partner helping participants confront intimacy challenges alongside licensed therapists. The program drew national attention, and Andre's presence on screen highlighted how intimacy work is not about performance but about safety, consent, and the courage to connect.

Through his practice, Coming Closer, Andre supports individuals and couples across a wide range of needs: men facing midlife performance concerns, survivors of trauma seeking safety, long-term partners wanting to revive passion, and those exploring alternatives such as ethical non-monogamy. Equally, he works with couples committed to monogamy who want to strengthen trust and rediscover each other. His approach, rooted in the Somatica® Method of sex and intimacy coaching, emphasises learning through the body and replacing shame with curiosity.

While Andre has also taught workshops introducing kink and alternative practices, he situates them within a broader conversation: how people of all backgrounds can embrace intimacy as part of their wellbeing. His message consistently comes back to honesty, communication, and self-awareness as the foundations for connection.