017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

017: Ask David — Dare to be "average"—The perfectionist's script for self-defeat

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You've studied in one of the world's top colleges, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: "Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I've got it?"

Episoder(512)

047: Tools... not Schools of Therapy

047: Tools... not Schools of Therapy

The title of David's TEAM-CBT eBook for therapists is Tools, Not Schools, of Therapy. David explains that the field of psychotherapy is dominated by numerous schools of therapy that compete like reli...

31 Jul 201733min

046: All You Need Is Love... or Do You?

046: All You Need Is Love... or Do You?

The Beatles tell us that all we need really need is love, and in her famous song, "People," Barbara Streisand proclaims that "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." But is this ...

24 Jul 201725min

045: More on OCD — Cognitive Flooding

045: More on OCD — Cognitive Flooding

Fabrice begins with another question on OCD—if you successfully extinguish the symptoms with Exposure and Response prevention, would they just resurface in some other form, such as worrying, or some o...

17 Jul 201732min

044: Can OCD Be Cured?

044: Can OCD Be Cured?

David describes his treatment of a physician with OCD who was tortured by the fear that he would impulsively throw his newborn baby over the railing of his second-floor apartment. He also describes a ...

10 Jul 201729min

043: Ask David — The Hidden Emotion Technique for OCD

043: Ask David — The Hidden Emotion Technique for OCD

Listeners submitted questions on OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder): Is it an organic illness? Are drugs necessary in the treatment? What's the best book to read if you want to heal yourself? What's ...

3 Jul 201739min

042: Shame-Attacking Exercises

042: Shame-Attacking Exercises

The late Dr. Albert Ellis developed a technique to help individuals struggling with shyness. It's called Shame-Attacking Exercises. Essentially, you do something bizarre in public to overcome your fea...

26 Jun 201723min

041: Uncovering Techniques (Part 3) — The What-If Technique

041: Uncovering Techniques (Part 3) — The What-If Technique

The third uncovering technique is called the "What-If" Technique, developed by the late Dr. Albert Ellis. The What-If Technique can will help you identify a terrifying fantasy under the surface that f...

19 Jun 201734min

040: Uncovering Techniques (Part 2) — The Interpersonal Downward Arrow

040: Uncovering Techniques (Part 2) — The Interpersonal Downward Arrow

The Roles and the Rules—Psychoanalysis at Warp Speed! Most of us run into conflicts with other people from time to time, or even frequently. In this podcast, you will discover precisely why this happe...

12 Jun 201738min

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