98: Understanding Your Picker with Lisa Hawkins

In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt welcomes relationship and self-awareness coach Lisa Hawkins to explore the idea of the “picker” - the often unconscious part that chooses romantic partners.

Through candid life stories, Lisa illustrates how chemistry can be a signal of familiarity rather than health, how covert and overt abuse can masquerade as niceness, and why building a steadier inner compass matters. Together they offer practical ways to tune into intuition, track red flags, and let the adult self lead so love becomes honest, respectful and safe.

Key takeaways

• Chemistry is not always compatibility. Heightened euphoria often reflects familiar dysfunction rather than true fit. Calm evaluation over time gives clearer answers.

• Match words with actions. A healthy picker notices when promises and behaviour diverge, and treats repeated mismatches as red flags.

• Journal to trust your intuition. Writing down early signals and reviewing them later helps reveal patterns that the heart may prefer to overlook.

• Do not carry the whole relationship. If one partner holds all the emotional labour, accountability and repair, the bond will tilt toward resentment and harm.

• Let the adult self choose. Practices such as brief meditation on “What do I feel, what do I need?” and parts awareness help ensure younger survival strategies are not driving the car.

About Your Host:
Heather has been working in mental and emotional health for over 30 years. First as an Art Psychotherapist then as a Counsellor and Couples Therapist. She now specialises in love and relationship coaching.

Heather is a qualified Calling in “The One” and “Conscious Uncoupling” coach, having been trained and mentored by Katherine Woodward Thomas. In addition, she is a long-term accredited member of The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, Health and Care Professions Council registered and a member of The British Association of Art

About Lisa
Lisa Hawkins is a relationship and self-awareness coach, and the founder of Consciously Awake Counseling. For over 26 years, she’s been passionate about the human experience – why we love, how we connect, and what gets in the way. She works with both men and women to awaken the part of themselves that already knows how to love deeply, freely, and consciously.

Through spiritual inquiry, emotional accountability, and her signature Pause Method, Lisa helps people question old beliefs, shift their patterns, and create authentic relationships – starting with the one they have with themselves. Her work is about truth, healing, and connection at a higher level.Whether you’re navigating love, healing from heartbreak, or learning to trust yourself again, Lisa brings wisdom, presence, and a deep respect for the human experience.

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