The Power of Destructive Messages

The Power of Destructive Messages

“You're not good enough!” may be the exact words that you hear from an outwardly arrogant overt narcissist. But the covert narcissist won’t say this directly. They in fact will say to you, “you are too good for me,” while they make you feel worthless.

“You’re too good to me,” followed with days of ignoring you. Lost in video games and their phone, paying no attention when we talk to them, ignoring and not answering. You certainly don’t feel too good. In fact, you feel not good enough.

“You don’t deserve me!” yells a more overtly narcissistic person.

The covert narcissist - they quietly say, “I don’t deserve you,” triggering our desire to prove to them that they do. That they are valuable and valued. An endeavor that is not achievable, causing us to pour so much effort into them while they continue to feed off all of our energy.

The destructive messages of a covert narcissist are so subtle. You don't see it coming, and often are not even aware of it for quite some time. So we bounce back and forth between “he loves me, he loves me not” or “she loves me, she loves me not.” Along with this, we bounce between “this is their fault, this is my fault, their fault, my fault.” “I’m a good person, I’m not a good person.” Back and forth we go!

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

  • Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?
  • Are you searching for people who get it?
  • Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?
  • Are you running in circles in your mind?
  • Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?
  • Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world?

I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com


Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

http://www.covertnarcissism.com

https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson

https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism


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Episoder(439)

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision

Covert Narcissistic Abuse: How to Move Forward Without Rushing Your Decision

If you’re trying to heal from covert narcissistic abuse but feel unsure about your next step, this episode will meet you where you are. In part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, we explore what it looks l...

26 Mar 31min

The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

The War Inside You: Why Part of You Still Misses Them (Covert Narcissistic Abuse)

Why do you still miss them… even after everything you’ve been through? If you’ve experienced covert narcissistic abuse, you may find yourself stuck in an internal battle—one part of you sees the truth...

22 Mar 23min

Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave

Covert Narcissism: You’re Allowed to Pause Before Deciding to Stay or Leave

If you’re in a relationship that feels confusing, overwhelming, or emotionally draining, you may be wondering if you’re dealing with covert narcissism—and whether you should stay or leave. In this par...

19 Mar 31min

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room

5 Questions to Ask Yourself When Covert Narcissism Might Be in the Room

Last week’s episode explored why covert narcissism appears to be thriving in today’s culture and the conditions that allow these behaviors to remain hidden. In this follow-up episode, we bring the con...

15 Mar 22min

The Invisible Rulebook: The Strange Rules Covert Narcissists Expect You to Follow

The Invisible Rulebook: The Strange Rules Covert Narcissists Expect You to Follow

In relationships with a covert narcissist, control doesn’t always appear as obvious demands. Instead, it often shows up through a confusing set of small, unwritten "rules" that quietly shape everyday ...

12 Mar 27min

Why Covert Narcissism Is Thriving in Today’s Culture: 5 Conditions That Allow It to Hide

Why Covert Narcissism Is Thriving in Today’s Culture: 5 Conditions That Allow It to Hide

Is narcissism actually increasing, or are we simply becoming more aware of it? The truth is that narcissistic traits have always existed throughout history. What changes over time is the environment t...

8 Mar 29min

Recognizing Covert Narcissism: From Self-Blame to Clarity (Part 2)

Recognizing Covert Narcissism: From Self-Blame to Clarity (Part 2)

In Part 2 of this community chat, we move from confusion to clarity. After years—sometimes decades—of minimizing behavior and blaming themselves, these women share what finally shifted. What happens w...

5 Mar 38min

Covert Narcissism and Children: Signs the Kids Are Hurting

Covert Narcissism and Children: Signs the Kids Are Hurting

If you are living with covert narcissism in your marriage and starting to notice changes in your children — depression, anxiety, slipping grades, withdrawal, golden child or scapegoat dynamics — this ...

1 Mar 24min

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