How Asking One Hard Question Builds Deeper Trust, with Alain de Botton
The High Performance Podcast4 Kesä 2025

How Asking One Hard Question Builds Deeper Trust, with Alain de Botton

This new Essential Habits series breaks down the key habits behind high performance, one episode at a time. This week’s habit is deceptively simple: asking better questions.


Philosopher Alain de Botton joins us to explore how a single, uncomfortable question, “How have I annoyed you?” can deepen trust, defuse tension, and create stronger connections in every part of life.


Whether it’s at home, at work, or with close friends, we often avoid the conversations that would help us grow. Alain shows us a different way, one built on emotional generosity, honest listening, and the courage to be vulnerable.


In this episode, we explore:


  • Why awkward questions build trust
  • How to listen without getting defensive
  • The science behind emotional connection
  • What high-performing teams can learn from philosophy
  • The hidden power of backstories and being 'truly heard'


Here is a list of studies referenced in the episode:


  1. The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness. Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron (1997)
  2. Understanding the conversation gap: Why employees aren’t talking, and what we can do about it (Braverly), referenced in How to Navigate Difficult Conversations with Employees. Harvard Negotiation Project
  3. Rejection Really Hurts, published in Science (Oct 2003). University Of California - Los Angeles
  4. Daring Greatly by Brené Brown


Listen to the full episode with Alain De Botton here: https://pod.fo/e/1f5db0


Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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E3 - Mauricio Pochettino: How to build a team with compassion

E3 - Mauricio Pochettino: How to build a team with compassion

Mauricio Pochettino is the current manager of PSG. He’s a man who creates a real family atmosphere wherever he coaches. He has won trophies at Espanyol and PSG as a player, but he’s now best known as a top-class manager with spells at Espanyol and Southampton before he took Tottenham to finals and their best league finish in 25 years, playing football as effective as it was impressive. Hear his stories of inspiring people, selecting players and his football philosophy. Listen to Mauricio Pochettino tell you his secrets to living a more high-performance life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

23 Maalis 202050min

E2 - Ant Middleton: How to create and maintain a zero excuses mindset

E2 - Ant Middleton: How to create and maintain a zero excuses mindset

When I drew up a list of dream names for the High Performance Podcast, Ant Middleton was right at the top of that list. An accomplished military career that includes the coveted King’s Badge as a Royal Marine, before joining the Special Boat Service - Ant’s whole career epitomises high performance. He is now best known as the Chief Instructor for Channel 4’s hit show, 'SAS : Who Dares Wins', but is also a best-selling author, motivational speaker and tours the UK with his ‘Mind Over Muscle’ brand. Listen to Ant share his stories and secrets to his high-performing mindset. Give this your time, hear him out, and you won’t regret it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

16 Maalis 202048min

E1 - Rio Ferdinand: Lessons from loss

E1 - Rio Ferdinand: Lessons from loss

From an estate in Peckham, to the World Cup. From winning the Champions League to struggling at QPR. What was it really like in the Manchester United dressing room? Is he happy? What has personal tragedy taught him about being a better person? This is Rio Ferdinand as you’ve never heard him before, openly sharing his secrets to his High Performance life. Winning cultures, elite mindsets, and the tricks you can employ to enjoy success and taste happiness in your own life...whatever comes your way. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

9 Maalis 202044min

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