S01 E22 | John Terry's Farewell Tours, Alisson Pecker & The Player Manager

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"Don't chat. Risk of death."

Hello Footballlanders! The world's first football theme park is ever expanding and we are thrilled to announce TWO new rides from us and ONE from our patreon patron Calum Lightfoot! If you'd like your ride discussed on Footballland, then follow these easy steps:

1. Make sure you're a patron

2. Write down your ride idea using your computer.

3. Send it to us.

It really could not be simpler.

So here are this week's new rides:

THE PLAYER MANAGER

Calum Lightfoot, our aforementioned Patreon patron, used his computer to put forward a ride based on that strangest footballing position - the player manager. This rollercoaster has it all: Kenny Dalglish, Dennis Wise, moving targets, 50 League Two goalkeepers, lasers and Glenn Hoddle working as a steward. But will Calum's idea get passed our notoriously strict judges?

JOHN TERRY'S FAREWELL TOURS

Captain. Leader. Legend. Retirement party organiser. Mark enjoyed John Terry's self-planned 26th minute send off against Sunderland so much that he wants to employ JT to organise the leaving do of anyone who leaves their job while at Footballland. Quite why anyone would choose to have their work farewell party at a football theme park in Qatar is anyone's guess but Mark is convinced that the former Chelsea defender will be inundated with offers.

ALISSON'S PECKER

Finally, a ride for children! Anthony has commandeered an area the size of a cricket pitch (NOT a squash court) and installed a giant fibreglass Alisson with a 10 foot beak. 30 punters must rn around the field avoiding getting sucked up into the gift shop. It's like Squid Game, but you get to meet Loris Karius!

As ever, keep rating us, tell your friends and send us ride ideas. We'll feature every single one.

Anthony, Mark and Ryan x

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