291: How Your Kid’s Exclusion Hurts You Too | Michelle Icard

Your sobbing middle schooler has just seen a Snapchat of their friend group hanging out without them and feels devastated …and you have no idea whether you should call the other parents, try to help your child cheer up, or just stay out of it. Watching kids be excluded by friends they’ve had for years often leaves parents feeling bewildered, upset, helpless - or all of the above. Feeling angry on your kid’s behalf and wanting to rush to the rescue are completely understandable reactions. But you’ll want to take a beat and listen to this episode before acting. Michelle Icard joins us today to break down how tweens going through social exclusion at school are usually just testing out new friends and identities. Old friendships don't always grow at the same pace and some kids get left out in the process. Your job isn't to engineer the friendship back together. It's to tend to your own feelings (perhaps hitting the gym, talking with a friend, or consulting with a clinician), then sit with your kid and ask what might help them feel even a little better today. Painful social shifts, including periods of feeling socially adrift, can ultimately foster resilience, independence, and the skills needed to build new friendships and interests. Dr. Lisa Damour is a clinical psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and globally recognized expert on adolescent development who partners with UNICEF to support parents worldwide. Michelle Icard is a middle-school parenting expert with over 20 years of experience helping families navigate early adolescence. She is the author of Middle School Makeover, Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen, and Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success. ________________ GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠ DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠ - Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠ - The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠ UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠ VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠ ________________ Today's sponsors: Cash App: For a limited time, new Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code: FAMILY10. Masterclass: Get 15% off any annual membership at https://www.masterclass.com/ASKLISA Simple Practice: Sign up for a free 7-day trial, and get 50% off your first three months at https://www.simplepractice.com. Wayfair: Visit ⁠⁠https://wayfair.com⁠. ________________ Episode keywords: tween left out by friends, teen left out by friends, daughter excluded by friends, middle school girl drama, middle school friendship problems, tween friendship struggles, teen friendship issues, mean girl behavior, social exclusion at school, how to help excluded child, my child has no friends at school, coping with friend drama, middle school friend group, mixed messages from friends, parenting tween friendships, supporting socially isolated teen, what to do when friends leave you out Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices