017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Episoder(512)

055: Interpersonal Model (Part 2) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Three Basic Assumptions

055: Interpersonal Model (Part 2) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Three Basic Assumptions

David describes the three assumptions of the Interpersonal TEAM Therapy: We cause the very relationship problems we are complaining about, but don't realize this, so we blame the other person and fee...

2 Okt 201727min

054: Interpersonal Model (Part 1) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Healing Troubled Relationships

054: Interpersonal Model (Part 1) — "And It's All Your Fault!" Healing Troubled Relationships

First in a series of podcasts on how to transform troubled relationships into loving ones—if that's what you want to do! David begins with the story of how he got into working with troubled couples as...

25 Sep 201754min

053: Ask David — "I don't feel like doing it!" Quick Cure for Procrastinators

053: Ask David — "I don't feel like doing it!" Quick Cure for Procrastinators

A listener named Benjamin asks about procrastination. He wrote: "The live therapy with Marilyn was very interesting - like other listeners, I was impressed by her character and strength. "Towards the ...

11 Sep 201753min

052: Your Responses to the Live Work with Marilyn — Are People Honest in Their Ratings, and Do the Improvements Stick?

052: Your Responses to the Live Work with Marilyn — Are People Honest in Their Ratings, and Do the Improvements Stick?

The responses to the Marilyn session were extremely positive. At the start of the podcast, Fabrice reads a response from a listener who was moved and inspired by the work Marilyn did. David and Fabric...

4 Sep 201734min

051: Live Session (Marilyn) — Methods, Relapse Prevention (Part 3)

051: Live Session (Marilyn) — Methods, Relapse Prevention (Part 3)

Crushing Negative Thoughts In this third and final podcast featuring live therapy with Marilyn, David and Matt move on to the M = Methods phase of the session along, and encourage Marilyn to challenge...

28 Aug 20171h 27min

050: Live Session (Marilyn) — Agenda Setting (Part 2)

050: Live Session (Marilyn) — Agenda Setting (Part 2)

The Hidden Side of Depression, Anxiety, Defectiveness, Hopelessness and Rage We nearly always think about negative feelings, such as moderate or severe depression, as problems that an expert must try ...

21 Aug 20171h 9min

049: Live Session (Marilyn) — Testing, Empathy (Part 1)

049: Live Session (Marilyn) — Testing, Empathy (Part 1)

The Dark Night of the Soul (Part 1) The first live therapy podcasts with Mark (the man who felt like a failure as a father: podcasts 29 – 35) were enormously popular, and many people have asked for mo...

14 Aug 201753min

048: Relapse Prevention Training

048: Relapse Prevention Training

A reader ask how to handle relapses following recovery from depression. David emphasizes the importance of this question, since there is a 100% probably that every patient will relapse following recov...

7 Aug 201740min

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