The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Tuesday, Jan. 30, 2018

Tuesday, Jan. 30, 2018

The U.S. government announced this month that it would withhold hundreds of millions of dollars in aid to Pakistan. In the weeks since, Afghanistan has experienced one of the most violent and deadly periods in its 16-year war. How are the two connected? Guest: Mujib Mashal, a New York Times correspondent in Afghanistan, who describes the sense of terror in Kabul. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

30 Tammi 201821min

Monday, Jan. 29, 2018

Monday, Jan. 29, 2018

As the Trump administration clamps down on immigration, some asylum seekers are fleeing to Canada. But is it the promised land they had hoped for? Guest: Dan Bilefsky, a New York Times reporter in Canada. Thank you to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation for their interviews with migrants crossing the border. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

29 Tammi 201818min

Friday, Jan. 26, 2018

Friday, Jan. 26, 2018

The New York Times is reporting that President Trump tried to order the firing of Robert S. Mueller III, the special counsel overseeing the Russia investigation, but ultimately backed down when his own lawyer threatened to quit. And Senator Chuck Schumer, the minority leader, talks about trying to hammer out a compromise on immigration policy. He has described dealing with the White House as “like negotiating with Jell-O.” Guests: Michael S. Schmidt, who covers national security for The Times; Senator Chuck Schumer of New York. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

26 Tammi 201821min

Thursday, Jan. 25, 2018

Thursday, Jan. 25, 2018

Dr. Lawrence G. Nassar was lauded as the go-to doctor for the United States’ best gymnasts. After he pleaded guilty to multiple sex crimes, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina cleared her docket to give each of his accusers a chance to speak at the sentencing hearing. More than 150 women, including several Olympians, confronted Dr. Nassar in the courtroom and spoke of their abuse over seven days. It was an extraordinary use of the courtroom — and a new way of thinking about justice. Guests: Emily Bazelon, who covers legal issues for The New York Times Magazine; Makayla Thrush, a former gymnast, spoke to Sabrina Tavernise, a Times reporter. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

25 Tammi 201826min

Wednesday, Jan. 24, 2018

Wednesday, Jan. 24, 2018

Tonya Harding had talent, but the world of figure skating wanted nothing to do with her. She was called “white trash.” And when Nancy Kerrigan was bashed in the knee just before the 1994 Winter Olympics, Ms. Harding became a villain. Now, 24 years later, her narrative is being revisited — and she is back in the spotlight. Guest: Taffy Brodesser-Akner, who interviewed Tonya Harding (now Tonya Price) for The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

24 Tammi 201835min

Tuesday,  Jan. 23, 2018

Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2018

President Trump’s plan to build a “big, beautiful wall” between the United States and Mexico has become the ultimate symbol of a hard-line immigration policy. So why, as Congress voted to end a government shutdown and take up the issue of immigration, have Democrats suggested that they would agree to fund the wall if Republicans protect the Dreamers?Guest: Julie Hirschfeld Davis, a White House correspondent for The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

23 Tammi 201822min

Monday, Jan. 22, 2018

Monday, Jan. 22, 2018

Democrats forced the federal government to shut down by saying there could be no budget deal without a deal on the Deferred Action on Childhood Arrivals program, or DACA. Republicans have refused to end the shutdown by saying there can be no DACA deal without a budget deal. There’s been a lot of finger-pointing between the two parties, and the future of young undocumented immigrants hangs in the balance. Guest: Thomas Kaplan, a New York Times reporter who covers Congress. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

22 Tammi 201818min

Friday, Jan. 19, 2018

Friday, Jan. 19, 2018

The only Democrat in the room when President Trump railed against African immigrants as coming from “shithole countries” tells his side of the story. The ensuing fight over immigration has put the government on the verge of a shutdown. If that happens, whose fault would it be? Guests: Senator Richard Durbin of Illinois, who spoke to Carl Hulse, a Washington correspondent for The New York Times, about the meetings with President Trump; Jonathan Weisman, the deputy Washington editor for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

19 Tammi 201822min

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