017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Jaksot(512)

419: Ask David: Changing an SDB; Intense Public Speaking Anxiety

419: Ask David: Changing an SDB; Intense Public Speaking Anxiety

Ask David How Can I Change an SDB (Self-Defeating Belief)? How Can I Cope with Intense Public Speaking Anxiety? Featuring Rhonda Barovsky, Psy.D., Matthew May, MD, Jason Meno and David Burns, MD (Jaso...

21 Loka 20241h 16min

418: Phobias, Be Gone!

418: Phobias, Be Gone!

418 The Fear of Driving Featuring Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW and Rhonda Barovsky, PsyD Today, we feature Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW, a Level 3 certified TEAM-CBT therapist who recently treated Rhonda, who's...

14 Loka 20241h 25min

417: Defeating the "Inner" and "Outer Bully"!

417: Defeating the "Inner" and "Outer Bully"!

Podcast 417 Bullying Featuring Manuel Sierra, MD (pictured above) Today, we welcome an old friend, Manuel Sierra, MD, who practices pediatric psychiatry in Idaho, and Dr. Matt May, a familiar and belo...

7 Loka 20241h 41min

416: Ask David: The "Soul" Revisited; Acountability: Is "personality" another illusion? And more!

416: Ask David: The "Soul" Revisited; Acountability: Is "personality" another illusion? And more!

Podcast 416 Ask David is it reckless to question the existence of the "soul?"' How can I make myself accountable? Do we have a "personality," or is that just another illusion? Do questions about the ...

30 Syys 20241h 24min

415: Ask David: TEAM on your own, Blushing, Positive Reframing, & Delayed Responses

415: Ask David: TEAM on your own, Blushing, Positive Reframing, & Delayed Responses

Question #1: John asks: Can you do TEAM on your own? Question #2: John asks: Can you provide more insights or instructions on how to do Positive Reframing on your own? It seems to be an incredibly imp...

23 Syys 202453min

414: All About Coaching: What Is it? Is it Different from Therapy?

414: All About Coaching: What Is it? Is it Different from Therapy?

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for ...

16 Syys 20241h 1min

413: Intrusive Thoughts; Alone and Liking It; Shoulds, and More

413: Intrusive Thoughts; Alone and Liking It; Shoulds, and More

Ask David Disturbing Intrusive Thoughts-- where do they come from? Alone and Liking It--is that Okay? Help with those darned Shoulds, and more! The following show notes were written before the show. ...

9 Syys 20241h 2min

412: Ask David: Give-Get Imbalance; Best Anxiety Treatment; Externalization of Voices; and more

412: Ask David: Give-Get Imbalance; Best Anxiety Treatment; Externalization of Voices; and more

Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for ...

2 Syys 20241h 5min

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