#45 How to Deal with Adoption and Identity | With Sofia Kent

Content note: This conversation discusses adoption, separation from birth family, racism and grief.

What do adopted kids need from the people who love them?

Eli Harwood talks with therapist Sofia Kent, who was adopted from China as a baby and now works with adoptees and their families. Sofia shares what it was like to grow up in a family where her story was visible to everyone, and why adoptees so often feel pressure to prove they deserve to be here.

Together, they explore the “lucky” narrative that can leave little room for grief, what it means to straddle cultures and racial identities, and why validation matters more than reassurance when a child says they feel different. Sofia also tells the story of searching for her birth family as a middle schooler, what that search uncovered, and how to live with the pieces that may never be found.

In this conversation

“Compulsory gratitude” and the pressure many adoptees carry to be thankful and easy to love.
Why “everyone feels that way” can miss what a transracially adopted child is going through.
Educating yourself so your child doesn’t have to be the expert on adoption or race.
Helping kids choose how to answer “Where are you really from?”
People-pleasing, belonging and putting other people’s comfort first.
Searching for birth family, partial answers and the grief that stays.
Following your child’s lead when they want more connection to their origins and when they don’t.

Sofia’s search is documented in Sofia’s Journey, a film by Changfu Chang. Watch the Sofia’s Journey documentary trailer.

Find Sofia

Sofia Kent Therapy — therapy in Colorado and coaching for people outside Colorado.
Sofia Kent at Attachment Labs
Attachment Labs

Connect with Eli

Music by Gold Child.

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