The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’
The Daily9 Maalis

The Sunday Read: ‘How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me’

One thing I’ve learned from being married to my wife, Jess, who is a couples therapist, is how vast the distance is between the masks people show to the world and the messy realities that live behind them. Every couple knows its own drama, but we still fall prey to the illusion that all other couples have seamlessly satisfying relationships. The truth about marriage — including my own — is that even the most functional couples are merely doing the best they can with the lives that have been bestowed on them.

This past spring, Jess and I had the first of eight sessions of couples therapy with Terry Real, a best-selling author and by far the most famous of the therapists we’ve seen during our marriage. Real, whose admirers include Gwyneth Paltrow and Bruce Springsteen, is one of a small number of thinkers who are actively shaping how the couples-therapy field is received by the public and practiced by other therapists. He is also the bluntest and most charismatic of the therapists I’ve seen, the New Jersey Jewish version of Robin Williams’s irascible Boston character in “Good Will Hunting” — profane, charismatic, open about his own life, forged in his own story of pain.

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Wednesday, Jan. 17, 2018

Wednesday, Jan. 17, 2018

A Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on border walls turned into a fight over the language President Trump used to describe Haiti and some African countries. Why does it matter so much to members of Congress? Also, Stephen Bannon is the first member of Mr. Trump’s inner circle to receive a grand jury subpoena in the Russia investigation. Guests: Julie Hirschfeld Davis, a White House correspondent for The New York Times; Michael S. Schmidt, an investigative reporter for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

17 Tammi 201820min

Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2018

Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2018

As South Korea prepares to host the Winter Olympics, it has been eager to get the North to participate. What is Seoul afraid will happen if it won’t? And, for 38 minutes on Saturday morning, people in Hawaii believed that a missile was headed for the state. Guest: Susan Chira, a Times journalist who covered Asia in the 1980s, when South Korea hosted the Olympic Games for the first time; voice mail messages from people who received a false alert about an incoming missile attack in Hawaii. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Tammi 201823min

Friday, Jan. 12, 2018

Friday, Jan. 12, 2018

President Trump has demanded to know why the United States should welcome immigrants from “shithole countries.” His words have alarmed lawmakers and threatened an immigration deal. But they have also raised a question about a certain American ideal: Who should be let in? Guest: Julie Hirschfeld Davis, who covers the White House for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

12 Tammi 201819min

Thursday, Jan. 11, 2018

Thursday, Jan. 11, 2018

When President Trump announced that he would end the Obama-era program called Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals, or DACA, he gave Congress six months to make it law. Otherwise, many undocumented immigrants brought to the United States as children could be deported. As the clock counts down, why is the president making the program his problem once again?Guest: Michael D. Shear, a White House correspondent for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

11 Tammi 201821min

Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2018

Wednesday, Jan. 10, 2018

George Papadopoulos drew worldwide attention when he was identified as the low-ranking foreign policy adviser to the Trump campaign who got in over his head with Russia and inadvertently set off the Mueller investigation. But another foreign policy adviser, Carter Page, also drew the attention of the F.B.I.: Why did his story end so differently? Guest: Jason Zengerle, a contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily.To take our audience survey, visit nytimes.com/podcasts and look for the "take our listener survey" button. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

10 Tammi 201825min

Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2018

Tuesday, Jan. 9, 2018

In 2001, the United States granted Temporary Protected Status to people from El Salvador, after two deadly earthquakes ravaged their country. Nearly 20 years later, that protection seemed to be permanent. And then he Trump administration announced that the rights would end. Guest: Azam Ahmed, the New York Times bureau chief for Mexico, Central America and the Caribbean. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

9 Tammi 201820min

Monday, Jan. 8, 2018

Monday, Jan. 8, 2018

Five days after the release of the tell-all book “Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House,” President Trump defended his mental health, calling himself a “very stable genius.” And Stephen K. Bannon, the president’s former chief strategist, backed away from calling Donald Trump Jr. “treasonous.” Why did a publication with little new reporting in it cause such a big stir? Guests: Peter Baker, chief White House correspondent for The New York Times; Jeremy W. Peters, a Times journalist who has reported on Mr. Bannon for years. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

8 Tammi 201823min

Friday, Jan. 5, 2018

Friday, Jan. 5, 2018

After eight days, the largest protests in Iran in years appear to be winding down, calmed, at least in part, by the government. But a closer look at what ignited the outrage in the first place suggests that the country’s president may have lit the match. Guest: Thomas Erdbrink, the Tehran bureau chief for The New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

5 Tammi 201823min

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