109. When Needing Feels Unsafe: Understanding Dependency, Shame, and Healthy Interdependence

In this episode, Marnie explores the often misunderstood topic of dependency and how our early experiences shape the way we relate to our needs, our relationships, and ourselves. Drawing on the work of Pia Mellody and the foundations of shame resilience, she examines why asking for help can feel so difficult and how shame can keep us disconnected from the very support we need.

Marnie unpacks three common dependency stances: over-dependency, anti-dependency, and the "needless/wantless" adaptation. She explains how each develops as a survival response, how each impacts intimacy and connection, and why these patterns often leave people feeling isolated, overwhelmed, or unseen.

She also explores the difference between needs and wants, the role of self-care in emotional health, and what it means to move toward healthy interdependence. Through practical examples and reflection questions, Marnie offers a framework for identifying needs, communicating them more clearly, and building deeper, more authentic relationships.

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Download the Understanding Dependency handout and reflection questions here.

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Episoder(113)

112. The First Glance vs. The Second Look: Objectification and Rebuilding Visual Safety

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal podcast, Marnie explores the difference between normal visual awareness and objectification, and why that distinction can become especially important after ...

16 Okt 29min

111. Why the Past Won't Stay in the Past (And That’s Okay)

In this episode, Marnie explores a common experience for many betrayed partners: returning to the betrayal again and again, revisiting details, asking the same questions, and trying to understand what...

21 Sep 10min

110. The Abandonment Wound, Betrayal, and the Road to Healing

In this episode of the Helping Couples Heal Podcast, Marnie welcomes Scott back to the podcast to explore a personal part of recovery: the abandonment wound.Scott shares how an early fear of being unw...

1 Sep 1h 3min

108. Who Are You Trusting With Your Betrayal Trauma?

In this episode, Marnie explores the importance of carefully choosing who you trust with your healing. When you have already experienced betrayal, deception, and a loss of trust, finding the right per...

17 Aug 28min

107. Looking Back, Living Forward: What I Didn’t Say

In this follow-up to the previous episode, Marnie revisits the conversation about grief, healing, and moving forward after betrayal. Reflecting on what she wishes she had said, she expands on two impo...

27 Jul 10min

106. Looking Back, Living Forward

In this episode, Marnie explores a painful reality of healing after betrayal: the relationship you thought you had before discovery no longer exists. While it is natural to long for the "before" and w...

16 Jul 22min

105. Women Healing Together

On this special episode of the Helping Couples Heal Podcast, Marnie and Maddie are joined by Ally, Amy, and Shauna, who attended our first Empowered at Sea retreat. Together, they share honest reflect...

25 Jun 1h 5min