043 – When I Looked At Him, I Could See Things About Me

Paige didn’t even know that searching for her birth family was an option until she learned about it on local tv as an adult. The topic of adoption was closed her whole life, partially because of how her parents understood and portrayed her closed adoption to her. Fortunately, Ohio law allowed her to access her original birth certificate (OBC). Receiving personal information about herself ignited a passion to learn more and set her off on a voyage of discovery. Paige was lucky to find her birth father’s name in the papers, a which doesn’t always happen for adoptees in that era. She connected with him one time, then he vanished. When he resurfaced, Paige was able to complete her journey because he had finally decided to be honest with his family about his past.

The post 043 – When I Looked At Him, I Could See Things About Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.

Paige (00:05):

And I just knew don't push certain buttons. It's not worth it. There's no point in making a 78 year old guy embarrassed about something from 1961. That's right. Now he married the right person for him.

Damon (00:27):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Paige. She lives outside of Cincinnati, Ohio growing up Paige, never talked about her adoption with anyone. The topic of adoption was closed partially because of how her parents understood and portrayed her closed adoption to her. But as a young married woman, she saw on TV that Ohio actually did allow her to access her original birth certificate, receiving personal information about herself, ignited a passion to learn more and set her off on a voyage of discovery. Paige was lucky to find her birth father's name in the papers, which doesn't always happen for adoptees. In that era. She connected with him one time. Then he vanished when he resurfaced, Paige was able to complete her journey because he had finally decided to be honest with his family about his past. This is Paige's journey. Paige was born in Ohio in March of 1961. Her understanding is her birth mother went into labor early. So after her birth, she spent a month in an incubator before being adopted. 13 months later,

Paige (01:56):

I was born in Ohio at, at the time. Um, and my parents didn't my parents who raised me, did not understand the law really well, or it was one of those, you know, how people hear what they want to hear and see what they want to see and think what they want to think. Their understanding. I don't believe they lied to me in any kind of direct way. Their understanding of the law was since it was a closed adoption, that meant I could never, ever in my entire life of lives ever find them because it was closed the way the law in Ohio was. And my parents didn't bother to keep up on these things because they basically got what they wanted and were like, we're done. We're done here. Right? Um, law in Ohio at the time was changed in 1964. The records were open.

Paige (02:47):

Now. I wouldn't have been able to get them until I was in adult, but the records were open. Some law was passed at some point that made it so that as long as you were born prior to January of 1964, your records were open when you were an adult. So since I was born before that time, I was able to get my records eventually. Now I never knew that because I trusted what my parents said until I realized, Oh, they see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. And then I'll ask a lot of questions and you know, me growing up in the sixties and the seventies and part of the eighties is question everything, listen to rock and roll and question everything.

Damon (03:32):

Paige talked a little bit about her adoption and her childhood. She highlighted that adoption was a closed topic in her home. So she was left to develop her own understanding about what adoption means by herself, without adult support and guidance. She says her parents were operating under the assumption that they were not able to conceive. Her father had been in the army and test suggested he wouldn't be able to reproduce. So he wrote himself off from becoming a father. Naturally,

Paige (03:59):

they go get married. They think they can't conceive. And they decide when it's time that they want to have a kid, they go out and adopt me. And then six years later, they have my brother biologically.

Damon (04:14):

And what did they do for you? Do you remember that? Like, did you always know you were adopted and then what did it mean when your mom was pregnant?

Paige (04:21):

I knew I was adopted and I had a rough idea what it meant as a kid, as it, especially as a small kid, I kind of equated it to like, Oh, like when you went in, you picked out a puppy out of the litter and we got a dog, you know? Yeah. And then, you know, say that sometimes the joke is the fastest way to conception is go adopt a kid. So they're, you know, there we got my brother. So I knew that he was coming into the world in a different way than I did. And I think one of the hardest things was all the people who went and on and on and you know, Hey, there's the miracle of life be. He's a boy, carry on the family name, you know, see, it makes my dad look like a big macho man. Cause he of all things, he produced a guy too, you know, they told me I couldn't have any and I'm irritable and all the talk about how much he looked like everybody ancestor people, grandparents, great grandparents.

Paige (05:19):

He looked like my daddy, my mom had this. He had that, his toe looked like this. You know, his lip looked like that, all these things. And I'm just sitting here, like what about me? Um, yeah, he gets born, but at least they bring me a present. I rather had been told how much I looked like somebody and knew it was the truth. Then be handed whatever little gift thing but yeah, I did get some presents when he was born. But yeah, I, I would have rather have been a biologically born natural kid. Born like everybody else. I, there was no kid to my knowledge because nobody talked about it back then. No kid in my school or my neighborhood or anywhere else in the family. That was an adopted kid that I could hang out with or bond with or discuss with not around.

Damon (06:11):

Yeah. No topic is off the table. Back then

Paige (06:14):

the topic was off the table. Right, right. So yeah, even if they were, we were all like people under undercover yet out in the open, you know, there was just nobody I could talk to about it.

Damon (06:31):

Paige chose to shut down her thoughts about her adoption. She chose to fake it til she made it as she put it. She didn't talk to anyone about adoption at all. Not even her closest girlfriends. And she developed a bit of a shame in her mind being an adoptee. She felt weird and isolated...