183: Do rewards improve motivation? Can parents 'toughen' up their kids?

183: Do rewards improve motivation? Can parents 'toughen' up their kids?

"I'll do it, but not because you told me to" is a common humorous refrain in movies & TV shows. In this show, we explore where this emotion comes from. First, by reviewing a famous study that found that kids spend less time drawing if you tell them that they'll get a good student award for drawing a good picture, compared to if you just let them draw without telling them anything. Then, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions: 1. With regard to the ego and pleasure traps, if you want to instill a sense of motivation, do you set goals and fundamentals that solicit a stress response as opposed to soliciting an anxious or depressive response? How do you decide on a goal or the fundamentals that can begin the process of getting you out of the ego/pleasure trap? Is it a matter of deciding what is 10% better than what you are currently doing? 2. Can parents toughen up their children, including infants, so that they don't cry as much, by pampering them less? In other words, is there evidence that you can make infants cry less or make young children less sensitive or whiny be letting them have to deal with a little discomfort rather than helping them out all the time? 3. When you talk about narcissists you usually discuss those who come across as highly disagreeable. But it seems some can be very charming. Can you explain the charming narcissist and how to spot one? 4. Why does my anxiety and feelings of regret tend to peak at night but dissipate throughout the day?

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Episoder(402)

386: How to Handle Bad Advice Without a Fight

386: How to Handle Bad Advice Without a Fight

What do you say when a friend or family member recommends horse-assisted coaching, family constellations therapy, or the latest protein fix for your problems? Evolutionary psychologist Dr. Doug Lisle ...

10 Jul 45min

385: It's Not the Men. It's Who You Keep Choosing.

385: It's Not the Men. It's Who You Keep Choosing.

A listener who knows evolutionary psychology well asks Dr. Doug Lisle a painful question. If men seem satisfied once they have food and sex, and never care about her inner life, is she fighting a losi...

26 Jun 1h 12min

384: What Looks Like a Flaw Is Actually a Strategy

384: What Looks Like a Flaw Is Actually a Strategy

Why do some people freeze when they try to speak up in a group, while others jump in without a second thought? Dr. Doug Lisle says it is not shyness or a confidence problem you can train away. It is y...

10 Jun 1h 5min

Why Your Bad Moods Are Never Random

Why Your Bad Moods Are Never Random

A listener noticed their kid gets dissatisfied after too much screen time and asked Dr. Lisle a deeper question: when your mood feels off, is it always worth analyzing, or are some bad moods just rand...

3 Jun 1h 9min

Perfect on Paper, But Not for Me - Mate Value, Attraction, and the Disagreeable Personality

Perfect on Paper, But Not for Me - Mate Value, Attraction, and the Disagreeable Personality

Most people assume mate value is a fixed, rankable number and that attraction follows logically from it. Dr. Lisle says that is the wrong model entirely. Mate value has deep objectivity across a popul...

13 Mai 1h

When the Marriage Is Over, but the Mortgage Isn't

When the Marriage Is Over, but the Mortgage Isn't

Most people think a marriage in trouble can be downgraded into a business arrangement to protect the house. Dr. Lisle says that is the previous investment trap talking, not your judgment. The four wal...

29 Apr 50min

380: You're Not Overreacting About Your Partner (Here's why)

380: You're Not Overreacting About Your Partner (Here's why)

Your partner's habits are driving you crazy and asking nicely isn't working. The common advice is to be more patient, communicate better, or just accept your partner as they are. Dr. Lisle says that's...

15 Apr 1h 7min

379: Why Your Partner Stopped Trying (It's Not What You Think)

379: Why Your Partner Stopped Trying (It's Not What You Think)

Most people assume that whoever cares less in a relationship holds the power. In this episode, Dr. Doug Lisle explains why that framing gets it completely backwards. What people call the "care gap" is...

2 Apr 1h

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