Birth Mother Matters in Adoption

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #48: Adoption in the Media & News Adoption continues to make the news in all media forms and fashions.  Taking a look at current issues with regards to adoption, bring us to the following topics:   The Maricopa County Board of Supervisors officially accepted Petersen's resignation on Jan. 8, 2020.  Governor Andrew M. Cuomo today announced that more than 3,600 adoptees, outside of New York City, aged 18 or older have filed applications since January 15, 2020 to receive a certified copy of their original, or pre-adoption, birth certificate.  In March 2020, the Supreme Court will rule on the constitutionality of Louisiana’s new abortion law, which requires that physicians doing abortions have admitting privileges at a hospital within 30 miles of the clinic. Tax benefits for adoption include both a tax credit for qualified adoption expenses paid to adopt an eligible child and an exclusion from income for employer-provided adoption assistance.  Choosing adoption means choosing an option with support, aftercare and access to financial resources.  Adoption is a beautiful choice and one that is increasingly becoming a more popular choice.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  We believe in adoption aftercare services and have a program on site to provide continued support through the Donna K. Evans Foundation.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption, you are making an amazing choice.

4 Helmi 202019min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #47: What Can Make Adoption Difficult, Part Two:Adoptive Families There are lots of reasons that the perception or notion that adopting is difficult may exist.  Some of these reasons may include: Someone may have had a difficult time adopting and that situation is openly discussed more so than the positive situations that have occurred.There may lots and lots of reasons people believe that adopting is difficult, but that does not mean it is true.The adoption process seems long and overwhelming. There are so many steps; completing a home study, creating an adoption profile book, choosing an adoption agency, and then being matched with a birth mother, waiting for adoption papers to be signed, then waiting for the adoption finalization.  Some aspects that may appear to give credence to the notion that adoption is difficult, however we will counterbalance these aspects.Just like any other process, education is paramount.  Learn everything you can about adoption before beginning.  Doing your own research will help increase your confidence in your adoption choices.  Your confidence level will greatly impact your level of happiness throughout the duration of your journey.  Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses! Choosing adoption means choosing an option with support, aftercare and access to financial resources.  Adoption is a beautiful choice and one that is increasingly becoming a more popular choice.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.   You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption, you are making an amazing choice.

31 Tammi 202031min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #46: What Can Make Adoption Seem Difficult From a Birth Mother's Perspective- Part One (Disclosure: We can only speak on behalf of our adoption agency, Building Arizona Families, as state and agency law and policies may differ.)  We will be answering questions like: “If I call an agency does that mean I am committed to doing an adoption?”“Are there fees I have to pay?"“What if I have other children?”“Who picks the adoptive family for my baby?”“Are these families background-checked?”“When do I sign the final paperwork?”“What if I have placed a child for adoption before?”“Can I choose what type of adoption I would like and how much contact I want with the adoptive family?”“Can the father of my baby be involved in the adoption process?”“Will I be able to receive financial assistance with my living expenses during my pregnancy?” Choosing adoption means choosing an option with support, aftercare and access to financial resources.  Adoption is a beautiful choice and one that is increasingly becoming a more popular choice.  If you are pregnant and are considering adoption, we are a licensed, full-service, non-profit Arizona Adoption Agency.  We believe in adoption aftercare services and have a program on site to provide continued support through the Donna K. Evans Foundation.  You can contact us 24/7 at (623) 695-4112.  You are not alone and we want to help, thank you for considering adoption, you are making an amazing choice.

28 Tammi 202022min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption #45: Love & Loss in Adopt Reunification Part 2 I met my biological mother in 2007.  I spent about 6 months prior to our reunification; filing a court petition to open my closed adoption, to be able to retrieve my adoption records in the hopes of finding my biological mother.  During this process, I learned that there are always highs and lows; things you find out that you never knew.   Upon receiving my original birth certificate, I learned that my biological mother had not named me; so I was listed as “Baby Girl Evans.”  Additionally, no birth father was named.  My birth mothers name was on the birth certificate but it still took me a few weeks to find her; I learned she has been married and divorced multiple times which meant her name kept changing.  Little did I know that she was living in the same neighborhood she lived in when she was pregnant with me; she wanted to make it easier for me to find her.  All along I was thinking; do we have the right person, what if…what if….?  Emotions experienced included: GuiltExcitementConfusionCuriosity Uncertainty Shock Denial What I have learned: Its okay to do things in your own time.Don’t let others make you feel guilty; they haven’t walked your life journey (guy in airport condemned me for not telling my adoptive parents.)Learning your biological history doesn’t change the person you are, it only adds more layersAllow everyone to reach the acceptance stage in their own timeSome months you may have more contact than others and that’s okay and that doesn’t mean you aren’t as close or that something is wrong

24 Tammi 202026min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode #44: Love & Loss in Adopt Reunification Part One Believe it or not, I am an incredibly private person with what has become more and more a public persona.  This transition for me is still new and at times still takes my breath away.  I am beyond grateful to answer questions, share my story and open the door into the adoption world as well as into my own adoption backyard.  Sometimes its easier to stay on the surface when talking about adoption rather than diving deep.  I ask others who I speak with to dig deep, aim for the roots and I believe it is time for me to do the same.  Some of what we will be discussing today we have touched on before; the logistics, the events and thoughts and feelings- but today we will hold no punches and spare no emotions. During this process there are always highs and lows; things you find out that you never knew.  Facts that may not have been important to someone else but life-changing for you.   What I have learned and continue to learn as I walk through my own adoption journey: Its okay to do things in your own time.Don’t let others make you feel guilty; they haven’t walked your life journey (guy in airport condemned me for not telling my adoptive parents.)Learning your biological history doesn’t change the person you are, it only adds more layersAllow everyone to reach the acceptance stage in their own timeSome months you may have more contact than others and that’s okay and that doesn’t mean you aren’t as close or that something is wrong. Whether you are adopted, adopt, or place a child for adoption, your journey does not end when the adoption is finalized, in fact your journey is just beginning.

22 Tammi 202026min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 43: Working in the Adoption Field So often, everyone from family members, friends, clients, strangers or really anyone who catches wind that I work in the adoption field seems to be really curious as to what it is really like to work in the adoption world. My favorite- go-to answer is “It’s the best and worst job you will ever have.”  When an adoption case worker spends a significant amount of time with her birth mother client; often times a relationship on both sides develops.  The adoption caseworker has to maintain appropriate boundaries and be able to disconnect emotionally when decisions have to be made.  There is a fine line where you have to remain professional and yet personable.  In some instances, a case worker can become a significant person in a birth mother’s life; she may have come to the agency alone and the emotional support of a caseworker is imperative to her well being.  A birth mother may be going throw an incredibly difficult time in her life during her adoption journey and she bonds and attaches to her case worker.  In this situation, I have seen where a birth mother has a more difficult time saying “see you later” to the case worker than her newborn.  This is where an aftercare program is crucial to maintain a relationship with the adoption entity and provide the ability for a continued relationship with another avenue rather than becoming pregnant again.  Adoption case workers are human too, and have chosen the social service field for a reason; they too can become attached.  The longer you are in the adoption service field, the more you are able to prepare yourself, maintain boundaries and learn how to make the decisions that are in the best interest of your client, even when it is difficult. Pregnant and intersted in adoption?  Call 623-695-4112.

17 Tammi 202018min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 42: Birth Father Roles & Their Impact Many times birth fathers and birth mothers have broken up and are not longer together and without his support; emotional, physical, financial and mental- a birth mother decides adoption is in the best interest of both her and her unborn baby.  The birth mother may have realized that her relationship is incredibly unstable and wants stability and longevity for her child.   Other times, birth mothers may continue to be in a relationship with their unborn baby’s birth father and he is not in support of her adoption plan.  He will argue with her about her plan, and she sticks to her plan and they will break up and get back together and the focus becomes on him rather than her adoption plan.  In her mind, she has made her decision and her knees are locked.  This situation is very difficult on a birth mother and one way to assist her is to build up her support system. Sometimes a birth mother has multiple potential birth fathers.  They may have broken up and gotten back together and they don’t know which one is the actual birth father.  Other times there are situations where all of the birth fathers are very cooperative. Sometimes, in the best case scenarios; the birth father is very supportive of the birth mother, regardless of whether or not they are in a current relationship.  He attends all of the adoption meetings, helps choose the adoptive family, meets with them and develops his own relationship with them.  This situation is so positive for the birth mother, it not only establishes a support structure but gives her further assurance in her adoption choice. Adoption is a beautiful choice and studies have shown us that birth fathers can be a very valuable asset in their support of an adoption plan.

15 Tammi 202017min

Birth Mother Matters in Adoption Episode 41: Abortion Education Part 2 Title X The "rule" requires "financial and physical separation" between facilities or programs that provide any kind of health service using Title X funds and those that provide abortions.  It also prohibits referrals for abortion as a method of “family planning." The rule does state that providers are allowed to give abortion referrals in cases of medical emergencies. We must acknowledge that Title X only takes abortion out of the umbrella of family planning. This so-called "gag" rule leaves Title X facilities that provide abortions as well as other health services in aquandry: Either they stop receiving the Title X Funding  or they stop providing information and services related to abortion.  This rule really just compartmentalizes what the Title X Funding is and what is has been designated for; which broad array of services that fall under the umbrella of family planning: contraceptive services, supplies, and information; breast and cervical cancer screenings; and STD prevention, testing, and treatment.  If you are ready to begin your adoption plan or just want to learn more about adoption- The best thing to do is to call our 24hour/7 day a week phone number at 623-695-4112 or our toll-free number, 1-800-340-9665. We will answer any additional questions you may have and then schedule an appointment with one of our case workers. We can provide transportation to our office located off the I-17 Access Road and Northern, where we can begin assisting you with your adoption plan. Building Arizona Families, AZ Pregnancy Help, The Donna K. Evans Foundation and the #YouBeforeMe Campaign care about adoption and want to spread the word.

10 Tammi 202018min