67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)
Apocrypals28 Kesä 2020

67: Bad Things to Call Your Mother (The Book of Bartholomew)

Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked on and Mary gets called some uniquely unflattering things that we're pretty sure are supposed to be good. Also, if angels actually are cutting out your tongue, uh, we apologize. Listen anyway.

Topics of discussion: Benito gets raw, a correction of a total scrub mistake, Quebecusses, a Lazy Jesus, a weird bosom, Apa Ananias (he a freak), Death's Alfred, thirty snakes, Whomst Was At The Tombst Part Twost, Pharka Marimath, the begonia virgins, our good new greeting card business idea, Adam and Eve's improbable and incompatible heights, the Mystery Husband, a very good plan for rebuilding the Church via tendies.

Hymnal: "Judas" by Fozzy, "Papparazi" by D.R. Luft ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQNN_yCiQPu7N22ubjw3bHw )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.

Jaksot(126)

21: Biblerella (The Acts of Paul and Thecla)

21: Biblerella (The Acts of Paul and Thecla)

Watch out, Theophiloi -- we've got some high voltage coming your way as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Paul and Thecla. For the first time, we have a real female protagonist who has agency... to ...

7 Loka 20181h 20min

20: Shalom Birdie (Genesis Commentary with David Wolkin)

20: Shalom Birdie (Genesis Commentary with David Wolkin)

This week we're doing something a little different, Theophiloi! Before we finally move on from Genesis, we've invited the Beloved Wolfman, our pal David Wolkin, to talk us through the Torah. He covers...

30 Syys 20181h 29min

19: MBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBaM (The Book of Genesis, Part Four)

19: MBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBMBaM (The Book of Genesis, Part Four)

It's finally time, Theophiloi, for us to finish our exhausting journey through the extremely bizarre Book of Genesis! This week, it's the life of Joseph and his Completely Ordinary Long-Sleeved Dream ...

23 Syys 20181h 28min

18: Literally and Figuratively Wrestling With God (The Book of Genesis, Part Three)

18: Literally and Figuratively Wrestling With God (The Book of Genesis, Part Three)

Content Warning: We cover the story of Dinah in this episode, which involves a sexual assault. Shanah Tovah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to what we're pretty sure is the world's only Bible podcast! W...

9 Syys 20181h 23min

17: Five Gallons of Bread (The Book of Genesis, Part Two)

17: Five Gallons of Bread (The Book of Genesis, Part Two)

We've got a content warning on this one: This section of Genesis includes some very famous instances of homophobia, sexual assault, and incest. Keep that in mind if you plan on listening this week. J...

27 Elo 20181h 38min

16: Doamurder, West Virginia (The Book of Genesis, Part 1)

16: Doamurder, West Virginia (The Book of Genesis, Part 1)

Ever wonder why we have anxiety, Theophiloi? Perhaps it's because we're sitting down to examine and/or make goofs about the extremely well-known foundational text of at least three major world religio...

19 Elo 20181h 57min

15: An Approximate Week (The Golden Legend: St. Christopher and St. Benedict)

15: An Approximate Week (The Golden Legend: St. Christopher and St. Benedict)

Happy birthday! To you, possibly, to us, definitely, as today (August 12) is Chris's birthday, and Benito's (August 20) is quickly following! To celebrate, we're taking a break from Bible Times to hit...

13 Elo 20181h 37min

14: The Boy-Related Eagle Plan (The Story of Ahikar)

14: The Boy-Related Eagle Plan (The Story of Ahikar)

Get out of the cistern and cut your nails, Theophiloi, because it's time for a brand new episode! Join us as we take on the extremely apocryphal book of Ahikar, Tobit's maybe nephew. This leads us to ...

6 Elo 20181h 22min

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