60: Expect the Unexpected: Responding to Life's Curveballs

The 3 Steps to Overcoming Setbacks

What do you do when things don't go as planned?

This, unfortunately, seems to be our new normal lately. We invest so much time and energy into planning — from our careers to our families to when we'll retire. The things we can't really plan for? The inevitable setbacks, accidents, or illnesses.

I used to think resilience was something people either had or didn't, or that it was cultivated through hardships. But what I've learned is that success comes from failing often and not quitting. Michael Jordan famously shared about how many game-winning shots he missed and how many games he's lost.

This illustrates the whole point — failure isn't a sign that there's something inherently wrong with us; it's a lesson containing valuable information for us.

The key to not letting setbacks take us out of the game is determination and the ability to reset. That's where Brené Brown's Rising Strong Process comes in. I break down the three crucial steps to help you respond as your best self instead of freezing, reacting defensively, or quitting:

1. The Reckoning (Walk into Your Story): Learn to notice when you're triggered. Identify the body sensation, name the emotion, and pause. We can train ourselves out of the primitive fight, flee, freeze, or fawn responses.

2. The Rumble (Own Your Story): Our brain loves to make up stories to fill in the gaps! Writing down the story you're telling yourself (without a filter) is a useful exercise.

3. The Revolution (Integrate the Learning): This is where you put the learning into practice, like regularly giving people the benefit of the doubt and getting curious before getting angry.

With Rising Strong skills, you'll be prepared for the unknown and trust that, no matter what happens, you can handle it. When things don't go your way, it just means you have a new problem to solve and a new lesson to learn. You can do this!

In this episode, discover:

• Why we need to expect the unexpected and understand that setbacks and curveballs are normal. Make plans, but also prepare the skills to be resilient.

• How failure is a key part of the learning process.

• Practical strategies to slow down your reaction, including naming the emotion, taking a breath, and pausing before jumping to a reaction you'll regret later.

• A simple technique to help you challenge your own stories to show you where you may be making assumptions.

• A simple mindset shift — believing that other people are doing their best — can make your life and relationships better.

• The common fear under our initial reactions to mistakes.

Timestamps:

00:00 When Plans Fall Apart

01:21 Why Resilience Matters

02:50 Failure Builds Greatness

04:52 Rising Strong Overview

06:20 Expecting the Unexpected

07:48 Step One: The Reckoning

10:11 Step Two: The Rumble

13:41 Rewriting our Story

15:48 Step Three: The Revolution

20:50 Being Prepared

21:31 Next Steps to Build Resilience

Links from today's episode:

• Dare to Lead Workshop

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