Problematic to Poly: Kink, Dating & Power Dynamics (ft. Matthew Kayman)

Problematic to Poly: Kink, Dating & Power Dynamics (ft. Matthew Kayman)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with NYC-based photographer, ethical slut, and reformed cheater Matthew Kayman for an honest, reflective, and hilarious conversation about evolving from messy dating patterns to intentional, kink-informed, and transparent relationships.

We unpack his shift from monogamy to polyamory, navigating play parties, unlearning toxic masculinity, and figuring out how to explore power dynamics while remaining ethical and emotionally available.

✨ In this episode, we talk about:

How Matthew realized he wasn’t dating ethically—and what changed that

His transition into ethical non-monogamy and what it taught him about himself

Tips for flirting, FaceTime pre-dates, and dating apps that don’t suck

Power dynamics in dating, and how kink helped him explore both dom & sub roles

Group sex, queer curiosity, and learning how to communicate mid-orgy

Slutty shame, hot guy privilege, and navigating softness in hookup culture

Why it’s not just about consent, but context and care

Lessons from play parties, switching, and setting expectations with new partners

This is an episode about dating better—not perfectly, but with curiosity, compassion, and accountability.

💌 Want more? On Patreon, you’ll get the unedited version of this episode, behind-the-scenes tea on my dating and sex life, and access to my Close Friends list on Instagram.


Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Use code ALEXA to try their platform for free for 24h and, if you love it, get 60% off their yearly pass. 14 day money back guarantee if you don't! Click here to sign up:

https://beducate.me/alexa-may

Jaksot(103)

Gay Hookup Culture, Pretty Dicks & Settling Down (ft. Jeff Perla)

Gay Hookup Culture, Pretty Dicks & Settling Down (ft. Jeff Perla)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with Jeff Perla, host of Oh Dear I’m Queer, for a candid, funny, and unfiltered conversation about queer sex, dating, and intimacy. We discuss:Mornin...

25 Syys 20251h 1min

How to Handle Rejection and Love the Messy Side of Yourself (ft. Ali Weiss)

How to Handle Rejection and Love the Messy Side of Yourself (ft. Ali Weiss)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) is joined by Ali Weiss, New York native, host of Tales of Taboo and unapologetic oversharer, for a raw conversation about rejection, vulnerability, and why we’re...

18 Syys 202554min

Sexual Fantasies 101: Which to Keep, Which to Live Out (ft. Vee from Girls Gone Deep)

Sexual Fantasies 101: Which to Keep, Which to Live Out (ft. Vee from Girls Gone Deep)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) is back in bed with Vee, co-host of Girls Gone Deep and almost-certified somatic sex and relationship coach, for a juicy conversation all about sexual fantasies....

11 Syys 20251h 5min

The Truth About Mismatched Sex Drives and How to Fix It (ft. Natassia Miller)

The Truth About Mismatched Sex Drives and How to Fix It (ft. Natassia Miller)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with certified sexologist and Wonderlust founder Natassia Miller for a deep dive into one of the most common struggles in relationships: mismatched d...

4 Syys 202552min

How to Have Better Sex in a Body You Don’t Like (ft. Elle Chase)

How to Have Better Sex in a Body You Don’t Like (ft. Elle Chase)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) is joined by Elle Chase (@theellechase), certified life coach, sexologist, sexuality educator, author, and one of the most respected voices in the body acceptanc...

28 Elo 202555min

Sex, Grief & Pleasure (ft. Laura Desirée)

Sex, Grief & Pleasure (ft. Laura Desirée)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with Laura Desirée — absolute stranger, intimacy coordinator and pleasure educator — for an unforgettable conversation about how sex, grief, and shame ...

21 Elo 202552min

Does Your Vulva Make You Self-Conscious During Sex? Let’s Fix That (ft. Gabriella Scaringe)

Does Your Vulva Make You Self-Conscious During Sex? Let’s Fix That (ft. Gabriella Scaringe)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with Gabriella Scaringe, founder of Cherri, to explore sexuality and vulvas in the real world — pubic hair trends, labia diversity, harmful language we...

14 Elo 202556min

Mindful Dating: Avoiding Situationships & Building Strong Relationships (ft. Connie Collins)

Mindful Dating: Avoiding Situationships & Building Strong Relationships (ft. Connie Collins)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) is back with another deep dive into the world of dating, this time with award-winning sex educator and ghostwriter Connie Collins (@thefirstdatediaries). We expl...

31 Heinä 20251h 1min

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