Session 60 - The Grief Process

Today I'm going to talk about death and grief. Just be reminded, that you don't have to listen. Anyone who has suffered a loss in life knows the pain and in some instances the numbness of losing the person or persons whom they love. You experience a whole range of feelings and emotions. I do not presume to know all there is to know about grief and loss. However, I have gone through the process of suffering a loss. The loss of a spouse /partner is especially painful. Loss comes in different guises, equally the death of a partner, and divorce from a spouse/partner is painful. I recall when I lost my wife to cancer some years back, I went into severe depression, I felt as though part of me had be gouged out of me. To gouge anything involves pain. The grief was overwhelming. People I knew then when they'd see me walking on the same side of the street, would cross over the street to the other side. At the time I felt even more hurt. Now, I know it was their way of dealing with being unable to deal with me or their own inability to cope with another's loss: ie, they didn't know what to say to me. That's not their fault. It's human nature. People live busy lives and life must go on. It didn't stop for me nor should it stop for me. Other people were enormously empathetic and supportive. I am and will always be most grateful to them and they know who they are. Many people said: "Oh time is a great healer." "You'll feel better in time," "Take each day as it comes." All good meaningful sayings. All meant well. Then I had those who presumed on how much I loved or didn't love my wife. Now, I know this is getting personal. No one can ever know, ever presume to know, how much anyone loves anyone else. No-one. Not that it's any of their business! Some think it is! Let me assure them, it's not! You have to go through it and come out the other side, to know! Life will never be the same again, how can it be, how could it be? There is a new reality, a new reality that's initially very painful and with time becomes less painful. However, it may remain painful for some time. Flashbacks. If you have suffered loss, you will cope with it as best as you can, in your own unique way. Only you can do this, no one else can do it for you! People can support you on your journey! If you are supporting someone who has experienced a loss, oftentimes, all it takes is to spend time with them. It's often not necessary to say anything. Just be there! Be present! Grief is a journey to get to where it is you are going. Is there a destination, I can't answer that for you? Yet, you will know when you arrive. If you are a Christian, Jesus Christ suffered and died on Good Friday, He died. He rose again to new life on Easter Sunday. He went through the process of dying and rising to new life. Without the pain, new life is not possible. Consider the seasons of the year. The dying in winter and the looking forward to the new life of the spring and summer. I have to constantly remind myself, of the miracle we are as human beings. We can experience a whole range of emotions from pain to joy and pleasure. Just remember, there is no one just quite like you. You are a unique creation, with unique skills and qualities. You can do it!] Be Powerful.