Problematic to Poly: Kink, Dating & Power Dynamics (ft. Matthew Kayman)

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) sits down with NYC-based photographer, ethical slut, and reformed cheater Matthew Kayman for an honest, reflective, and hilarious conversation about evolving from messy dating patterns to intentional, kink-informed, and transparent relationships.

We unpack his shift from monogamy to polyamory, navigating play parties, unlearning toxic masculinity, and figuring out how to explore power dynamics while remaining ethical and emotionally available.

✨ In this episode, we talk about:

How Matthew realized he wasn’t dating ethically—and what changed that

His transition into ethical non-monogamy and what it taught him about himself

Tips for flirting, FaceTime pre-dates, and dating apps that don’t suck

Power dynamics in dating, and how kink helped him explore both dom & sub roles

Group sex, queer curiosity, and learning how to communicate mid-orgy

Slutty shame, hot guy privilege, and navigating softness in hookup culture

Why it’s not just about consent, but context and care

Lessons from play parties, switching, and setting expectations with new partners

This is an episode about dating better—not perfectly, but with curiosity, compassion, and accountability.

💌 Want more? On Patreon, you’ll get the unedited version of this episode, behind-the-scenes tea on my dating and sex life, and access to my Close Friends list on Instagram.

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Use code ALEXA to try their platform for free for 24h and, if you love it, get 60% off their yearly pass. 14 day money back guarantee if you don't! Click here to sign up:

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