E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want
Pillow Talks24 Apr 2025

E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want

We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking: “Is this it?” “Why don’t I want sex more?” “How do I even bring this up with my partner?” You’re not alone — and this episode is for you. We’re walking through these submissions with curiosity, compassion, and practical tools to help these couples — and you — feel more connected, more confident, and more turned on by your sex life again. 💬 What we’re going deep on: - When your sex life is fine but also kind of meh - Why you might not know what you want and how to figure it out - How to handle performance anxiety (without hurting anyone’s feelings) - What to do if you’ve never had an orgasm (you’re not broken!) - When your partner wants sex every day and you’d rather do anything else - How to stop making sex feel like just another to-do 🔥 Resources mentioned in this episode: 💖 Deeper Membership - https://vmtherapy.com/deeper Our affordable, all-access monthly membership packed with expert-led courses, playful date night ideas, live coaching calls, and Vanessa AI — your on-demand sex therapist bestie. 💋 Ultimate Foreplay Guides - https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Whether you’re craving more excitement or just want a refresher on what actually feels good — these guides make foreplay easier, hotter, and way more fun for both of you. 🌸 Finishing School - https://vmtherapy.com/finishing-school?ref=podcast&utm_term=podcast Never had an orgasm? Not sure where to start? This course helps you overcome the emotional and physical blocks that might be getting in the way of pleasure. 💦 How to Have Your First Orgasm (Free Guide) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/best-orgasm A gentle, shame-free introduction to learning what feels good — and how to actually enjoy it. 🧠 Sex Drive Types Guide (Free) - https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type Are you responsive or spontaneous? This guide will help you understand your own desire type — and why it’s been causing friction in your relationship (spoiler: it’s not your fault). 🛠️ Performance Issues? We’ve got you. If you or your partner are struggling with performance anxiety or feeling pressure to “last longer,” check out these resources: - How to Talk to Your Male Partner About Performance Issues - https://vmtherapy.com/youtube-video/how-to-talk-to-your-male-partner-about-his-performance-issues/ - Ep. 149: Partner Performance Problems? Here's What To Do And What NOT To Do - https://vmtherapy.com/episode149 - Ep. 47: What Penis Performance Problems Really Mean - https://vmtherapy.com/episode47 - What to Do If You Have Performance Anxiety About Your Orgasm - https://vmtherapy.com/vanessa-marin-sex-therapy/what-to-do-if-you-have-performance-anxiety-about-your-orgasm/ 📲 Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 💬 Follow us on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & review — New episodes drop **every Thursday**! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Episoder(275)

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee. In this episode, you'll hear: Can...

27 Aug 50min

E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This

E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This

We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including ...

20 Aug 1h 6min

E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood

E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood

This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pil...

13 Aug 1h

E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off

E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off

It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better...

6 Aug 57min

E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list. We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you...

30 Jul 50min

E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates

E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates

We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners. This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at int...

23 Jul 56min

E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs

E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs

Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the...

16 Jul 1h 1min

E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments

E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments

It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions! This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest...

9 Jul 1h 6min

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