62: Oh, the Jews' Manatees! (The Book of Numbers)
Apocrypals19 Huhti 2020

62: Oh, the Jews' Manatees! (The Book of Numbers)

One thing you have to say for the Book of Numbers, Theophiloi: it is exactly what it says in the title. Well, most of it is, anyway. Mixed in with all the census totals and step-by-step MapQuest directions to the Promised Land, though, is some truly wild stuff, including the return of one of our favorite Biblical tropes, the talking animal that no one seems to think is odd in the slightest. Join us, but make sure to brace yourself for a whole lot of skantent.

Topics of discussion: The Devil's Bible (Wizard Magazine), the Devil's Bible (Codex Gigas), horse_ebooks, "Petition Pit," Scholars and Clowns, the two wolves inside us, clown eggs, James O'Barr's The Crow, a large Jamie Madrox of frog, the P editor, a mysterious animal that is either a sea cow or a Lady Rainicorn, Nazarite vs. Nazarene, the Aaronic Benediction, the Lord's invention of ska, an extremely clutch joke made to my wife, Nachos Galacticos, something that is definitely not an idol, Mt. TERF, God just making a bunch of disembodied mouths and then going to bed, Ac***a Gr**e, some wild nasty idol worship in Peor, Rimmon-Perez, a home for Slayer.

Hymnal: "Let Me Ride That Donkey" by 69 Boyz, "Waterloo" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals

Jaksot(126)

37: Bigger Esther (The Book of Esther and Greek Esther)

37: Bigger Esther (The Book of Esther and Greek Esther)

Get ready to put on your costume, give money to the poor, and get tore up from the floor up, Theophiloi, because it's Purim time! Join us for the story of Esther, a uniquely God-free entry into Bible ...

20 Maalis 20191h 18min

36: GRAZACHAM! (The Life of St. Patrick)

36: GRAZACHAM! (The Life of St. Patrick)

Top o' the mornin' to ye, Theophiloi! In honor of his verdant feast day, we're taking a look at the life of Saint Patrick! Witness as he comes out of his cage and does just fine bringing Christianity ...

12 Maalis 20191h 34min

35: Down in the Donkey Hole (The Book of Exodus, Part Two)

35: Down in the Donkey Hole (The Book of Exodus, Part Two)

Take heed, Theophiloi, because we have some intense and highly specific requirements for your upcoming tabernacle construction this week. That's right: we've wandered out of the narrative section of E...

3 Maalis 20191h 47min

34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

34: Thorn Bushes and Pushups (The Song of Songs)

Happy Valentine's Day, Theophiloi, and might I just say, you're looking good today. Hair like goats, teeth like sheep, just dripping with myrrh... yes, all your parts are in very sexy condition. What'...

24 Helmi 20191h 17min

33: Thicc Darkness (The Book of Exodus, Part One)

33: Thicc Darkness (The Book of Exodus, Part One)

Get your shoes on and don't you dare leaven that bread, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into the Book of Exodus! In this episode, we cover the first 18 chapters, including Moses's surprisingly v...

10 Helmi 20191h 33min

32: Return of the Twelve-Foot Volcel Lion (Questions & Answers)

32: Return of the Twelve-Foot Volcel Lion (Questions & Answers)

Just so you know, Theophiloi, both of us have definitely read the Book of Exodus, as planned. Definitely. Especially me. Remember Pharaoh? And how about that Moses, huh? Anyway, this week, we're takin...

3 Helmi 20191h 38min

31: Yartzed Upon a Distant Shore (The Book of Jonah)

31: Yartzed Upon a Distant Shore (The Book of Jonah)

Greetings, Theophiloi, from your ever-punctual Sons of Thunder! We're back this week to answer the question of whether we can talk for an hour about exactly four pages (and 47 verses) of Bible. It's t...

24 Tammi 20191h 12min

30: Apples and Oranges (The Legend of the Three Kings)

30: Apples and Oranges (The Legend of the Three Kings)

We're back for 2019, and on the off chance that we didn't have enough of them already, get ready for a couple new Johns. Specifically, we're celebrating Epiphany with Of Hildesheim's 14th-century book...

7 Tammi 20191h 39min

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