Bedroom Conversations: Why Great Sex Starts With Great Communication with Vanessa & Xander Marin

On today’s episode of Reimagining Love, Vanessa & Xander Marin join Dr. Alexandra for a frank and compassionate conversation about sex—specifically, sex in long-term relationships. It’s normal for couples to fall into a rut in the bedroom, ranging from sex feeling kind of “meh,” to long periods without any intimacy at all. These ebbs and flows are part of being in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the good news is, there are actions you can take to chart a new course with your partner and to get excited about each other again.

Vanessa and Xander are a couple who have been creating that very roadmap for folks, through their amazing online courses (https://vmtherapy.com/courses?ref=courses-page&utm_term=courses-page), their podcast, Pillow Talks, and their New York Times-bestselling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. Vanessa is a sex therapist with 20 years of experience who has been featured in outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, Vogue, and Goop, and she has written for The New York Times, Allure, and Lifehacker. And Xander? Well, he is a “regular dude” who left his corporate job to join Vanessa in this work. Together they blend clinical wisdom, humor, openness, and their own personal stories to normalize talking about our sex lives and to offer techniques for improving yours. You are going to hear about their personal experience with couple therapy and how they landed on the agreement, “If it matters to one of us, it matters to both of us.” They share so many juicy insights about sex, from desire discrepancy to initiation to their amazing acronym “P.L.E.A.S.E.,” which you’ll learn in this conversation. This episode will give you the confidence to shift the way you and your partner talk about sex and couple therapy, as well as anything else you might be stuck on.

Relevant Links:

Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life by Vanessa & Xander Marin - https://bookshop.org/p/books/sex-talks-the-five-conversations-that-will-transform-your-love-life-vanessa-marin/f36dca5028d38840?ean=9781668009314&next=t&

Vanessa & Xander’s website: https://vmtherapy.com

Vanessa & Xander’s podcast, Pillow Talks: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131

Resources about power exchange/kink: https://www.dralexandrasolomon.com/podcasts/bedroom-conversations-why-great-sex-starts-with-great-communication

Order Dr. Alexandra’s book, Love Every Day: https://bookshop.org/p/books/love-every-day-365-relational-self-awareness-practices-to-help-your-relationship-heal-grow-and-thrive-alexandra-solomon/2e7045884bea4a5f?ean=9781683736530&next=t

Subscribe to Dr. Alexandra’s Newsletter: https://newsletter.dralexandrasolomon.com/sign-up

Submit a Listener Question: https://form.jotform.com/212295995939274

Learn more about the Options Transition to Independence Program which offers education, vocational, independent living, and emotional support for young adults with complex learning needs. https://www.experienceoptions.org/

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