When Mean Girls Grow Up – Dealing with Adult Women Bullying

It's #MentalHealthMonday Welcome back to The Meredith Patterson Podcast!
I'm your host, Meredith Patterson, and today we are diving into a topic that doesn't get talked about enough: adult women bullying.

That's right—the "mean girls" from high school don't always grow out of their toxic behavior, and sometimes, we find ourselves dealing with the same cliques, competition, and passive-aggressive tactics well into adulthood. Whether it's in the workplace, social circles, or even within families, bullying among women is real.

So, today, we're going to talk about how to identify it, handle it, and rise above it—all while staying empowered and true to yourself. And to take it a step further, we're going to look at the psychology behind why some women continue to bully as adults.

Let's get into it.

What Does Adult Women Bullying Look Like?

First, let's define what adult bullying looks like. It's not just the obvious, in-your-face behavior we might associate with childhood bullies. Women's bullying often looks different. It's subtle, insidious, and usually falls into one of these categories:

🔹 Passive-aggressive comments – The backhanded compliments, sarcasm, or snide remarks designed to make you feel small.

🔹 Exclusion and social manipulation – Being deliberately left out of events, meetings, or conversations to undermine your confidence or position.

🔹 Gossip and rumor-spreading – Tarnishing your reputation behind your back, creating false narratives, or fueling drama.

🔹 Sabotage and undermining – Whether in the workplace or personal life, some women will try to make sure you fail by withholding information or creating obstacles.

🔹 Cyberbullying and online attacks – Social media has become a new playground for bullying through public shaming, mean-spirited comments, and exclusion.

This kind of behavior can be damaging—not just to your self-esteem but also to your professional and personal relationships. And here's the thing: there's science behind why some women engage in bullying behavior.

Why Do Adult Women Bully? The Science Behind It

Research in psychology and sociology suggests that female aggression tends to be more relational than physical—meaning it is more about social power, control, and status rather than direct confrontation. Here's what studies have found:

🔸 Evolutionary Psychology: According to researchers from the University of Ottawa, women may engage in indirect aggression (like exclusion or gossip) as an evolutionary strategy to reduce competition without physical confrontation. Since social bonds were historically crucial for survival, controlling social circles became a way to maintain dominance.

🔸 Insecurity and Self-Esteem Issues: A study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found that women who struggle with low self-esteem or personal dissatisfaction are more likely to engage in bullying as a way to exert control or mask their own insecurities.

🔸 Cultural and Societal Pressures: In many cultures, women are conditioned to compete in subtle ways—whether it's about appearance, success, relationships, or motherhood. The pressure to "have it all" can lead to jealousy and resentment, which sometimes manifests as bullying.

🔸 Workplace Competition: A study from the Harvard Business Review noted that women in male-dominated industries sometimes feel they must adopt aggressive tactics to succeed, leading to what researchers call the "Queen Bee Syndrome," where they may distance themselves from other women rather than support them.

Understanding this psychology can help us depersonalize the bullying. It's not about you—it's about their internal struggles. But knowing this doesn't mean we should tolerate it.

How to Handle Adult Women Bullies

Now that we understand what bullying looks like and why it happens, let's talk about how to handle it with grace and power.

✅ Set Boundaries – Do not engage in their toxic behavior. If someone makes a passive-aggressive comment, call it out calmly or remove yourself from the situation.

✅ Don't Feed the Drama – Bullies thrive on reaction. Keep your cool and respond with professionalism and confidence.

✅ Find Your Support System – Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. Build a community of strong, empowering women who celebrate your success instead of resenting it.

✅ Document Everything – If this is happening in the workplace, keep records of any incidents. If necessary, escalate to HR with facts and evidence.

✅ Empower Yourself Through Self-Worth – Remember, their actions are not a reflection of your value. Stay true to your path and keep building the life you want.

✅ Seek Professional Help If Needed – If the bullying has deeply affected your mental health, working with a therapist or coach can help you heal and build resilience.

Bullying doesn't stop after high school, but neither does your strength. The key is to rise above the negativity, protect your energy, and surround yourself with people who uplift you.

If today's episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need this message. Let's build a community of women supporting women—because we are so much stronger together.

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As you go forward, remember this: Have a vision for what you want, but always be grateful for where you are. Bliss is your birthright.

Thank you for listening to The Meredith Patterson Podcast!
Until next time, stay strong, & stay kind!