6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)
Apocrypals27 Touko 2018

6: Fresh Prince of Beliar (The Ascension of Isaiah)

"And Isaiah answered and said 'So far as I have utterance, damned and accused be thou and all thy powers and all thy house, for thou canst not take from me aught save the skin of my body.' And they siezed and sawed in sunder Isaiah the son of Amoz with a wooden saw." -- The Ascension of Isaiah, 5:9-11.

Here's a question for you, Theophiloi: How do you get rid of a prophet who won't stop sitting on your bed in the nude with 50 of his closest friends? The answer, at least according to this week's selection, is that you wait for him to turn into a tree that also won't stop prophesying, and then saw him in half. Join us as we read the apocryphal Ascension of Isaiah, which gets into some shockingly specific detail about what we can expect in the Gospels... mostly.

Topics of discussion: The feast of Mary, Mother of the Church, Pentecost, Shavuot, a missed installment of SatanWatch, Isaiah's constant nudity, Samael, the Venom of God, the Carnage of God, the Demiurge, Belial, demons in the air, AntichristWatch, Negaduck Jesus, Nero's popularity, Jesus's wrath against White Castles, the benefits of wooden saws, the Seven Heavens, God's password, Thrones and thrones, the Junior Woodchuck Guide for Heaven, Haguel.

Jaksot(126)

92:  Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

92: Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (The Gospel of Philip, the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Jesus's Wife)

I think you'll agree, Theophiloi, that while texts containing actual stories about things like 12' werewolf saints and angel jacuzzis are nice, the real action here on our goodtime comedy podcast is i...

11 Heinä 20211h 35min

91:  The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

91: The Me In This Story Is You (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 2)

CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault with regards to the story of Amnon and Tamar, beginning right after the ad break and ending at 26:00. If I had to rank them, Theophi...

27 Kesä 20211h 26min

90: Worfin' the Lions  (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

90: Worfin' the Lions (The Second Book of Samuel, Part 1)

If you told me three years ago, Theophiloi, that the most famous king in Bible was not in the book called "Kings" but was instead in the part named after a dude who is neither present nor alive for th...

6 Kesä 20211h 26min

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

You may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly kn...

23 Touko 20211h 41min

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

88: A Miserable Pile of Secrets (The Da Vinci Code Commentary)

We weren't kidding, Theophiloi. We actually did a full-length commentary track for The Da Vinci Code (2006, Dir. Ron Howard). Did you know this movie is almost two and a half hours long? Because we di...

9 Touko 20212h 40min

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

87: Crisis On 18,000 Earths (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 2)

We're finishing up our third anniversary special this week, Theophiloi, and the sheer weirdness of Enoch's new career has gotten vast enough to fill a myriad of parasangs. You might've thought you wer...

18 Huhti 20211h 36min

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

86: God Junior (The Third Book of Enoch, Part 1)

Do me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, tw...

4 Huhti 20211h 51min

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

85: Old Clootie (The Life of St. Dunstan)

As it is written in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Theophiloi: futility. Utter futility. That's what we get from trying to influence the farce that is Lent Madness to get our pick, St. Dunstan, all the way...

21 Maalis 20211h 26min

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