67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Kesä 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

29: These Apocryphal Ravings (The Infancy Gospel of James)

29: These Apocryphal Ravings (The Infancy Gospel of James)

Mary Christmas, Theophiloi! Normally at this time of year, you get a nice little reading from Luke about being sore afraid and wishing peace on Earth and goodwill to men. Unfortunately, we already cov...

16 Joulu 20181h 18min

28: Second Maccabees Second Furious (The Second Book of Maccabees)

28: Second Maccabees Second Furious (The Second Book of Maccabees)

So long Hanukkah and Hello Advent, Theophiloi! It's your humble Sons of Thunder on 2018's best podcast for news about Ahikar and St. Thecla's conflict with man-eating seals, and before we close out th...

10 Joulu 20181h 31min

27: The Book of the Dynasty of God's Resisters (The First Book of Maccabees)

27: The Book of the Dynasty of God's Resisters (The First Book of Maccabees)

Chag sameach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah times, so we're diving into One Maccabees to learn the story of the Festival of Lights, and also get 16 full chapters of Jews just beating the ever-loving sugar...

2 Joulu 20181h 37min

26: Some Other Christmas Man (The Lives of St. Nicholas and St. Lucy)

26: Some Other Christmas Man (The Lives of St. Nicholas and St. Lucy)

Good news, friends and neighbors: It's Christmas now! Put your shoes out and brew a pot of coffee because we're going through the lives of the most popular saint ever, Jolly Old St. Nicholas, aka Sant...

19 Marras 20181h 15min

25: One Rinthies, Baby (First Corinthians)

25: One Rinthies, Baby (First Corinthians)

So uh, if this episode gets a little weird, it's probably because the hosts, two comic book writers, found out that Stan Lee died about halfway through it. But tragedies great and small won't stop us ...

14 Marras 20181h 41min

24: Butt Stuff Dragon (The Testament of Solomon)

24: Butt Stuff Dragon (The Testament of Solomon)

Get ready for HAINTS AND SAINTS, Theophiloi! It's Halloween and things are getting wild spooky up in here as we diver into the testament of Solomon, a very wise man who likes two things: glorifying Go...

29 Loka 20181h 36min

23: Dunking on Satan (The Acts of Pilate and the Gospel of Nicodemus)

23: Dunking on Satan (The Acts of Pilate and the Gospel of Nicodemus)

PIECES be with you, Theophil-OOZE, and get ready for the first installment of our two-part HELLoween SCAREtacular! This week, we're descending into HELL! And, uh, it's not actually that scary in the t...

21 Loka 20181h 30min

22: Ocean's Two (The Book of Judith)

22: Ocean's Two (The Book of Judith)

Get ready, Theophiloi, because it's time for a tightly plotted heist story about our favorite Deuterocanonical heroine, Judith! We'll be heading into a slice of the Apocrypha with some sharp commentar...

15 Loka 20181h 22min

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