How to Tell Narcissism From Other Trauma Responses

Sarah goes on to explain the difference between being a narcissist and having an avoidant attachment. While they can sometimes appear similar from the outside, avoidant partners have a deep desire for connection but often push it away out of self-protection. Listen in for a nuanced understanding of attachment wounding and how to find clarity on your own relational dynamics.

Episode Highlights:

• [00:00] Introduction
• [00:51] Difficult behaviors don’t always indicate narcissism
• [03:15] Understanding the origins of narcissism
• [07:54] Why narcissists often seek out codependent partners
• [11:50] Repair, ownership, and empathy
• [17:39] Common traits associated with narcissism
• [19:41] Why you can’t heal someone else’s narcissistic part
• [22:08] Healing changes your baseline for love
• [25:30] The difference between avoidant attachment and narcissism
• [28:20] Why avoidantly attached people want connection and push it away
• [31:08] Building capacity for closeness, connection, and intimacy
• [34:14] Using your adult self to distinguish narcissism from avoidant attachment
• [35:28] Question 1 - How do I heal when family dynamics pull me back into old roles?
• [50:24] Question 2 - Is my partner wrong for me if they remind me of a narcissistic parent?
• [01:02:43] Question 3 - Is my nervous system reacting to old trauma or something truly unsafe?

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Quotes:
“When we are in dynamics with a narcissist, we'll notice that there really is no capacity to properly repair.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:11:52]

“[Narcissists] are unwilling to see reality in any other way than they see reality.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:12:14]

“The more that we heal, here's the beautiful thing that happens: I change my baseline for what love is.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:24:19]

“An avoidant attachment is absolutely and completely something that can be healed. Full stop.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:31:07]

“What we have to do, if we have an avoidant attachment, is build our capacity for connection, co-regulation, closeness, attunement, intimacy, being exposed, being seen, and being known.” — Sarah Baldwin [0:31:51]