S01 E27 | Playground Tactics | Footballland

Summary

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It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ, and we're pleased to announce TWO new rides, plus an update on the name of another ride.

Playground Tactics

Remember at school in the playground, aged seven, when at lunchbreaks your whole year group chased a ball around with no positional awareness, no skill, and no clear idea of what it was you were actually doing? Mark has designed a new ride which allows adults to relive the nostalgia! Using electro-magnetic fields and/or bungee cords to make sure nobody is ever standing in exactly the right place, and a moving pitch to ensure any discernible talent is removed from the participants, you'll feel just like you're back at Woodlands' Primary getting in a feverish 15 minutes before the bell goes and it's your class's turn for lunch!

Gary Lineker's Loop The Loop

It's another world first at Footballland - the first rollercoaster that's also a toilet! We've all dreamed of being Gary Lineker, but with the highs come the lows, and if you walk a mile in the great striker's boots you've also got to do a poo on a field just like he did at Italia '90. Toilets at theme parks should be fun, and Gary Lineker's Poop The Loop is a thrill-a-minute bodily excavation.

Important Clarification On The Name Of Gary Mabbutt's 'The Queen's Nose' Arcade Machine

Patron James Worley got in touch to propose a selection of possible names for this attraction, and after much debate we have settled on our favourite.

PLUS we welcome a new sponsor of a Footballland car park, Rob Lindsay!

Thanks all, keep your ride ideas coming!

Anthony, Mark and Ryan

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

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