016: Ask David — How can I cope with a complainer? How can I help a loved one who is depressed?

016: Ask David — How can I cope with a complainer? How can I help a loved one who is depressed?

How can you help a depressed friend or family member? You may be surprised to discover that the attempt to "help" is rarely effective, and may even make the problem worse. In contrast, the refusal to help is nearly always helpful. But to understand that paradox, you'll have to give a listen to this fascinating edition of "Ask David!"

David and Fabrice also address a related problem nearly all of us confront from time to time: How do you deal with a friend who is a relentless whiner and complainer? When you try to help them or suggest a solution to the problem, they just say, "That won't work" and keep complaining. You end up feeling frustrated and annoyed, because the other person just won't listen! David and Fabrice illustrate a shockingly easy and incredibly effective solution to this problem.

Finally, David discusses some disturbing recent research indicating that the ability of therapists—as well as friends or family members—to know how suicidal someone is, is extremely poor. David and Fabrice explain how to assess how suicidal someone actually is, and what to do if you discover that he or she really is at risk of a suicide attempt.

Episoder(512)

071: Ask David — Expressing Anger, Narcissistic Bosses, Social Media Bullying

071: Ask David — Expressing Anger, Narcissistic Bosses, Social Media Bullying

What do I do if I am using the Five Secrets and I feel angry? If I use the Disarming Technique, isn't there a danger that I might not express my own feelings? And isn't this the same as your "Hidden E...

15 Jan 201832min

070: The Five Secrets (Part 6) — Stroking

070: The Five Secrets (Part 6) — Stroking

8 Jan 201824min

069: The Five Secrets (Part 5) — "I Feel..." Technique

069: The Five Secrets (Part 5) — "I Feel..." Technique

1 Jan 201828min

068: The Five Secrets (Part 4) — Inquiry

068: The Five Secrets (Part 4) — Inquiry

David and Fabrice discuss Inquiry, the third of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. Inquiry means asking gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and f...

25 Des 201750min

067: The Five Secrets (Part 3) — Thought and Feeling Empathy

067: The Five Secrets (Part 3) — Thought and Feeling Empathy

David addresses a question submitted by a listener after he heard the introductory podcasts on the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. He questioned the value of the Disarming Technique, and prot...

18 Des 201744min

066: The Five Secrets (Part 2) — Disarming Technique

066: The Five Secrets (Part 2) — Disarming Technique

David, Helen and Fabrice focus on the Disarming Technique, which is the first of the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. The definition of the Disarming Technique is finding truth in what the ot...

11 Des 201735min

065: The Five Secrets (Part 1) — Overview

065: The Five Secrets (Part 1) — Overview

Is there someone in your life who just won't listen? won't open up? always has to be right? always has to get his or her way? doesn't seem to understand how you feel? doesn't seem to care? is relent...

4 Des 201735min

064: Ask David — Quick Cure for Excessive Worrying!

064: Ask David — Quick Cure for Excessive Worrying!

How would you treat excessive worrying? a listener asks. David describes a new patient who had struggled with 53 years of failed therapy for excessive, relentless worrying, and describes how she was "...

27 Nov 201716min

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