#30 How to Deal with Feeling | With Dr. Marc Brackett

Episode Summary

Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today.

Key Takeaways

• Accumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and resources is step one.
• There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Giving your child permission to feel — including anxiety, anger, and sadness — is a radical and necessary first step.
• Your go-to regulation strategies may not work for your child. Think of your role as setting a buffet of options, not telling your child what to eat.
• Emotional granularity matters. The difference between "frustrated" and "disappointed" isn't semantic — naming the exact emotion helps regulate it.
• 90% of negative self-talk was caught from other people. Gaslighting from caregivers in childhood becomes our inner critic as adults.
• Your emotion regulation budget includes sleep, nutrition, and movement. Nine times out of ten, when a parent can't meet their own goals, poor sleep is the barrier.
• Co-regulation requires non-judgment. What our kids are begging for, above all else, is a parent who won't judge them in the middle of big feelings.
• Emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice — not something you master. Every day is a new opportunity.

About the Guest

Dr. Marc Brackett is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is the author of the USA Today bestselling book Dealing with Feeling and the internationally bestselling Permission to Feel (translated into 27 languages). Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based social-emotional learning framework adopted by over 5,000 schools worldwide. He also co-created the free How We Feel app with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann.

• 🌐 Website: marcbrackett.com

Resources MentionedBooks

• 📘 Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett — Marc's newest book on practical emotion regulation strategies
• 📗 Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett — Marc's landmark bestseller on emotional intelligence
• 📙 Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck — Referenced in the conversation re: growth mindset and parenting

Tools & Apps

• 📱 How We Feel App — Marc's free, science-based emotion-tracking and regulation app (iOS & Android)
• 🎴 The Point of Connection Game — Marc's conversation card deck for building emotional connection with family and friends

Frameworks & Research

• 🏫 RULER Approach — Marc's evidence-based SEL framework, adopted in 5,000+ schools worldwide
• 🔬 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc's research home base
• ❤️ Harvard Study of Adult Development — The 85-year study on happiness referenced by Eli (close relationships = #1 predictor of wellbeing)

Connect with Marc Brackett

• Website: marcbrackett.com

Learn more about secure parenting:

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

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• Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/