E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire
Pillow Talks3 Jul 2025

E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire

Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive types. If you’ve ever felt like your desire is broken—or that your partner just doesn’t “get” you—this conversation is about to change everything. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real difference between mental desire and physical arousal What it means to be a Spontaneous vs. Responsive type Why you’re not low desire… you just need a different kind of start How to navigate mismatched sex drives without resentment Why your type has nothing to do with gender (but the stats may surprise you) How to initiate sex in a way that works for both of you You’ll also hear a game-changing mindset shift that can help you stop taking it personally—and start working with your differences instead of against them. Links & Resources ✨ Join us inside Deeper to access the brand new Sensual Touch Challenge and finally understand what turns you (and your partner) on → https://vmtherapy.com/touch ✨ What’s your sex drive type?→ https://free.vmtherapy.com/sex-drive-type 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial PLUS 25% off your annual subscription ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cash App. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real - there's no catch. Just download Cash App & sign up! Use our exclusive referral code PILLOW in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14-days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's Money. That's Cash App. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Episoder(275)

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee. In this episode, you'll hear: Can...

27 Aug 50min

E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This

E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This

We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including ...

20 Aug 1h 6min

E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood

E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood

This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pil...

13 Aug 1h

E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off

E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off

It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better...

6 Aug 57min

E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed

You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list. We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself. But 80% of you...

30 Jul 50min

E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates

E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates

We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners. This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at int...

23 Jul 56min

E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs

E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs

Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀 We asked our community to send us the...

16 Jul 1h 1min

E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments

E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments

It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions! This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest...

9 Jul 1h 6min

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