34: Part 4: The Desire Framework

Hi, I'm Heather Garber love and relationship coach and I'm doing another of my lives on the theme of desire.

This is a workshop, a series of lives to help you find true, committed, romantic love. And this is part four. We are going through the letters E for defining, E for being exact about what you want. S for self-development and I is now for invincible.

You need to be invincible to any negative influences that pull you from your path. This might be people, places, work, all sorts of things. Culture, you live in many different parts of your life that are, how could I say, drains on you. You'll notice as you do this work that you want to separate out from people who are drains and draw yourself towards those who are radiant, those who are like you, who are on a spiritual path to personal growth and enrichment of life on every level.

It may be you need to clean things up from the past, that there are old resentments that are bitter in you. You may need to really look at these from the past and from the present and think what truth you may have been withholding from the people or from yourself, from that situation, and really speak up for yourself. Make it very clear what you don't like if it's safe to do so, and if they don't really get it, you just disinvest give them a a couple of chances to really see what you're saying.

It may be, I don't know, there's somebody that you feel always wants something from you. They only phone you up when they want something and you've been holding that back saying to them, actually, I feel really quite uncared for by you. I feel you only really want me if I've got something to give you that you need and I'm not sure I want to continue our relationship like that. So maybe we can find a better way where there's more give and take and I get something out of it as well as you. It may not be something that bold and solid, but it might. It might.

So if there are old resentments, maybe with people who are gone from your past, you might want to write them a letter. Not necessarily to send, but just to get it all out of your system. Speak up for yourself in ways that you couldn't at the time or you didn't at the time. Be clear, be honest about your feelings and choose to forgive them or close the door. Some sort of closure for you that lets that go there. That's another category of things to let go, and that's if there are people in your life, uh, that you really need to draw boundaries with, reduce your investment. Step back. Just really notice that very clear, very clearly for yourself.

Other things that you have agreed with other people, this really needs looking at too. If those things from the past that you've agreed that really aren't useful to you now you need to go back through and just let go of those things and make new agreements in your own mind or with those people. It may be that you promised the first partner of your life that you'd never love anybody else. We talked about this a little bit last time, but you need to let go of that new agreement. Make an agreement with yourself that I will love whomsoever. I choose Howsoever. I choose, this is me now. That was me. Then I'm going forwards differently.

Be very careful about any sort of situations that are toxic to you where you feel you have to be less of yourself to be acceptable there. This is part of your work for you. Firstly, that you'll allow yourself to feel less than acceptable. That needs to be challenged. Likely very different views and truths will come out when you do that. Very different.

There will be things as you do this work that you'll embrace new ways of being, new skills, new relationship skills, relationship with yourself and others, and your life and love and your spirituality. There will be things that you want to let go of, things that no longer serve you, that dishearten you, that diminish you, that sap your energy.

There will be new skills, new ways of being that you learn as a possibility here so that you can be different so you can live from your healthy future self unencumbered by all of this draining stuff from the past. Well, all from the present. It will fall away and you will live from that fooled, true you properly loved and loving, firstly loving your yourself as the core and seed corn for all the love you will receive in your life. You'll be inspired to take new actions, make new decisions, different choices. You'll really feel yourself growing and really no longer interested in the things and people that drain you where you may feel a victim to circumstance or others where you may feel diminished in any way.

Please join me in the Facebook group calling in the one official coach led Europe and beyond group. We'd love to see you there. If you are needing more support with parting from a current relationship that's run its course, have a look at the conscious uncoupling official coach led group Europe and beyond that may really help you and you might like to visit my website, which is heathergarbutt.com, where there are blogs and podcasts and all sorts of resources to support you on your way.

And finally, you might like to direct message me to have a half hour chat, see if I can serve you in any way to help you become more invincible to negativity and more open and receiving of true love. This is the real cool part of our work. Thank you for being here today and for listening, and we'll meet again on the next episode of Revolutionize Your Love Life.