021- With Every Heart Break, My Heart Gets Bigger

Marcie finally felt plugged into her biological family after years of divisive behavior from her adopted mother. Her mother never nurtured a bond between Marcie and her adopted siblings and had a hard time overcoming some of her own childhood issues. In reunion, Marcie connected with her biological father who amazingly helped solidify a deeper connection to Marcie’s aunt, his sister. Marcie and her aunt both share an innate connection to their own spirituality. Even though her biological mother was not in a place to be part of Marcie’s reunion with her father, she was able to make a really good connection with another aunt on her maternal side of the family.

In hindsight Marcie wishes she had been true to herself throughout her journey, reaching out sooner and making sure to meet her relatives when the opportunities presented themselves. She admits that sometimes it’s okay for each us to be selfish along our journey as long as it is done with kindness and compassion for others.

The post 021- With Every Heart Break, My Heart Gets Bigger appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Marcy (00:06):

I think it was painful as a woman, having a child, knowing that somewhere my biological mother went through a pregnancy with me and pushed life out of her, into me and then had to leave me. And the whole experience is esteem now of what my body went through for those nine months and the trauma that your body goes through in order to create the healthy beautiful environment for this beautiful thing, growing inside of you. I had real mixed emotions about it.

Voices (00:50):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:57):

This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And on the show today, you're going to hear from Marcy. Marcy grew up with two older adopted brothers in a home she says, was filled with parental narcissism. That environment made her struggles with her own identity, even worse as a teenager, her upbringing exacerbated deep unrest within her. In reunion, she found her father who laid a path for Marcy to find a kindred spirit in his family. Her story begins in Michigan when she was a child.

Damon (01:52):

Marcy has always known she was adopted, but she doesn't really remember actually talking about adoption. Marcy says she had a little trouble navigating her mother's emotions and she couldn't really figure out if things would've been different if Marcy had been her biological daughter.

Marcy (02:06):

I really know if we did talk about it. I don't really remember. I know, you know, I grew up in a home where my mother, for whatever reason, couldn't have children. Um, and we constantly heard about all her failed pregnancies and her female problems. And, um, you know, I think sometimes those are really big shoes for someone like me to fill. You know, I think that she, as much as she enjoyed having children, I don't know really how much she enjoyed having children. Does that make sense?

Damon (02:44):

Interesting. Why do you say that?

Marcy (02:46):

She, in my experience, um, is, or I should have say has since I'm not a doctor, but she has extreme narcissistic, um, personality traits.

Damon (03:00):

Yeah.

Marcy (03:01):

And you know, like my older brother, he was adopted first and my dad had gotten shipped off to Vietnam and you know, her and my brother were really bonded and, you know, he was like the golden child. And then trying to fill in those shoes of him was always very difficult. I was also a girl. And I think that she had some slight jealousy issues with my father and my relationship. And so I think, I don't know if it's normal, if I was adopted or if I was from her, you know what I mean? Like I don't, I see it from being adopted. I can't see it being from her flesh and blood. If I was her own natural child, if the treatment would be the same or if it would be different or indifferent, I only know it being adopted and more times than none, it didn't feel so great.

Damon (04:00):

Yeah. That's the only lens that you can see it through is the lens of an adoptee and, and the way you are treated in narcissism. That's fascinating. Were you, uh, an only child?

Marcy (04:13):

No. I had two brothers and all three of us were adopted. We were adopted into a Jewish professional home that was always told to us. I came with a piece of paper where I am Catholic blood and my biological mother wanted me adopted into a Jewish professional family, which is where I was placed.

Damon (04:35):

Gotcha. So you've kind of stated that the home is full of narcissism. How did that impact you as an adoptee? You know, you're growing up as a teen, you understand fully and clearly that you're adopted, but the, the perceived, um, sort of the narcissism and the focus on one's self would be impactful on the teen who is trying to understand her own identity. What do you remember about how that was impactful to you?

Marcy (05:01):

I truthfully had a very difficult time with it and tried taking my life a couple of times to be very frank and honest. I had always this inclination of watching and looking at people because I really believed in the threads of my being that I was brought here out of love. I always believed that and that I deserved that love. And so I was the type of child, very happy go lucky, always very spiritual. You know, I didn't feel like this Jewish environment was a,...