Trauma Bonding Part 1 (Special Throwback Episode)

Trauma Bonding Part 1 (Special Throwback Episode)

Why can’t I actually leave this relationship? I want to! I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I want stability. I want peace. I want less drama. Why can’t I actually walk away? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I continue to give them another chance, over and over? What is wrong with me? Am I crazy?
If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does this work? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissistic person repeats a cycle of abuse with a target which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. It is a psychological addiction and a survival tactic developed by the victim.
Trauma bonding develops due to a cycle of intermittent rewards and punishments and a conditioning of the victim. The victim, you build hope, eagerly awaiting the next positive time together and a reprieve from the suffering. You do everything in your power to help this to happen, just knowing that it will come. That confidence is there because you do consistently get breadcrumbs of very loving and rewarding moments.
The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes. The longer period of time or more cycles that you have lived through with this abuser, the stronger the trauma bond is.

I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? •Are you searching for people who get it? •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do? •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them? •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

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Episoder(468)

When Your Children Start to See Covert Narcissism, Part 2

When Your Children Start to See Covert Narcissism, Part 2

Part two of this CNG Community Chat picks up where we left off, as four moms go deeper into what it's like to parent through covert narcissistic abuse. They talk honestly about whether they see these ...

23 Jul 0s

Covert Narcissism in Disney: Beast vs. Tangled

Covert Narcissism in Disney: Beast vs. Tangled

Covert narcissism doesn't always look like rage — sometimes it looks like a warm smile and a locked tower door. In this episode, we break down two Disney stories that map almost perfectly onto real na...

19 Jul 24min

When Your Children Start to See Covert Narcissism, Part 1

When Your Children Start to See Covert Narcissism, Part 1

In this two-part CNG Community Chat, four moms sit down to talk about one of the hardest parts of covert narcissistic abuse recovery: watching your children start to see it for themselves. In part one...

16 Jul 24min

Covert Narcissism & Kids: Helping Them Trust Their Nervous System

Covert Narcissism & Kids: Helping Them Trust Their Nervous System

When one parent shows up as the "nice, generous" one — buying gifts instead of ever offering real repair, gaslighting instead of listening — kids learn to distrust the very signals that are supposed t...

12 Jul 27min

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Going No Contact and Finding Yourself Again

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Going No Contact and Finding Yourself Again

In part two of this community chat, the conversation goes even deeper. We pick back up right where we left off — with Denise sharing what it actually took to go no contact after twenty-seven years of ...

9 Jul 31min

The Covert Narcissist's Mask: What's Really Underneath

The Covert Narcissist's Mask: What's Really Underneath

If you've ever felt like something was missing in a relationship with a covert narcissist — a flatness, a lack of depth, a sense that you're never quite reaching the real person — this episode is for ...

5 Jul 25min

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Do I Stay or Do I Go? A Community Chat

Covert Narcissism Recovery: Do I Stay or Do I Go? A Community Chat

Some of the hardest questions in a narcissistic relationship don't have easy answers — and "do I stay, or do I go" is one of them. In this episode, I'm joined by three women from our CNG community for...

2 Jul 25min

Covert Narcissist Relationships: Love Bombing, Smear Campaigns, and Surviving the Aftermath

Covert Narcissist Relationships: Love Bombing, Smear Campaigns, and Surviving the Aftermath

When you finally speak your truth to a covert narcissist, you expect relief. What you don't expect is what comes next. In this episode — the follow-up to Covert Narcissist Relationships: When You Can'...

28 Jun 29min

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