The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’
The Daily30 Apr 2023

The Sunday Read: ‘The Agony of Putting Your Life on Hold to Care for Your Parents’

In January 2022, Randi Schofield was a 34-year-old single mother who, not long before, left her full-time job of eight years as a personal bailiff to a local judge. She pulled $30,000 from her retirement savings and was planning to give herself all of 2022 to expand the small catering business she had always dreamed about. This would be the year she bet on herself. Then, that month, she received the news that medics were pulling her father out of his car.

The collision splintered the bone in his left thigh down to his knee; three days later, a metal rod held the broken pieces together. Until his leg recovered from the surgery, he would not be able to walk without assistance. In hindsight, there were warning signs that her father’s health could upend Schofield’s life. But he was also youthful and spirited, and it was easy to believe that everything was fine, that he was fine and that if she were to take care of him some day, it would be occasional and in a distant future. She didn’t see this day coming the way it did, so abruptly and so soon.

Increasing numbers of adult children are taking care of their parents, often shouldering the burden with no pay and little outside help — making their meals, helping them shower, bandaging their wounds and holding them up before they can fall. The social-work scholar Dorothy A. Miller once described this as the “peculiar position” in the modern American nuclear family, between the care people give to their aging parents and to their children. Today’s “sandwich generation” is younger than the version Miller described four decades ago, but it faces the same “unique set of unshared stresses” that she warned of then: acute financial strain, a lack of reciprocated support and “fatigue from fulfilling the demands of too many roles.”

This story was recorded by Audm. To hear more audio stories from publications like The New York Times, download Audm for iPhone or Android.

Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

Episoder(2692)

Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 28, 2017

How a dinner party in Washington held months before Donald Trump announced his run for president laid the groundwork for his sweeping immigration plans today. Guests: Emily Bazelon, a staff writer for The New York Times Magazine; Joe Cochrane, a correspondent for the International New York Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit nytimes.com/thedaily. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

28 Feb 201720min

Monday, Feb. 27, 2017

Monday, Feb. 27, 2017

What happened when Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents showed up in a small town that voted overwhelmingly for President Trump, transforming his campaign rhetoric into reality. Guests: Monica Davey, the Chicago bureau chief for The New York Times; Tim Grigsby, a print shop owner in West Frankfort, Ill.; Nicholas Kulish, an investigative reporter for The Times. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lr2eI6. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

27 Feb 201722min

Friday, Feb. 24, 2017

Friday, Feb. 24, 2017

President Trump’s top deputies delivered a blunt message to the party faithful on Thursday: the Republicans are winning the fight — and it is a fight. Plus a conversation with the director of “Moonlight.” Guests: Jonathan Martin, who has covered the inside story of both political parties for years; Nikole Hannah-Jones, a staff writer for the New York Times Magazine. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lLN9U9. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

24 Feb 201720min

Thursday, Feb. 23, 2017

Thursday, Feb. 23, 2017

Rukmini Callimachi takes us into Iraq to see if a major victory over the Islamic State is really at hand in the streets of Mosul. Guests: Ms. Callimachi, a New York Times correspondent covering terrorism; Nathaniel Popper, a Times reporter covering finance and technology. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lvdohI. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

23 Feb 201720min

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017

Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2017

Are 11 million people suddenly facing deportation? What we know and don’t know about the Trump administration’s new plan for undocumented immigrants. Guests: Michael D. Shear, a White House reporter at The New York Times, and Caitlin Dickerson, a national reporter who writes about immigration; Sheriff Mark Napier of Pima County, Ariz. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lc3H5e. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

22 Feb 201720min

Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2017

Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2017

Who are the 500 private citizens with unprecedented access to President Trump on the weekends? And what is the “deep state”? Guests: Scott Shane, who has covered national security and the U.S. intelligence community for The Times for decades, and Nicholas Confessore and Maggie Haberman, who unmasked the secret list of Mar-a-Lago members. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2lEWRbt. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

21 Feb 201720min

Friday, Feb. 17, 2017

Friday, Feb. 17, 2017

President Trump’s sprawling surprise news conference and the view from Russia. Guests: Jim Rutenberg, the media columnist for The New York Times; Neil MacFarquhar, The Times’s Moscow bureau chief. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2m6gM0O. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

17 Feb 201718min

Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

Thursday, Feb. 16, 2017

President Trump says peace in the Middle East does not require a two-state deal. What we know and what we don’t about the Trump campaign’s communication with Russia. And why did Republicans turn on Andrew Puzder? Guests: Mark Mazzetti; Alan Rappeport. For more information on today’s episode, visit http://nyti.ms/2m1BDRS. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can also subscribe via your favorite podcast app here https://www.nytimes.com/activate-access/audio?source=podcatcher. For more podcasts and narrated articles, download The New York Times app at nytimes.com/app.

16 Feb 201717min

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